Nadine Dyer (00:41) Welcome back, sister. This is Nadine Dyer. And today I am joined by Ms. Danica Eyler. And I am so excited for this conversation. Danica is a woman who wears many hats, like so many of us. She is a wife of 24 years, a mom of two teens. I kind of want to like stop there and go, whoa, that's a lot. Danica Eyler (01:04) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (01:06) She is a business owner. She is a committee scout troop, serves in that way. She is a magistrate judge in the community. She is a Christian. She is a candidate for election to be a judge in our community. She is an attorney and she is all the things. Welcome Danica. Danica Eyler (01:27) Thank you. Thanks for having me. Nadine Dyer (01:29) So good to have you on and we're going to dive right into our topic. And the topic, the title is Pruning for Purpose. I love, I love just even, I don't really love the word pruning, but I like pruning for purpose. And I love, ⁓ like it's all about the equipping of all the seasons we've walked through for the equipping of our purpose. And so Danica, I can't wait to hear your story. The floor is yours. Tell us about pruning. Danica Eyler (01:41) Mmm. Nadine Dyer (01:59) for purpose. Danica Eyler (02:00) Yeah, so I I think that really starts when I was young. So my parents were young parents. My mom was 19 years old when I was born. And in those days, when you got pregnant, you got married, whether you wanted to or not. And so my parents were married for a very short period of time and then divorced when I was about two years old, somewhere in that timeframe. So I don't remember them ever being together. I'm an only child, so neither of my parents ⁓ had any other children besides me. And, you know, for the longest time, my dad told this story about my conception, which was that they were messing around, and then my dad got in a bathtub, then my mom got in the bathtub, and poof, somehow that's how I was conceived. And so, ⁓ Nadine Dyer (02:53) Miracle. Danica Eyler (02:54) Yeah, years ago when I thought I was gonna have all this time, I started writing a book about my life and it started out and I said, I'm the second coming of Jesus, because I was immaculately conceived. I mean, he told that story for years, like until I was 20 years old and I was like, dad, seriously, like, you gotta stop. Like I know that that's not true. So we've got to pump the brakes on this story. That's completely false. Nadine Dyer (03:04) That's funny. Yeah. You gotta stop that. Danica Eyler (03:18) But growing up, I've said many times, was a lot of fun for my mom and not so much fun for me. And it probably really wasn't a lot of fun for my mom either, but from my perspective, it seemed like it was. I mean, she was in her early 20s and she was being an early 20 year old. And so I spent an enormous amount of time with my aunts and my uncles and my grandparents. Nadine Dyer (03:36) Okay. Danica Eyler (03:46) And to this day, I am very close with most of my aunts and uncles. Unfortunately, all my grandparents have passed away now, but I was very close to them before they passed as well. And so, you know, that timeframe with respect to, you know, pruning on purpose, you know, my parents were not really the main, I mean, I lived with my mom full time and it was just her and I in our house, but Nadine Dyer (03:58) Yeah. Danica Eyler (04:15) but I spent my weekends with my great grandmother, Granny, I spent my day times with my aunts and uncles, and a lot of my core memories are those times. And that timeframe, I became an adult very early, like I was young. I did chores and I did stuff when I was five and six years old that, know, and so I just, I've... Nadine Dyer (04:35) Yeah. Danica Eyler (04:43) I've been in that realm for a long time. ⁓ Nadine Dyer (04:47) You didn't grow up. You didn't get to be a kid. Danica Eyler (04:49) Not really, no. And my aunts and uncles will tell you that. it just was, I loved school. Like I loved school. My teachers loved me and I walked to school every day uphill, both ways, just kidding. But I did, I did walk to school when I was young. I lived in a small town and it was easy to get to school and it was safe and it was fine. And so I walked to school every day, elementary school. ⁓ You know, I love school. It was a place where I could go and everybody thought I was a rock star and, you know, was a lot different vibe than what I was getting from home. And so not that my, you know, I don't talk to my mom anymore. I haven't talked to my mom in, I don't even know now, a long, long time. And it's not because my mom's a bad person. She's not. My mom, Nadine Dyer (05:28) Yeah. Danica Eyler (05:46) she and I just have different realities. What she believes is reality and what I know to be true based on my experiences are just so opposite