Nadine Dyer (00:01.484) Hey, hey, welcome back sister to our Linking Arms podcast. I am so, so happy you are here. You are in for a treat today. I am joined by Ms. Chris Mills. Welcome Chris. And the topic for today is the reality of mental health. I cannot wait to hear this. This is going to be so rich. A little bit about Chris. Chris is the president and partner at trueU. Chris Mills (00:16.852) Hello? Nadine Dyer (00:31.808) She is one of four siblings. One has passed on and she is married to her love, for 34 years, they call themselves old newlyweds. It's so cute when she was telling me these stories. I'm like, my gosh, I love it. And she is passionate about mental health and she has her own story that she's gonna share with us. As you know, we always start with the woman's story and that's what we're gonna hear today. But I think it's so interesting, because when her and I were prepping, she told me that... she told her mental health story to 300 strangers before she even told her family. So I almost like want to start there and go, okay, Chris, let's dive in. How did that happen? And what is the story? Chris Mills (01:14.29) Yeah, I mean, great. Thank you, Nadine. I appreciate any opportunity I get to tell my story. I joined a program, long piece of that, but a program just for ladies, seven months. And I knew when I joined it that it culminated in a seven minute tell your story. And I knew going in, I really only had one story to tell. And I also knew I had never shared that pretty much with anybody, maybe four people in my life, one of which was my husband. I felt more comfortable up on stage, not making eye contact with anybody, sharing the reality of my story. And part of that was I knew in that audience that there would be somebody that related to me and somebody maybe who didn't have any expectations of me and who I was, and they were just gonna accept me for that. And part of my story is family trauma. And so to be able to tell my family, there were some major things that had to be overcome before I could share that with them. And I'm a high achiever, maybe a little bit of an overachiever and feel the pressure of being that way for my family. And so in many ways, I felt like a lifetime movie when it came to my mental health. And I was afraid that's how they were going to see me. And lifetime movies aren't always realistic about what mental health is. And so Nadine Dyer (02:40.408) Mm. Nadine Dyer (02:48.034) Yeah. Chris Mills (02:50.464) part of my story is sharing that one day I sat in a room with my therapist and it was a beautiful day. Sun was shining. We were having great conversation. We started to delve into different things and she paused me and she said, Chris, I know this is gonna be painful to hear, but I really think we have to expand this. I believe you're bipolar. And Nadine, like crickets in the room. I didn't know what to do with that. Like I said earlier, all I had were these really negative impressions. And I was sitting there going, now, now wait a second, how does that fit into me? And it was really, let's just say I didn't leave there without a lot of tears and a lot of conversation. And we might've gone over our hour Nadine Dyer (03:26.839) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (03:34.424) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (03:41.568) I can't even imagine. Chris Mills (03:45.514) to be able to have that conversation. Nadine Dyer (03:47.01) Sure. So, okay, I need to like, need framework around this. So how old were you when this came up? Chris Mills (03:54.59) Yeah, so officially diagnosed, I was late in life typically for bipolar. So I was 40. Now, it was a complete shock. Once my husband understood the diagnosis, he would have said I was late being diagnosed. Nadine Dyer (04:02.126) Okay. So was that a shock to you when it was like... Nadine Dyer (04:12.298) Okay, okay. So you went on with life, high achieving woman, right? So I'm guessing you were successful in business. You owned a beautiful home, had the beautiful clothes, like all the things, right? But there was something there that made you go, I need to work with a therapist. Chris Mills (04:34.91) Yeah, yeah. And it really delved into my relationship with my husband. It was really starting to put so much pressure on my husband. And in a moment of clarity, I realized, wait a second, this how I'm treating him is not how he should be treated. This isn't fair to him. And at the same time, realizing my some of my Nadine Dyer (04:42.497) Okay. Nadine Dyer (04:48.494) Okay. Chris Mills (05:05.311) problems were breaking my body down. So I was facing a lot of health issues, starting not to be able to perform at work. And that had never been an issue. If you know anything about bipolar though, there were days where I was killing it, right? I mean, I was on so much energy, but Nadine, I probably hadn't slept for 24 hours. Nadine Dyer (05:08.0) Okay. Nadine Dyer (05:14.049) Okay. Okay. No, I want to know. Yeah, I want to know. Nadine Dyer (05:31.054) wow. Chris Mills (05:33.098) I would get up, I'd run 10 miles an hour, 10 miles an hour, 10 miles each morning, and then go into work, but focus wasn't there. And then the flip side would happen, I would crash and I would fall asleep in a meeting. Nadine Dyer (05:37.42) Yeah. Yeah. my gosh. Nadine Dyer (05:47.682) Wow. OK. And that's how you experienced it. So was like the highs of highs, energy, and then the lows of lows where it's like no energy, just gone. Nothing. Chris Mills (05:49.426) Yeah. Yeah. Chris Mills (05:57.034) Nothing, nothing, Crying all of the time. You know, think about it this way. You have the highs and then you hit depression really hard and it's a crash. It's very much a crash. Nadine Dyer (06:06.19) Okay. Okay. Number one, thank you for sharing this with us because I know that's so vulnerable because of the stigma out there around diagnosis and all of that. But I want to learn more. I want to know more. I want to hear more about your story as much or as little as you're willing to share with us. Chris Mills (06:18.237) Absolutely. Chris Mills (06:27.584) Sure, sure. Yeah, mean, mental health isn't always tied to trauma. For a lot of people, trauma is in the history. And so in my trauma, there was abuse from a family member for several, several years. Something I didn't admit until honestly later in life. Never relived the story, pushed it down, understand now that how I make decisions is because of some of those things that happened in that trauma. You know, I am blessed to work with another group called Dove Recovery House that works with ladies who have substance use disorder. And many of them are dealing with trauma. So trauma can lead to substance use disorder, mental health challenges. It just goes. And what I love about our society nowadays is we are starting to talk about trauma. And it's time, right? Nadine Dyer (07:28.246) Yeah, yeah, it's kind of a lot better. Yeah. Chris Mills (07:32.288) There's still a little bit of stigma. There's still little uncomfortableness with it. What I would share is as leaders, like myself, as we start to tell our stories and show that it's OK and we're comfortable with it, others will share their stories too. But kind of back to my story a little bit, lots of trauma early in my life. Know that I dealt with depression up and down. Nadine Dyer (07:54.883) Yeah. Chris Mills (08:01.395) There's a article, a letter actually that I found from a lady that talks about suicide. And for me, my husband and I are very careful. We have open conversations about it. But suicide is something that's always in the back of my mind. And it is because there are just days living with bipolar, living with a mental health. It becomes completely overwhelming. I have never gotten to the point of taking any action. Nadine Dyer (08:31.874) Yeah. Chris Mills (08:34.15) It's there though and it's real and it's you know so it's and so we're just very conscious of that within our household and very open about those conversations. Nadine Dyer (08:44.206) So important, so important to be honest about it. Because what stays hidden will become toxic, you know? So I'm so grateful that you're sharing that here. And I just want to say to our listener, if this is something that you struggle with, you are not alone. You are not alone. And you don't have to carry it alone. And you don't have to keep it hidden. Chris Mills (08:45.684) Yeah. Chris Mills (08:52.852) Yes, yes. Chris Mills (09:11.488) Each person's gonna handle it their own way, for sure. And at the same time, it starts internally. Nobody can fix you. My husband is a fixer, he couldn't fix me. My therapist is a fixer, she can't fix me, right? The healing comes from within. I was blessed, I like to say, like I said, I'm an overachiever, right? Nadine Dyer (09:34.542) Hmm. Chris Mills (09:39.518) God sent me two therapists and a psychologist that were fabulous. So it wasn't just one, it was a team of three that got me going in the right direction. Nadine Dyer (09:49.976) So I'd love to hear kind of a little bit more. Is there more that you wanted to share or can I ask some? Chris Mills (09:55.648) Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many times have you said to our listener, our listener, how many times have you said to yourself, suck it up, buttercup. Nadine Dyer (10:06.893) Hmm Chris Mills (10:08.863) As women in particular, we live that life. There was no, yeah. Yeah. There was no, there was no way I could suck it up anymore. There were days just getting in the shower was an accomplishment for the day. And even today, and again, it's 16 years later. Nadine Dyer (10:12.93) Yeah, we do. Gosh. It's even, you know, just saying that. Yes, Carrie. Chris Mills (10:38.171) Even today, there are mornings where I live step by step by step. If I think about what's on my calendar or my to-do list for the day, I