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today what we're going to be working on
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is discovering what is actually holding
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you
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back from being confident in your sport
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and your life so don't go anywhere
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that's what we're going to focus on
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[Music]
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today hey there Tiff here from ambition
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habits welcome to today's episode so
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that's exactly right what we going to be
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working on today is actually
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uncovering what is actually going on for
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you with that lack of confidence and
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then once we've discovered on what's
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going on for you then we'll develop some
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strategies on what we can do to actually
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build
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confidence so what actually is a lack of
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confidence well what I really believe a
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lack of confidence is really a lack of
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belief in yourself in whatever it is
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that you're doing so you might not be
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confident in general day life so that
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really means is that you really
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black any um lack sorry black lack any
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belief in yourself um in everyday life
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you may think that you're not good
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enough at anything you may feel like a
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failure in things you may feel like
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you're not as good as someone else and
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you know have that
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comparison um thing where you're you
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know compare in yourself to other people
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um that can actually you know filter
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through everything that you do so I find
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that in life if you tend to have a lack
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of confidence is really a lack of belief
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in you which then filters into other
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things like you have a lack of belief
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whether you're able to perform in sport
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you have a lack of belief of whether
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you're able to perform well in your work
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you have a lack of belief in whether you
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can um you know uh
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do General things like you know training
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at the gym exercising working in the
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garden I'm not good enough at anything
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you know I don't you know those
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kinds of things of that lack of belief
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is really what it is what then
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affects yourself confidence because when
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you have a lack of belief in yourself
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that means you don't trust yourself that
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means that you don't feel that you're
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good enough at anything that means that
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you're not living up to what you think
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you're expectation should be of
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yourself that means that you're not as
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good as what someone else is that means
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that you're not good in any other skills
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that you perform so really if we really
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look at like a lack of confidence it's
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really that lack of belief in yourself
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and that can really stem from things
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that has actually happened in your life
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growing up believe it or not so I went
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and participated in a course
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number of years ago CU I wanted to
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discover what was holding me back in my
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sport as I was getting older because
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when I was playing tennis as a junior an
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early adult and so on you know I had a
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lack of belief in me I didn't trust
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myself I didn't think I was good enough
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I had fear of failure um so there was a
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lot of fears that I'd never be good
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enough and so that filtered out into
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everything else that I did in life so
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later on when I discovered that it was
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like what was going on in here that held
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me back I went and did a participated in
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a course and this course that we um
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were participating in it was about
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stripping back the layers because what
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actually happens is over time and
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life does that to us and experiences
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does that to us we build up layers so
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what we're actually doing is um
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stripping back the layers and really
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what I discovered was that um my lack of
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belief came from like fear of failure um
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fear of not being good enough and also
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having this bar I used to blame my
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mother I love my mother to bits but I
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used to blame my mother growing up that
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I could never reach this level like this
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bar I always felt like she had this bar
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set for me and that I could never reach
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this bar and it wasn't her at all it was
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me it was me having this bar feeling
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like that I could never reach this bar
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this level of success and so what I saw
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that I should have been able to and I
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could never get there so um the thing
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with regards to what we're going to be
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focusing on today is then discovering
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what is that that's actually
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holding us back from moving forward
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because if you're aware of it or not
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it's actually a lot of it is to do with
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what's happened to you over time your
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beliefs as you were growing up things
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happened as to you as a child and then
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you and I yeah I'm not good enough oh
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yeah I'll never make it yeah see um such
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and such is better than me or there
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could be comments you know um you've
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heard from other people friends could
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have been adults and so on oh yeah
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they're right yeah I'm never going to
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amount to anything and then over time
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there's been experiences as you've gone
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into um teenagerhood when you're quite
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vulnerable you know things were said to
