00:00:02.590 All right. Welcome to the fourth episode. No concept podcast. I'm one of your hosts Darcy. And I'm Katie the other host she's the other one the better way. Oh alphabetically first no alphabetically second. We did it right. I forgot my last name. We are a guest for you.

00:00:29.290 First time listeners obviously your listeners just write a podcast. That. Conducts interviews from our home base in central Nebraska with people that we find interesting. Each week one of us prepares a topic and the other one has to share her knowledge of the topic. Am I doing a good job on this. Only thing would be every two weeks each week. Yeah that's right yeah. OK well I guess. That's all the banter for today.

00:00:59.950 I don't have any good. Oh well we are in thing we learned. Oh gosh. So every episode we Katie and I talk about something that we learned the week preceding to show that we do actually learn things on our own and we're not just walking through the world blind. I'll start because I have kind of a cool one. Did you know that there is a Frank Lloyd Wright house in the cook. No. Yeah. Super cool. Frank Lloyd Wright.

00:01:30.010 One of. Probably the most famous American architect. Any other architect. I was an architecture major and now hole there. Right now I am not an American when. Whose Gowdy is God Is Not America. Is Gowdy who does all the weird Barcelona stuff that I know nothing about architecture. First of all I don't know why I needed to do a lot of calculus to get into the architecture program. I know that.

00:02:00.620 The thing that got me out of it was the line drawings. Oh yeah. Like twirled a pencil and if you ever make any mistake at all start over so precise. Yeah. No not for me. I only failed one college class in my whole life. And do you want to know what it was rendering which is ludicrous. You paint pictures. It's like a theater. So my degree is film and new media and it's a theater like base. And basically they just have you do different.

00:02:29.660 It's like an art class. And I would have liked that I hated it. I hated every second of it. It was like a visual. Now I hated. And I skipped it was in the morning is like my first class today is only two days a week or something but I skipped a lot of it and the teacher God bless her took mercy on me because it was like the fall semester of my senior year. And the the spring semester it wasn't gonna be operating until the fall so I had to stay another year in college. She had so she let me make it up and redo it.

00:02:58.570 So the spring semester for no credit I just redid every one of the assignments. And then she bought me up to a passing grade. Oh I didn't fail it. I got a job. In the major you had to get like a C plus or something. Every major class and a galaxy. But anyway now so she bumped you up so that it counts. So I can graduate. So I was thinking back to Franklin Dwight right. I give the game the Guggenheim thinking was that designed by someone else but I just googled it and it was Frank Lloyd Wright. So it's like Oh really.

00:03:27.980 So I mean I didn't come up with another check. Apparently he's the one. Yeah but yeah he's got a house and MacBook. Yeah I want to go to it. It's got a really cool. I'll post the link in the notes for this episode but there's a really cool any piece about sort of the history the House and and the woman who designed it originally. Apparently Frank Lloyd Wright came out to see it once and she had started altering like tweaking the plans as they were going on her own and he came out to see it once it was like it's an abomination and.

00:03:58.440 It is true. Yeah. It's since been restored to Wright's original triangle and you know there's people who love it now that live there. But it's really interesting. So my fact is the not great. For some reason I can't think ahead on these things because that's too hard. So. Did you know Darcy that. I guess let me let me make you desperate. Percentage what percentage of laughter comes after jokes.

00:04:29.710 Percentage of laughter Yeah comes after a percentage of times that people laugh. Is it because of a joke versus other. Me personally I'm saying I'm laughing after jokes. Seven percent of the time I'm laughing conversationally. Ninety three percent of it's not what you would be lower than the average than us is 20 percent now. But the rest is it the thing that I was reading about that it's just like conversational reacting to statements and questions and things like that.

00:05:02.860 But it talks about it because it helps with social bonds and helps people grow closer. So it makes me feel a little bit better. Like the first time we listen to the podcast. We're so much laughing and giggling and laughing and I was like Oh my God do we really laugh that much. But. Yeah maybe we do. And that's good. Maybe one of my biggest joys has been my dad trying to figure out what a podcast is. He has no idea what it is and literally he's like Oh so are they like Bob and Tom.

00:05:34.480 Unfortunately we do sound a bit like that a little bit. Has he listened. Yeah at least to one I think. I think two so far. So with that I suppose we move into our topic. Okay here it goes. I don't know if there's going to be a lot of our predecessor for this topic to be honest. So I heard her guests speak a couple of weeks ago. And he just has a really really compelling life story. It's one of our more.

00:06:04.750 Overtly Christian topics. Well because you chose this topic and you like to do things that are religious. That's my favorite. I just really like to dig into it. So I guess maybe. Do you feel like there's a time in your life. Where you've made a really big jump. That seemed. To make sense to no one else but you. Huh.

00:06:35.590 When I quit going to school. Like. For real. Because before that I had struggled. I guess after it so I was an architecture major. And then I was an education major and then I was on this you know undeclared and then as an English major. And then and I just kept. Floundering like I wasn't doing well I wasn't going to class I didn't I wasn't engaged. I was more concerned about having a social life and I had a job in school just wasn't my priority.

