Nadine Dyer (00:02.21) Welcome back, sister. I am here with a dear friend, Lisa Graft, and Lisa is the marketing coordinator at Generational Wealth Advisors with Thrivent, who is one of our Purposeful Living sponsors, which is awesome. She's also the executive director of Roots and Wings, which is an amazing nonprofit in the community. And she's just a master storyteller. I'm so excited to be here with her and with you, Lisa. And today we're going to dive into identifying and releasing the barriers of being our authentic best selves. I'm so, so excited to have this conversation. Lisa, thank you for being here. Let's dive in. Lisa Graft (00:44.73) I'm so excited! Yee! Nadine Dyer (00:46.39) Yay. All right. So let's dive right in and let's talk about identifying and releasing the barriers of being our authentic best selves. And this episode is really your story. OK, so this is your story of of how have you identified? How have you released? What is the pain point that got you there? Like we want to hear from you. We want to hear your heart, your story, your journey. It's less application and more just your experience. Lisa Graft (01:17.932) Okay, great. Well, I can tell you as a master storyteller that I have always had that within me. Like the storytelling part of me has just always been there. And, and I think my mom really helped foster that within me. So I grew up telling stories and, just, you know, circles of friends, and then I got on stage and then I, you know, led worship and that, you know, so it kind of just evolves. And then Nadine Dyer (01:23.395) Yeah. Lisa Graft (01:45.878) I think one of the big shifts for me in storytelling and really stepping into some authenticity was starting a journey on the radio. So I have a 14 year radio career that unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, ended with COVID. And so that was also another shift, but the storytelling part of that was like, how can I relate to people? in country radio, Christian radio, talk radio, secular radio, like I've done all these different platforms and just trying to relate and to be, but to not be too anything. You know what I'm saying? So that was like a big struggle, I think, to think through of how do you not be too much of anything? Nadine Dyer (02:38.158) you Lisa Graft (02:38.426) And that is, I think, one of the huge barriers, like things that have has really gotten in my way. I'm either too much or I'm not enough and I'm not worthy in either space. And so that. Nadine Dyer (02:50.99) you Lisa Graft (02:55.67) identifying those things. Like on Christian radio, you don't want to talk too Christian, but on country radio, I don't want to like totally abandon my faith. you know, so it's like walking this line. And so, and because I was doing that so publicly, that just, I guess it felt like a lot of extra pressure that I didn't, I didn't know what to do with because I also didn't know that I was hiding. Nadine Dyer (03:10.335) Mm-hmm. Lisa Graft (03:24.63) So I was like hiding behind and then in lots of therapy and you know things and later in life I really realized I've been hiding lots of myself my entire life. And so that just has not served me very, very well and it doesn't serve others. And so what I really thought I was doing professionally, but mostly in my personal relationships, I thought I was being who they needed me to be and like, you're welcome. I can be whoever you need me to be. Nadine Dyer (04:02.23) Hmm. Lisa Graft (04:07.564) not actually who I am. And so it was like I took this people pleasing to the extreme because I wanted to make sure I could be whatever you needed me to be. Like I'll be the perfect student. I can try to be the perfect daughter. I can be the perfect girlfriend and the perfect best friend and I can be whatever. And I think it was those like formative years of like high school, college, and young adulthood that like I had not actually learned who I was. And when I felt like the best parts of myself were on display, if they weren't received well, then I would go, see, this, it's just way better. It's way easier. For everyone, if I just tuck that away, because that again, now that's too much. So if I have, for example, like if I have a great story, and I have, I'm captivating a group of people and whatever, well then one side eye or one comment about how I'm hogging the attention or stealing somebody else's thunder or whatever it would be. Nadine Dyer (04:59.202) Hmm. Nadine Dyer (05:16.716) Hmm Lisa Graft (05:20.42) then I'm like, okay, nevermind. This is just proof that I'm too much and I just need to keep my mouth shut. I don't need to share all of my stories. I don't need to speak my mind. It kind of all spiraled into this unknowing of who I really am and then what to do with it when the real me kind of shows up. Nadine Dyer (05:43.032) Wow. Lisa Graft (05:47.436) and nobody knows what to do with her, even me, then I'm like, no, this must be wrong. And so I just went into hiding and I could not have