Nadine Dyer (00:01.038) Welcome back, beautiful sister. We love that you are here with us. You are so valuable to us. You are so valued. We get you. And today I am joined by Chris Mills. We already recorded episode one with her of her story and the reality of mental health. And Chris was just so vulnerable sharing her story with being diagnosed as bipolar and how she navigated that, how shocking that was. And today is really about practical applications, practical applications to accept some of the challenges in our lives, the practical applications to being authentically who we're created to be. And not having, I forget what you phrased it as, the syndrome you said don't have. It's fake. Everyone else must talk about it. That's your hope. Chris Mills (00:55.902) Sorry, I'm trying to remember. imposter syndrome. Don't have imposter syndrome. Nadine Dyer (01:01.102) I always forget that word, but not having imposter syndrome. And what does that mean? And then talking about self care, what that means and maybe some practical applications around self care. So Chris, thank you for being back with us today and let's dive in. Chris Mills (01:17.652) Yeah, I mean, self-care saved my life. I'm just gonna say that, right? And it continues to help me move through life. Nadine Dyer (01:20.878) I Chris Mills (01:28.874) I'm just saying to the lady out there that thinks self-care is a bubble bath. You need a break. Self-care is good for you. A bubble bath is good for you. A bubble bath is not sustainable. Nadine Dyer (01:32.599) Hmm. Nadine Dyer (01:37.838) See ya. Nadine Dyer (01:44.332) Okay, let's talk. Let's talk about what is self care. Okay, like what is and what is not self care and sustainable? What do mean by, come on, give me all the stuff. I need it all. Chris Mills (01:46.75) Yeah. Yeah. Chris Mills (01:52.394) Yeah, you know what I think about self-care I use the self-care wheel and in there, there are buckets of self-care. There's how are you taking care of yourself physically? How are you taking care of yourself psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, personally, professionally? It's about that life balance that we are seeking to gain through all of this. Nadine Dyer (02:25.708) I'm trying to draw it out. on. 20 good things. 20 good things. Hold on. Hold on. Okay. There's self-care, emotional self-care, spiritual self-care, mental self-care. Chris Mills (02:25.955) and you're No worries. Chris Mills (02:39.891) Personal Nadine Dyer (02:41.368) Personal and that's different, okay? Chris Mills (02:43.939) Yep, that's DIRF, we'll talk about that and then professional. Nadine Dyer (02:47.182) And professional. Okay, yes. I feel like some of them like make sense to me, right? Like the physical, got it, workout, bubble bath, right? yep. Drink water, get rest. Anything else with physical that you're like, oh, I do this, that. Chris Mills (02:57.811) Yep. Eat healthy. Yes. Chris Mills (03:09.169) Yeah, this kind of goes into a couple buckets. And we talked briefly, you and I, about this. But you've got to turn off that cell phone. And in particular, you've got to turn off social media. Nadine Dyer (03:19.542) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (03:26.062) Okay. You're right. You're right. I mean, you're right. And we did talk about the social media piece of the last episode, but like he specifically said to me this morning, because I was talking to him about Sabbath and how I really like, was the last time I really honored the Sabbath and I am missing rest. And he said, you know what you should, he's like, you know what you should honor is putting away that cell phone for a day. Blah, blah. Chris Mills (03:27.188) I'm sorry, I'm sorry to say that. Chris Mills (03:34.985) Mm-hmm. Chris Mills (03:53.769) That's so hard! Nadine Dyer (03:54.088) I'm like, gosh. All right. Maybe I need to listen here. What? Tell me about. Chris Mills (04:00.285) Think about what happens when you are on your cell phone. Well, first off, let's start with the fact that sometimes when you get a text or a phone call, you immediately tense up. What's it going to be? Is there a problem? You get tense. So that's the first piece of it. And then think about how you physically look at a cell phone or an iPad or whatever. Nadine Dyer (04:19.98) Yeah. Chris Mills (04:26.365) Physically, you are causing strain on your neck, your shoulders. Yes. And