00:07:03.610 And I I just didn't like it. And. So finally I'm broke. I'm tired of acquiring student debt and not going anywhere and. Always feeling. Poor and stressed and like I'm disappointing people you know. So finally I just quit. I just quit school and. I know it's stressed out for some reason I think I can remember my brother and sister specifically.

00:07:30.070 I feel like we're super stressed out about it and I never had any doubt in my head that I would go back eventually but to them. It was just. Unfathomable that I would quit school. I don't know. Yeah I did that when I moved back. I feel like because I had a very. Good then going in L.A. and I've been down a very specific path and I and I had made the decision to look to move back without a job lined up without I mean really was a step of faith that I just thought that's what I was supposed to be doing.

00:08:02.890 It was about a year of crying and feeling super torn about it and you know and I feel like that's kind of how God knew and God wants something from me. It's hard to miss right. You know. I mean I feel like there's always this is what you should be doing. And then he was really great. He provided me with this amazing job out of the blue that I had no business getting and you know and I really like how things have. Because I took that step. Yeah. Our pastor a couple weeks ago said.

00:08:32.510 And I'm summarizing so I can't remember the exact quote but when you have a relationship with God you get to experience the supernatural. I keep thinking about that little. Turn of phrase and the things you see line up and the doors you see open sometimes right. That maybe don't make sense to anybody else right. Or maybe even to you at the time. Right. I feel like it was that way for me when I moved back to hold Ridge. Because really nothing had changed for me and Lincoln.

00:09:00.780 All of a sudden I just wasn't. Content anymore. I just I think part of it was burnout like I was just over the tax season and constantly being stressed and you know. And part of it. I don't. I couldn't explain it. I just wasn't happy anymore. And. I had turned down an opportunity to move home the year before. And then another one came up and you know it was super hard and I I know I cried about it and stressed about it.

00:09:28.920 And even as I was doing it I kept thinking am I doing the wrong thing. Am I making a huge mistake you know moving back home but now looking back if I didn't live here. There is no way I would have been in a place to be able to help out my mom like I have been. Not only because I would have been impossible for me but because. She wouldn't have let me you know it just wouldn't have worked out like it did. So I feel like every step for the last three years that I look I kept looking back and thinking maybe this choice is wrong maybe this choice was wrong.

00:10:02.310 Really. They all got me to the place where I needed to be. Yeah. I think that's true. So yeah I think we'll see that a lot with Joe. And I think he'll talk about that a little bit. Some of those big leaps he's made. And then also some of the weird surreal supernatural things that have happened for him just kind of throughout his life. And when we kick this off I think you guys will see why I picked him as a guest because he just has a really really interesting life story.

00:10:35.250 Today's episode is sponsored by Valley real estate in Oxford Nebraska. If you need a house in Oxford Nebraska there are these spot to go because you know. There's a spot to go right. If you're new to the area or just looking for a little change called Valley real estate in Oxford Nebraska. And I have shared an office space with all of these people and they are easy to work with I promise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:11:04.560 Back they've got small town environment. They have how many toy tractors. Would you say are in the Valley real estate office so even if you don't eat a house but you just want to see a cool toy tractor collection. I mean. I would say five hundred ish. What do you think. Is that too high. No. I think that's I think that's fair if not slightly low. Yeah it's a lot. It's it is a ton of track.

00:11:31.790 It's like a music Valley real estate slash tractor factory museum slash slash again. OK so we are here with our guest of this week Joe Marvin and I don't really know how to set you up Joe. I don't know how to say who you are or what you're going to talk about when we. So I think let's I mean do you just want to start at the beginning. You know we could start to get. You kind of a start.

00:12:01.180 You kind to tell stuff like a Tarantino movie and like you know your story kind of jumps around a lot. I guess. Where do you normally start. I always start my story off when I was five just because like I don't know why when I get asked to go talk places I never. I've always thought you know I should tell it different this time. And I tell it from a different perspective but I never do. So I always just started off I was five and I walk people through what I went through. So it was a big day when you you're five. Yeah.

00:12:30.440 I was just a normal day I guess. I mean I was more of like I was getting picked on for being adopted and I didn't really know why. It's like I don't even know what this word means. So it's interesting because I see you know my brother used to tell me that I was adopted. But you really were. Yes really. So that's a real thing you get old for that. Yeah. Did you believe. Yeah. I didn't really know. I was just more of like a I don't know what that means more than anything else just like it was a foreign word.

00:13:01.140 And he's like I think I was a year older than me as we try to explain it to me but it didn't make sense. Mm hmm. So like that was why I just like ended up going home and like asking my parents like what is this weird mean. So what happened from there. What did your parents say. They pretty much like confirmed it and really yes you are adopted but they didn't tell me any details about it but they said you and your brother both adopted. So I have an older brother brother who's seven years older than was just kind of like just lived life I guess.

00:13:29.610 You know I feel like the next 10 years I was still always like curious about being adopted by it really know much about it. So I think I was about as roughly I was 15 and it was just my mom and I at the house and like my mom and I have always been like super super close and I just felt comfortable asking her about it I guess because like Hey it's kind of a touchy subject. You know I could see it would be hard. It would be kind of like saying you're not enough yeah right.