identified this like in any of these moments. Like this is in the last like six months to a year, year and a half now. And like, I just turned 40, you know, a few months ago and I'm like, I'm just now figuring it out. And what my coach says is I'm right on time. Nadine Dyer (05:52.174) Mm-hmm. Nadine Dyer (06:14.018) Yeah. Lisa Graft (06:14.744) You know, so that's good. So that gives me hope to give to you listening. You might be right on time. Like I'm just now growing up. It's okay. Nadine Dyer (06:20.267) No, no, no, Nadine Dyer (06:25.602) You know, it's interesting hearing you say this, and I love that you did it from like a business perspective, right? It's like, from this business perspective, I'm learning and what I heard and what I wrote down is Lisa's journey to authenticity. And it's really a journey. And I love what you said about, you know, like, we, it's almost like in this world, we're like, okay, we start being ourselves and then we see. how people respond to it. And it's like, is this okay? If this is okay, okay, I'll do more of it. Is this not okay? Okay, I gotta pull back. And it's almost like we learn how to people please, or what is acceptable, or what gets results, or what is not rejected. And we start leaning into those stepping really away from our authenticity versus really going, wait, wait, wait, who am I? Lisa Graft (07:14.114) Yeah. Nadine Dyer (07:20.3) What matters to me? How am I wired? Like, what's my gifting in this world versus what will please this person and that person and this person? Let me hide this part and let me hide that part. This part's not okay. How is this received? will I be rejected? And will I be laughed at? And will I be criticized? Whoa, that sounds exhausting, but I think we all do it. Lisa Graft (07:39.322) Oh yeah, yeah, and I think that really came to a head for me in the last year of like, I, the analogy I came up with was like, I was basically a lazy Susan. You know, I'm at the middle of this table and of my life and I'm just, you can spin me, grab what you need, right? If anything's available to you whenever you just got to spin and grab and that's anybody, you know, and so then I'm like, I found myself just my whole life was one big reaction. I was reacting to everybody and everything around me and every situation and it was it was the most exhausted I've ever been. I couldn't even keep up with my own stories. Right. And it was it was it was just so so unhealthy. Nadine Dyer (08:26.38) Yeah. Yeah. Nadine Dyer (08:33.485) Yeah. Lisa Graft (08:34.4) And so confusing because I did not know, like I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't really, I would not have been able to even say. Like just my life is not working. And then I started, I think this sounds a little extreme maybe, but internally screaming, like. Nadine Dyer (08:53.644) Yeah. Lisa Graft (08:54.636) I'm trying, like this inner voice is trying to get my own attention to go stop. Like we need to blow the whistle on this thing. Let's take it like your voice matters and who you are matters. But like at that point it was the tiniest voice because I had let my truest self just let her go and just became whatever anybody else around me needed. Nadine Dyer (09:22.136) Yeah. Lisa Graft (09:22.959) And that's kids, that was relationships, that was, I mean, a million different ways, but it was all this just huge, I was just living very reactionary and it was exhausting. Nadine Dyer (09:27.959) Yeah, yeah. Nadine Dyer (09:36.588) Yeah, you know, it's interesting. As soon as you even started sharing that, I got a little emotional, you know, now might be that time of the month for me. So I might be just a little emotional. I also might be pre-menopausal or perimenopausal, whatever you say. So, you know, pray for my family and my husband. So emotions come up quick for me. But really, like when you were saying, like explaining this lazy Susan and you're just like, spin me around, take what you, well, how can I please you? What that's. Lisa Graft (09:45.538) Hahaha! Nadine Dyer (10:06.446) And you we get lost. We get lost in that, you know, and it's like it made me think our our authenticity gets lost in People pleasing. In the rules. In What people expect us to achieve in being focused on solutions, I'm like thinking of all the different personality types, right? And how are. different people's authenticity might get lost. And so maybe, is there anything else that you would wanna speak into like getting lost, your authenticity getting lost before we start pivoting into like, okay, what made you wanna find authenticity and how did you and what's the journey look like and all that? But I wanna make sure that you speak enough on the... the loss of the authenticity first. Lisa Graft (11:02.722) I think the only thing that's coming up for me is that if you are feeling lost right now, like if that resonates, that you are not alone and you might feel lost, but that doesn't mean you actually are lost. I think that's