freeze. I'm done, right? The mental health challenge stops me there. And so if I could say anything to a lady out there that's experienced this, please don't say suck it up, buttercup. Nadine Dyer (10:55.523) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (11:06.691) you Chris Mills (11:06.815) please Just realize it is okay to do a little bit of self care and take care of you. Nadine Dyer (11:10.508) you Nadine Dyer (11:14.424) Yeah, I like that. I've seen this a bunch where it's like it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to not be okay. Yeah. Chris Mills (11:19.347) Yes, yes, yeah. You You cannot do everything for everybody. And sometimes, you know, Nadine, we talked about it. I love how you said it. I can't give a cookie to somebody if I haven't baked any cookies and I don't have a cookie myself. Or if you're on an airplane, put the oxygen on yourself. That's not just a simple saying. It is hard to do. Nadine Dyer (11:25.773) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (11:34.712) Yeah. Yeah. Nadine Dyer (11:46.048) It is. Chris Mills (11:48.071) Lady, Lady, you will not do that. You will not put the oxygen on yourself. You will put it on your partner, your friend, your children, everybody else, your dog before you will put it on yourself. Nadine Dyer (11:56.386) your dog, your home, your Your gardening, your workouts. Although that could be self care, but it could also not. Yeah. Yeah. Chris Mills (12:05.856) could be. It could be. could be. Yeah, I think the other thing Nadine, as part of my story is I did start to dabble with things that would numb the emotion. And again, I was quick enough to realize that's a family trait. Addiction is definitely within my family. And I had the support network around me to stop, Nadine Dyer (12:18.125) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (12:32.482) Good for you. Chris Mills (12:32.788) before befrore they became any type of disorder for me. But numbing can be a little bit of everything. It can be as simple as overeating. And I say simple because people don't think about that as an addiction, but it is. And it is a way to numb. spending time on social, which by the way, just inherently makes things even worse. Because when I look at social media, I look at it and I don't look at it very much, by the way. Nadine Dyer (12:36.078) Good for you. Nadine Dyer (12:46.05) They don't. social media numbing. Nadine Dyer (12:56.461) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (13:02.178) Me neither. Chris Mills (13:02.378) When I look at it, I sit there and I'm like, look at their life. And that's not their reality. Nadine Dyer (13:06.414) I know. We compare our inside to everybody else's outside. I know. Chris Mills (13:12.234) Yeah. Yeah. Nadine Dyer (13:13.602) And it's, Yeah, yeah, I know I have, I like go back and forth. You know, I like being plugged in because I want to know what's going on and birthdays and births and like, I don't watch the news. So this is like my form of news, you know? But at the same time, I will delete the app for seasons and go, because then it's so much harder to get on the actual site, you know? So it's a little tricky. Okay, so what I want to hear from you, Chris, is I wanna hear like, what the bipolar experience was like before you were getting help and then kind of like, what happened as you got the help and how is it today and what are some things that you have in place to manage the mental health and just, I wanna hear about that. Chris Mills (14:03.776) Yeah, I mean, for me in those highs, it could be everywhere from planning a event every night of the week, because I was so energized. So I'm going to go here, I'm going to go here, I'm going to go here, and I'm going to do this. Nadine Dyer (14:20.846) And was like sincere energy. Like you weren't taking energy pills or drinking caffeine. Chris Mills (14:24.648) You are over the top. Now I am blessed. There are people that like for me, this wasn't true, but they overspend. It's shopping online. It's going shopping. Like it's, I met one person through this process that literally she decided at midnight to paint her carpet blue. Nadine Dyer (14:47.03) Okay. Okay. Chris Mills (14:48.788) There's no impulse control and things don't necessarily connect. Now there are wonderful pieces to that, Nadine. Imagine how much I could get accomplished. Nadine Dyer (14:52.864) Okay, I gotcha. Nadine Dyer (14:58.78) Sure, especially in today's world, we celebrate that, right? Chris Mills (15:02.644) Yes, yes. And I had 24 hours to do it. And most of the time we're sleeping at least hopefully six to eight of those hours. Well, I had that extra six to eight hours to get things done. So that, I mean, I said to the doctor one time, great, we've controlled the highs. Those were my favorite. Nadine Dyer (15:14.318) Bye. Nadine Dyer (15:22.616) Yeah. Yeah. Chris Mills (15:24.928) Again, if I did sleep, I'd get up by four o'clock in the morning. I