Myriam Klotz:       Really the essence of resiliency is, is being with our nervous systems that allows for cycles of activity and rest, of expansion and contraction, changing and moving with some graciousness to that flow. 

Deborah Waxman:     I'm Rabbi Deborah Waxman and I'm so happy to welcome you to Hashivenu, a podcast about Jewish teachings on resilience. I'm so happy to talk today with Rabbi Myriam Klotz. Myriam was a classmate of mine here at the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College and is a dear friend. She is on the senior faculty at the Institute for Jewish Spirituality, and she also serves as the director of the Spirituality Initiative at Hebrew Union College and Jewish Institute of Religion. There she also co-directs the Bekhol Levavkha, the Jewish Spiritual Directors' training. Myriam, welcome.

Myriam Klotz:       Hi, it's great to be here with you.

Deborah Waxman:     It's great to be with you. We're going to talk today about embodiment in Judaism, about how to bring our whole selves and I just started laughing to myself that here we are disembodied voices in the internet, in the ether. But, I'm really looking forward to our conversation about how to bring our whole selves on an intentional path and how to integrate together all of our parts. And how this, I think, is really a critical expression of resilience in seeking to mobilize all of our resources and all of our capacities to live a full and complete life as an individual and in community as a Jew and as human beings. So, welcome.  

Myriam Klotz:       Thank you.

Deborah Waxman:     Can you start by sharing how you approach this important work that you do about embodiment in Jewish life and in Jewish teaching?

Myriam Klotz:       Yes, so I don't know any other way. In other words, I come from a background  before beginning rabbinical school in which I had been both very much seeking spiritually, and had been traveling to Israel, and there's places here in the United States when I was I guess in my teens and 20's, as many of us did, [I was] searching for Jewish community that felt like authentic expressions for me of something very spiritual. A very personal connection to something larger than myself, and connected through  lineage Jewishly, having grown up pretty assimilated. 

Myriam Klotz:       And the more I found openings and pathways and communities and connections and learning that inspired me intellectually and spiritually and emotionally, it really took root in a meaningful way that actually changed how I live my life as ... again, I don't think I'm unique in this at all, but being in Israel for the first time,  in my undergraduate studies at Hebrew University, it was the studies but it was the studies in the context of walking on the soil in that place, and even with all of its complexities of --  the ironies and the imperfections of a society creating itself.

Myriam Klotz:       But being there and getting into the rhythm of experiencing of what a Shabbat could be, for instance. I had never experienced that, and so it wasn't just going to a synagogue and praying the words out of a book, it was also walking the streets the night before Shabbat, that is on a Thursday night for example, in Jerusalem, and smelling challah baking in a lot of streets. So the smells and the sight of people living their Jewish life in various ways, and there's Hebrew everywhere and not only spoken into the ear but in front of me, on billboards and buses and what not. 

Myriam Klotz:       So, in other words for me Jewish life is also kinesthetic and it's sensory. And I think that really informed my expression of Jewishness from before I had even integrated Jewish identity as an adult. And since and through that process, my being drawn towards healing work, the body work of massage and also yoga and yoga therapy that lead me to train as a yoga therapist, and a body worker, and a yoga teacher, all that brought me to a sense of sacredness within our bodies also and the capacity for deep connection, sacred connection, and transformation. And then the natural impulse to integrate that kind of sensitivity Jewishly, that's just continued over the years to grow. 

Myriam Klotz:       So this is a long way of responding, Deborah, but it feels that to me now to be engaging Jewishly is to bring the senses, the way we experience emotion is through the body, you know, the physical sensations of various emotions. Right?

Deborah Waxman:     Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Myriam Klotz:       So, I don't even know how to separate them.

Deborah Waxman:     Yeah.

Myriam Klotz:       I couldn't at this point.

Deborah Waxman:     And so, I mean, when you're talking especially about walking on the streets of Jerusalem and describing this multi-sensory and immersive experience, and you really evoked, I think, this sense of wholeness, and I was thinking about how ... and one of the things I think it means to live in the modern or the post-modern world is that we have multiple identities, and there's tremendous liberation and freedom in that, and opportunity, but there's also fragmentation. And listening to you, you pointed toward what coherence and what wholeness might look like and my mind went to the Hebrew word "shleymut" which is one way to say "wholeness" and that has the same roots of "shalom" -- it's from the same word that peace and wellbeing and wholeness are interrelated. 

