[00:00:00] Jim Jansen: Hey everybody. Welcome to the Equip Cast, a weekly podcast for the Archdiocese of Omaha. I'm your host, Jim Jansen. Now let's dive into some encouragement and inspiration to equip you to live your faith and to be fruitful in your mission. Let's go.

Hey everybody. Welcome to the Equip Cast Coaches corner, where I break down important topics to equip you and your team for mission in your family, in your church, and in your ministry. So my name is Jim Janssen and today I'm gonna talk about what parents really want. I think for some of us, uh, knowing what the parents of religious education, the parents of our Catholic schools really want, can feel a little bit like a mystery.

It's an amazing opportunity. I mean, parents are the key to passing their faith onto the kids. All the data shows that nothing comes even close. [00:01:00] Catholic schools, religious education, youth ministry camps, mission trips, all those things are really good and they're worth the effort, but they don't, they don't even come close to the impact that parents have in passing on, or not passing on their faith to their kids.

And I get it. For many of us, this is a great frustration. We spend so much time and energy and money trying to pass along. Faith in our schools, in our religious ed programs, in our youth ministries, and still the overall engagement of the family, the parents in particular, is low. They don't engage oftentimes in the full life of the parish.

Again, here in the Archdiocese of Omaha, the unofficial unscientific estimates on the street are that maybe a quarter are attending weekend masses on any given Sunday, and I get it. That's frustrating, but there's an opportunity here, right? Our schools and our religious ed and our youth ministries, those are places where [00:02:00] millennial parents still show up, right?

The key to reaching the kids is the parents and the parents have trusted us with their kids, so how do we draw them deeper? How do we leverage that trust? If I can offer a metaphor, I'll give a shout out to my, my friend, uh, Dr. Mike Ashton, who was the superintendent of schools here a number of years ago in the archdiocese.

He said it's like they found the front porch when they enter our schools and our religious ed programs and our youth ministries. They found some, somebody who loves their kids, they found a place where they as a family, often feel accepted and connected. Yet we want more for them. We want them into the heart of the home.

Ultimately, we want them sharing at the Eucharistic table. So how do we leverage the trust we have, the experience they have with our schools and our religious ed and our youth ministries, and how do we draw them deeper? Well, there's a lot to say about that, but it all starts with listening to them. What do they really want?[00:03:00] 

So, I wanna share with you today some survey data from school families and, uh, religious ed families from the Archdiocese of Omaha. We did this in the spring of 2025. We had almost 200 respondents. Again, remember here a little disclaimer, right? All the data needs to be interpreted. So I'm gonna add some meaning that I hear as I have, uh, pondered these, uh, survey questions and some of their responses.

Uh, if you would like to look at the data yourself, we're gonna link it in the show notes. Even better. Listen, if you'd like to learn, we have a whole guide for listening sessions where you can listen to your own school and re parents to hear what they want. Okay, so question number one, we ask parents why do you sometimes skip events at your parish?

Not surprisingly, 44% are the number one most common answer was other stuff, sports, dance, other school family activities, and you know, you don't have to get too far [00:04:00] into religious ed or. School life before you begin to hear, uh, an educator or a well-meaning catechist, just express frustration that that sports and other school, activ or other activities of the family seem to take people's time and attention.

So that's true, but there's something else that they shared. Many of them shared 10% that they felt like there were social barriers. They felt like they didn't belong there. Another huge reason. If you combine a lack of childcare or if the events didn't seem to be kid friendly, or if they were concerned about limitations of their child's ability to appropriately behave or engage, that's a full 25%.

Here's what they didn't say, right? Less than 5% said that they just didn't, that they weren't interested. Basically, like nobody was concerned about cost. They were wanting to engage, but there were obstacles. Again, as I listen, there's one common theme that begins to [00:05:00] rise to the surface to me as I look at, look at this data, is that people felt either that they didn't fit or that their kids didn't fit.

And I have to be honest, I, you know, most of the time I, I have lamented just like everybody else, like, ah, all the other activities taking people's attention. But when I have had my children in select sports leagues or some other special activity often that is a place where I do feel like I fit in.

There's a whole community of people investing in my kid, rooting for my kid from the sidelines. Often, that's a place where I find even more acceptance in fitting in than I do, sadly, sometimes at my local parish. It's worth pondering. Here's the second question we ask them, what's the hardest part about taking your kids to mass?

Again, over 30% said there was something about their kids' behavior or their concerns about being able to engage their kid that kept them from coming. I mean, they were worried about their kids sitting still and their, their kid's ability [00:06:00] to be quiet. Yes. Some of them said busyness about 15%. Again, what they didn't say is they didn't say that they weren't interested.

It was less than 5% said that they just weren't interested in coming to mass. Again, as I reflect on this, I hear a cry for help. Help us figure out how do we engage our kids, help us help. Help us figure out how to help our children. Fit in and behave at mass, help us understand what's, what's really the rules and what, what we're maybe projecting ourselves, right?

Again, now, I, I've had young kids, you know, the ones wiggling and screaming and, you know, dropping needles and books at mass. Now I'm on the other side and, and I love that noise, right? If your church isn't, isn't crying, it's probably dying. I love seeing kids at Mass, but I remember what it was like and I can see it in the face of young parents where they're insecure.

