[00:00:00] Jim Jansen: Hey, everybody. Welcome to the webcast. So, I just sat down with Marshall and Reese from the Culture Project. We had a fantastic conversation. Uh, they go around talking to young people about the good news of the gospel. In sexual identity in, uh, their bodies, who they are, how they're made. Fantastic conversation.
If you have a young person in your life, if you're a parent, a teacher, a coach, grandparent, you just, you just love a young person. You're going to love today's conversation. It's hopeful, it's encouraging, and you're going to walk away a little better equipped. To engage those young people who you love, who you have a special role in their life.
You're going to walk away better equipped to engage them in conversation. Take a listen. Hey everybody. Welcome to the equip cast a weekly podcast for the archdiocese of Omaha. I'm your host, Jim Jansen. Now let's dive into some encouragement and inspiration to equip you to live your faith and to be fruitful in your mission. Let's go. 
All right. Marshall and Reese. Welcome to the EquipCast. Thank you. All right. How are you guys doing today? 

[00:01:10] Reese: Good. We're nearing the end of the year. So just starting those like wrap up things of like the last thing that we've been wanting to do... 

[00:01:17] Jim Jansen: But no, no finals. So, you don't need to worry about that. How are you going to get your room cleaned?
Like the only way I ever got my room cleaned, you know, was like, oh no, it's finals week and I should be studying, but I suddenly feel the need to be clean. And that's a virtue, right? So 

[00:01:34] Marshall: It's like cleaning our rooms is kind of like our final in a way we have to clean our room before we leave. Yeah. So, it's a lot easier if I don't actually taking tests.

[00:01:44] Jim Jansen: Yeah. Fair enough. Okay. So, you are both missionaries with the culture project and, uh, we want to dive in and we're like, wait, what is a culture project? And we'll, we'll talk all about that, but I want to give you a chance to give a little bit of a personal introduction. Like, you know, who are you? What's your, what's your faith story?

[00:02:02] Marshall: Yeah, sure thing. I can start. Yeah. So, my name is Marshall. I am originally from Kansas, you know, close to this area. I was actually born in Iowa. But I grew up Catholic. We went to Mass on Sundays. Came from a really good family. Both my parents were Catholic. My dad grew up Lutheran. But as I was growing up, my faith wasn't a huge part of my just like intentional life.
I didn't really have a prayer life. I didn't know what that was. I recall at least through junior higher. So, we would pray at night and just pray for, you know, people who are sick or people who were, you know, in trouble, things like that. And so, we would, we would do that nightly. But that kind of came to a close it at some point during high school as I got into high school and stuff.
I was in youth group. I did confirmation. I even helped out with confirmation classes and. was involved kind of in that way. 

[00:03:05] Jim Jansen: Wow. 

[00:03:05] Marshall: Yeah. You say, well... 

[00:03:06] Jim Jansen: I mean, that's not the real... I didn't see that coming in the story. How'd you get, how'd you get roped into that? 

[00:03:13] Marshall: Well, I didn't really get roped in. So it's a weird, it's kind of a weird thing.
I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. It didn't really come out of, like, a conviction, I wouldn't say. It was more of, like, I wanted to be seen as good, and I wanted to, like, be a, a goody two shoes, you know? And, like, that's, that was the kind of persona that I put on. And I, I would say I was a good kid, you know, I get good grades, but I leaned a little too much into that.
So, my faith in high school was more so that it was just like fitting the identity so that people would like me, and my parents would approve of me. 

[00:03:52] Jim Jansen: Yeah. 

[00:03:53] Marshall: And so, yeah, with that, I mean, I did the things that I thought I was supposed to do. I went to Steubenville; I went to Catholic artwork camp. a few of these, you know, things just getting involved with my youth group and stuff like that.
And I remember just being really confused in high school and middle school about my faith. 

[00:04:15] Jim Jansen: You're the, you're the only one, Marshall. 

[00:04:18] Marshall: We would have, um, adoration after Stations of the Cross during Lent for a half hour. And I was just like, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing right now. And was just really confused, scared of confession and all that kind of stuff.
And it wasn't until college that I actually started to take my faith more seriously. So, I was going to mass, you know, kind of keeping up the same persona. And then there was one day in college that I, it was just like really stormy outside. It was snowing or something. And I just never went to mass because I just like didn't want to, you know, have to drive or walk through... 

[00:05:00] Jim Jansen: Rainy Sunday morning and it was just too much.

[00:05:02] Marshall: Exactly. I know. So terrible. And at that point I was like, that was my decision point. Where I was like, I either have to take this seriously or I, I'm gonna stop doing it. I can't keep it up. So, I remember a few weeks later, I think coming back from winter break my 2nd semester freshman year, I walked through a blizzard to get across campus to get to mass.
And so that was a kind of a turning point for me. And then I just surrounded myself with a good group of guys, got super involved with focus at this is at Kansas State University and just grew in my faith throughout college, found the culture project my senior year. And really just found the beauty in theology of the body.
I hadn't heard about it before and was just really drawn to it and wanted to share it with what I saw as like, I, I didn't hear this stuff in high school and I wanted to have the opportunity to share the message of theology of the body with. High school, middle school students. 

