Ah, welcome back my friends to the show that may never end. My name is Jim Ellerbeier. I'm a behavioral health therapist and by accident or on purpose, you've landed on the podcast of Fishing Without Bait, a lifetime without definitive expectations, where we help people create their lives rather than find themselves. We're asking people to explode into their lives and actually experience their world and participate in their life. The only entrance requirements are the honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to try. And if you have a few pixie dust sprinkles of those, you're on your way. Jump in the canoe, grab a paddle, welcome aboard, and away we go. For those of you who are fans of the show, and perhaps you are not, and then shame on you, you're aware that we offer an eclectic roster of guests. And today we're joined by a quite accomplished and creative, imaginative individual by the name of Shane, and I'll allow him to introduce himself. Good day. Thank you for having me. Some of you might know me as the Savage Gentleman. I'm a professional wrestler. I'm a pro fighter. I am a personal trainer and I am a health advocate all around. That sounds like quite a mouthful and you just didn't hatch into that. No, I did not. So tell us a little bit about your background, Shane, and where you came from. So I grew up in a location named Arlington. It wasn't really the best neighborhood to grow up in. A lot of drugs, a lot of gang violence. You hear the story all the time. I'm just one of those few that was able to make it out and make something out of myself. For those of you on this show, and you know we like to talk about recovery stories, we like to talk about how people got here from there and how they dealt with adversarial situations with resilience. So tell me about your early life. I went to Catholic school for the first three years of my childhood education, and then my mom and dad split. I was in separated homes, bouncing from home to home, and my mom moved into Arlington, which is where most of my family was located. In the time, I didn't know any better. Then I realized, "Oh, this isn't exactly the most welcoming place to be." I grew up there. I grew up amongst everyone else, drug dealers, thieves, everyone, you name it. It was one of those weird experiences, but it was a community nonetheless. A community that you grow up in and you just don't think anything of. I played sports growing up as a kid. I was in baseball growing up in this area. Everyone was there. Everyone was out supporting, even the local drug dealers. It was weird, but again, I didn't know anything at the time. Now looking back, I can reflect on where I came from and be thankful for the life that I chose, that I wasn't driven down that path and I stayed in the sports path. What you're talking to us about is, although there were divergent personalities there, that's to be kind, there was some type of sense of community. There was. Like I said, my family all grew up in this area. At one point, it was a very, very good neighborhood. Just like everything else, following time, things normally tend to go awry. Projects were built in this area and low-income housing became affordable and then location became overran. I'm thankful for the way I grew up. It taught me so many valuable lessons that I use in my life today. Could you say more about that, Shane? Which exactly? What are the valuable lessons, the experiences that you've had that made you the person that you are today? Yeah. So, I mean, you grew up by the street code, right? There were people that did wrong to you, you did wrong back to them. It was as simple as if someone hit you, hit them back harder, right? And then it evolves from there. I'm thankful that, again, I had good people in my corner that were able to look out for me, very, very much older people, older, more influential people that took care of me. Even as a teenager, right? I was setting bowling pins up at a bowling alley and I was getting rides to and from my house from guys that weren't the best, most proper human beings, but they looked out for me. You see this in movies, but it does really happen. Thankfully, I had a good head on my shoulders and they kept me on that side of the alley instead of on the other side. So obviously they saw something in you. Okay. So everyone's a product of their past, Shane. It's up to a person whether they choose to become a victim of it or not. Very much. There are many people that blame their life on their environment. However, people do have a choice. And it sounds like at one point you made one. I did. And it was about three years ago. I was in New York City with another colleague of mine. He's a battle rapper. He's a world champion. He grew up in the same area as me. Him and I were flown to New York City and we were wandering Times Square and I just looked around and it hit me. I was like, how in the world did two of us get here from the same area and we're paid to travel the world and do what we love to do? Because the odds of us making it out of the neighborhood were slim, let alone to be where we were in the Mecca of the United States. So it sounds like you were having some moments of clarity and maybe some attitude of gratitude also. So much gratitude. So thankful. Very blessed for, again, the decisions that I made and that others helped me make. I was very good in school. I was very good in sports. But again, you've seen that tale a thousand times where it goes down the wrong