that it's not been possible for us to be in the same space for a long time. It is hard. It's hard. so, but again, don't, and I tell my kids this, I don't want them to think that she's bad. She's not bad. just, she and I just are just not, Nadine Dyer (05:52) Yeah. That's hard. Danica Eyler (06:16) just not very compatible as we've gotten older. So all of that experience I think was very pruning for me. I think that removed from me a lot of childhood, as you mentioned. Not that I didn't get to do anything fun, that's just not true, but I certainly had a lot of responsibility and I certainly had a lot of... experiences that made me grow up a lot quicker than a lot of people. But I don't look back on those times and go, ⁓ I can't believe that happened to me. That was my life. And those experiences have shaped me into the person that I am today. And so yeah, I think that was the first part of it. My parents really didn't like each other for a really long time. Nadine Dyer (06:49) Yeah. That's right. Danica Eyler (07:12) And so that created a lot of conflict between them, which of course meant I was involved in unfortunately because I'm the kid. And so, you know, there was just, there was a lot happening from the time I was, you know, a child until I got older. When I was 12, my mom and I actually moved from Southern Indiana up to Indianapolis. Nadine Dyer (07:14) for 10 Yeah. Danica Eyler (07:38) She wanted to get out of the small town and so we moved and my dad had to allow it and he did. And we first moved here, we moved into Pike Township, which is around Indianapolis here. And it was a giant culture shock for me. mean, talk about pruning. I literally moved from a small southern Indiana town where there were two non-white Nadine Dyer (07:58) Sure. Danica Eyler (08:08) students in my entire school. And I moved to Pike Township where I had a class where I was the only white female. It it is, it's, know, and it wasn't that I have anything against anybody. It is just that I'm in an environment that I am just not used to. You know, I'm in an environment with people who don't look like me. Nadine Dyer (08:18) That's a big shock. That's a big difference. Danica Eyler (08:38) people who don't have the same life experience that I have had, people who I didn't understand and probably didn't understand me. And so I was there for one semester and I told my mom, said, we're either gonna move from here or I'm moving back. I said, I can't do this. Yeah, and so she moved us to Lawrence Township and I went to the rest of middle school there and high school and I was fine. Nadine Dyer (08:53) Okay. Yeah, this worked for me. Danica Eyler (09:06) It turned out really well. You you know, but we moved and that moving was another pruning experience for me because as I said, I was close to my grandparents and my aunts and uncles and none of them lived here. By the time we moved here, I had no other family that lived here. My mom didn't really have any friends here. You know, she... Nadine Dyer (09:14) as a teenager. Yeah. Yeah. Danica Eyler (09:34) found jobs and my mom's always been a hard worker and always done that, but it was a lot. She was working two and three jobs to pay for stuff up here. And it was hard. It was a hard time. There was a time when literally in our apartment we had butter and mustard. And that's it. I went in the kitchen and I was like, okay, well, and that was it. Thankfully that was few and far between and didn't last very long. And we were okay, but those were the realities that we lived in in that time. So once we moved to Lawrence, was a much better fit, found some people there who I could identify with and become friends with. And I moved there in seventh grade. And in seventh grade, I met, like I said, lots of new people. One of the people I met, his name's Brian. Nadine Dyer (10:07) Wow. Yeah. Danica Eyler (10:30) And I'll talk more about Brian in a minute, but Brian was one of my friends. I met in math class or something. I don't remember now, but and I'm still friends with Brian today and he weaves in part of my marriage story, but we'll talk about that in a minute. So I moved seventh grade. I was great. Got to high school got involved in all kinds of stuff there. I was in the gymnastics team for a year and then I managed the gymnastics team for a year. I was on the golf team for three years. I was in show choir, National Honor Society. Did all the things, had a job, had a job, did, you know, I still did all the things when I was in high school. I did all the things, you know, got good grades, you know, did what I needed to do there. And so Brian, who I met in seventh grade, when we got done with eighth grade, he went to a private high school and I went on to the public high school. His ninth grade year of private high school, he met a friend