[00:06:03] Jim Jansen: You know, I love, I appreciate just the, that grace where you're like, you kind of, you're given this gift, rain and snow, uh, to be, to be able to decide.
Because what strikes me about your story is it's not like you didn't have exposure to some vibrant elements of the faith, you know, the Steubenville conference and youth group, but there are a number of other things that you had. And yet, you still had to come to this moment of decision. And then when you did, it sounds like community and a real like a diving into some of the intellectual formation of your faith.
You mentioned theology of the body. I mean, took you to another level, you know, but that you said yes. And you're like, and then the Lord drew you well to a place where you wanted to serve. 

[00:06:48] Marshall: It became real because I think that during high school, I saw the faith as like stories. It's like Jesus isn't a real person.
Right. And then it's like, once you start to discover those truths, you're like, Oh, this is an actual claim that I either have to accept or deny. Yeah. And it's not just something that can be You know, just like a lukewarm kind of thing, you know. 

[00:07:12] Jim Jansen: Yeah, I know. I mean, I've got a friend who kind of says it this way.
It's like I had to decide, you know, do I believe that what I believe is really real? And it's like, there's that's a lot of words, but like, wow, like, no, I say, I believe this. But do I really think it's real? Like, gravity? Like, history? And like, oh, yeah, apparently, I do. And that's gonna change my weekend plans.
Alright, Ms. Reese, what's your story? 

[00:07:39] Reese: Um, yeah, so, I grew up an army kid, so whenever it comes to like saying where I'm from, I'm always like, you’re like, I don't know. I mean, if I said North Carolina plainly, that's not the truth, so I feel like I have to give an explanation a little bit. But I've lived lots of different places, but North Carolina has been home for the last almost 10 years.
So, it's home to me now, but I'm originally from Illinois. And yeah, I grew up in a Catholic family. I technically didn't become Catholic until I was eight years old because my mom grew up Catholic and Basically, she was pregnant with me, unmarried, and her priest had asked her to not come back because it was a bad example in the church.
And so, you know, that was a very painful experience. So, she kind of walked away because she didn't really know what else to do. My dad grew up Lutheran, so he was regularly going to his Lutheran church, so she just started going with him. And so, I was baptized in a Lutheran church, basically. Then as of eight years old, I don't really remember much other than being Catholic.
What brought it back? So, we had kind of done church hopping and there was, uh, my last memory of like going to a Protestant church. It was a mega church, if you will. My mom saw the pastor come in with a Rolex on his wrist and he was flown in in his personal helicopter. My mom was like, there's something off about this.
Mm. And she was like, I know that the Catholic church is true. Like she never really doubted the Catholic church. I think she was just wounded... 

[00:09:15] Jim Jansen: Yeah.

[00:09:16] Reese: ...by her specific priest that she had. 

[00:09:18] Jim Jansen: Yeah. She was hurt, but not, yeah. 

[00:09:19] Reese: Yeah. So, it wasn't like she didn't believe in the truth of the Catholic church.

[00:09:24] Jim Jansen: Right. There's no intellectual objection. Just a, yeah. Just a deep hurt. 

[00:09:27] Reese: She just felt unaccepted and, yeah. Yeah. And so, um. Even in between then, I can remember having rosaries all over the house. I can remember having, like, icons on the wall. I can remember my mom telling me about different saints, like, even before we were going to a Catholic church.
So, you know, it's like, her Catholic identity never left. It was just, we were attending a Catholic church. And so then she, yeah, she made the decision to go back and that my, my, at the time it was just my sister and I, we were going to be going back and my dad converted to Catholicism and yeah, I remember I was like eight or nine years old doing my profession of faith in front of like a whole church and I was like, this is really scary, but I'm officially Catholic now, so that's exciting.

[00:10:13] Jim Jansen: But also, I can see, I mean, I've only known grownup Reese, but I can kind of see eight-year-old Reese just like owning that moment. 

[00:10:20] Reese: Oh yeah. I can remember the, I still have a vivid memory of my first time at a Catholic church and it just being so different. And I liked how different it was. And like, I was a little confused why we were sitting and standing and kneeling so much, like why there was so much movement, but I remember there just, it just feeling so joyful, and I was like, whatever this joy is, it's real.
And it like affected me so much so that like. I mean, however many years later, I can still vividly remember that feeling, even as a child, I could recognize like real joy and yeah, so the rest of my life, Catholic and went through my sacraments. I was a part of youth group pretty heavily. I did everything ever that I could be involved with going to conferences and whatever and, but I think that I, I did it to feel good about myself.
Like, I did it similarly to Marshall just to like, check off a list of being a good person because this is what makes me a good person. And I struggled in the personal relationship. And then I also think that. lingering elements of kind of the Protestant idea of God and him being wrath and like, you know, like this angry God was still lingering in my understanding of him.
And so, I was a little afraid of him and not like the healthy fear of God way, but like genuinely just terrified of him. So, I did everything I could to make sure that I didn't make him mad at me kind of thing. And then, uh, when we had moved to North Carolina, I went from having I was pretty integrated into my church.
I was pretty involved in everything. And moving to North Carolina, the parish we went to just didn't really offer anything for young people. And so, I fell out of touch with feeling like I had community in the church. And I just, it was really just going on Sunday and that was it. Whereas before I was spending like, not only Sunday, but like, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, like days throughout the week at my church.