00:13:59.570 Want to know more you'd know like it's a little bit of a trial but it's also the only person you can go to. Yeah exactly. So I was just always like how do they cross this line. And like not that I cared I mean like my parents I've always been my parents right. And like I've always felt like I'm incredibly blessed. But it's just like a small detail it's like where did I come from you know. And so I was like Yeah we're about to cross this line today. And I waited.

00:14:26.070 And it's just like my mom and I that and I remember asking her and I'd completely cut her off guard and then I just kind of asked her and she didn't really know how to like explain it then. And I was like Okay this is weird. And she. I ended up going downstairs and was playing video games with my friend and then she yelled at me to come back upstairs and like that's when she showed me like a newspaper article and she's like there was over like a dozen of these and you're also in the news.

00:14:56.250 But like I only was able to find this one. I must've lost the photo album that had all the articles. Thanks Mom. Yeah yeah. But so she actually just had the one and it was like from March of 1997 from the hall. This was like a small snippet on the front page. And so what does the article say. It says Baby Doe one step closer to adoption. So is just kind of foreshadowing that in in April of 97 I was just gonna be adopted.

00:15:28.480 So what is notable about your adoption. Why was it in the papers just all of the article really said was that I was dropped off outside of steps in Riverdale Nebraska on the church steps there and then three boys found me and then they were never able to find my parents. But what time of year was this. It was September when I was abandoned.

00:15:55.410 So very beginning so I still kind of warm OK but I about died from my hypothermia just because that day it was like low mid 60s which is normally warm but for a baby it's pretty cold. Was it over during the daytime you know overnight. Yeah it was early morning so that I think it was like right before a because the boys were walking to school. Wow. Yeah.

00:16:24.190 So they don't have any idea how long you were there. They just a few hours just because of my blood temperature and everything. And then just kind of the circumstances of the matter. Mm hmm. Wow. OK. So you're starting to get a picture of the story. Yeah. Then what. What. You immediately had all these same questions that I'm sure. Yeah. Right. And then I was just like my head was just like racing and I was like I don't really know how to go about this.

00:16:52.150 So how does a 15 year old right wrap their head around let alone like I'm like OK now I understand at 5 why my parents don't tell me anything right. So did you feel a lot of hurt right away. I did it. No. And it didn't really. Like it's never like upset me all that much. And like it was more I'm just like that's insanity you know. Like it's just it's really weird. It was like I wonder why. Like what happened. Like what were the you know were they like in their teens were they like you know young parents or could they not afford it.

00:17:21.880 Like what was you know what happened. And like that was more of like my thought process behind it. And then I went downstairs and I remember like getting on the computer and trying to find more articles because I was like well there should be something archived. And like I looked everywhere and I couldn't find anything. But like it was that night specifically I was talking to like my friend Devin. And like that night specifically I told him and because like we're playing x box and then was just like you should be a priest because he's Catholic and I was like Why would I do that.

00:17:57.670 You know and it's funny now to like look back now that I'm like going into ministry okay. So walk us through it. Walk us through the next whatever happens next. So pretty much from there. Fast forward I'm 16 now and like this is probably the only time I've ever actually been mad about like my circumstances like of being like dropped off and everything as a baby. And it was just because I woke up it was a normal day.

00:18:24.940 And the next thing I know I'm going to the bathroom like 15 times like awful like diarrhea to the point I'm like This is weird like my body has never done this. And it persisted for like 10 days almost. And I didn't tell my parents and I was losing weight rapidly and then I was turning from like just diarrhea to like bloody diarrhea. And I'm like I don't want to tell anybody. But it was getting to the point where I'm like Dude you don't feel good. Something's really going on an uncomfortable 16 year old. I mean Howard Yeah yeah. It's like I don't know how to explain this.

00:18:55.630 You know we finally went to the doctor. It would've been like early August. They went in and they did a colonoscopy and they're like Yeah dude you got all sort of colitis like I had ulcers starting pretty much from my rectum all the way up to like top topper like upper stomach. Got to the point where I'm sitting in Omaha and they thought I was going to die. So I'm like on my death bed quite literally. And it's literally like 20 days from my 17th birthday. And I spent like two weeks there and like the doctor told my parents like not while I was there that this occasion.

00:19:26.260 But when we came back for a checkup is like I don't even think your son was gonna make it. Mm hmm. And like I just like you know broke my parents hearts. It's like we're this close to losing our kid. One of the other big things was we are waiting on insurance to approve. Yeah. So that was they. That was like the big thing it's like well maybe if insurance like we'll pay for it like you might live. The doctor did everything he could until it was approved. So I was pretty much just living off the state. Was it a surgery or what did they have to do now.

00:19:55.570 So I mean I wish they would have just done the surgery to be honest with you really. Yes. So I was on Remicade and we were waiting for Remicade to get approved and they got me. I think one or two treatments while I was there and then I went home and so pretty much the whole two weeks I was up in Boystown. So I think I was like August 26 or whatever to like September 6th 2013. So like literally I turned 17 that could begin in a junior year. Yeah. So I missed the first two weeks of school.