Myriam Klotz:       I so resonate with that. One of the things, that as I've learned Hebrew, I've so appreciated is that it's really magnificent the way that a Hebrew word like "shleymut" and" shalom", that they resonate with each other, they vibrate. Like for example, when I learned that the word "adam" a simple but essential word meaning human being, the prototypical human embodiment of creation. Adam, or "adam", that in the three Hebrew letters that spell that word, alef, dalet, and mem sofit, that was in that word, that there is a mystical interpretation that the alef represents the ineffable, eternal, nonphysical essence of our consciousness that in a sacred way animates us as beings. But that it's interconnected, it's not separable from those next two letters, dalet and mem sofit, which you take that as a separate ... its own word which it also is, "dam". Which means "blood", right?

Deborah Waxman:     Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Myriam Klotz:       Blood. So together the kind of more ineffable spiritual dimension, and the "flesh and blood"-ness of a being together is what makes a human being. At least in the ethos that Hebrew conveys. And to me that says it all.

Deborah Waxman:     It's wonderful. So, I'm laughing also because here we are, we're engaging in verbal wordplay which is a very longstanding Jewish practice, very beloved for some of us of that ilk, and yet you know we're using words to talk about the wholeness of body, and of mind, spirit, and self. So I'm wondering if we can maybe try a practice. Can we move from the verbal and even over the internet is there a way that we can experience a little bit of the kinds of integration that you're talking about?

Myriam Klotz:       Sure. We can do a practice of grounding ourselves right now, right where we are. So for example you and I can each in our separate spaces, do this practice and if anyone who may be listening, wherever they, they, you, we may be. But the Hebrew word, "hineni", you know?

Deborah Waxman:     Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Myriam Klotz:       From the Torah, "here I am." So I've understood that word, it's not about phoning it in, it's a way of affirming, you know, when asked "ayekah", where are you? Which -- there's examples in the Torah of this, that whomever is responding to that [being asked], turns themselves fully present and with full presence or awareness says "hineni". I'm here. 

Myriam Klotz:       And so I guess we could call this a simple grounding practice to come fully present, a "hineni" practice. 

Deborah Waxman:     Hmm, mm-hmm (affirmative).

Myriam Klotz:       So could we do that, could we try a brief "hineni" practice?

Deborah Waxman:     For sure, that would be wonderful.

Myriam Klotz:       Okay, so let's begin by just pausing to actually feel where you are, and I'll be doing this as well as we're going. Feel where you are right now in your body, where your body is supported by the chair if you're sitting, or the couch, or wherever you may be seated. If you're standing, feel the support of the floor, the ground underneath you.

Myriam Klotz:       So bringing awareness to the feet, in whatever position your body is in right now, feel those feet making contact with the shoes if you're wearing them. Or if you're barefooted the floor itself that's touching the skin of the toes. Moving the toes around just a little bit to really help anchor your attention there. 

Myriam Klotz:       And so we ground in the part of the body that connects us to the ground of the adamah, the earth. So here I am, connected to this earth and then we can bring awareness up through the legs, and feeling the lower legs, the knees, the thighs without needing to change anything right now. Or be any certain way other than you are. Just noticing the legs, the joints of the ankles and knees, and then bringing awareness to the hips and the sockets where the tops of the thighs, the thigh bones rest inside the sockets of hips. And from the base of the pelvis, where these hips are part of, our whole torso rises up. So feel your bottom, and your pelvis, bring awareness to the torso. The skin and the bones underneath the skin and all the organs in your belly and in the chest, underneath the ribcage. Feel places that maybe tight or loose, comfortable or uncomfortable. 

Myriam Klotz:       In this kind of henini practice, it's important to tell the truth about what is happening in the body right now, so it might not always feel pleasant, but that's okay. We can just notice areas of mild discomfort or hopefully not, but if so, acute discomfort and also places which are just neutral. And places that may be feeling really pleasant right now. Just noticing all of it through this belly, chest, this torso and up to the shoulders and bring your awareness down through the arms to the hands. 

Myriam Klotz:       Noticing again without needing to change anything, how these arms and hands down to the fingers, those fingertips even, are alive right now. And they're filled with hiyyut, life force. And then returning your attention to the midline of the body and reaching up through the neck. Bringing awareness to the back of your neck, and the sides and the front where the throat is, the Adam's apple. You might swallow. Just feel that movement in the throat and noticing now, how is life's experience right now in your head through the muscles of the face, the bones underneath the skin, the jaw and the skull. 

Myriam Klotz:       And so here you are. Here I am, hineni. 

Myriam Klotz:       And let's just take a deep breath filled with nishmat chayyim, this breath of life that infuses every cell. Deep breath in, and just release the breath and in your own pacing again just one more deep full breath in and out to affirm here I am, hineni. And for me when I practice this as I'm feeling right now, there's a shift. I feel a bit more settled in my physical body and that grounds my attention differently even than before. So that's an example.