[00:12:13] Jim Jansen: I mean, that's just fascinating. I just have to, I mean, highlight, ‘cause we have so many people here, you know, they are missionary disciples, and they want to bring people back to the faith and want to help people persevere in the faith. You're like really involved in your faith and in the context of the transition, you land someplace.
And you're not able to reconnect. 

[00:12:34] Reese: Yeah, yeah. It really, it definitely fell off there for a while and I knew what the church taught and I knew what it believed and I knew that I agreed, but I felt like I agreed just because I had the title of being a Catholic at that point. 

[00:12:47] Jim Jansen: It was a, like a political loyalty, like I'm a Catholic, so I guess I think I agree with this.

[00:12:51] Reese: Yeah. And, uh, so then kind of with the desire, I grew up homeschooled. For context, for a desire to kind of rekindle that fire that I knew I used to have because I wanted it back. I went to a Catholic college called Belmont Abbey College in North Carolina. Been there? Yeah, it's, it's a great college. It's Benedictine.
The monks there are such a gift. Mm hmm. And it was the first campus I had toured where I was like, I want to be here, and I want to Be in this, whatever this is. I remember what sold it for me was passing by the monastery and seeing a monk on the porch and he waved at me with the most excited smile. And I was like, I want to be around that every day.
So, yeah. And then I think it was there, like the school itself offers so many opportunities to go deeper in your faith. But I think that because I had been removed from it for so long, I really didn't know how to get there again, especially being older and feeling like that child. Like feeling was gone and being expected to be an adult.
So, it's just like this weird in between that I was living of like My freshman year I was pretty involved and then it kind of declined after that. And then by my senior year is when I kind of was confronted with making a choice over whether or not I was actually going to take it seriously. And it was specifically, it was in one of my classes, we read a book by Peter grief that changed my life, and it's called making choices and.
In it, it's all about you have to make a choice because choosing the middle is still saying, is still making a choice over something and you can't be in the middle. And my only understanding of theology of the body before that was post confirmation classes for two weeks and all I remember was them playing a song by Bruno Mars and saying, that's not love.
And I was like, sure. And then that was my experience with theology of the body. So, God bless them. They, you know, I'm sure they had good intentions, but like, it didn't really leave me with feeling like I really understood it. And then I knew about Culture Project my sophomore year of college, found them on Instagram, loved what they were doing.
I was like, whatever this account is, I love that they're posting about this stuff because our world today is so confused in the realms of relationship and everything. And then it clicked in my mind, Oh, this is theology of the body that they're talking about. And, uh, so my senior year. It came up in my mind that I really wanted to be a missionary when I was 14.
I met Totus Tuus missionaries, and I thought they were so cool. And I was like, I want to do what you do or just I want to be a missionary. Yeah. And so, it came up in my mind again as an opportunity, possibly. And then. When I really started to take it seriously and I was like, really back into my faith and practicing and taking time to really spend time in prayer more often than I was before, uh, it just kept coming up that I wanted to do a culture project.
Yeah. And I didn't even really know it was missionaries. And then I had multiple people in different parts of my life mention the Culture Project to me as like something to consider. And I was like, that's really weird. So yeah. And then I filled out the application like three times and didn't submit it because I got scared.
And then I finally did. And, um, that's what got me here today. 

[00:16:09] Jim Jansen: You know, this is helpful. I mean, we just kind of took a little deep dive kind of like into your stories, but I think it's helpful because if somebody is like, I mean, you guys are, you know, amazing young people on fire, passionate for your faith, very fruitfully ministering.
And when you look back at your story, you're like, okay, wait, where does a marshal come from? Where does Reese come from? Uh, one, I mean, it's not this genetic thing. There's these really key moments of decision in your life. There's these hot, cold, lukewarm kind of moments. And without it. being called to decision without the support of the community, falling in love with and finding, in this case, right, the theology of the body from John Paul II, but just finding like a substantive, beautiful, accessibly communicated truth of the faith.
You may not be here. And I feel like the just kind of like helpful to notice these patterns for those of us who are parents of young people who are educators who are fill in the blank. If there's anybody, child, grandchild, niece, nephew, somebody in your life is a young person. There's these patterns to watch for these moments of transition to call them to decision.
Those were key moments in your in your life. And now you get to do the same with other young people. 

[00:17:26] Reese: Yeah. Yeah. I think about it. Often, had I heard, like, a talk from someone from Culture Project, sooner in my life, how much it would have just, like, blown my mind and been, like, Because, I mean, obviously, through the social media, I was very impacted, but just to think, like, to have been On the receiving side, I think that it would have been like even quicker of a reaction or decision, I think.

[00:17:52] Jim Jansen: So, okay, so let's dive in. What is Culture Project? The Culture Project. 

[00:17:58] Reese: So, the Culture Project is a group of missionaries, all young people, typically right out of college or only a couple years removed from college. We live in community with one another as teams, and we seek out intentional community with one another, so we're praying together, we're going to daily mass every day together, holy hour every day together, and we go into middle schools, high schools, and parishes, and we give presentations.
On human dignity sexual integrity and social media and we kind of give it in that order specifically to... 

[00:18:31] Jim Jansen: Say it again. What's the order?