so I joke about turning it off. And at the same time, physically, we don't think about what it does to our... I'm telling you, there's somebody out there that relates to me. The shoulders are starting to round because I spend so much time on my phone and my computer. So there is physical care of being able to walk away from those technologies. Nadine Dyer (04:30.23) I feel it. I literally feel it right now. Like I'm like right here. Yeah. Nadine Dyer (04:50.829) Me too. Nadine Dyer (04:56.352) Okay, I hear you. Emotional, anything there that we want to dive into or that comes up, what does that mean? Chris Mills (05:03.281) Yeah. So I'll tell you a couple of practices and maybe that'll help. One is I use an affirmation. So now I'm going to talk about using your cell phone, but I use an affirmation app that throughout the day will pop up things that will say to me like, you know, something as simple as you are strong and powerful. Nadine Dyer (05:07.693) Yeah. Chris Mills (05:27.369) You are made for this moment. I need those reminders throughout the day. Something stressful is going to happen. Now for me, I have it set to pop, starts at seven o'clock in the morning and goes to about six o'clock in the evening because that's my work schedule. I am, the app is I am. Yeah, very simple. And I have the free version, so there's a free version of it. Nadine Dyer (05:30.456) Hmm. too. Nadine Dyer (05:43.758) What's the answer? Okay, cool, great. Yep. Love it. Chris Mills (05:56.116) The other emotional self-care is gratitude. I write my gratitude every morning, sometimes every evening. Whenever I need to, then I can turn back to what am I grateful for? I write them out. Some days it's two things and some days it's six things, right? Some days it's hard. I'm not gonna lie. Like you're sitting there and you're like, what am I grateful for? There's so much going on. Nadine Dyer (06:08.318) you write them out like in a notebook. Nadine Dyer (06:16.994) Yep. Chris Mills (06:24.869) You can always find something. Maybe if you just pause and are silent, you're going to hear the birds chirping. You're going to feel the sun on your face. Nadine Dyer (06:34.126) It is amazing how gratitude shifts the atmosphere, it, yep. Gratitude is a great practice. I like that you write it out where it like makes me pause. Oh, a butterfly just flew to my window. Um, okay. I love that. What else? Emotional. Chris Mills (06:37.683) Yes. Chris Mills (06:44.456) Yes. Chris Mills (06:51.113) Yeah. Emotional, find a hobby. Nadine Dyer (06:55.048) Mm. I'm try. I'm gonna try. Chris Mills (06:56.837) I know there's somebody out there saying to me right now, I don't have time for a hobby. Nadine Dyer (07:01.93) I am the one to saying to you right now. I don't have time. I have no time for a hobby. Like that's cute in theory. Like maybe when the baby's older, maybe when the boys aren't playing sports, maybe when I'm not working, maybe like when I'm retired. Chris Mills (07:17.641) So let me ask you this, Nadine. Do you have time to very quickly journal every morning? Like just five minutes? That right there is a hobby. We think of hobbies as these big things. Like I'm going to start knitting or crocheting or. Yeah. Nadine Dyer (07:24.608) Once yeah, yeah, I could do that. Thank Nadine Dyer (07:33.923) Like coin collecting, know, like bowling, I don't know. Chris Mills (07:39.309) No, don't make that's the thing about self-care. Don't make it complex or you'll stop doing it really quickly. I mean I run marathons. I did not start training at 26 miles Nadine Dyer (07:41.358) Wait, that's time for BOLD? Okay. Nadine Dyer (07:55.379) I never thought of journaling as a hobby that kind of sounds lovely. Chris Mills (07:57.798) It is, right? We make it too complex. Nadine Dyer (08:00.79) It could be like going for a walk. Like I could be like, my hobby is walking. I could do that. Chris Mills (08:02.673) It could be going for a walk. Chris Mills (08:07.913) And by the way, you just checked off two boxes, your physical and your emotional at the same time. Nadine Dyer (08:13.294) I know I'm a schedule optimizer. I'm down to make this up. I love this. Okay, so anything else emotional that you like must speak into this. Chris Mills (08:27.409) Yes, something we just did. Laugh. Nadine Dyer (08:33.452) Yeah. Chris Mills (08:35.089) We get so tense that we forget to just laugh. And that