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you and because you're feeling a bit
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vulnerable anyway certain comments that
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are made just reinforces what your
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thinking is that in that sense that
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you're not good enough or you're fearing
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of making a mistake and having that fear
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of failure and then that filters in
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again through to early adulthood and
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that process happens again someone says
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something You're vulnerable in that mode
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anyway in that
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mindset and that just reaffirms to you
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yeah I'm not good enough now the thing
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is like it's all about perception
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anyway but over time whether you've
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realized it or not your perceptions have
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been you know that I'm not good enough
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or I have this fear of failure or um I'm
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never going to reach this level of
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expectation that I have myself or
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someone else puts on me or whatever that
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thing is so those are the things that
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you can find that actually have been the
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things that have been holding you back
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so the thing that I discovered was two
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things for me one was that fear of
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failure I was terrified of failing
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terrified of never being good enough um
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and that was actually the second thing
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was terrified of never being good enough
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and so when I didn't perform in my sport
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like when I was playing tennis if I
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didn't win a match that reaffirmed to me
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yeah you're never going to be good
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enough right or oh that would be right
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of course you fail cuz you're just not
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good enough that kind of kind of thing
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so that's started to filter through to
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my teenage years and through to my early
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adulthood so then obviously I've been
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working on that ever since uh once I
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discovered what that was so that's what
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we're going to be looking at today I'm
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going to share with you um an Insight
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from my book and an exercise from my
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from my book called Focus how to reach a
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potential in sport business and life
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we're just going to work through um a
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part of a chapter in that and then
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you're going to go off and do that
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exercise and then um we'll see what you
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come up with okay so that's my book
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Focus how to reach potential in sport
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business and life it's really based
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around um my lessons learn from sport
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but I'm we're going to go into this this
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chapter um and uh in this particular
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chapter I'll just tell you what chapter
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we're actually going into because if you
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end up having to purchase a copy of this
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book uh you may want to go through this
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so the chap we're actually going through
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the f um one of the pages in chapter one
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going after your ultimate dream okay and
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it's actually on page 26 so um this is
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what we're actually going to be looking
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at the seven level wise so I'm just
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going to read this out to you and then
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we're going to work through an exercise
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in this book so what are the seven level
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y's the seven level y's are very
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powerful as they identified by how you
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think and feel at your core about what
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you are about to embark on I discovered
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this questioning through a book I read
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called millionaire success Habits by
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Dean
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graziosi when I did this questioning of
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myself it really uncovered that at my
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core I felt like I wasn't good enough
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and that was this feeling stem back to
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when I was playing a tennis tournament
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when I was about 10 years old I remember
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it clearly I said to myself what if I
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give it my all I try as hard as I can
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and I still lose it will prove that I am
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not good
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enough I carried that deep feeling in my
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core from that moment I wasn't aware of
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what I was instilling at the time how
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are you supposed to know that when
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you're a kid but from that moment it did
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affect every decision I made at a
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subconscious
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level when I did lose tennis matches I
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could justify losing by saying that I
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didn't try that's why I lost but really
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what was happening deep within was that
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I was terrified of losing if I lost that
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meant I was a
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failure if I was a failure then I wasn't
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good enough and little did I know it at
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the time I was planting a seed that will
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hold me back from everything I wanted in
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my
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life in hindsight I actually achieved
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quite a lot I represented the school in
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every sports team I ever tried out for I
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had the opportunity to play professional
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tennis I got a University degree
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established three successful businesses
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became a qualified tennis Sport and golf
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coach plus played golf off scratch I
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achieved all of that with a deep-seated
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belief that I wasn't good enough imagine
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what I could have accomplished had I
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believed I was good
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enough okay so that's what we're looking
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at with the seven level wise so what
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we're going to be doing now is we're
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going to look at your seven level wise
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and I'm going to talk you through that
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so we're going to go through three
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questions so it's time to get out the
