I don't care. I'll let you stay out. Stay as long as you want. You can buy the new car. You want to borrow my credit card? Kids today, they really have it rough. I have no idea where we are or where we're going. I mean, when I was their age, life was easy. Super easy. But I haven't gotten a tattoo yet. How come you don't have any piercings yet? Yep. We're lost. We are completely lost to sports. Just do whatever the mechanic says to do. Vehicle maintenance is completely overrated. Look, whatever the mechanic is asking, you just pay him. Pay him whatever he wants. I wish they had soap operas at night. I like that boy. You should date him. You should date him immediately. But what about the creepy guy with the motorcycle? He's cute. Yeah, sure. Spring break in Tahiti. Sounds fun. Hey, make sure you get all your video games done before you start your homework. You don't have to pass all your classes. What? You have a project due tomorrow, and you've known about it for four weeks, and you haven't started yet. Sweet. Doesn't anybody want to know if we're there yet? Remember, if you need anything between midnight and 4 a.m.. Please come wake me up. I'm on the phone. Could you bring the baby over and let them climb all over me? Hey. Hey. Could you please turn that music up? Well, it just stopped for lunch 10 minutes ago, but, yeah, let's stop again. I never have trouble with my toddler. I never have trouble with my teenagers. I never have trouble with my adult children. You know, she's right. We are ruining her life. Yes. More homework to correct. All right. Whining. Yay! Tantrums, vomit. We just really need to spoil these kids more. Sorry, buddy. I don't know any good jokes at all. You're 16. You pretty much know everything now. I think 18 is a great age to get married. Okay, Remember, make sure you turn on all the lights before you leave the house because you need the front door open for a couple of hours. Thanks. Oh, but it really does grow on trees. 

Well, happy Father's Day, Burnt Hickory. In fact, can we just give a big round of applause to all of our fathers and the father figures that are in the house this morning? Man, you guys have done an incredible job in a lot of our lives. Well, listen, today's going to look a little bit different than normal. I've invited some friends to be with me here on the stage today because I really think there is an incredible message that they can bring to you. Most of you guys know these three guys that are with me as pastors of the church leaders that are here. But one thing you might not know about them is not only are they incredible pastors and they love the Lord, but they also love their family and they love their kids and they love to see other people become fathers that honor the Lord. So this morning, we are going to have a conversation around the idea of biblical fatherhood and what that looks like in our lives and what that God has kind of challenged all fathers to live. But I want you to hear from their hearts a little bit. Chip, start with you over here. I just want you to tell them a little bit about who you are, what your family looks like and what you do here at Hickory. 

Absolutely, yeah. Earlier, you actually said we were incredible fathers. I appreciate you not doing that this service. Changed it up a little bit on this. 

It's the third go around. You know.
 
I was looking up. I was kind of looking forward to starting with that. No, I am the Student Pastor here. My name is Chip. I've been here 16 years. God has been blessed, blessed us to be here that long. I have three kids. My wife, Laurie. We've been married for 21 years. Like I said, we have three kids. We didn't really plan this whole thing out, how we spread them out. And so we have one that's in college. We have a senior and then we have one entering middle school right now. And so kind of spread them out a little bit there. But that's what I do here with Burnt Hickory and that's my family. 

Awesome. Marty. Hey, I'm Marty. I've been executive pastor here 19 years and I have grown kids. I'm the senior guy up here now. I have Matthew, who is 37. He's a deacon here, his wife, my daughter-in-law, just helped lead worship. They've given us our four little granddaughters and then I have Christopher, who is now a newlywed with Ashley. He's 30. Four, ish. Four. And I have Stephanie, who is 30. She is unmarried. And so if you know of any, I'll take this opportunity, any really sharp Christian young men with patience and money. Please see me afterwards. So she is also the director of the Recreation Ministry over at Roswell Street. Now, that's pretty cool. 

That's awesome. Eli. 

Yeah, I'm Eli. I'm the high school pastor. I've been on staff for 12 years. I checked right before because my wife's here. I've been married seven and we have a two and a half year old little girl. And as of yesterday, we have a three week old little boy named Judas. So, yeah.
 