could be laughing at something that you did that you're like, my gosh, I can't believe I just said or did that. It could be laughing at somebody's joke. It could be laughing at how people drive, because if not, you get stressed about it. But laughter, it makes you smile. Nadine Dyer (08:38.829) Yep. Nadine Dyer (08:46.648) Yep. Nadine Dyer (09:00.902) Yeah, it makes me think when my little guy was in third grade, I think it was third grade, he requested that I put a joke of the day in his lunchbox every day. And I was like, oh my gosh, really? He's like, but mom, please. And I don't know where he got this idea. I kept asking, like, does one of your friends do it? But he wanted a joke of the day every single day. So I would be Googling, you know, jokes of the day. Chris Mills (09:12.179) Yeah. Chris Mills (09:25.225) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Nadine Dyer (09:26.262) And it could be just something as simple as that or like funny shorts or watching a comedy or just like being intentional about laughter. What a great reminder. Chris Mills (09:29.459) Yeah. Yeah. Chris Mills (09:36.893) You know, it's hard to cry and laugh at the same time. Now sometimes I laugh so hard that I cry. Nadine Dyer (09:42.142) Yeah, I have cried and laughed at the same time. Yeah, does. It really does. When I found out I was pregnant, I laughed and cried at the same time. Chris Mills (09:45.161) You know, but but it goes it it lifts you up. Yeah Nadine Dyer (10:02.385) my gosh, I'm confused. Yeah. Okay, spiritual. Chris Mills (10:12.777) Spiritual now obviously you've heard if you heard the first story, and you've heard Nadine and I talking, God plays a role in our life. Spiritual can be a variety of things it's not just about Christianity. Okay, so when I think about spiritual I think about self reflection. Nadine Dyer (10:37.934) Mm. Chris Mills (10:40.649) Spending a few moments just thinking about myself. I think about dancing. Like I am one of those people, I can't dance. Like I can't dance. Nadine Dyer (10:44.215) Hmm. Nadine Dyer (10:54.51) So it would fit the physical bucket, the laughter bucket, and the spiritual bucket. Chris Mills (11:00.517) and the spiritual like it. But you know what? There's something even about watching dancing that gets me all emotional. I feel, I get all of the emotion and feeling from it. And that to me is spiritual. Nadine Dyer (11:07.16) Huh. Nadine Dyer (11:13.698) Mm. Chris Mills (11:16.423) that closeness, the closeness that you feel to yourself in those moments. Nadine Dyer (11:16.662) Yeah, say that again. I'm sorry. Nadine Dyer (11:22.454) Yeah. I feel really spiritually connected when I'm worshiping. So music does it for me and in nature. Like my husband loves being in the woods and it's amazing. Like as soon as I even get into the woods, we go to Morgan Monroe Forest sometimes. And it's like, as soon as we drive in it, like I can like, I can breathe different. It's amazing. Chris Mills (11:29.203) Yup. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Chris Mills (11:50.473) Well, have you heard of the concept of grounding? Nadine Dyer (11:55.573) Yes, but tell me more. Chris Mills (11:56.786) Right, so grounding is, you can do it inside. Like right now I can set my feet down on the floor and be like, okay, I'm touching something. I feel it. I personally like grounding to go outside, stand in grass, take my shoes off. I have literally been in moments where I've gone outside in the snow, taken my shoes off and just Nadine Dyer (12:03.618) Hey. Nadine Dyer (12:13.006) Okay. Nadine Dyer (12:17.239) Yeah, I've heard that. Nadine Dyer (12:23.36) Okay? Okay. Chris Mills (12:25.459) grounded in that moment. Nadine Dyer (12:29.175) I love it. Chris Mills (12:29.275) It's powerful. It's so powerful and it centers you. Nadine Dyer (12:33.314) I love how simple these things are. It really, it's not that much. It's intentionality. Is there anything spiritual that's coming up for you as well that you're like, must speak to this? Chris Mills (12:35.07) They are. Chris Mills (12:39.091) Mm-hmm. Chris Mills (12:46.761) So two things for me, I will play off of you, music. I feel bad for anybody that's ever in the house when I'm in the shower, getting ready, or in the car with me. I don't sing well, it is not one of my gifts and talents, but I sing loud. But I will warn you, you have to be careful the type of