what I actually found out and that is what helped me shift. into like I am not lost and it was actually my sister who sent me like the words to Amazing Grace. You know I once was lost but now I've found and I'm like my gosh I have been found. I am found. I just lost myself. You know I lost sight of me and so I think in the Nadine Dyer (11:37.922) Hmm. Lisa Graft (11:54.498) I think my life had gotten to such a wild, chaotic place. I had kind of journaled about this and thought, my other analogy is, I love analogies, my other analogies was like I was a circus performer. you know, and I'm like, I've got all the spinning plates and I'm the clown to make the kids laugh and I'm the cook that makes all the kids and I'm the, I'm whatever and I'm performing in my own circus, you know, so in the circus of my creation, right? And so as I'm performing. Nadine Dyer (12:29.901) Yeah Lisa Graft (12:33.442) All of a sudden I'm like, I'm tired. And I just got more and more tired and not like physically tired, although that was like, that's a huge part of it, but like mentally, emotionally, spiritually, like soul tired, just so exhausted that like I could not perform anymore. So then I felt just trapped in this circus. Nadine Dyer (12:48.13) Yeah. Yeah. Lisa Graft (12:58.668) And then it was realizing, and not on my own, this is where you need the good people and community around you to speak into you and go, hey, like, this is a tough love moment, but like, you created this circus. Like you were never meant to have a circus. Like this, you're not a circus performer. This is not who you are. But you created this in order to feel value and feel valued by people. You know, everyone expected the circus performer. So that's what I became. Nadine Dyer (13:11.722) Mm-hmm. Nadine Dyer (13:27.991) Yeah. Lisa Graft (13:30.36) And then when I could no longer perform, like my inner self started rebelling and starting to speak up for myself in ways. And it came out really unhealthy in a lot of ways, which then only added to the chaos. But it was listening to the people in my life who could love me and tell me the truth and say, honey, you've got to make a change. Like you have to make a change. Nadine Dyer (13:38.062) Sure. Nadine Dyer (14:04.684) I'm just like following along here and going, I can relate to so much of this. I love that analogy of like, my gosh, I got so exhausted and that I lost my, I was exhausted in every way and it affected everything. So it sounds like. the pain is what made you go, okay, it's time to make a choice. So what was that rock bottom? Was it a rock bottom for you that made you go, gosh, or was it just turning 40 or was it like, what made you go, okay, this isn't working, I must change. Lisa Graft (14:41.146) Part of it was like the number of turning 40. And I wish that would have been like a more motivating, like, hey, you're almost 40. Like, let's go. Instead of what it actually was, in all honesty, was shame of look at your life, you're 40. You might be halfway done and look. You know, it was like, it's terrible. Nadine Dyer (15:02.158) We tend to do that to ourselves. It's like, you are like that midlife crisis, right? It's like, what are you doing? Lisa Graft (15:09.154) What are you doing? But it was a huge wake-up call. But I think in the pain of it, it clicked with a solution. So I found for a long time, I have wonderful people. I've always had wonderful people telling me the truth and encouraging me in all these wonderful ways. But it was this language that I was missing that came at the time that I needed it, which was boundaries. Nadine Dyer (15:18.456) Hmm. Nadine Dyer (15:37.208) Hmm. Lisa Graft (15:37.794) Right? And everything in my life, this lazy Susan approach and the circus performer and all of it was, it's just a, it's just, it's just a boundary problem. Right? But something about that was like, I don't have a million problems. I have, I have one huge problem, but it's one. It's one problem that Nadine Dyer (15:50.542) Mm-hmm. Nadine Dyer (16:03.149) Yeah, yeah. Lisa Graft (16:06.272) that just something about that just clicked for me like because I looked everywhere and saw all these piles of chaos and I'm like I give up like I'm done just I'm tapped out like I'm done and instead it was like no you've got you've got some messes but there's one problem and and one real solution which is to start taking ownership and it's this Nadine Dyer (16:11.83) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nadine Dyer (16:28.14) Mmm, I love that word. Lisa Graft (16:30.618) Oh, it is it. It's so like I then it as I'm sitting there in this horrible space of like I'm about to turn 40 and my life is in shambles and I can't show up for anybody the way I really want to and the way I know I can and even the way I think I should and all of that and it was like I I I was Blaming everyone. I was blaming everyone around me and I was blaming all the piles and I was blaming if my kids would just listen and if my ex would just