00:20:25.810 The state wants to hold me back because you missed it all. You know days of school which is ridiculous. Yeah you can catch up on em like and I did. Yeah. So I got back and I can only do half days because the two weeks I was there is literally better than I could've done. Yeah I lost 30 pounds in 20 some days. So I walk out of the hospital 130 pounds. I go to school and I'm like furious because everyone's staring at me. So I look like a ghost like pale skin look like a skeleton walking in like just look like death.

00:20:56.690 And I feel I get to you and. Get back and I'm frustrated with that. I get caught up on all my homework and I think I was back in school for two weeks was getting ready. I did my very thing is like my second full day of classes and my left leg swelled up the size of a balloon. Well I can't put any weight on it. And I was like I was playing with my dog. So I was like maybe I pulled something. We go to the year that I had to get it looked at just to make sure it wasn't anything bad and she was like you're 17 you're probably fine.

00:21:29.990 Probably you probably just pulled something. I said you'll be fine. Sent me on my way with some like pain pills and like. I took those. I wake up it's like 3:00 in the morning and I'm crying like. Probably like top ten worst pains I've ever been in my life and my leg is just throbbing. It's like honestly your whole leg whole leg. So we go into the doctor the next morning I have this thing wrapped up and we go in and they were like Yeah you probably have to start physical therapy today because you know you pulled you like something in your leg obviously if it's this inflamed man she's like but your leg is kind of looking really weird.

00:22:09.660 We'll send you over just to make sure you do an ultrasound on it. They do an ultrasound and I knew it was bad because like the technician was just like making some faces you know yeah I know your body language. Yeah yeah. I'm really not. Yeah I've had an ultrasound where they found a tumor in my thyroid and the pores in the eye. Yeah. Breath going out of the room is yeah. And then she's like I'll be right back I gotta make a phone call. And.

00:22:38.060 She comes back in and like hands the phone to my mom and the doctor says that your son has a blood clot and it starts in his hip and finish this on his foot. So the whole whole left leg is a blood clot at this point. My lungs were like my frustration with like you know going to the hospital and doctors like comes in at this point. It's like now I'm furious. Blood clots you can't like you're just dead. I mean right. Right yeah. I could've literally taken a step that night and died like you could have broke off went to my heart my head could have a stroke or heart attack.

00:23:08.180 You know like 17. Yeah. You know like that's what was frustrating. So it's it's related to the ulcerative colitis. It was because I was bedridden for two and something that. So here's a fun thing with ulcerative colitis is you're prone to blood clots. But we didn't know that I was born with a rare genetic disease or like factor five. So it's a blood clotting disorder so I already have that.

00:23:36.770 And then on top of that I don't know how like anatomy works but like your veins it's on top of your artery or vice versa. Well mine was twisted when I was born and it's like go one in every like hundred thousand people get it like you know the lucky people. And I was one of them. So is it a ticking time bomb essentially. I get laid up for two weeks in Boystown if it happened boom just like that because no activity you know and like the whole week. So I was gonna I like argued. I was like No I can walk to the bed.

00:24:06.710 You know it'll be fine. I'm like No no really. Yeah. So they wheeled me back and then I sat in a hospital bed for another four to five days while they started shooting me up with like different blood thinning agents and all that. So that's when that started. So when I was on the boyfriend for a hot minute and like then to I think about I'm getting infusions every two to three weeks for my ulcerative colitis and I'm also popping 26 pills a day just like at 17 at 17. So I'm taking that.

00:24:35.240 So like got to the point where I'd wake my teeth started to write. Like you know like everything like my body starts falling apart my joints. And like it was just awful. And like it wasn't a good stage of life you know only to the point I like hated God and why God is punishing me at this point and quit going to church don't want to be there. And that's where a lot of my frustration came out at. You grew up in the church. Yeah I grew up in a church.

00:25:01.970 So pretty much like I was baptized at the First United Methodist Church in college and then I went there all the way up until I was 16 when I got sick from then pretty much quit going. And then I think it was towards the later end of my junior year I went to youth group like one night. We talked about they were asking me and they're like Joe you haven't been here in such a long time like you know what's happening and kind of told them like I'm just kind of frustrated like really feel like God's punishing me right now.

00:25:33.010 It's like everything. And like I talked to him in there. They told me you know you should talk to youth groups more you're really good at it. And I was like You know I was kind of like that second thing that I can look back on and be like. It's kind of you know kind of interesting to look back at now. And get back a pretty much finish out my senior year we get I think it was probably October of my senior year and I'm like Remicade isn't working like I'm sorry but it's not working.

00:26:01.490 And they had me try and like steroid enemas and like that was the only thing that got me through my senior year. Oh wow. And like I go back and like most the time I honestly forget that was even a period of my life. But like you know I was doing this every single night block it out. Yeah. Completely blocked it out for. Yeah. Oh you're doing it at home. I. I was doing it myself. You're doing him yourself disassociate from. Yeah I totally forgot about it. And like most of my friends don't even know like any of this.