music that you're singing to. Is it music that is uplifting to you? Nadine Dyer (12:56.59) you Nadine Dyer (13:05.526) You do it, girl. I love that. I love that. Nadine Dyer (13:16.142) you Chris Mills (13:16.221) There is some music that is not uplifting. So be very careful of the music you're listening to. Nadine Dyer (13:18.83) Good. That's really, that's also a big deal is like, watch what you're feeding your mind, what you're speaking, even if it's just music you're singing. Okay, what about mentally? Chris Mills (13:38.537) Yeah, mentally, let's talk a little bit about that. One of the self cares is is honestly having a counselor or a therapist. Nadine Dyer (13:42.188) We'll to more episodes. Nadine Dyer (13:50.79) And if you can't afford to either, ladies, we have free, no-cost coaches for you that are here to walk alongside of you. That's part of what Purposeful Living Inc. does is walk alongside of you that way. So don't let finances get in the way. Chris Mills (14:07.817) Yes. And I love that you brought up finances because I am blessed to be able to have the finances to go to a therapist, to go to a psychologist. That finance is one of the barriers to getting diagnosed with a mental health illness. Stigma and finance, the top two of why people don't get diagnosed and they go untreated. Nadine Dyer (14:18.734) Right. Nadine Dyer (14:34.476) Yeah, gosh, how exhausting it would be to go untreated. Because when you have awareness, then you can do something with it. So don't avoid it, sister. Don't avoid it. Lean into it. Lean into the hard, because that light, when you shine that light, that's where freedom comes. Chris Mills (14:41.458) Yes. Chris Mills (14:46.803) Yes. Chris Mills (14:51.785) Mm-hmm. Nadine Dyer (14:53.79) mentally, so a counselor, a therapist, a life coach, okay, so somebody, a support person that is safe and healthy, okay, not your great aunt Edna or whoever she is who gossips about everybody. That's probably not healthy, okay? Chris Mills (15:02.121) Mm-hmm. Chris Mills (15:13.713) Not gonna work, not gonna work. Okay, however, let's talk about other types of help. Nadine Dyer (15:23.832) Hey. Chris Mills (15:25.502) So. Chris Mills (15:29.203) I know someone is listening right now that when they plan a party, they plan it by themselves. Every last detail. Chris Mills (15:41.267) Let's face it, I'm one of those people. I thought if I was doing something, I should do every single component of it. Guess what? It is okay to ask for help. Nadine Dyer (15:41.314) I Nadine Dyer (15:51.872) Yes, in fact it's beautiful. Chris Mills (15:54.665) People wanna help! Nadine Dyer (15:57.038) And you tap into gifts of theirs that you're like, whoa, you're a superhero. And then we'll get to play to their gifts. And then you do so much more together. And then it brings you closer. And I love asking for help. I heard two things there, like the vulnerability to ask for help, but also the being receptive, like allowing others to help. Chris Mills (16:02.034) Yeah! Chris Mills (16:13.801) Okay. Yes. yeah. Chris Mills (16:22.749) I have a perfect example, Nadine. I planned a party at our church for Valentine's Day. About 60 people come into this dinner. I did it on my own. Couple people asked if they could help and I was like, no, I got this, I got this. Not a big deal. Uh-huh, uh-huh. My husband landed in the hospital two days before the event. Nadine Dyer (16:44.504) Yeah. Chris Mills (16:55.123) Did anybody know what the plan was? No, because I hadn't asked for help. So then I'm scrambling to figure out how am I gonna get this dinner off and not abandon my husband. And guess what? I asked for help. And guess what? Ladies stepped up in a heartbeat. And it was a, Chris, you should have asked for help in the first place. Nadine Dyer (17:20.844) That's so good. That's so good. So asking for help, therapy, counseling, et cetera, but asking for help, like areas that maybe I'm not strong in or I feel depleted in or that really weigh heavy on me, I can go, who can help me? Who can help me here? Who can come alongside? Chris Mills (17:32.253) Yes. Chris Mills (17:38.993) Yeah, and so let's talk to the mom. Now, I don't have children, but my gosh, I have all kinds of nieces and nephews and godchildren, all of the things over over over the world. But the mom out there truly believes that the laundry is their responsibility, cleaning the