named Rob and with Nadine Dyer (11:01) Yeah! Yeah, love the things. Danica Eyler (11:30) Brian knowing Rob, somehow Brian was still friends with the boys that I went to school with in high school. And my sophomore year or my junior year, let's see, my junior year of high school, we all went to homecoming together as a big group. And my husband was there with another date and I was there with my boyfriend at the time and we met. So that was in 1995. And... Nadine Dyer (11:53) Okay. Okay. Danica Eyler (11:59) I, like I said, had a different boyfriend at the time, but we got together. He was like, thought I was the bee's knees McGee's. So, yeah, he'll tell you. I mean, I was like, and I was, and he'll tell you also, I was like, man, that kid is loud. I was like, what is happening with this person? He is loud. And yeah, so, but you know, the rest is history. We became really good friends and we started dating when we were right before the start of our senior year of high school. Nadine Dyer (12:01) Sure. Danica Eyler (12:28) And we've been together ever since we got married when yeah, we get yeah, so and And all because I met Brian in seventh grade and Yeah. Yeah And actually Brian and my husband Rob are business partners and my husband's business now, yeah, so It's still there yeah, yeah and Nadine Dyer (12:30) No. Yeah. Isn't that funny how like things connect and like things come together? That's beautiful. wow, okay. So it's still there. Relationships feel strong. That's beautiful. Danica Eyler (12:57) so I'll digress for just a minute. So I'm a lawyer is one of the things you said I am, which is true. I decided when I was nine years old that I was going to become a lawyer. Yeah. Nadine Dyer (13:02) Yep. ⁓ Hey, can I ask a question about that? Is that because of the conflict between your mom and dad? Or was it? No, okay. Danica Eyler (13:15) No, No. That would have been a great reason to do it. But no, yeah, no. So my mom was ⁓ in paralegal school at Vincennes University back in the day. And I would go with her to the law library sometimes and she would say, hey, go find this book for me. I need a book to do my research or whatever she needed. And so I would go, tot around, I'd go find the book. And these books, now I know this now, at the time didn't really understand what they were, but Nadine Dyer (13:20) I was okay. Danica Eyler (13:45) are what are called Northeastern reporters. And what those books are is where the court of appeals decisions and the Supreme Court decisions are published or used to be published in books back in the 80s. And I just thought these books were the coolest thing ever. I mean, I was like the biggest nerd ever. Nadine Dyer (14:06) That's a Danica Eyler (14:07) But I would get these books for her and look at them and I'm like, my gosh, these are like the opinions of judges. And you know, these books are just cool. Like I was like, I was stuck on these. And so in my night, I was like, well, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be a lawyer. So, and you might learn that. When I make my mind up about something, we're gonna, yeah, we're gonna do it. So I never changed from that. when I, Nadine Dyer (14:16) Yeah. Okay? And here you are. That's right, that's right. Danica Eyler (14:35) you know, went through high school, I knew that's what I wanted to do. When I graduated from high school and started college, I knew that's what I wanted to do. I went to, like I said, Lawrence Central High School, I graduated high school. My husband and I went to IUPUI because I couldn't afford to go anywhere else and his grades weren't so great, so he couldn't get into anywhere else pretty much. What was actually really cute, our freshman year of college, we took all the exact same classes so we could drive to and from school together. So he and I worked, you know, not full time during college, but worked and went to school full time and, you know, had a good four year college experience. I got done with that. We got married right after we both graduated from college. And then I started law school the next year and graduated from that. So, but that Nadine Dyer (15:08) sweet. Danica Eyler (15:30) process started way back way back then and I you know just stuck to it this whole whole time. I don't think I knew back then when I decided to become a lawyer that, that I really understood that I really wanted to be a judge. That's come in the last probably ten years or so. I this is my I'm getting ready to enter my 22nd year of being an attorney and so Nadine Dyer (15:49) Okay. Danica Eyler (16:00) you know, the first few years I practiced law downtown at a firm and, you know, did my thing and I took a little time off when I had a kid and then went back part-time after that and worked part-time for a long time downtown. And, you know, I don't, the