[00:18:32] Reese: We typically give in the human dignity sexual integrity and social media order? They can be in different orders, but we find that that's the best order to go in because human dignity kind of lays the foundation of like Who are we and what were we made for?
sexual integrity is A talk where the men will give them, give their talk to the boys and then the women are with the girls and, you know, because clearly men and women are different. How do we live out sexual integrity, which is a full integration of our sexuality. And that's kind of where we get to like.
The core of what theology of the body is, is like, how do we live out as fully integrated male and female beings, and then social media, it's a talk that would go unnoticed, I think, compared to the other two as being important, but Because social media is like a huge topic of conversation, especially for young people, and it's something they spend every day of their lives on, it's really important to talk about it. 

[00:19:28] Jim Jansen: It is the formative.
I mean, it is where it's where you access the ideas of the world for good or for ill. I mean, for so many young people, it is like, but they've got almost as much time on there. As they do in a classroom. Like all of the classes put together to say nothing. Yeah. 

[00:19:46] Reese: In the talk, we share one of the statistics.
The average teenager spends about nine hours on media a day. 

[00:19:52] Jim Jansen: That is way more than class time. Yeah. 

[00:19:55] Reese: Yeah. So that we can get across to them. Like, you may be wondering why we find it so important to talk about and why, you know, especially because they associate us like with, you know, we're coming in there as clearly Catholic missionaries, like, Coming in there to share something that the church wants them to know.
Mm-Hmm. about the use of social media. I don't think they realize that the church actually like, doesn't have a harsh stance on, you know, yes or no to social media, but that it's in top, it is in conversation in the church in that it's a real thing that as Catholics, we need to be aware of. 

[00:20:25] Jim Jansen: So, yeah, because it's, yeah. 'Cause it's shaping ideas. Yeah. Okay. So why does this matter? I mean, it's right. So, what you do, where we talk to young people about social media and their sexual identity and integrity and just human dignity. So yeah, why does this matter? 

[00:20:44] Marshall: Yeah, I think really a lot is at stake. It's going to sound dramatic, probably the way that we put it.
But if young people aren't, they don't know that they're loved. They don't know that they're sons and daughters of God, and they don't know that they're made for love, then there's no direction. There's no purpose. Right. What are they supposed to do other than what other people are telling them is going to fulfill them.

[00:21:10] Jim Jansen: What it does is that the vacuum of not knowing who you are, that you're made for love crisis vacuum where, okay, I'm like all of the messages coming over my feeds like, okay. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. 

[00:21:25] Marshall: Yeah. And I think it ultimately comes down to when the individual doesn't know who they are, what they're made for.
That makes it a lot harder. To relate that to other people, right? They can't relate that to other people and that will damage their relationships or they're not going to be as rich as they could be. And then that's a, you know, a ripple effect from there. 

[00:21:47] Jim Jansen: Well, like even the good kids. I mean, as you guys tell your own story, there were times in your life where you were working hard to be seen as or to be good kids, but without that deep understanding of who you were and what you were made for.
Yeah. You probably didn't have a lot of power or kind of the spirit working through you freely to be able to draw others to the church because although you weren't yet maybe someone who had been described as lost, you also weren't able to be missionary and to draw others out of the malaise and confusion.

[00:22:22] Reese: I think that I struggled with understanding who I was serving and what I was serving for. Like that's where there was a disconnect for sure. 

[00:22:31] Jim Jansen: Okay. So, what do you actually share with you? Cause you're like, well, theology of the body, but you know, let's just assume that not everybody is fully versed in theology of the body, whatever.
I mean, you're like removing these obstacles. You're, you know, too. a relationship with the Lord, a relationship with the church, you're laying a foundation about who you are, what you've been made for, but like, what do you actually say? Right? So we could be time machine here, you know, pretend it's like, Oh, we've got, you know, we've got 14 year old Jim, you know, junior high, start of high school.
What do you say? 

[00:23:01] Marshall: So, in our talks, we cover kind of a wide variety of topics. just going kind of one by one. Our human dignity talk, we give, we start out by giving facts and just like showing videos of how incredible the human person is. Just like cool stunt videos, things that kids like and stuff like that.
And also, just like sharing the odds of our existence is, uh, mathematicians have, uh, Proclaimed, and it's probably lower than this is one in 400 trillion that each person exists. And just that points to the fact that points to something right that it's not an accident that any single person is here. And so, we kind of segue that into the truth of like, yeah, your life matters.
And even something we say at the end of the human dignity talk is if you get one thing from this talk, right? If you're listening right now, we just want you to know that you're loved because if they come out of that talk, if they come out here in that talk, and they don't know that, then honestly, like, we haven't really done our job.
We've forgotten the core of what we're doing in the core of our mission because it's Ultimately, that's kind of what all of our talks are about or just we are loved. How do we love and what is our call to love others mean? 

[00:24:23] Jim Jansen: I just have to like for those listening who are thinking like, I mean, this is crazy.
Like going to talk to young people about social media about chastity or, you know, sexual integrity. Like, you know, it's like, might as well sell ice to Eskimos. Like, you know, and I'm like, what do you say? And you're like, we tell them. They're loved. And it's like, no, I need to, like, what's the, like, like how do people respond?
What kind of response do you get? 

[00:24:50] Reese: It varies, obviously, depending on where we are, uh, what the group is like, but I think overall, at least in this archdiocese, we've been received pretty well by the students. I think that something, at least among our team this year specifically, that I've noticed is like, I think that we, we come in there very honest, and we come in there, hopefully, with humility, um, obvious to them.