00:26:28.240 Like I pretty much cut my friends out from this point I'm like ticking time bomb and a diet eventually you know like. So you talk about it so comfortably now but at the time I mean how could you like that. Like I've always been like this. Yeah like it was just easier for people not to know and like not worry about me. I was kind of like my thought process. So it wasn't really all that hard to cut all my friends out at that point just distance myself a lot. And then I graduate. I think it was like late journals like it's not working.

00:26:58.190 And the next step is surgery. And I'm like OK well I'm sorry to hear that. And like every G.I. doc will look at events like that's a fail you know. Oh interesting. What what is the surgery that they would do. So they were going to remove all my colon from large intestine and rectum and then inserted in your rectum made out of your small intestine at that point. Fast forward you know it's like it's July 1st 2015.

00:27:22.190 And we went into like schedule an appointment but before they scheduled the appointment they wanted to do like a cat scan but MRI MRI on my intestines to see if I had any perforations and he holds anywhere and they made me drink that fluid like that set me off. Next thing I know like that just set off like the worst flare up I've ever had in my life. Mm hmm. Stress medical procedures medical.

00:27:51.080 You need to make yourself feel better or to make sure you back. Yeah. So like this is to set me up for surgery. See if you have anything wrong with you. And yes obviously but this made everything worse. So what was just going to the bathroom 10 to 15 times. Jumped up to twenty five times not even kidding. Like and I think more than anyone my mom is happy. Like after the surgery they shouldn't have to buy so much toilet paper. You know I remember I'd only want to go to specific stores like if we ever came over to Carnie that way because like I knew I knew Barstow it way.

00:28:24.560 I knew the fastest way to get to the bathroom. Right. Like that's how I lived my life for two years was like mapping out every store in my head to the point where I'm like OK I can cut down this aisle this will be faster I can cut through this action you know just get to the bathroom. Like going to like the Grattan I'm all like I remember that what we went to. Oh that's my floor. We went one time one time in like I was like Mom I can't do this. Yeah like we can't ever do this again.

00:28:47.090 I was way too pregnant at the gratin them all like like a flood exist with a father multiple times what thought it was a hallway you had like halfway down this deal all way like do we have the Nebraska crossing outlet or the seventh circle of hell. Really really are. Yeah. That's the best example I've ever heard. Yeah. And like that was you know so stuff like that. And like it gets the point.

00:29:15.170 It's like at maybe like 20 10 15 so you know it's like pretty much this time of year it's high. I don't feel good go in the bathroom all the time. Got to the point we kind of work anymore. Got to the point I got so dehydrated that we had to go to the hospital again. So we got to Methodist Hospital. And like I said my surgery wasn't scheduled until July 30th. And the surgeons like you're not going to make it. I got to do it earlier than that and they go do the surgery joint 20 30 2015 either as I was going down for the surgery or was on the operating table I don't know but my colon actually ruptured.

00:29:51.260 So now they're sucking on while you're in surgery. Yeah it because of surgery. Does that happen. I don't know. I just you know by the grace of God is on the table you know but when it happened otherwise it you know. So now they're sucking out like all this waste material that's in my blood. And no one you know like end up getting a bacterial infection who's going to say can you stay ahead of the infection at that point on I wake up and I'm like high as a kite for morphine but I hear like this the first time like I actually felt good even though like I knew I was gonna have a colostomy bag when I woke up from surgery and I'm like gonna be going to college in a month you know with a class with a colostomy bag you know like this not so good.

00:30:31.490 Yes. I'm like Okay I got 30 pounds to like trained for this crap. Boy quite literally and you know. Why did you go to school. I went to you in car at least you I am sorry. Yeah. And I was like the whole thing was I purposely picked a college that's gonna be right there and fast forward to late December and then I have my second surgery where they and take out my rectum and then insert like a new one made out of my small intestine called the J pouch. I didn't think I was gonna be that bad like I was after my first surgery.

00:31:02.140 I was in the hospital. I think the whole time I was only there for like eleven days. You know a pretty massive surgery to have but like like whatever so they do this surgery. And my roommate got me sick the day before he had a slight cold and I was like OK everything should be fine. He's not good at like wiping stuff down that he coughs on and like because he's an 18 year old and like we lived in like a fraternity house too. Yeah. So like everyone says well yeah pretty much you know like everyone.

00:31:32.800 One person got sick and got sick and I'm like that's just how it works in dorms in general. That's what happened. So they go and they do the surgery and I wake up and I have a cough but I refuse to cough because they literally just her they cut into my abdominal wall. Second time they didn't tell me they were going to do that but they like so like they made like pretty much like a triangle pattern like around my belly button to like pull out the test like the intestine the first time and then they went over it a second time to pull out more small intestine for this you know like just j pouch surgery that they gonna do.

00:32:04.720 And I didn't know that. So when I coughed one time like Oh my God you know like worst pain I've ever been in my life. And just like out of all three surgeries like this one was by far the worst one. And beyond pissed like you know I don't feel good. I don't want to cough. I'd like. And when I would cough as coughing up mucus that I was like half dollar size was huge. I didn't feel good. And I get out of the hospital.