Man, come on. Yeah. Nice. Well, as you can see, I invited these guys up not only because they're great fathers, not only because they love the Lord and want to see fathers flourish, but also because we're just in different seasons. My name is Matt. I'm the lead pastor here, the senior pastor here. My wife Melissa, is right over here as well, sitting with Eli's wife. We have two boys. Blake is going into his sophomore year in college, and then Dalton has just finished middle school, Hallelujah. And moving into ninth grade. So we have two boys that are walking through life and ministry here at the church. And we've been here for 23 years now here at Burnt Hickory, and I'm excited to kind of talk a little bit about fatherhood today. You know, the more I read about fatherhood, the more I see that there really is a crisis of biblical fatherhood in our country. And one of our main goals today is just to talk about the calling of fatherhood and what that looks like and how us as fathers have been set apart to lead our families, been given this responsibility from the Lord to speak into our families. But I want to do that just from a lot of experience and a lot of trial and error, as well as a lot of just humility and just telling you that we don't have it all figured out either. And I think you're going to find that out in just a minute. But to start us off, I just want to ask a couple of questions. Number one, Chip, let's start with you. We all come from different backgrounds, upbringings, families. Tell us a little bit about your relationship with your parents, especially your dad, and tell us a little bit about how that has shaped you and who you are today. 

Absolutely. So I'm from South Georgia. Originally, I was raised in the country. My dad worked as an electrician for years, as well as working a second job, putting in security systems. So my dad was an extremely hard worker. I remember many times when I was a kid holding his hands and they were just really tough and really hard from calluses and stuff like that where he had been working all day. And I just remember learning a little bit about how hard he worked. I remember climbing through attics with him, running wire, because I was one of the smaller ones at the time to help him with that. But I also remember this. I remember my dad was always pretty present in my life. I am the youngest of three boys. And so there was a lot of testosterone in that house. We run around shirts off fighting all the time, just being boys. And my dad taught us how to be men. He taught us what it meant to serve others, how to run hard, to work hard, and how to look to Christ. I remember one thing I remember most about my family. Just in general. We didn't always go to church, so we were pretty regular, I would say. But what I do remember the most is that my dad spent time in the word. There's not a day that went by growing up that I remember seeing my dad with his Bible, reading the Bible. Even to this day, we talk quite regularly. We talk probably just about every day on the phone at some point in time. And we talk about the Bible. We talk about his words, and we talk about how my dad has. One of his goals is to read every single version of the Bible, and he's been through most of those. And it's just such a challenge so many times. We just went right through the Bible and my dad's read through it so many times that he's like, I'm going to try a different version. I'm going to try this version, but try this version. And so I learned how important the word was, and it molded me as a father. It's helped me, like I said, to be a hard worker, to be a servant hearted person, but at the same time to understand the importance of the word. 

Marty, what about you? 

Yep. Well Chip's south Georgia, I'm north Georgia and up in the hills. Daddy was a marine in the Korean War and he served trade as a brick mason. So, you know, he had the potential to be hard and rough and heavy handed. But he was not. In fact, he was a gentle spirit. Never saw him get upset in his whole life, it was pretty amazing. He was a servant leader to our family. My father in law led him to receive Christ when he was dating my mother. That's pretty cool. And then he loved the Lord. He loved our family fiercely. And then he also recognized the importance of the body of Christ, the church, which is really cool. So, you know, he was a deacon, he served as Sunday school director and different things. My mother served in leadership. One cool thing that I did a lot of us need to take away is that going to church wasn't like a weekly decision in our house. So it wasn't like if we have a ballgame, not if we're too tired or not, it's if, you know, we're going to the lake or not or playing golf or whatever, it was like a once and done. And so we knew that was a vital part of our spiritual lives in our growth. And so just benefited from mother and Dad's love, the Lord centering our family and then living out their faith in a quiet way strongly.
 
That's good. Eli, what about you?
 