[00:25:17] Jim Jansen: Well, you're sharing some of your story, good and bad. 

[00:25:19] Reese: Yeah, yeah, we share, definitely we share parts of our story so that they can see that like, we're not coming in there as like these robots that get up and give presentations and have never lived through a hard time in our lives. Yeah. But we also share those stories with the intention of showing them that, like, this is a real example of what this can do for your life, because we're people who haven't lived perfectly, obviously.
Right. We're people who have even Once we did find out about what chastity is, we have still made mistakes after that too. And that like our end goal is to get to the point of mercy and what real love is and that real love and that mercy is never something that will be taken away from us. And that like, yeah, we never lose our worth or value and that mercy is always waiting for us.

[00:26:09] Jim Jansen: Yeah. Well, I mean, human dignity identity talk has to. Like, by the way, you, you don't lose your identity just because of bad choices. Yeah. You know, you don't lose your dignity because of repeated bad choices. And here's messy me saying, I know who I am, and I've actually found joy and peace and life on the other side of some of those messy choices.

[00:26:33] Reese: Yeah. Something that I say at the end of the human dignity talk. That's my favorite thing that I say, and I typically get choked up while I'm saying it because I mean it so much when I say it to them, is um, I just say that it's good that you exist, and that it's not good that you exist of who you will be one day, who you wish you were, all the things that you're gonna do one day in your life, like right here in this moment, like, it's good that you exist, and I hope that if that's all that's left with them, that they like understand that like, it is good that they're here, 

[00:27:04] Jim Jansen: You know, it just, I think it might be worth, I think people know this maybe at a superficial or intuitive level, but it is good that you exist is, I mean, if they believe it, if you can get through, that's mind blowing for a lot of young people these days.
I mean, you know, the depression, the suicide. Even if they're the vulnerability to all of the messages coming at them because they don't have that core talk a little bit like where young people at today, feel free to share stats or just some stories. But where are they at? 

[00:27:38] Reese: Yeah, I mean, just to get like some of the stuff that we kind of share in our parent talk specifically.
So, parents can be aware of these things that their kids are facing. Most of these statistics we don't share. Yeah. Uh, in front of students. 'Cause we don't want it to seem like we're using scare tactics on these students. Right. But it is important for the parent side to be aware, right? 

[00:27:57] Jim Jansen: Parents, adults, yeah.

[00:27:58] Reese: Yeah. And I love giving the parent talk personally. One of the ones that I recently came across is since 1999, the suicide rate has risen. I believe the statistic is 28% and it's the highest it's been in, I think, 30 something years. And another thing that young people are facing today is that the average age of exposure to pornography is between 8 and 11 years old.
These kids are not actively seeking these things out. Like, they're not seeking out finding pornography. It's actually that social media, the use of social media doesn't protect them from seeing these things. It's in movies, it's in television shows, it's on, I mean, you can go on, kids can go on Roblox these days and find it playing on there.
And that there's just a reality that, like, they find these things and they can tell something is wrong, but then they end up keeping it and not talking to their parents about it, or when they start to feel depression, they feel like something is just wrong with them and that they need to just pretend that it's not there.
And they often go years before asking for help or saying something to their parents. Yeah, I think that that's like the biggest thing is that they are struggling with feeling like they can come to their parents about these things. And 

[00:29:16] Jim Jansen: I might add, I don't know if there's how good the data is on this, especially if they're raised in a household of faith because they know it's wrong.
They know their parents are going to be sad, afraid, disappointed, and they may miss. They're also going to find mercy and acceptance and real help because these things are addictive and they're predatory. And it's most of the time. I love how you said that it's not their fault. You know, they were, I was like, I was trying to do a research paper, and I clicked on whatever.
And then all of a sudden, I stumbled into a pornography, uh, site, but in a context of maybe a faithful household. They end up hiding it. 

[00:29:58] Marshall: Yeah, that's something I actually talk about in my sexual integrity talk is when I was in middle school, I felt we talk about these two paths of our desires being either we suppress them and ignore our desires, specifically our sexual desires, or we indulge them as much as possible, right?
And usually you fall into one of either camps and I felt in middle school like I was in both and it was like it kind of tore me apart, you know, and so it can be even harder to feel like, you know, what you're doing is bad, but you don't know why. And also, you don't have anybody to talk to about it. You know, so it's a, it is a really difficult place to be in when there are kids growing up in really good households, but social media and pornography has such an influence and such an impact on young people today.

[00:30:58] Jim Jansen: So, I mean, let's just, let's go there just, you know, parents, teachers, coaches, grandparents, whatever, just other caring adults in the lives of these young people. First off, maybe what do you look for in terms of like, gosh, maybe, maybe my nephew might be struggling, you know, maybe my son or daughter, maybe this isn't just, you know, teenage hormones and they're a little cranky cause they're over tired.
Like how do you, first off, how do you know it's like, yeah, there might be something, there might be something amiss here. 

[00:31:26] Marshall: Yeah. I think that a good indicator is if they're isolating a lot, and the thing is, that's super common now just because of social media. 

[00:31:35] Jim Jansen: It's like, who isn't right? 

[00:31:37] Marshall: Yeah. 