alley, someone wants to make money. And I just was blessed with an opportunity to work in that bowling alley instead of having to be on the street corners selling drugs. Well, you could have. I easily could have. But I made that decision and I still actively make those decisions not to let my past define me. Well, we call those wise mind choices in my world. We can operate off of an emotional mind, which is generally self-serving and self-gratification and immediate gratification. However, a wise mind choice can be hard, difficult, and painful, Shane. And maybe sitting there setting up the bowling pins versus you seeing some other people with $6 bills in their pocket. Because my family didn't always have money to eat. And it was painful. We grew up, I grew up with a hot plate, didn't have a stove, eating government cheese on white bread. I remember having to go grocery shopping. My mom would give me food stamps and there wouldn't be very many food stamps there. And she gave me a laundry list long of things to get from the store. And I had to do all that and I was probably like 10 years old at the time. Your mother sounds like she had a tough time, however, pushed through. She did. And she is, again, just like me, significantly better off now. She had a very, very tough time. She moved out before she was 18. Took life into her own hands. I moved out at 18 as well. Both of my parents, they were addicted to drugs. And I saw what that life did to my parents and I refused. I still have yet to this day ever do a drug besides alcohol. Just because I know where that path leads. I've seen it. I've seen it happen to family. I've seen it happen to friends. I've seen it happen to so many loved ones and some of them aren't here anymore today. So what you're telling me, Shane, is unlike most people, you would learn from the mistakes of others rather than insist on repeating them yourself. Correct. I'm not here to reinvent the wheel. I'm just here to keep getting by and take one day every day as a new day and make it better than the day before. So everyone has mentors in their life. Everyone has a person they look up to, trust, but most importantly, don't want to disappoint. Who were those people in your life growing up? One was my grandmother. She always had it hard. She worked multiple jobs, but every single year she made sure that I had school clothes and a new pair of shoes. Despite not having a lot of money, that was one of the things. She took care of my brother and I and she inevitably passed away. But there were a lot of people that looked out for me collectively. No one so much so that I would say is like a mentor, but I had a lot of, like I said, very good people, some very bad people, but they looked out for me. Well, who are we to judge whether they were good or bad people? But what they did, Shane, was they had, it sounds like a lot of them had your best interest in their mind. They did. So how do you think that happened? You are a product of your environment until you're not. And I had a lot of things that, like I said, I could have went down any avenue I chose and any avenue I wanted to, and I did for a little while. Sure. But I realized that's not what I wanted. And instead of saying, "Oh, you're stuck," they said, "Oh, get out. Keep going." So I decided what can I do other than I could sit here and harp and woe is me and have that attitude of, "Well, I grew up with less. I didn't have a silver spoon. I fed my family." I could have said all those things. I could have made every excuse in the book, and it would have been warranted and justified by everyone. But I wanted something better. I knew there was bigger promise at the other side, and that's what continues to drive me today. So what you're doing is you made a choice not to succumb to self-pity and wallow in sadness. Correct. And curse the world, the ifs, buts, and maybes. We have choices, right? Everyone can make a choice. And I can sit there and I could say all these things, or I could go provide action to make a change and also not just better my life, better others in the process. Well, there's two words that mean the most to us on this program. There's two words that mean the most to me, particularly in 12-step recovery, and that's action and effort. Action and effort. Most people live their life on ifs, buts, and maybes, and if only. But if only things, if only I had this, if only they treated me better, if only that things would be better, then nothing ever happens. It's like putting life into action. And I usually tell this story to people out there. Please excuse me. I'm sure you've heard this story a thousand times. But this is the story I tell at rehabs about putting faith in action. And I tell them that there was a person who prayed to win the lottery every day. Sweat and blood. Nothing ever happened. So they got so angry one day that they yelled up at this guy. They said, "God, why won't you let me win a lottery?" And God called back down and said, "Could you meet me halfway and at least buy a ticket?" So the idea is about buying the ticket. So when did you get either angry enough or sick and tired of being sick and tired or fed up that moment of clarity where you chose to buy the ticket? That's a great way to put that. I love that perspective. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. And it still remains true to my character today that I live by the mantra of never settle. It is very much indicative of who I am and who I've been since I was a young adult. I always wanted to be the best human that I could be. And I didn't want to be helpless. And I don't know if that's because I've been blessed with a better mind than majority of people or maybe I'm the anomaly and I'm the weirdo and the way that I interpret things is different than most. But either way, I used it to my benefit. And I wanted more. There was something out there, something inside of me that I knew I needed to keep going. And I refused to settle for anything less than being the best at everything that I attempted to do. Well, I would encourage everyone to celebrate their uniqueness as you did. I'm sure there were enough naysayers that kept telling you how you couldn't do it. So many so. From the time whenever I've reported to a casting ad in a newspaper and I was casted in my first movie, then it was a television show. And I decided to be a professional mixed martial arts fighter. And I had so many people telling me, you can't do this. You can't do this. And I said, well, you better watch because the world is my oyster and anything that I set my mind to, I'm going to do it and I'm going to accomplish it. And I'm going to make sure everyone knows. Maybe that's a chip on my shoulder or maybe that's because I grew up with less. But either way, I'm still doing that today. And I had a career. I was making $100,000 a year. And it was great. It wasn't for me, though. And there was a guy there who goes, don't quit this job. Don't go chase your dreams. You'll never make it. And I will remember that adamantly, so vividly. We were inside a gym. We were working out. And I've always been an athlete and I've always bet on myself. And he said, this is your rock. And he wasn't lying. But what I did was bet on myself. And it paid off and it paid off big. Well, that's what's called taking a risk. I always tell people that ships that never leave the harbor stay safe. But they never go anywhere. Yeah, I love that. Yes. Yes, absolutely. So what you're telling us about is we often caution people. We've often cautioned the listeners to our show to never tell your plans to anyone. Because they're looking, they're going to check in on you. They're going to check your progress. And many of them are secretly hoping that you fail. Speaking of ships, loose lips sink ships. Have you ever heard that one? Absolutely. I love that. Right. Show, don't tell. Well, there's a quote that we often use on this show often that your actions speak so loudly I can't hear what you're saying. So people misinterpret 12-step recovery often, Shane, by thinking that it's about drugs or alcohol or gambling or the hundred other groups. It's about behavioral change. It's about having a change in your thoughts and a change in your actions. The first step is the only one that mentions addiction. And Shane, we enforce the fact that everyone's in recovery from something, even if it's to eating too many Skittles or chewing your fingernails. Okay. Okay. So, and that first step is all about acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean surrender. Acceptance doesn't mean approval, but we have to accept something before we can change it, Shane. Yeah. It's very real. Very real. I mean, if you don't, how are you even going to realize, how are you going to be able to make a change? If you don't admit to yourself that something must be done, that an action must be taken, if nothing changes, nothing changes. Yes. And that's making a choice. That's what all these tattoos are for. I choose, I am, all these things. Making 80% of cognitive behavioral theory, Shane, is about changing the language and the way you speak to yourself. That tattoo right there says Abra. Oh yeah, Abracadabra. Yeah. So what do you think of Abracadabra, my friend? What comes to your mind? Or magician, of course. It's making something happen, right? Yeah. Actually, it comes from the Bible. It's Jesus' time. It's Aramaic. And roughly what it translates into, I speak what I create, I create what I speak. The cool kids call it manifestation and vision boarding. Yes. But it's been around since before the first blocks were laid in the pyramids. Wow. I love that. I am big on speaking things into existence, especially this year. This was arguably and should have been my most painstaking, daunting, hardest year of my life. And yet it's quite possibly been the best year of my life because I didn't settle. And I knew there was more to be done. And I was refused to lose. And I spoke things into existence. And I showed up in rooms that I should have never been in. But I kept speaking and speaking positive. And I refused to let the negative thoughts cloud my judgment. Sure, were they there? Absolutely. They always are. They never go anywhere. But if you can forward thought and move that process forward to where everything is positive and you speak that, that is what the energy that you will receive in return. We'll be back with our friend Shane in a continuing conversation on the next podcast. And we hope you tune in next Tuesday. And until then, we offer this free prescription that you can feel most anywhere. Fruits, nuts, and vegetables. Unplug your television and take up fishing. And for a truly mindful experience, we suggest that you fish without bait. Do a kindness for another and do a kindness for yourself. Forgive another and forgive yourself. So all are free, none are free. We're all God's children. Stop the violence in the world. Stop the killing. Be good to yourself. Namaste. day.