house is their responsibility. Nadine Dyer (17:42.988) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (18:06.296) Chris Mills (18:06.332) Feeding, clothing, all of the things. I know Nadine is like, yes, it's me, it's me. Okay, what if you have, and I have two friends that did this. I had a friend that could not stand doing laundry. Like it stressed her out. She had a friend that actually loved doing laundry. Nadine Dyer (18:08.982) Yes. that means a lot. Nadine Dyer (18:28.866) like it. Chris Mills (18:29.544) Flip it around. And so then they found another like other thing that flipped it around. So one did the laundry for two houses. And the other one was all about like planting flowers and making the outside look... So she did that gardening for both houses. And guess what? They both had a blast. They still do it. Like I want to say they've been doing it for like eight or nine years. Nadine Dyer (18:36.714) Nadine Dyer (18:53.144) I love this idea. Chris Mills (18:56.296) And that is self-care because the person who wants to garden now gets to do it twice. Nadine Dyer (19:00.376) Yeah. Okay. I need a friend who likes laundry and likes to cook healthy meals. Those are my things. And I'm not very good at a lot, but I'll figure out something to you with. I will encourage you. That's about all I got. I love it. That's so good. Can we talk personal and professional? Cause I want to make sure we get to those two. So personal, I'm really curious. What does personal self care look like that's different than... Chris Mills (19:16.86) Yeah! Chris Mills (19:24.136) Sure. Chris Mills (19:29.352) Yeah. Okay, I have a quote for you. Live life by design, not by default. Nadine Dyer (19:38.926) Bye. Chris Mills (19:39.69) That personal self-care is knowing who you are and what you want to be. And it can morph into professional because professional sometimes is part of who you want to be. One of the things I know very much about myself is I am happiest when I am making an impact in people's lives. Nadine Dyer (19:48.238) It's that office you talked about. Nadine Dyer (19:55.747) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (20:03.928) Got it. Chris Mills (20:05.801) And that is my personal. Figuring out kind of what I want in life and not living it by default, not letting everything just come to me. Nadine Dyer (20:08.792) Got it. Nadine Dyer (20:15.992) Got it. Yeah, okay. It's almost like, like, what is authentic to me? What are my values? What matters? How do I want to live my life? Like, what are the things I want to put time and energy into? What are the things that energize me? So it's like that kind of self care. Cool. Chris Mills (20:24.573) Yes. Yes. Chris Mills (20:36.413) Yeah. Have you Have you ever done an exercise, Nadine? I'm really curious. Where you looked backwards to see where you were spending your time and whether or not where you were spending your time was your passion, your gifts, your talents. I've done that and I do it on a regular basis, both personally and professionally. It's very eye-opening. I just took a two-week vacation. I know, crazy. It can happen, people. You could take two weeks. And one of the exercises I did was I looked at my work calendar because I wanted to know why I was so stressed, where I was spending my time, and by the way, why I was working so much that I wasn't able to have a personal life. Nadine Dyer (20:56.482) What was that? Nadine Dyer (21:06.2) That's amazing. Nadine Dyer (21:21.378) Okay. Chris Mills (21:23.153) And it's led to a conversation that I'm going to have with my part business partner. But we don't know if we don't look back. Nadine Dyer (21:29.015) I love it. That's right. That's a great exercise. I love that encouragement. I am going to add that to my to-do list. Chris Mills (21:42.89) That ever growing to do list. No, no, no, self care is not picking one from every single bucket, it's picking the couple that are the most impactful for you. Yeah. Nadine Dyer (21:50.656) Okay, that will make the biggest move. Okay, that feels good. Anything professional self care that you want to speak into? Chris Mills (21:59.465) Okay, this is where I have to set boundaries. Nadine Dyer (22:01.92) Okay, that's the boundary piece. Chris Mills (22:04.265) This is the boundary piece. When it comes to professional, I never use the P word anymore. I say 2020. I don't like the C or the P word