Deborah Waxman:     Oh, it's fantastic. Thank you so much, I am thinking about how I am so blessed to live a very full life and I'm living it right now. And I was traveling yesterday, and had a day full of meetings today and how, you know, how exciting it is to go from one thing to another and how reactive I am to world events or to local events. And then to do a practice like that and to have the opportunity to really, first and foremost stop and breathe and integrate in a way that is just so qualitatively different from how I spend my time most of the time. 

Deborah Waxman:     Even as I have practices that support me, they tend to be at the extremes of the day. Not necessarily in the middle of the day. 

Myriam Klotz:       Mm-hmm (affirmative), mm-hmm (affirmative).

Deborah Waxman:     I think, you know, you and I met when I was in my 20's, and I was trying to choose between ... I thought I was trying to choose between rabbinical school and getting a Ph.D., and I thought I made the choice of rabbinical school, and as life works out, life in my experience is quite unexpected, turns out I was just sequencing them and I went to rabbinical school first and went on to get the doctoral studies. And I'm just so grateful that I did the rabbinical piece first, because I really felt like it opened my heart, that if I hadn't done that, if you know I would have been just a very big head on top of a stick figure body. 

Deborah Waxman:     And the rabbinical training and the rabbinical work, has just opened my heart and allowed me to use my head but also my heart, and this to me is I think the work of the next decade which is about, I think, about the body alongside the head and alongside the heart. There's a real integration of the somatic along with all these other resources. And how that will enable me to really fully bring what I have to bring to whatever it is I'm doing.

Myriam Klotz:       Oh, I couldn't agree more and I'm so glad that you're on this path in this next phase. And you know, because Deborah, what you just spoke to, about the pace of this full actualized life that you're living, is such a blessing, right? 

Deborah Waxman:     Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Myriam Klotz:       It's such a berakha.  And what you speak about it reflects, as I see, so much of and what I'm not only seeing, a part of as well is our current, you know, just the pace of life today in the 21st century and this year in the volatile climate in the United States and that we're all a part of. That it seems to be it's moving ... I don't know if it's possible, but it really feels like it's moving at an increasingly fast pace with media, and social media, in addition to technology, the expectations of performance and showing up in  a 24/7 way. 

Myriam Klotz:       Which is -- on the one hand there are so many benefits to it, and it is not the rhythm of the soma of the body. Body somatic rhythm, you know, is so much more varied. Some of which can be really staccato and fast, but there's also the need for, after the in-breath, a slight pause. I mean it's just sort of the natural organic breath pattern and then there's the out-breath. And then there's this pause and an emptiness before the next in-breath naturally comes in and we're not taught culturally about the presence of the pause. The importance of honoring these rhythms. If we are often I feel it's like as quaint aside. "Oh, don't forget to breathe". 

Myriam Klotz:       But, no, but really nishmat chayyim, it's the breath of life that sustains us. You know, were we not to shrink ourselves into a constricted place that could be like kotzer ruakh, that sense of restricted spirit and breath that's referred to in the Book of Exodus, of when the Israelites were actually in a state of enslavement before they were liberated from Egypt.

Myriam Klotz:       So I'm moved by what you say and I'm so glad to hear it, it's a kind of recovery, you know, and in my mind really the essence of resiliency is, is being with our nervous systems that allows for cycles of activity and rest, of expansion and contraction, changing and moving with some graciousness to that flow. 

Deborah Waxman:     Yeah, I think that's exactly right. That the teaching that you share, the practice that you share, just that no matter what's going on, whether it's joyfu,l or whether it's deeply painful ,or whether it's just a lot, that we can pause.

Myriam Klotz:       Yeah.

Deborah Waxman:     And we can breathe.

Myriam Klotz:       Yeah.

Deborah Waxman:     And we can, you know, take stock and reconnect and live fully into hineni, into presence. In the presence of, and for, our own selves and for the people around us. So, thank you so much. Believe it or not, we are  at the end of our time. We could clearly go on and on, but we have to wind up. Thank you so much for being here today.

Myriam Klotz:       Thank you, it's been really fun and a deep pleasure. And time flies...

Deborah Waxman:     It's amazing.

Myriam Klotz:       When you're having fun.

Deborah Waxman:     It's amazing, I just feel so excited for the people who are listening that they get to take part in the practice that really is, I think, the heart of this episode. So I would like to thank my guest, Rabbi Myriam Klotz for our wonderful discussion on embodiment and especially for the practice that she offered up in the middle of this episode. 

Deborah Waxman:     And for more information, including on her teaching and retreats that she leads, you can look on Hashivenu.fireside.fm. You can also find more resources on this topic on ReconstructingJudaism.org and on RitualWell.org. 

Deborah Waxman:     I'm Rabbi Deborah Waxman, and you've been listening to Hashivenu, Jewish teachings on resilience.