practice of law is a lot of arguing and it's a lot of taking a position and holding to that position and trying to produce an outcome that your clients want. And I don't love that. I don't love the arguing. What I value about what I do as an attorney is that I get to get a portion of my client's lives finalized. I get to bring it to conclusion. Nadine Dyer (16:31) Yes. Okay. Resolution for your clients. Danica Eyler (16:55) Yeah, And I value that a lot. But I don't value the arguing. I value that. Nadine Dyer (16:57) Got it. Yep. Can I? ⁓ sorry. I'm just so curious. I want to hear like how was there some pruning that was happening for you? Because we're kind of like, you know, about four or five minutes away from kind of wrapping up. So I want to hear more about some of that pruning that might have happened in your young adult life or even as an attorney to kind of like get you to where you are today. Danica Eyler (17:25) Yeah, so there was a lot of that going on. You know, and mostly, you know, well, a lot of that had to do with finances, as I've mentioned. You know, we moved up here. We didn't have a lot. My mom never had a lot. I didn't have a lot. I started working when I was like literally the week I turned 16. Even though I live with my mom still, once I started working, I paid for all my own stuff. Like I paid for my own. Well, I still had a plug-in wall phone back then. You know, I had that because she had her own and if I didn't have my own, I wouldn't get to use it. So I had my own, you know, but I paid for my own stuff. Like I bought my own bed that was in my bedroom. And when I was 16, I mean, and I paid for my own toilet paper and toothbrush when I was that age. And you know, that's not normal, right? I mean, that's, that is not the life that, that, that we lead today, at least not in, not for me, right? My kids don't have to Nadine Dyer (17:56) Yep, I remember those. Danica Eyler (18:23) do those kinds of things. And that produced in me a lot of pruning, right? Like, hey, I'm not experiencing the same teenage hood that my friends are. Even though I was involved with school and I did all the things at school, I didn't get the experiences that my peers were getting. And I knew that. I was acutely aware that what I was going through was not what they were going through. And that's hard. It's hard to deal with that. Nadine Dyer (18:33) Yeah. Yeah. Danica Eyler (18:51) It's hard to try to fit in and be like your friends are when you're not, right? When you leave school, you're not going home and somebody's making you dinner and driving you around all the places you need to go. I left school. Hopefully I had a ride home. If not, I was taking the bus. Then I walked from my apartment to my work where I worked and, you know, and I did the things. And so I got a lot of pruning in the fact that I had a lot of responsibility for myself. Nadine Dyer (18:56) and you're Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Danica Eyler (19:20) So I was very self-reliant. ⁓ On top of that, once I started dating my now husband, my mom didn't like him very much. And I'm not going to go into all the reasons why, because I don't think they're valid. But it doesn't matter. She didn't like him very much. And so all of a sudden, while I'd been raising myself for 17 years, she decided that I needed all these rules, which was fine. And the rules themselves were not bad. It wasn't that these rules were bad, but I didn't need these rules. I didn't, I mean. Nadine Dyer (19:51) You've been relying on self-sufficient your whole entire life. Danica Eyler (19:55) And I'm getting good grades. I'm working. I'm paying for my own stuff. I'm not doing anything wrong. Like I was not a drinker or a, I mean, I didn't do any of that stuff. And so we had a lot of discourse. My last year and a half or so of high school. In fact, we had so much so that the, about two weeks before I graduated high school, I'll tell this quickly because I know we're up against your time, but we, and this will be the biggest pruning, right? we, Rob, my husband, now husband called me at work one day and he said, hey, I just got tickets to the Holman George suite at the track because somehow he knew these people, I don't know. And he was like, can you get off work and can you go? It's on a Sunday. And I was like, I'm sure I can, there's nobody here. I worked at the Sizzler, nobody was there, okay? So he calls me, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I asked my boss, can I go? Yes, you can go, great. I run home, change my clothes, he comes picks me up, we go to the track, halfway there I went, oh no. And he goes, what? And I said, I forgot to leave my mom a note to tell her where I was going. I didn't have a cell phone back then. You know, that was not a thing yet. And my husband had a