Yeah, I was. I was wondering why that takes me to be on this panel and after listening to these two guys, I was like, Oh, I'm the one with daddy issues. So, you know, naturally speaking. Here we are. So my relationship with my father is nonexistent. My dad's never met my kids. I did not attend my wedding, you know, through some things in our lives when we were younger. And it's not all bad. So I don't I don't want you to hear that. Listen to these guys talk about how they've had the example. I knew exactly where my dad's Bible was because it was underneath his bed on his side and it was red and it had all the tabs, but it was dusty because it just stayed there. And it wasn't that in my household that faith wasn't talked about. It was just not for my father, a main priority at all. My mom was actually the rock in my family. And I remember from just like our early age, I'd get so frustrated because I have problems and my mom would always say, You just gotta trust the Lord. And I'm like, Yeah, but that doesn't fix my problem right now, you know? And she, through her whole life, the theme has always been, just trust him. Just trust him. Just trust him. And like, even despite some things in my relationship with my dad, it's always been just trusting the Lord. And so, yeah, I don't even to this day I haven't spoken to my dad in the last five years at all. I don't know where he's at. And so it's I wish that was a different case for sure, but it's reality. And so.
 
You know, many of you have heard me on Sundays preaching. I grew up in the quintessential Christian home. They love the Lord. They love the church. They serve the church. In fact, I tell people I had a drug problem growing up. I was drug to church every time the doors were open. In fact, I think our family had a key to get into the church if we wanted to. But if I had to kind of look into my father's life, what I mean, what I was able to see in him was just a level of consistency of knowing and serving the Lord, a level of selflessness that you knew absolutely. That he loved the Lord and he loved his family. But it also just a level of trust with accountability that was unmistakable in our home, not necessarily rules. Rules are rules. But you knew there was a level of trust, but you also knew there was a level of accountability and you knew where all that came from. And you just heard those biblical principles from him growing up, which was incredible. This kind of shaped man, what I want to be as a father. Let me ask this question and Eli, we'll start with you on this one. What's one thing that no one told you about being a dad, that someone should have told you about being a dad? What's one thing? 

So now having, like young kids and I get to hang out with a lot of parents of kids that are in high school, middle school age, and I've come to realize, like, nobody ever tells you that. Nobody actually knows what they're doing, despite how your kids are like, it's like you think you figure something out and then it's like they get to a different age and like, I have no idea what we're doing. And so, like, you go through this moment where you look at all these families and their kids. Are like, Oh man, they got something figured out and. You talk to them. They're like, No, we're swamped. We don't have a clue what we're doing. So I'm like, All right. So like, I wish somebody would have said, You'll never actually figure it out. It's just kind of a revolving door where you just kind of go with the flow and you figure it out along the way with your spouse. That's awesome. 

Marty, what about you? 

Well, let's see. I thought I was really naive when I got married. I felt like Becky's wired the same as I am, you know, make decisions the same way. Everything. We dated for three years. I don't know how. I didn't realize that God wired her a little bit differently, but then I made the same mistake about kids. I'm thinking, Hey, Becky, I have these gene pools. We'll throw together, boop, there goes a kid, we're going to work together, nurture the kid and the kid will become a clone of ours. Pretty cool. And then, boom, we'll have another one do the same thing. And. And I found out that was completely wrong. It was, you know, we did have some great kids that each one totally different and wired differently emotionally what they had interest in. And so it didn't take me long to figure out that it's not like black and white. It's not like just read, read a book and that's how you do it. You got to go with how God has created that child. 

That's good. What about you Chip? 

I wish someone would tell me that terrible twos are not the worst years. That's it. That's good. Yes. I thought maybe. I thought we were amazing parents with the first one. I really did. And realized that every kid is very different. The different seasons of their life are different. My oldest, Joshua, who's actually upstairs playing in the classic service, is very musical. He was that kid that we thought we could write a book on parenting. When we started with him, my wife and I were like, We've got this now. We're the best parents in the world. We put this kid down. He watches TV. He chills out. He's a great, solid kid, just can do that. And then we had a daughter who is Abby who is just different, just in the sense that boys and girls are completely different. You can't throw them down the hall. You can't do some of the things with them that you do with the boys. They're a little more emotional. There's moments where you just look at them wrong and they cry and you're like, What did I do? And my wife's like, Yeah, you can't look at them that way. I'm, you know, not sure. And then we had the third one way longer when you shouldn't have kids anymore. And this one never sits still. He goes ninety to nothing all day long. And it's just it's like, Wow, what were we thinking? But it's just one of those kinds of things. Learning that I wish someone had told me that every kid is so different and what you did with one does not always work with the next one or the next one, and that these seasons change throughout their life. And just because they were this way when they were two doesn't mean they're going to be this way when they're 16 because nobody, not a parent in here, one goes, Man, I wish my kid was a middle schooler. Again, none of them do that, but they go through those phases of that and you're just like, okay, I'm going to get through this. But no one ever told me about that. 