[00:31:38] Jim Jansen: Well, and post COVID too.

[00:31:39] Marshall: Yeah, exactly. But if they're doing that more than normal, which again, the average is probably pretty high, then I would say that's cause for concern. It's really hard to tell if you don't have like monitoring on their internet and things like that. 

[00:31:57] Jim Jansen: Meaning like this is like adult software that doesn't just.
Try and block stuff, but also lets you know where they've been at. Exactly. Yeah. 

[00:32:07] Marshall: Yeah. So, if you don't have that, it's really because they're going to try to hide it from you as much as possible. And so just like, honestly, you know, having a conversation about it and just saying, Hey, if you're struggling with something or if like, You know, dad talking to son or mother talking to daughter about that kind of stuff can open up the door for, for having those conversations because it's really scary to have those conversations.
But it's also really important. 

[00:32:37] Jim Jansen: Yeah. And you're like, just to be clear, it's scary for the adults. I mean, not that the teens are like, whoo, dad's dad wants to talk to me about sexual integrity. How do you start that conversation? Like, what do you, what do you say? And what do you not say? 

[00:32:52] Reese: I mean, something that we give as a practical in the parent talk actually is having more like teachable moments along the way so that it doesn't have to be that classic, like sit down, have that really awkward hour long conversation and yeah, and then never bring it up again.
I'm really, in some ways, I'm glad I never had that experience. I think that I was, I found that my parents did more of the teachable moments thing. 

[00:33:20] Jim Jansen: Give an example. What's a teachable moment? 

[00:33:22] Marshall: Just like if there's a sex scene that comes up unexpectedly in a TV show or movie and then you have to skip through it, you know, not just like, I remember that happening and it's just like. 

[00:33:35] Jim Jansen: Skip through it, hold your breath.

[00:33:36] Marshall: Yeah. And then you're like, look away. Nobody talk. Nope. Yeah. You don't talk about it, but it's like, okay, why? Because I like the kids are thinking that like that activates something in me like that speaks to me somehow. And so, you're leaving them kind of to their own devices if you don't talk about it. 

[00:33:54] Jim Jansen: Right, to explain, like, why are we skipping?
And yeah, and what's going on and what's, you know, sexual intimacy in the right context and the wrong context. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm thinking about billboards too and like magazines like again. Less and less magazines. Everybody's got a porn theater on their phone. But like, you know, when you see like a picture to be able to like that person is a person and we actually don't see all of who they are right now.
And can we talk about, you know, human trafficking and the likelihood? It just I mean, depending older teens or whatever, but just to be able to like, take the take advantage of that moment to have the conversation. 

[00:34:34] Marshall: Yeah. And I think it's really important to start having those conversations Transcribed Younger than ever before.
I mean, I think it's, it can be dangerous to have them too early, but I did want to share something that one of my teammates last year, one of her friends does with their kids. Yeah. Like when they get to 11, 12, 13 years old, the dad. And the sun or suns will go out on like a camping trip together and the girls will have girls weekend and they just like use that context and that comfortability to have those kinds of conversations and talk about, you know, what does it mean to be a boy or what does it mean to be a girl?
And starting having those conversations so that they know when they start having changes in their body or they start experiencing desire. They're not like trying to figure it out for themselves. 

[00:35:30] Jim Jansen: Right. Well, Kim and I had a real great advice that was given to us early that are like, we want to be really ahead of the game.
So, we're not talking about things that are You know, beyond age appropriate, but I want to make sure that they know mom and dad know about sex more than your friends do. Which sounds like a silly thing. It's like, you know, the people who conceived me, but, but actually oftentimes that's the lie. They are like, you're like, you know, seven, eight years old.
And it feels like your peers know more than your parents. And so, to be able to like, Hey, you know, um, these things are going to be happening. You're going to experience this. You might hear this in conversation and to just like when you do, here's what some of these things mean and to be able to like, just if nothing else, communicate.
Hey, you can come to me, and we can talk about this, and they don't have to be surprised or embarrassed to, to like, Oh, I don't. Oh, I guess I don't know what's going on. And the subtle lie mom and dad didn't tell me about this. And now I have to go to my peers to find out or a website or a whatever.

[00:36:46] Reese: Yeah, I think another huge thing that is helpful, especially when kids are young and as they're growing up is like, Understanding what being a gift means and what other people's lives being a gift means so that they can see people from a very early age through that lens. Hopefully it stays with them.
Just cause like, when I, at least when I explain what chastity is in my sexual integrity talk, I, First start with saying it is recognizing first that your life is a gift, that you are a gift, body and soul, you are a gift, and if that goes for you, that means the same for everybody else around you, and I think when you have the foundation of understanding that every human person is a gift, helps you Start to figure out where to point those desires when they come up, because then you're kind of living out chastity and you're young and you don't even realize you're living out chastity.

[00:37:41] Jim Jansen: Right. I love, I love that language. Like, I can totally see that that's the tenant language you'd want to use with a seven-year-old. Right. You know, as a parent to like, hey, you know, you were made as a gift. Mom and dad love each other, and God gave… God gave you to us as a gift. There's even that little kids’ book, you know, God gave us you, my kids love it anyway, right?
It's like God gave us you as a gift and you're supposed to be a gift to others someday. Maybe your, your life is going to be a gift, and it could be in consecrated life. It could be as a mom or a dad yourself, but like that's chastity. That's the knowledge of the body for eight-year-olds. 