They feel like their kids are being disruptive and distracting. How do we create an environment where they know that noise is welcome? Alright, [00:07:00] number three. We ask them, what's your biggest challenge when passing on the faith to children? Not surprisingly a significant number. 21% said knowledge and confidence.

Others said they just didn't know how to make it meaningful and interesting. 14%. Some said that their personal faith, 10%, they felt like their personal faith was lacking. Again, a very, very, very small number. 5% said that they didn't trust the church. Uh, so they weren't sure about passing on church teaching to their kids.

Again, as I reflect on this, almost 50%, if you add up those who were concerned about knowledge and confidence and making it interesting and concerns about their own personal faith, almost 50% said something like this. If I could summarize it, if I just knew what to say and how to say it, that's my biggest obstacle.

So what if we help them? What if we help them know what to say and how to say it? We could help them with age appropriate activities [00:08:00] and ways that actually fit the rhythms of family life to engage their children in the faith, to live the faith themselves in a way where it didn't need to be taught, but it was just caught by their lives.

Alright, next question. We ask these parents, what do you need to grow in your own faith development? Some said resources, some said learning, 21% kind of in in those categories, but guidance and community was over a third. They, they didn't wanna do it alone and they wanted some guidance in it. Some said that they needed just more time, 14%, but again, a very, very small number under like 2% said that that trust in their local leaders, trust in their pastor, trust in their de e, that that was an obstacle.

In other words, they do trust us, but they want help, right? They want faith formation, but not just faith formation. That's information. They want something that helps [00:09:00] connect them, right? They want guides, they want community. They don't just wanna learn stuff. They wanna be part of a family. What if we were to provide that?

Alright, last question here. We ask them, if you had more time in your day, what would you do? 21%. The most common answer was time with friends and family. Probably not surprising, but number two was spiritual growth at 20%. Just one point less People said like, gosh, if I had more time, I'd grow in my faith. I want that.

Uh, 16% said self-care and rest. I'm just tired. Not surprisingly, if you, if you remember what it was like, uh, to, to be a young, young parent. 33%. If you add up those who said they wanted to read, they wanted to exercise, they wanted to get outside and enjoy nature, uh, a full 33%. A third said that was their challenge.

Again, here's what they didn't say, uh, or that's what they would do if they had more time. Here's [00:10:00] what they didn't say. They did not say volunteer, right? It was only 5% that said, oh, I really wanna volunteer, because think about it, right? A life of a parent of, uh, children, particularly young children, your entire life is service.

So you're really not looking to do something else, you know, like the ring toss or, you know, organize the craft fair or some other, you know, big parish meal. That's just not what you're interested in. You're not looking for that right now. What if spiritual growth. Provided by our parishes and our faith communities.

What if it also provided rest? What if it provided the connection they want with friends and family? To me, that's always my experience of a retreat. Good food, right rest, time to connect with the Lord and to connect with others. Of course, if you ever listen to the webcast, you know I love small group movements.

They're so flexible. Time, location, the content can change for the needs of the group. Small groups [00:11:00] are a context where people can not only grow in their faith, but they can connect with others. It can be a place of real rest in friendship, which often as a, as a young parent, you are craving. Alright, so what do we do with all this?

We're, we're just scratching the surface here of some of this data of what, you know, what parents say they want. I think you need to really listen, right? Plan listening sessions that draw out what your parents are really thinking and feeling, because data always needs a tone of voice. It needs a facial expression.

One, your parents need it so they feel heard if they're gonna engage. Often it's a prerequisite for them to feel heard, but. Just gotta be honest about this, you really need to hear your parents in order to move beyond frustration. Whether you're a catechist or a DRE or a pastor or a principal, you some role.

In order to move beyond frustration at the gaps in engagement, you [00:12:00] need to see the ache in their face as they desire to grow in their faith, but feel like they don't, or their kids don't quite fit in, right? We need to begin all of our efforts and engagement with empathy and empathy starts with listening.

Finally, when it comes to time to actually plan something, please don't try and do it without them. Your listening is going to reveal the parents that the Lord is providing to help you engage other parents. So notice who do you trust, who seems to trust you, who seems to get the need for engaging parents and have a good read on their peers?

That's one of the benefit that these listening sessions provide. Alright, let me pray for us. Heavenly Father, we thank you and we praise you for the children and families and parents that you have entrusted to us in our schools, in our religious ed programs, in our youth ministries. Lord have mercy on us.

Bring our hearts together. We call upon your promise and the prophet Malachi, that you would bring the [00:13:00] hearts of fathers and children together, both in our families and those who, who share in the leadership. Lord, bring our hearts together. Help us to see each other anew. Draw us together so that, uh, we may renew the hearts and minds of our families, beginning with, uh, the parents, assisting them in the sacred duty, uh, entrusted to them.

Amen. Alright, what are your thoughts? You can respond back in the chat@quip.archomaha.org. That's quip arch omaha.org. Thanks everybody. Thanks for listening to the Quip Cast. We hope this episode has inspired you to live your faith and equip you to be fruitful in your mission. Stay connected with us by going to equip dot arch omaha.org.

God bless and see you next time.