this and if my you know, and it's like Yeah, Wasn't owning anything and I wasn't even owning myself like and I was not being a good steward of Like who I am and what life I've been given Nadine Dyer (16:59.03) Yes. Lisa Graft (17:21.55) So it doesn't even come down to like, I want to use my gifts and talents. And like, I wasn't even there. I'm like, I want to show up and survive another day, like better than yesterday, you know? And that was like the babyest step I could take. But once I started that and that mindset shift of like, need to own this and yeah, there are people have done bad things to me and around me, but I have allowed so much in my life because Nadine Dyer (17:41.282) Mmm. Lisa Graft (17:51.308) of a lack of boundary. Nadine Dyer (17:53.57) Wow, yeah. It's really powerful, right? When you have that breakthrough moment where it's like, got it, and I'm the owner. And I think the boundary thing allowed you to go, OK, I have control here. There's something I can do versus feeling completely powerless of like, it's just my life, and this is where I am, and I just need to give up. And it's like this hopelessness versus this ownership, right? Of like, OK, I need to own this. I need to look at what is my part and what can I do about And in your case, it was boundaries, which I, that makes a lot of sense as a lazy Susan, right? And I've never put the fact that boundaries is also part of the journey to authenticity. Lisa Graft (18:36.739) yeah. Nadine Dyer (18:37.774) It's like, oh, wait a minute, who am I and what matters to me and what am I here to do and how am I being a good steward of what God has entrusted me with, which is me. And am I doing that? Do I have boundaries around that to make sure that I'm intentionally walking that out? Lisa Graft (18:55.96) Right, yeah, and for me, the way I'm like boundary injured, I guess, is I was letting in the bad, you know, just so much and accepting it as good and that's everything's okay. And, you know, it's fine and I can rationalize it, I can justify it. I've probably deserved this and this is a punishment for past mistakes. And so like coming to that going, no, I'm gonna take ownership of this like, Nadine Dyer (19:09.762) Fine, everything's fine. Nadine Dyer (19:15.735) Yeah. Lisa Graft (19:24.898) Yeah, what's my part in this? And I'm the one that gets to leave the room. I'm the one that gets to leave, like, and I'm the one that gets to switch my, I don't need to be thinking about this terrible thought. I'm the one that gets to switch that thought. I'm the one who has this control over myself on a good day, right? And here I was trying to control and manipulate everybody around me and calling it love. Nadine Dyer (19:37.378) Yep. Wow. Nadine Dyer (19:51.042) Hmm, wow. That's just a powerful statement. Gosh, there's so much we can type into, but we're already at time, which is crazy. So that'll be the next episode. We can really dive into like practical applications of like, how do we, what kind of boundaries and what are the barriers that get in the way of our authenticity? And what are some of the steps you've taken to really move past it? And really just some hopefully practical applications for our friend who's listening. Lisa Graft (19:58.467) You Nadine Dyer (20:18.87) It's interesting though, there's a thought that came up for me and it's like part of ownership is figuring out what you will allow, like what you will accept from others, but it's also allowing and setting boundaries around what you accept from yourself. The mindset, the inner dialogue and going, wait a minute, I can own that. I don't have to be in this room of inner crazy dialogue. I can shift my... Lisa Graft (20:34.735) yeah. Nadine Dyer (20:47.38) I have control over my inner dialogue. And I heard you say that and I think that's also so powerful. as we wrap this up, is there anything that you'd want to wrap up this episode with that you'd want our listener to hear? Lisa Graft (21:03.446) Yeah, I think it's just some encouragement that I received in my time of like greatest chaos was like, you're gonna be okay. Like, you're gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. It might not seem like it. And there are still days, like I'm not on the other side of this. Like I am smack dab in the middle of it right now still. And so I just want you to know that you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay. Nadine Dyer (21:32.226) Yeah, that's a really good word and a good reminder, because sometimes we get so consumed by the chaos and the problems that we forget that, okay, we're going to get through this. All right. Well, thank you for listening. Thank you for being here, Lisa. Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. I can't wait to dive into the next episode and really hear some practical applications and just ways to really discover. and walk out our authenticity, you know, and let go of the barriers that get in the way. We love you, sister, and we will talk to you soon.