I Know, I just wish somebody would have told me how exhausting it is. It's literally and that I did that exhaustion. That's when you're called to live. It's not when you're called to check out. And then the second thing I just think about a lot is I just really wish somebody would challenge me early on a lot more in that I should care more about who my boys are and Jesus than who they are in this world. You know, I kind of feel like I got swept up in that a little bit for a while. Not that I hate education or sports because you guys know that about me. I don't. I mean, I love those things. But the man my passion for who they are and Jesus should way out weigh that other stuff. And I just wish somebody would have pressed into that and it might have caused me to apologize a little bit less on the sports fields early on in my parenting career. What about this, Marty? What if you had one message to the ladies of the House, to the mommas, to the ladies on behalf of dads, what would that message be? Now, tread lightly on this. I want to say this right. 

What I just want to say was, just remember that your husbands are emotional midgets compared to you. 

You cannot say that. 

I don't think you can use that word. 

Not anymore. 

That is incorrect. They are emotionally challenged. Compared to you. God made you with this intuition and emotion and like so we're like we're single focus. We can't focus on everything at once. I mean, just one thing at a time. And we're like, Give me a problem to solve or something like that. And like, so parenting isn't like that. And so a lot of emotions now when you have daughters, definitely, but also when you have sons, different things going on. So wives, if you would just do this. Take us offline, Don't do it in front of the kids and embarrass us, but just explain to us like, Hey, knucklehead, this is like a time that you just need to listen, okay? And encourage. Don't try to solve it right now. Don't fix it. There's not a you know, not some project, just, you know, And so help coach us a little bit because you overestimate us sometimes and we're pretty stupid all in all or pretty simple. I'm sorry, we're simple. That's the word. Keep that in mind. Okay? Don't write us off. Coach us on the side, and make us a little bit sharper on that emotional side. Okay.
 
Chip, what do you have? 

Pretty sure. I thought that would have been something that Eli would have said, not Marty. Half of what he just said. I expected that to come from over there, not beside me. 

I haven't gone yet. You know. 

It's a small problem Chip. 

I don't even know if I remember the question anymore, because all I could think about was what he was saying. 

He went for it. 

So, yeah. So speaking to wives, man, we need you. I just gotta say it. We got to have you to help us. We need you to be our cheerleader. We need you to help us walk through some of these things because, like, like we've all said, we don't know what we're doing. We're trying to figure it out at times. And not only that, we say things that are stupid sometimes, and we do things in ways that sometimes we need that little nudge, but then sometimes we do things right and we do get one right. Every once in a while. We need you to look at us and go, You know, that was good. That was really good. You know, any time I ever preach, I mean, any time I ever and ever what you guys say doesn't matter to me. What matters the most to me is what my wife says when she looks at me. She's like, That was good. That was really good. Or or maybe you bombed that one or whatever. You know, that's very honest. But we need that from you. 

She never says that. 

We need that support. We need you to be our advocate. We need you to be our cheerleader, and we need you to call us out and help us. 

It's good. Eli, what have you got on behalf of the men to the ladies? 

Yeah. The word that comes to my mind is a team or a unit. I think it's so easy, especially when you have two or three or four kids that we're in this season right now where you divide and conquer. Right? You take one. I take one, and you gotta make it work. And I think it's easy to feel isolated like that, like you're just so tired and you're frustrated and everything is going on and like, it's healthy to know that you're a team, you're together. God has called you into unity to work as a unit together, to come back at the end of the day and go, Hey, we have no idea what we're going to do, but we're going to do it together. We're going to figure this thing out together. It's so much different when you don't feel like you're isolated all alone by yourself parenting. But you have somebody right there just like through the struggle with you. And so, like, it's very easy to get individual. You have to become a team. 

Well said. Yeah, I would just add that man, catch us doing something right and tell us we did it right and I got to tread lightly. Melissa's in here because it's not against her. Pray for us because I know she does. Pray for us and tell us you do. Because that makes a difference. It really does make a difference to know you're with us. What? What is one or two? Just biblical principles. These are all practical. Give us a biblical principle that has helped shape you as a father that you would just kind of throw out as a challenge today. Eli, we'll start with you on this one. 