[00:38:16] Marshall: Yeah. Even then telling them that it makes it so much easier to recognize when it doesn't happen.
I know some Chastity speakers use the anecdote of like, people who detect counterfeit money study money intimately. Right. They know the real thing. So, then they know when something's off. And so doing that from a young age, they'll know like when something when they're being used or when somebody they know is being used and be like, that's not right.
At least some alarm bell kind of goes off. 

[00:38:49] Jim Jansen: Okay. So, gift, right? You're made as a gift. God gave us to right gave you to us me parent even single parent. No problem. God gave you to me as a gift and you are made as a gift for others. What else? What else would you say to be able to start the conversation?

[00:39:08] Reese: This is I guess maybe for an older age. 

[00:39:11] Jim Jansen: Yeah. 

[00:39:12] Reese: But also, just understanding that like sexual integrity and chastity is not only the component of saving sex and sexually intimate acts for marriage, but that it's in everything that you do, like it's, it's in the way that you go to school. It's in its being at school.
It is, doing your chores for your parents. 

[00:39:32] Jim Jansen: Can you give some examples? 

[00:39:33] Reese: So, something that we explain in our sexual integrity talk is that your body speaks a language and that everything that you do with your body you do with your soul and that you are two, you are body and soul. You can't separate the two.

[00:39:44] Jim Jansen: Well, you can, but it's called death. 

[00:39:46] Reese: Right, right. So, you know, so as long as you're living here on earth until new earth, you will be separated from your body once you die. But yeah, so, uh, Kind of just giving them that understanding that like, if you can understand that your life and everything that you do is living something out with your body, it kind of like changes the way that you It changes everything in my opinion.
It changes the way it's going to change the way that you dress. It's going to change the way you speak. It's going to change the way that you interact with your friends or your family or even when you're in relation like romantic relationships because everything that you're doing with your body, you know, then that it is speaking language to this person.
Kind of we go through what that means when it comes to saving sex for marriage. So, yeah, Kind of understanding that, like, the level of physical intimacy should always match the level of commitment in a relationship. And I think that's really helpful in the high school. 

[00:40:47] Jim Jansen: Right. Air, like, area. Right, like, physical intimacy, you know, you shouldn't be playing married in your physical intimacy when you're like, I'm sorry, what was your name again?
Right, when you're like, you don't know someone yet. 

[00:40:58] Reese: Yeah. 

[00:40:59] Jim Jansen: Yeah. And even if you do, you’re like, well, we're friends, but we're not, I have not made a life. I've not sworn an oath to be with you for the rest of my life. 

[00:41:06] Reese: Yeah, yeah. And like, I mean, we encourage students to not be concerned with dating when they're in high school.
It's like you're in high school, just, you know, this is a really special time to start to form, like, more autonomy than you've ever had before. And then when you go into college, it's like you're full, like you're just on your own and how beautiful that can actually be and how good that is for you. But yeah, we explain through the marriage vow.
I give myself to you, you know, totally faithfully, fruitfully, freely and that and that sex speaks that same language with your body that when sex is outside of the context of marriage. You haven't given yourself in the marriage vow to this person of like totally faithfully fruitfully and freely and therefore what you were speaking with your body is actually a lie and that that actually can be very damaging to your soul because it's not disconnected when that's happening.
Yeah, and so I guess for parents to kind of maybe first encourage their kids to. Not date in high school, but I mean, and not being afraid to maybe we tell the parents this in our talk, you're probably going to not be your kid's favorite person, the more boundaries you have, but Marsha and I both share how when we were growing up, we wish our parents had more boundaries on us, and I think both of us come from homes that were structured and like, you know, we didn't not have any rules, and it was a free for all, but that yeah.
even more boundaries could have done us good. And that at that moment in time, it wouldn't have been our favorite thing ever to get from our parents, but we see the good that it could have done for us. And I'm the oldest of eight and I have a lot of young siblings. And so, I told my parents, I went back and told my parents as many boundaries as you can give them.

[00:42:53] Jim Jansen: Stay strong, mom, stay strong. 

[00:42:55] Reese: And I am in your corner. One of your children who has come out the other side as an adult now. I am in your corner in this. 

[00:43:03] Jim Jansen: Yeah, well. You know, I, we had a good book that we, we had read that talk about like the process of raising children is like, it's like the process of slowly emancipating another nation, you know, that like, that like, okay, like, you know, like we're in charge right now, but there is a, there's a definitive timeline.
Usually when kids go to college, there's this definitive timeline where you will be Totally freely and completely independent for better for worse. And so, we are on a like… we want to have boundaries, and we want to have like lots of boundaries that are slowly, you know, decreasing to full independence.
But it's not like no boundaries and it's not like Yeah, like they need boundaries, but those have to, like, there's an end date where full independence, like it or not, mom and dad is coming like it or not. Young person. So 

[00:43:54] Reese: I think those same boundaries, they'll stay integrated into them as they grow into adults, right?

[00:43:59] Jim Jansen: When it can become like this, like, but the boundary is now my boundary. Like, I don't lie with my body, right? I don't say forever You know, with my body when that's not what my soul and my mind say yet. 