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journal and work through this exercise
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so if you have a notebook grab it out
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we're going to write down these
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questions I'm going to ask you these and
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then we're going to go through a process
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okay so number one ask yourself why do I
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want to achieve this Ultimate Dream
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write down your answer so we want to be
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looking at is what is that ambition that
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you have that you'd like to accomplish
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so what kind of what sport are you
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actually participating in what level are
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you at are you beginning are you wanting
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to um go to a particular level in that
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sport doesn't matter how old you are
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okay I'm 54 so I've got all these still
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these big aspirations to I'm planning on
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going to the Commonwealth Games I'm
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going to win a gold medal you'll see but
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I don't want you to be limited by your
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age okay so it doesn't matter if you're
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20 50 70 80 more you still have dreams
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okay you still have those dreams that
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you want to accomplish so what we want
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to look at is what why do I want to
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achieve this Ultimate Dream okay what is
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the ambition for that number two write
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your answer oh sorry number two with
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your answer you will find reasons why
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you want to achieve this dream so with
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those reasons ask the question why okay
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so that's the second part of this
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exercise number three is each time you
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explain the reasons why ask the question
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again
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why do this until you have the question
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why seven times okay so we're going to
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work through this process so we want to
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ask why we want to accomplish this uh
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Ultimate Dream what the ambition is
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around that with that answer you want to
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ask yourself why do I want to accomplish
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this and then what you'll start doing is
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you'll start asking your yourself
12:05
questions why do I want to achieve this
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and so on as we go through the deeper
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levels so I'm going to give you an
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example here so why do I want to achieve
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this Ultimate Dream so this is a dream
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that I had a while
12:19
ago my ultimate dream is to have an
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academy that is designed to help Young
12:24
Girls teenage girls and women achieve
12:26
their goals and dreams it will help them
12:29
to work on their mindset and show them
12:32
that nothing can hold them back it will
12:35
be designed to show them the steps and
12:36
the systems that they need in place to
12:38
go after their ultimate goal in life so
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then we ask the question why why do we
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want to accomplish this I want to do
12:47
this because I know what it is like to
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not know how to get that dream that I so
12:52
badly wanted so over the years I've
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learned systems and structures plus I
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have the EXP experience of life to teach
13:01
others how to get there it is important
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to me to guide my nieces through
13:06
their lives too so that they can grow up
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to be confident women why do I want this
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to happen because I wish I'd had someone
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to show me the way when I was a teenager
13:18
to show me how to set goals how to
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reverse engineer them how to
13:23
structure my days to set myself up for
13:25
Success what type of questions to ask
13:28
myself how to control my emotions and
13:30
what to do when I hit a wall a
13:33
barrier why do I want to do that
13:37
because I felt lost and frustrated as a
13:40
teenager and as an adult I didn't
13:42
achieve my Ultimate Dream and just fell
13:44
into things along the way I felt as that
13:47
I was always trying to reinvent myself
13:49
into something because I had always let
13:52
myself
13:53
down why do I want to do that I had
13:56
let myself down because I didn't a my
13:59
dream of becoming the number one tennis
14:01
player in the world why did I why
14:04
did I let myself down I didn't become
14:08
the number one tennis player in the
14:09
world because I didn't try hard enough
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to figure out how to get there why was
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that why didn't I figure out hard enough
14:16
how to get there because I didn't
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believe in myself and I thought I wasn't
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good
14:21
enough right so that's where it came
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from was that I actually didn't believe
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in myself and I didn't think I was good
14:27
enough
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so that's an example and that's an um my
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original inability to achieve my
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dream to
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[Music]
14:40
um not believing in me okay and
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therefore I wasn't good enough so
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therefore all those decisions that I
14:46
actually made from that moment was the
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foundation of the idea that I wasn't
14:51
good enough so that's what we're going
14:53
to be working through today we want to
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um understand actually what's actually
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going on up in here so we want to
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go through those exercises okay so again
15:03
I'll just quickly read out those um uh
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what you've got to do that process all
15:08
right so number one is ask yourself what
15:10
do I want to achieve in this Ultimate
15:12
Dream write down your answer number two
15:15
with your answer you'll find reasons why
15:18
you want to achieve this dream with
15:21
those reasons ask yourself the question
15:24
why okay so as we go down through those
15:26
levels we keep going why do I want to
15:27
achieve this why do I want to achieve
15:29
this and three each time you explain the
15:32
reasons why ask the question again why
15:35
do this until you have done it seven
15:38
times and let's see what you come up
15:40
with this answer so just to finish off
15:42
this chapter the last paragraph of this
15:45
chapter I just talk about now that you
15:47
have gone deeper into your core in order
15:50
for you to understand yourself better
15:53
and what decisions you are going to make
15:55
from this point forward once you
15:58
understand what is much deeper inside
16:01
you are more aware okay and that's what
16:03
we're focusing on we're focusing on
16:05
those awareness's once you are more
16:08
aware you will make better
16:10
decisions once you make better decisions
16:14
you will have better results once you
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have better results there will be no
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stopping you and no holding you back
16:21
okay awareness equals better results so
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that's what we're going to be focusing
16:26
on today we're going to go through that
16:27
seven level y Pro process because we
16:29
want to understand what's actually
16:31
holding us back why we're lacking
16:33
confidence within um and like you might
16:36
find that there's lack of belief and
16:39
um you know not feeling that you were
16:41
good enough because of series of events
16:42
that happened to you in in your life so
16:45
let's see if we can uncover that first
16:47
okay so I hope you enjoyed today's
16:49
episode love it if you could share with
16:51
me what you like best about what you
16:53
heard please leave a comment down
16:55
below wherever you hear this episode or
16:57
podcast episode uh I'd love to hear what
17:00
you like best about what you heard uh if
17:03
you would like to get the three steps to
17:05
building your self-confidence you just
17:07
go to my website tiffany-mika.com
17:29
forward to hearing from you and seeing
17:31
you real soon bye for now
17:34
[Music]