00:32:32.170 And I spent like every day you know just sleeping and laying up so I could go back to school. You know like I only had like a month. So we purposely planned it over Christmas break and then didn't even really have a break. You know just everyday I was like laying down hating my life and then I go back to college everything's pretty much fine and then we scheduled my third surgery for spring break and spring. Yeah right. So that Monday they go in and then they do the reconstructive surgery so I won't have a colostomy bag anymore.

00:33:02.610 Your spring your new rectum you know maybe out of your intestine you know great ideas attract them before. I don't. I have said it before. I've never used it so casually and I'm always good of you to say that I guess. Yeah. Everyone like it's just a new butthole. I like how I vote. Yeah. I've always been casual about it but yeah I think I would also circle saying butthole people would. I don't know which is but I think yeah you just get used to this.

00:33:33.780 Yeah like poop was like my life for literally 2 years and then when I start working on an animal shelter like I was involved with poop all the time. Like you know my dad just used to it. And then I came back and everything was pretty much fine like first time you know. I mean I still have the blood clot in my leg but now I'm only taking shelter at this point so that's it. Yes I'm lonely. Yes. So from 26 pills and to 1 to 1 no infusions anymore. Like that's why I was like Why don't I almost lost my bag. Yep. No more colostomy bag.

00:34:03.540 I mean like I actually enjoyed it like it was a good time I made a lot of pranks with it like Israel typical 18 year old guy was I was doing a colostomy bag brings me silly. Obviously you can't fire it if there's no connection. I'm really bagging my farts so I would walk into a guy's room I'd crank it to 90 and air my belly and let it out.

00:34:35.990 Out So like I was the fun part. So then you would like you'd sit down the lounge you wait 5 10 minutes and then you'd watch him gag as we walk in to a heat bomb and walk out of it. I was like I can do this in a contained environment what can I do in Wal-Mart. Oh no I was the worst person ever. But I like it. I like that you found this. I had this one in my mind. Yeah it was. It was a blast.

00:35:04.920 I really just think that all our lying. Did you clear the Walmart. I know those sections. I do it and no one would ever mess with me. It's like as much as like everyone wanted just to kill me in like an eternity. They'd never do it. So like I mean if we hit him he's going to produce because of his. But then there is on top of that he's got a colostomy bag like right. This kid's a douche. You get pregnant you know like they hated me but. But not like this pretty much after after that.

00:35:34.190 Like nothing really happened to me like I was healthwise finally the first time in my life. And then it's August of twenty seventeen This point and I wake up to a phone call from my dad and he's crying and he's like has cancer. And it was just like I was literally like that's what woke me up with this phone call so I'm groggy but like you know I'll never forget. Like how clear that weird cancer is in the phone.

00:35:58.080 And like instantly like tearing up because like my mom's never ever ever been sick in her life and like even my brother said that one time he was like she never even got a call when we were growing up. So like how the heck does she have cancer and shit like stage 2 breast cancer. And so immediately you know like what can we do like stop this right now. And so they're doing all these things and like I'm just like in a dark place in my life at this point you know I'm like depressed you know it's like I'm going to lose my mom and like I'd been dating a girl like the whole time I was going through all my sort of quietest things.

00:36:34.530 So we'd been together for four and a half years and we break up and wow. So first it's my mom and then I was here and like I'm devastated. My junior year college is just like depressed you know. And every just like you know it just really sucked and my mom was really really really sick and it seemed like every time I was getting a phone call from my dad I never wanted to answer it. So I didn't want to hear Yeah I didn't want to hear that phone call and I would come home every weekend.

00:37:05.110 You know I was working three jobs and like whenever I had time I'd come just to make sure like you know see how she was doing. Every time I came back she looked worse and like it was literally just watching my mom deteriorate in front of me and it was like the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. And you know like when you just that Yeah exactly yeah yeah. And you just wake up and you're watching it and feels like I wish you feel powerless you feel powerless and like that was like when I made that like first connection I'm like now I know how my mom felt watching me sick you know.

00:37:37.020 And like you know like roles literally gory various like now she's in the hospital all the time and like I'm sitting in her hospital bed you know like with her I'm walking into my senior year now and I was living with like my pretty much like my daughter my best friend. And then we had another friend and those two just like never get along and like Healy It just ended badly and he moved out. And like on a moment's notice like how so.

00:38:09.210 He decides to move out and I'm thinking How the heck am I going to pay for it now. And then on the same day I get a phone call from the University accusing me of drinking in class and I wasn't. So they're like you don't drink. I mean I don't really. I mean like I do but not very often. You don't have a college right. It's got to be smart. And I so like I was like Why would I drink in class like you know like I'm like Tip certified and like made a name for myself on campus. I'm like why would I drink in class.

00:38:37.650 You think I'm that stupid. Right. And like there to the point where like you can possibly be getting kicked out of school. And then my girlfriend dumped me all on the same day somehow on the worst day of my life like another terrible day. And that was the turning point from my life at this point. And remember calling my mom crying that night makes my mom seem like the only a person I will ever call me down through any storm. And I was like you know like playing me like I can't do it anymore. She's like What can't you do and you.

00:39:10.070 Made me laugh. The next day I went in I got like a bible from Wal-Mart which of all things right here like why. And. I don't know either but I just started working at kids in Calico coffee and so I started working there and now I'm like there's literally my first day too. So it's my first day there. Oh all three of those things. No transitions and no training. Yeah. Yeah it is. I'll break your leg is just boring. Yeah.