was out running 10 to 12 miles every day. So a half marathon every day, picture that. Nadine Dyer (15:37.078) I get tired driving that. So talk to me about the lows. What were those before you got the, you know, awareness and the health and... Chris Mills (15:38.691) Ha! Chris Mills (15:50.879) Yeah, the lows were the probably, like I said, the hardest part. I could be in the middle of a meeting and just start crying. I didn't know why. I didn't know what was going on. But the tears would just, and it wasn't like nice, gentle tears. It was sobbing. It was uncontrollable. Like I said, I would not show up to events that I had scheduled myself to go to. Because I couldn't face people. I couldn't be around people. What I would say to my husband, and I say this today as kind of a sign, is it's too people-y out there. I can't do it. And he didn't understand that. He was a very social person. I was fluctuating between social. And so it took all my energy to go to work. And by the time work was done, there was no longer any Nadine Dyer (16:31.022) Okay. Okay. Nadine Dyer (16:40.078) Yeah. Chris Mills (16:49.383) any energy to do anything else. So the reverse was happening. I was sleeping all the time. Nadine Dyer (16:51.576) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (16:55.694) Okay, that makes sense. And then is that when the suicidal thoughts would like really be there? Chris Mills (17:02.857) Yeah, because picture going from happy and excited and energized to nothing. And everything's dark. Your thoughts are dark. Everything's foggy. You can't really think through things. Stress was, what do I want to say? It was very much like an accelerator of my depression. Nadine Dyer (17:27.148) Okay, it was like a like it triggered it almost. Chris Mills (17:30.097) It would absolutely trigger it even more. It still does today. You know, I'm a president of a company. There's lots of pressure that goes with that. And I have to manage that stress. I'm in a great environment to do that. It is a blessing. Nadine Dyer (17:33.624) Okay, yep. Nadine Dyer (17:38.611) I bet. Yeah. What a blessing. Yeah. So talk to me about like, what did the heal... so you got this prognosis and you're like, what are you talking about? Right? So what did you do with that? And then what were some of the steps you've taken for healing and what does that look like today? Chris Mills (18:03.521) Yeah. You know what? The first was self-acceptance. Nadine Dyer (18:07.534) Okay, isn't that interesting? Chris Mills (18:09.203) And one One of the things that I share when I train leaders on mental health, especially in the workplace, is we don't use first person language. So for example, you will never hear me say, I am bipolar, I have bipolar. It is just a piece of who I am. Nadine Dyer (18:28.876) Yeah. Yeah, it's not part of your identity. It's something you experience. Yeah. Yeah. Chris Mills (18:33.921) No, it's just a piece of me. Yeah, right. And my psychologist says it this way. Sometimes you have diabetes. Sometimes you have high blood pressure. Sometimes you have asthma. You're not an asthmatic, you have asthma. So why wouldn't we say I have bipolar? It's a disease. Nadine Dyer (18:48.982) Right, right, okay. Nadine Dyer (18:55.249) So it's interesting because I'm hearing two things. I'm hearing acceptance, but I'm also hearing, but it doesn't define me. It's not my identity. It's not who I am. It's I accept that this is part of my journey. Chris Mills (19:11.969) That's right. It's part of my journey. And by the way, God has helped me use that unbelievably in a diverse environment. Nadine Dyer (19:20.407) I bet. Chris Mills (19:26.271) And so my therapist actually said to me early on, someday, Chris, you will tell people your story and you will help them. I truly believe that. And I denied her. I was like, I am telling no one. My husband will know and no one else. Nadine Dyer (19:41.942) Isn't that interesting when you are in it, you're like, no way. And then you know you've healed, you know you're healing when you're like, wait, I can use this for good. Chris Mills (19:45.665) Mm-mm. Nadine Dyer (19:53.442) beautiful. Chris Mills (19:53.653) The NFL has it right, we have to break the stigma. Nadine Dyer (19:56.534) Yeah. Did you struggle with that? Like the stigma anywhere? Like was there certain spaces where you started avoiding or maybe that maybe weren't receptive? I'm curious about that. Chris Mills (20:10.687) No, I reported to somebody who it was clear that they didn't understand mental health, didn't understand bipolar. They said to me at one point, they were talking about a team member. I believe she's bipolar because some days she's happy and she's full of energy and some days, do you think I was going to tell him I was bipolar? Absolutely not. I had somebody else, a colleague, we were reorganizing and some of her employees were going to report to me. Nadine Dyer (20:32.206) Bye. Chris Mills (20:40.625) I