that goes with 2020. What 2020 caused to happen though is how many people worked from home and how many people still work from home. And you can see for those who could, Nadine can see, there's a door to my office. Nadine Dyer (22:13.592) Okay. Nadine Dyer (22:24.472) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (22:32.076) Yeah. Chris Mills (22:33.255) When I leave my office to go into my personal life, I close that door. I do not leave it open because professionally that is my boundary. I have to stop working. But how many times have you like left your office, you go feed people and then you walk back to your office and you start working again? Nadine Dyer (22:36.408) you I like this. Nadine Dyer (22:45.859) Brilliant. Nadine Dyer (22:53.646) Or you take your phone with you. So like I was working at tennis last night, right? Like I'm watching tennis and making phone calls and I'm like, sorry, I'm at tennis, but I didn't get a chance to call you during business hours. So here I am. So yeah. Chris Mills (22:58.408) Yes. Chris Mills (23:09.449) Let me talk to the lady who does who has clients. Okay, so you're directly supporting a client or a colleague or something of that nature. Had one that would call me Friday nights at 7 o'clock Nadine Dyer (23:14.391) Mm-hmm. Nadine Dyer (23:24.718) Hahaha Chris Mills (23:26.907) And when they were new, I would pick up and then my husband would get frustrated. You're at dinner and you're like answering a phone call. It was never an emergency. Never. It just was top of mind for them. And so I had to reset a boundary. Nadine Dyer (23:37.152) ever. Nadine Dyer (23:42.104) Mmm, that's good. Chris Mills (23:44.509) And so we've got to set boundaries in our professional life or it will just get unbalanced quickly. Yeah. Nadine Dyer (23:50.102) Eat us alive. Yeah. Yeah. I got a little I got a little extreme sorry about the eat us alive, but that's how I feel. This is so rich and I don't know if you had more, but this like self care wheel was such a great concept and we're already at time. So if there's anything Chris that you want to wrap up this episode with that you would say to our listener. Chris Mills (24:13.51) Yeah, I will wrap it up with something that I just said and that is, it's not about every single bucket. It is about a routine. Nadine Dyer (24:22.146) Okay. Chris Mills (24:23.76) Right? And so what are some things that become a routine? The more you practice, it becomes a habit. And then by the way, you'll find that your day gets thrown off kilter if you don't use your routine. Nadine Dyer (24:37.708) Yep, that's good. And you know, for me, I'm like going, okay, I really want to look at this and go, where are my biggest pain points that I need to establish routines in? Right. And then go, okay, what are those routines? I like that you said you don't have to do one in every bucket. Just pick two or three, two or three, and do that until it becomes habit. And then you can add, shift, pivot. I love that because this is about our self care. This can't become another to do, right? Like this is for us. Chris Mills (25:02.705) Yes. No, no. And then I would wrap up real, real quick. If you listen to the first episode, I share my story about mental health. This is critical. Self-care is critical to everybody. But if you are facing a mental health illness or challenge, it is even more critical that you get that self-care in there. Or if you're supporting somebody with mental health illness or challenge, you've got to take care of yourself. Nadine Dyer (25:09.294) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (25:29.954) That's such a major call-out. Or if you're caring for an elderly parent or a young child or, know, like, self-care is so important. Self-care is not selfish. It's actually needed for us to be at our best. Thank you so much for such a rich conversation. So many great nuggets. I love the practical applications. I love the wheel. Sister, for those of you, for you who is listening out there, we just want to remind you that you matter. Chris Mills (25:40.55) No, not at all. Nadine Dyer (25:59.052) Yourself Care Matters and how I wrapped up that first episode based on Chris's verse. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and you are deeply loved. Thank you for joining us today and we will catch you on the next episode. Bye. Bye. Chris Mills (26:14.035) Thanks, Nadine.