Yeah, I remember back when I was getting married, we were doing marriage counseling, and this biblical fatherhood kept coming up and I'm like, ugh great, like for some of these guys, you've, you've had that instilled into your life. And I'm like, I have no idea what that even looks like. An example of that. I mean, I was actually teaching out to Mark Chapter five, and on the backside of that, there's a passage and it had nothing to do with fatherhood. But I was teaching high school and there's a father named Jairus and he's a synagogue ruler. And I took like three or four principals because at the time his daughter was sick and he had heard Jesus was coming to town. And I want to read what verse 22 says. It said that when he came he saw Jesus and fell on his feet. Like as a father, it's like I should put myself in a posture where God is the authority going, God, I have no other choice but to sit at your feet because I don't have any other options. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't have enough strength. And then in verse 23, he said, not only to fall on his feet, but he earnestly pleaded with him. He earnestly pleaded like, I want to be the father that earnestly pleads to God, God, convict me. Mold me. Shape me, do not leave me alone so that I can be the best possible father. For your glory. For my wife and for our kids. And on the backside. And I love this because this is something I've struggled with because of my past and with my own dad. And I just want to be the best father. It’s just something instilled inside of me, like all of my insecurities go back to that. And he just found out that his daughter had passed away. Jesus looked at him and said, simple words, don't be afraid, just believe. And I, like most of my young fatherhood, has been like you walk into newness, and within newness there's this fear, the fear, the unknown, the fear of like, I don't really know what I'm doing. What if people find out I don't know what I'm doing? And God says, Just believe in me if you just put your trust in me. And so if I could boil it down to kneel at the feet of Jesus, earnestly plead with him and just believe those are the three principles that are super simple and something I keep in my heart, in my mind every day. 

Man, that's good, What about you, Chip? What are some principles? 

Some of my best parenting starts on my knees. It starts there as I think Eli even mentioned that a little bit, but it in Ephesians chapter five, verse one, it says be imitators of God. It says therefore it's dearly loved children, to live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us is a fragrant offering and a sacrifice to God. Fathers, we need to be imitators of God, not of this world. We need to be the reflection of God in our families. We need to represent him. We need to be present, in a sense, not an absentee father that only shows up on Sundays. But we need to be speaking the truth into our kids' lives. But we also need to learn what it truly means to love, to live that life of love. That's even when they and when they make those mistakes, when whatever season of life they're in, that, yeah, there's discipline that comes with that. We understand that. But we walk alongside them and we love them through that. That we mean, there's been times in our lives where things don't go the way you planned, that you think you parent everything, right, and they still mess up. But let us live that same life of love and let us be compassionate towards them because we understand Christ was that for us. Let us imitate him and our families. And in the Psalms, 103 in verse 13, it says, Show compassion on your children. In that word, that word compassion literally means to be engaged or to be involved in the life of your children, that when they struggle, you're there. They know that their father is with them, and that is walking and praying for them. And it's there to help them through those difficult times. And so be an imitator of Christ. 

That's good. Marty, what about you? 

Well, you know, since parenting isn't so easy, a lot of times mom's better at it. More in tune. Dads will get absorbed in work. And because it's easier problem solving, make it a little bit more attaboys, boys that work, you don't get a whole lot at home moms or dads, for sure. But, you know, Satan has his trap set up in the scriptures. It says that he uses the lust of the flesh, the lust to the eyes, the boastful pride of life. And often those are three hooks he uses for each one of us. Dad is susceptible to that because that means that he is concerned about possessions. You know, you compare what kind of possessions, you know, you got a boat, you got what kind of car you drive, golf clubs, you know, you name it. Position. Where am I in my vocation? Where's my kids? Like Matt said, you know, words my kids zone, the ball field or band or wherever your kids may be. And then the other one is pleasure. You know, this place empties out. This time here. Go to Gulf Shores. Nothing wrong with that. But, you know, we're not going to lake boating, you name it. But when those things that are good things become a God thing, then they become a bad thing. And so what happens is the dads can focus on those things. And meanwhile, at home, he feels like he can lay down the law. So he feels like he's doing something about home, even, you know, getting his kids to church or whatever. But the Bible says whatever you sow in the flesh you're going to reap in the flesh. It doesn't matter if the laws are good Lord, you lay down. Dad's got to surrender his life not just for salvation, but he's got to like Jesus. Anybody to follow Jesus had to leave whatever they had, they had to offer what was most valuable in their life to him and dads. We've got to lay our career, our possessions, our pleasure on the altar before God, and that will allow us to not be filled with the flesh, but to be filled with God's spirit, to live in his spirit. And then we see the fruit of the spirit, the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Those are things you don't see a lot in men. And that's because we're just flesh filled. If we are to be surrendered and live in the power of the Holy Spirit. Deuteronomy six says something powerful. It says Parents, if you walk with the Lord and if you talk about him with your kids, as you wake up, as you walk along the trail, as you sit down and eat, as you go to bed, it's like all the time. It's like, yes, it's a personal thing you're faith. But it's not private. It is to share, especially with your kids. And it is only through living the power of the Holy Spirit that we can sow spirit which will reap spirit in them. 