00:39:37.920 And you know and like and so I'm reading my bible and I haven't been to church pretty much like for years. This point. Still pretty frustrated with God and my misfortune of life. And one of my co-workers was like. Joe you should come to church with me this Sunday. Like why. Like when I started getting tattoos I grew up liking on a small church reference I tattoos are bad. You know like everyone starts looking at me different this point.

00:40:08.500 So I'm like I don't feel like a bad person because I got tattoos like this is a weird society. Sometimes you feel like the older generation so like they ruined my perspective church. And she's like No this church isn't like that like Grace is nothing like that. So she asked me like go with her and I did. And it was like the first time I felt like a pastor really sat down with me and asked me like what are your problems. I'm gonna write a sermon about it like I was one of those.

00:40:36.480 It felt like like it's not like you speaking right at and. I've had that very very same sensation. There's some of them that feel like. Did he hear me. Like I literally thought a pastor overheard me talking. And. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like oh my god that is like. Remember just listening to it and like I remember after we left she was like. That was for you like you needed that today didn't you and like she didn't see me crying like that whole message like I was bawling my eyes out.

00:41:06.730 And I've like I've also cried in church in Baltimore. And like yeah it was like the first time I've ever had a sermon do that to me yeah. And few as probably a few days later. It was it was Kayla. Her name's Kayla. And then Tyler and I are working so the three of us we were talking about the show on Netflix called Riverdale and I made a joke about it about me being dropped off as a baby on the church steps there and he knew all about that story and which is weird because he's only a few years older than me and like he wouldn't even aware of the news at that time yeah.

00:41:41.150 You know. Right. So it was really weird to hear that and Tyler was just like yeah like you were the baby where you wrapped in this blanket and like yada yada and he's asking me some details that I you know like I told you my mom only had about one snippet right. And it wasn't a very detailed article so I'm like This is weird. These details did you know these details he knew more about you than he knew more about me than. But he didn't know that you were that building until that day.

00:42:07.020 So he said that he was working for the Carney hub three years ago and then he was also at U and K.. His professor at U K in the English department and his boss at the Carney hub or the very first two reporters that ever did a story about me and the Carney hub and they had. Had to like I ended up finding out later that they were both really new to the Carney hub. So that's why they got sent together to do this story.

00:42:35.070 I'm sorry. I'm coughing the night too. I don't know why you're allergic to your basement. RC You know I'm not gonna say there's not more down here. I won't make that clear. No Tyler is asking me all these things and he didn't believe that I was Baby Doe that well we were talking about this and they matter.

00:42:58.470 He's a really skeptical person lake like every time I was I guess I I'm like I'm not messing with you bro and like he's like No you mess around all the time your jokes Jerry a prankster and like I really am but he like that's why I couldn't believe how he'd say it like the classmate things. Yes I would yeah he he he like he couldn't believe me. He's like if you're serious. Call the carny hub and email this professor. He brought up the phone numbers and emails. I did it right in front of him and he was like still don't believe me.

00:43:27.870 He was like he's taken this joke too far. And he told me later on he was kind of get pissed. Yeah I'm about to fall asleep that night and this is like a Friday. I wake up to a Facebook message pretty much like wakes me up. From them at like 1:00 in the morning and he's like okay I'm sorry but I Facebook stalked you and your birthday matches these newspaper articles. He said that there was a file at the Carney hub that he told me to call for. He said it has over a dozen articles in the Carney hub about you.

00:43:59.550 If you are this baby doe. Well he'd actually taken that file and borrowed it and he'd had it for three years and he was just hanging onto it had it for three years for no reason. He had quit his job at the hub and he's like this will be awkward if I bring it back you know. So he had all of the files that should have been on the Internet pretty much yet but he'd had him for three years and he was just like I don't know I just kind of randomly found him sitting on my desk a couple weeks ago which is like you know like yeah this is where I like this is where this story gets weird.

00:44:32.940 So he's like Yeah I just kind of randomly found these. And anyway so he takes a picture of the very first article ever written about me and he sends it to me on Facebook and I look at it and others like Man that is you know a bizarre to the point I'm almost emotional like never seen this. And like I've never actually been the Riverdale at this point. Like I always wanted to go I just never worked up the courage to drive and look and you were kind of busy. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. There's stuff going on at the time you could drive you mad. Yeah yeah. And he was like Dude I'm like I'm sorry I don't believe you.

00:45:03.480 He's like This is insanity and like we talked about it for a solid hour he's like I'm going to bring him in tonight you can look at him and he brings them in that night to work and I look at him and like I'm almost in tears because like you know I'm reading all these articles just flip and they're on like this is you know like the first hours in my life the first two weeks my first three or four you know like getting in the months of my life they're all covered in these articles and like my parents were able to keep my identity quiet for all this all this time because no one wants to grow up. Yeah.