[00:44:12] Marshall: I love that analogy, by the way. I just want to say that. 

[00:44:14] Jim Jansen: Thanks! It was not mine, but we could, we could like link it.
It's from a book. I'm a little hesitant to say the name cause the name's a little sassy, but it's, it's feeding the mouth that bites you. And I don't remember the author's name right now, um, but it's like basically like parents, like, come on, you need to care for him, and you need to feed him. And I know it's sometimes unpleasant because, you know, you're not getting perfect and consistent gratitude from these people you're trying to care for.
Anyway, it's a good book. Uh, it fits. Okay. So, anything we need to be careful as parents, adults to not say? 

[00:44:47] Reese: I mean, first, don't sweat not feeling like you don't have the perfect answer for whatever it is that comes up in conversation. So long as you leave them with the understanding that they are loved, that they are good, and that it is good that they exist and that there are people who love them and are happy they are here, um, no matter what it is that they did.
Because I think for me, I can remember growing up and there being things that I kept from my parents Because I just knew that it would break my heart to see them upset with me. Like kids just want their parents to look at them Like with this eye these eyes of like affirmation and love that you know parents obviously do but that sharing something with them that could change that is terrifying to a child. 

[00:45:32] Jim Jansen: And you don't want to disappoint them. 

[00:45:35] Reese: Yeah, yeah There's a deep desire to just please your parents and to make them proud of you and happy with you. 

[00:45:41] Jim Jansen: Right, and they'd be clear Sometimes that's deep down, like very deep and hidden under, you know, like masked by a, by a surface perception of mom.
I, you know, I could care less of what you think. Yeah. You know, dad, I don't, you know, I don't want to know your opinion about my life, but a child, even a teenager, cranky, sassy, Still cares and doesn't want to disappoint. 

[00:46:03] Reese: There's a parent that asked me in a parent talk one time, she felt like her daughter was using social media behind her back and asked what my advice would be of getting her daughter to tell her about it.
And I, the only advice I could offer her, I was like, I'm not actually a parent. I just had parents. So, it's like, you know. 

[00:46:19] Jim Jansen: I just play one on TV, wait, yeah. 

[00:46:20] Reese: But, but I told her the biggest thing that keeps kids from telling their parents their parents about stuff is feeling like there's going to be this massive reaction of hysteria when they tell them.
And I gave their advice of just being really calm about it and asking. I'm not asking so that you can be punished afterwards. And I gained something from that. I just want to know so that I can protect you and so that I can be aware of what you are doing. Right. And that is it. And, uh, she seemed to actually be relieved that that was my advice.
So, I hope that that's helpful. 

[00:46:50] Jim Jansen: I mean, kids are kids are people too. And like, nobody wants to like, see other people freak out or lose their cool or their peace. I mean, I mean, honestly, I think what's most troubling for a teenager is seeing the fear. Even if it's mixed with anger and disappointment and frustration and seeing the fear in their parents’ eyes, which is like, I get it.
I'm a parent and I'm like, Oh, no, you know, I know what, you know, sexual addiction or pornography or all those things can do. But to be able to be calm so that you can be a safe place for your kids. I mean, that that resonates. It's gosh, that's hard, but it does resonate is really good advice. 

[00:47:31] Marshall: Yeah, it's really difficult to be in that situation because yeah.
Again, haven't been in that situation, not apparent, but you immediately want to control the situation and figure out how to solve the problem. And it's actually better to just kind of take that to prayer. Be silent and listen to how God wants you to respond to that situation. Now being in that situation is a different thing.
You just kind of have to, you know. hide your initial reaction. And that's not to say you can't react, you know, it's okay to like, be afraid. But, you know, there's a difference between our human reaction and, and what we want to communicate to our kids. 

[00:48:19] Jim Jansen: Right. So as parents, we're trying to like, take a deep breath, realize This didn't catch the Lord off guard.
He's parenting them. He's watching out for them. We're going to practice our not shocked face and just listen a little bit. 

[00:48:35] Reese: Yeah. 

[00:48:36] Jim Jansen: Okay, guys, thank you. Thank you for what you do. Thank you for being here. Uh, if somebody wants to connect with the culture project, how do they, how do they connect with you all?

[00:48:46] Reese: If you're wanting to schedule us, or if your wanting to know more about culture project, our website is www. the culture project. org. Be very careful, make sure you type in The Culture Project. And then we also are on all major social media platforms. Our main one is Instagram, which is at thecultureprojectintl.
And there we post a lot of just kind of stuff that gets to the core of what The Culture Project is about, if you want to know more about us. And then also, In the bio of our Instagram page is provided a link to our website. So, it's pretty streamlined from there. 

[00:49:22] Jim Jansen: Cool. And we will post those links. We'll put for those who want to schedule here in the archdiocese of Omaha, we'll put the scheduling email scheduling at the culture project.
org. Uh, we'll put the website on there. Thank you guys. Thank you, Jim. All right, everybody, you know, somebody who needs to hear this. They're a parent or a coach or a grandparent. They just, they care about a young, young person. When you get to your destination, when you can safely use your hands, go ahead and share this out with them.
Thanks everybody. Thanks for listening to the EquipCast. We hope this episode has inspired you to live your faith and equip you to be fruitful in your mission. Stay connected with us by going to equip.archomaha.org. God bless and see you next time.