pager, my boyfriend had a pager at the time, but no phone. And so I'm like, yeah, right. And so I, which crazy, our kids would be like, what is that? Nadine Dyer (21:13) What is that? Danica Eyler (21:13) And so she pages him and I call her from the home and George suite at the track. And I said, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I forgot to leave you a note. I know I'm in trouble. I apologize. This is where I'm at. I'm going to be home early, you know, all the things. And so she's like, whatever. And basically hangs up the Fast forward a couple of hours. We're on our way home. She pages him again. And I'm like, oh my goodness. I'm trying to get home. And so, we stopped to call her from his mom's house actually. And I call her and she says, you have till Friday to get out of my house. And she hung up the phone. And I was like, okay, well. And so ⁓ I did, because I just get stuff done, I moved out on Wednesday. Because I was like, well. Nadine Dyer (21:44) Okay. I have to it. We're going to go ahead and accelerate that because I'm an overachiever and we're going to get wrap this up. Yep. Danica Eyler (22:03) That's right. We're going to get this done. So Long story short, I moved out that Wednesday. I moved in with my best friend and let me live with her and her mom is a lovely human. We call grandma Sally now and she I lived there for a while and and lots of other things happen. But that that experience, you know, was a lot of pruning. Right. I mean, I had already been grown up for a long time and I had already been sort of paying for myself for a long time. But it's a whole different ball of wax when now you you know, you're not with when you're not with your mom, right? You're not with a parent. And so that kind of accelerated that sort of growth as far as, you don't have that whatever amount of cushion it was, it's gone. And so, yeah, I mean, there's just, and I mean, there's so many of those stories I could tell, but when you grow up like that, where you have to be so self-sufficient, Nadine Dyer (23:02) Mm-hmm. Danica Eyler (23:03) I think God's constantly pruning you like hey I've got to prepare you for what's ahead and I'm gonna this may not feel good today and pruning never does feel good and those things didn't feel good to me I was like what is happening so many times I had to ask myself what is happening in my life but particularly in those phases in those years. But, but I can look back today and go ⁓ well now I I can go I get it you know I understand sort of why those things were happening and what good they produced. Nadine Dyer (23:37) Yeah, that's good. So I'm curious as we wrap up this episode and the next episode, we'll dive into like pruning and how do we use that pruning for purpose and just more practical applications. But for today, just to our listener, if you were talking to a woman who's going through a pruning season right now, what would you say to her to wrap up this episode? Danica Eyler (23:49) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would say that God uses everything for our good. And that sometimes, you know things feel unfair things feel like you want to ask why is this happening to me? Why am I going through this? You know and, and that it feels like so many things are hitting you all at once right and what I would encourage those women who feel like that, but you know, hey, I've got So many things coming at you whether it's work and your kids and your husband and your your parents, right? Because we're at the airport and you're all the hormones. ⁓ I don't I can't we could do a whole episode on those okay? And the hormones and you know, and, and you've got all that coming at you. You know, there is Nadine Dyer (24:45) and your hormones. Throw that one in there. I Danica Eyler (25:01) there is good gonna come from that. There is a purpose and a building up of you that will come from stripping down the things that God doesn't want you to carry into your next season. Nadine Dyer (25:13) Beautiful. Thank you for sharing part of your story and sister if you're out there listening I believe this and if you're going through a pruning season, I believe this message is for you I think this message is to remind you that there is hope. To remind you that the pruning, it does have a purpose, It is part of the equipping, it is part of the call, it is part of life, and you are not alone and you are not forgotten and nothing hard that you have walked through or will walk through will be wasted. It will all be used for good. And I believe that and I'm gonna proclaim that for you. And we will talk more on the next episode about just some practical applications about the pruning season, how to get through it and how to really walk out our purpose. Thank you for being here and we'll talk to you soon. We love you.