had shared with her my story. Nadine, she looked at me and she said, I'm uncomfortable. I love these people and I don't know how you're going to treat them. Stigma. And so that shut me down. Those two people were at the same company that shut me down for a really long time. Nadine Dyer (20:53.836) Yeah. Yeah. Nadine Dyer (21:00.694) I bet. So talk to me, let's pivot into the healing piece and like kind of how you navigate this piece of your life. Because it's not you, it's not who you are, but it's a piece that must be managed probably, I'm guessing on a regular basis. Yeah. Chris Mills (21:05.995) Yeah. Chris Mills (21:17.729) Yeah, yeah, Not to quote the whole scripture. There is a Bible verse that talks about being fearfully and wonderfully made. It, it, I I still read it every day like it is, it is my it's my life verse. Nadine Dyer (21:26.869) Yes. Nadine Dyer (21:36.408) Do know what it is? Can I look it up? it? Chris Mills (21:38.694) Yeah, it's Psalms 139:14 Nadine Dyer (21:41.902) Okay, I'm gonna look it up while you continue. Chris Mills (21:44.129) Someday, by the way, I'm gonna tattoo it right there on my wrist. Nadine Dyer (21:48.174) And that you cling to that, that's something that... Chris Mills (21:51.82) I cling I cling to that. I really, it was the breaking point for me to be able to say, you know what, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, exactly as I am. Not that we shouldn't all be a little bit about like, can I continue to grow and develop? Nadine Dyer (22:11.384) Of course. Chris Mills (22:13.353) And yet at the same time, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made and it's a wonderful thing. Nadine Dyer (22:18.686) Yes. Okay, I'm sorry. You need to quote the Psalms what? Chris Mills (22:22.187) Psalms 139:14. Nadine Dyer (22:24.302) 139:14, okay, I want to read it. Okay, so I have it in the NLT. And it this one says, thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. I'm definitely complex. Your workmanship is marvelous. How well I know it. Chris Mills (22:30.049) Mm-hmm. Chris Mills (22:40.073) Yes. Yes. Nadine Dyer (22:50.038) I'm gonna compare. I'm going to see what the other versions say. Okay, hold on. Okay, here's the TPT, which is the Passion Translation. It says, I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex. Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking. It simply amazes me to think about it. How thoroughly you know me, Lord. The easy version says, I thank you for the wonderful way that you have made me. Everything that you do is wonderful. I know all that is true. And here's the NIV, which is, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well. What a verse to cling to. Those are like identity. Like I stand on this truth. Amazing. Chris Mills (23:39.327) Yes, it took It took me a while to stand on that truth. It took a while to stand on that truth. Nadine Dyer (23:45.666) And I it's a daily reminder. Like it's like we forget and then we come back and then we forget and we come back. Chris Mills (23:52.458) It's at the top of my journal almost every morning. So I usually write something, a saying or whatever. It is almost always fearfully and wonderfully made. And then I dig into my gratitude for the day. Nadine Dyer (24:04.46) That's beautiful. So as we wrap up this episode, number one, I just want to say thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being so vulnerable and just telling us the real deal, the reality of mental health. I want to say to any listener out there, we all have something. We all have something. Maybe yours is mental health, maybe yours is emotional health, maybe yours is physical health, maybe yours is financial, maybe yours is relational. Maybe I don't know, but we all have something, Chris Mills (24:10.721) You're welcome. Nadine Dyer (24:33.676) and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Chris, is there anything that you would wrap up this episode with for our sister who's listening? Chris Mills (24:42.313) Yeah, I'll bring another concept in here. Don't be an imposter. Be your real self. When you are genuine for your real self, that is when you will heal. Nadine Dyer (24:58.446) That's beautiful. Like authentically you. So this is our story episode with Chris. If you want to listen in to some practical applications. So our next episode, we're going to really dive into like practical applications for self care, practical applications for authentically walking it out, being authentically you, practical applications to like dealing with mental health challenges or whatever the challenge might be for you. Chris Mills (25:01.748) Authentically you. Nadine Dyer (25:27.434) And still having joy in life, having success in life, still having the goodness, enjoying the goodness of life. So join us on the next episode. We'd love to have you there. And you are fearfully and wonderfully made, sister. Remember that. Chris Mills (25:32.107) right.