That's right. Would you guys give them a hand for being with me today for a couple of minutes? Come on. That is awesome. And just for a second, here's what I want to do with our closing today. I want you to get your Bibles and I want you to tell me to Ephesians Chapter six. 

We're in a series here this summer all around Ephesians. I want to respect that, but also respect that it's Father's Day and I want you to see a message to families, to fathers, to kids that all revolves around all of this stuff that we just talked about. I want to tie a bow around all of this out of Ephesians six. Some of you are like, Well, now we're really only in Ephesians two. How can we go to chapter six? It's okay. I promise We're going to get there over these next couple of weeks. We'll be back in chapter two next week. But I want to show you a message here out of Ephesians six versus one through four. Listen, this. It says this. It says children, now stop there because if you don't know literature, you don't know this. But children were second class citizens on this day. In the Roman context, they were half. They were disposable. They didn't care about them. Right here, what Paul is doing and Jesus does all through Scripture is he's elevating the role of children, the blessing of children, the fact that we are called to speak into children's lives and to love our kids. In fact, Matthew Chapter 19 Jesus says, Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them. For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these. We see this all through Scripture, but it was counterculture of the time to speak on behalf of children. But God elevates the role of children in our lives because He knows that's the legacy of the faith and it's our role as parents to pass on who Jesus is and to value our children. But here's the warning that's attached to that, though. While we value our children, our goal is not to worship our children. So one of the things that we struggle with in this community the most is that we have a whole bunch of children worship. And I don't mean what's happening upstairs, in our children's area right now, I mean that our kids run our houses, our kids are our idols. Our kids, or we're trying to vicariously live through them and we worship our children rather than just value our children. And what God says here is to bring them up in his name. In fact, Bonhoeffer says that it is from God, that parents receive their children and it is to God that they in turn ought to lead them. So he looks at his children. Watch this. Verse one Children obey your parents in the Lord, for it is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first command with a promise so that it may go well with you and you may enjoy a long life on this earth. Now, I love this message because Paul opens this up with a message to children, right to children. To which all the children in the room were like, wait a minute, Matt, it's Father's Day. You're going to rain on Father's Day. We got another days to hold on. He's going to get there. 

But Paul comes out and says, Children obey your mother and father. Here's what this means in the Lord. It means that, listen, kids, listen closely, young people, your parents have been given the authority by God to parent you. It's from God. It is by God, and it's on behalf of God. So when you obey your parents, you are in turn obeying the Lord. When you respect your parents, when you know what you were about to see, when you honor your parents, you're not only doing that to them, but you are honoring the Lord. To disobey your parents is to disobey the Lord in this. It's to disobey him. Why? Because God has put them in your life as a temporary free stand in as a person that represents authority and the authority of God. You want to know, kids, what your relationship with God looks like. In one way you can look at what your relationship with your parents looks like because they have been put in authority over you. God says to obey them. But look at verse two, not only to obey them, but to honor them. Look at it. Ephesians 6:2, it says, Honor your father and mother. 

Now I hold this whole I know this whole submitting thing is so countercultural. Our culture says, don't submit to anybody, don't submit to your parents. You be you, you flourish you. But listen, clearly God is saying right here we are to obey and to honor. So what is the difference between obeying and honoring? Obeying is just me doing what I'm told. It is a prisoner obeying the warden and right. That is what it means to obey. Here's the thing about obeying. We can force anyone to obey with enough pain, with enough shame, and with enough authority, you can force someone to obey. You see, God is called us as children, as you are as young people. Listen to this, to obey your parents, but also to honor your parents. Here's the difference in that honor is an inward thing. Honor is when you obey, but you obey out of love and you obey with no huffing, no puffing, no eye rolling, no words back to them. That's the difference. And what happens is, when we obey, we obey out of an authority. When we honor, we honor out of “I respect who God has made you.” See, that's the difference kids. Stay with me, students. You're called to live in, both to receive the blessing that God wants to give you. You say Matt, there's a blessing? Yeah. Look at it. Look at Verse one again. Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this right Honor Your father, a mother, which is the first command with a promise so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on Earth. 

So, kids, listen. Your obedience to your parents is really in obedience to God, and your obedience to God shows how much you love God, how much you honor God, how much you obey God. And there is a sense that the more you do that, the longer you might live. To which I can attest. There were times in my childhood career that this almost backfired on me. Keep going. I'm going to show that it doesn't just talk to children and parents. Specifically talks of fathers. Watch this says fathers, verse 4, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Let me just tie a bow around everything that we just said as we were sitting here, and it's in two commands that is in the Scripture. 

Number one, dads, fathers, listen to me. Don't exasperate your children. You say Matt, I don't even know what that word means. It means don't embitter them, don't provoke them, don't purposely anger them. So. So what does that mean? That I don't expect them to honor and obey? Because I don't expect that. Because I don't want to hurt their feelings. No, that's not what it's saying. But what it does mean is that we exasperate our kids when we require obedience and honor in a way that knocks their soul out of them. That's the difference. It's like being a father that's always negative. They’re always about the rules, they're always demanding, they’re always angry. One that embarrasses and belittles and withholds forgiveness. Or a father that demands out of their kids or a lifestyle that they are not willing to live themselves. That's what this means. Now, when saying you should know, you shouldn't expect obeying and honoring. But we do it out of a context of realizing who God is and write this principle down. We do not have a context of this principle right here. Listen to this. All of your earthly fathering should be patterned after God's divine fatherhood. All of it. You say Matt, what does that mean? Let's talk about God's divine fatherhood. Who is God first? God is loving, God is graceful and God is merciful and God is forgiving. That's who He is first. But secondly, God is a God that is very clear in his expectation to his kids. And when you see something dead, you can't have one without the other or you exasperate your kids. 

There is love and there is expectation and they both have to rule. Well, Matt, how do I know if that's where I am? How do I know if I'm exasperating my kids? Here's how you know, do your kids hate to see you come? Do they just wish you would go back out of town? Does their countenance change when you walk in the room? Are they afraid of you? Does life get sucked out of them when that happens? That's how you know you're ruling but not loving? Number one, don't exasperate your children. But look at the second command fathers do not verse for fathers do not exasperate your children. Instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Eli, to answer your question on how do you want to be a biblical father? There it is right there. Bring your kids up in the training and instruction. How do I do that? Super practical two ways. Teach them scripture. Teach them. Now what do I teach them? Teach them whatever you're learning, teach them whatever God is pouring into you, teach them whatever you're reading, just bring it back up in your home and then lead them from example, leading from example. When you do those two things in your home fathers, you will begin to see your kids flourish. In fact, look at this principle. The overarching God of every father should be to live in such a way that his children can see what God the Father is like. Dad, that's our calling, Fathers. That's our calling. Actually, that is the whole Christian's life calling. That is all of our calling is to live in such a way that people see the father through us. So let me close with this. Does your family see this in you? Do they see this in you? Here's the good news. If you're still here, there's still time. There's still time. If you're still here, there's still time for you today, even this week, when God begins to pressure you to look at your family and go, Hey, man, I really haven't lived this in front of you, but hey, we're going to do this together God, no. All of this. Do I know exactly how to do this? No. We're going to stumble through this together. But here's the deal. I want to be a dad who points you to the Heavenly Father. And to do that, we need to look at Scripture and I need to live my life in front of you. Will you help me do this? That's biblical fatherhood. That's biblical manhood. That's what it looks like to walk out our faith. Church, let me just tell you this as we close. That's the desire of this church to help you walk.