00:45:33.800 Leah Daly now I'll raise you where people are constantly watching you knowing that you're the baby that was left on the grass the air that know. Yeah. So the fact that they were able to keep my identity quiet you know and like because of this now like my parents are telling me stories about chicks I'm telling them on my hey this is happening and I've got these articles in my possession like they're telling me details now they're like we had to sneak you out of the back of the hospital and we got you and like me all these things now and I'm like like my mind's just like being flooded with way too much information throughout October and November of 2018.

00:46:05.730 And was there one detail from the articles that stuck out to you at all. Not really. More than anything it was just the picture of the three boys. Interesting because you know as the three boys that found me and they all got citizens awards for. Finding me and like you know handling the situation and like. I was like I wonder if I can find them you know and I'd love to just reach out to them and thank them for what they did. If not I'm sure they have a question on the other hand.

00:46:34.870 Exactly. Baby on the yes actually. And so there is they have a stupid generic names like John Smith. This is gonna be on your baby though. That's hard. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think this is going to be damn near impossible but one of like out of the three only one had like a non generic name I found I actually found one of the guys right away but like. This Charlie he didn't look like this kid because like you gotta think they're twins.

00:47:03.150 They're twelve at the time when they finally see you change a lot they're 33 34. Paul right now you know it's been it's been 22 years like this this don't look like this kid. You know I would hate to see someone try to match me up to my 12 year old and like I'm a Facebook creep and hard are like there's just one picture this kid like one of them Samus brand and I'm like this looks like it like I stocked all the way back to 2007 so he would have been 22 at the time but just the way his face was angled in this picture too like this newspaper article as black and white and like this has to be him you know.

00:47:40.240 And I took a picture of it and I said Hey I'm such and such and I'd love to get to talk to you. And if you're not this person in this picture I'm sorry. This is awkward. You know. And I left it at that sent I sent the message on this Saturday evening. The next day I went back to Grace again to church. I get home from church that day and I'm like I'm going to Riverdale lake. I'm just gonna go. I know what the church looks like now. I don't even know if they have multiple churches there. I get my number every day I feel like had find it.

00:48:10.320 It's just this small town and I knew that. So I just said destination Merrimack River and you start driving and like I'm driving and like so I studied criminal justice and sociology and college and like this is actually where my head went when I was on this drive. I'm like OK I'm the birth parents. Why would I drop my baby off at Riverdale. And I get there and it's literally the first right turn to get to the church. I'm like this makes perfect sense.

00:48:39.910 You know if they ride off the highway right off the highway early West I would've dropped it off there too. You know like if I was trying to put myself in their shoes like that was literally what I was doing. And so anyway that's where my head was going and I show up thank God service had just gotten over because I'm like regardless you know it's gonna be awkward. Like for what I'm about to get into it and that's the way it'd be like. So I have had here before I was literally kind of happened.

00:49:08.590 I walked up the steps and I remember looking at the steps and almost bloody and I'm I'm like I'm never seen this in my 40 emotion all at this point I'm not really emotional I'm just like this is literally where it all began. You know like looking down at a man like this is cool. Like you know like these steps are like my history like I this church doesn't look like it's changed a bit from this article and I'm sure. Yeah how it happened. Yeah. So I finally I just I didn't even really hesitate walked right up and then.

00:49:36.160 I'm wearing like a white T-shirt and jeans and I got tattoos like I stick out like a sore thumb all dressed up you know like suit and tie almost smell and it's just a smile that they just know it doesn't matter how you look at it like that if you walk up there like why are you here feeling you know exactly. And like someone I guarantee you that's not at the church seven miles away I already know it's like there's some guy at the church somebody made it out I don't hang out there yeah.

00:50:04.330 And everyone's looking at me super inquisitive like why are you here. And also there's that Christian thing. Like give me up and then I can get to be the helper. And that was the pastor's wife actually. Yeah. It's like she's like How can we help you today. And I'm like Is there a pastor here. And like I got a backpack on too so this makes it worse. She's like Oh my God you need a pastor and she takes off running. Like you probably think I'm suicidal. I'm like really good director.

00:50:34.900 They think you're a drifter who needs shelter. And I was like Oh my God I messed up and now he's sprinting up the same stairs and literally just walked up actually past and coming in not knowing anything. This all day on the steps and they walk in he's like How can I help you. My name's Pastor Scott Guthrie and say cool. Well there's no easy way to go about this but hi. There was a baby dropped off here roughly 22 years ago. Do you know anything about that. And he just starts laughing He's like is that you.

00:51:06.130 And I'm so pleasant that you're about 22. He's like really. Yes I am. And everyone's like oh my goodness. Like this is crazy and items like mine blown on like this as well. And there's still people around you. That's why I just feel like a congregation around yeah 20 ish people watching the scene and like you know like there's probably how many people were at the service. Yeah. And there's like the old people know like what do you say and the baby.

00:51:32.110 So they're repeating I still have this file of all these articles and I pull them out and I show on and anyway they invite me to lunch and they take me out to lunch and everyone's asking me like questions my answering the same questions like 80 times you know like bios it's whatever. And the pastor invites me. Scott invited me to his house things like I want to show you something if you have time today or if you want to come back another time. It's like now I'm already in it for the long haul at this point the last four days of my life has been absolutely like what the hell.

00:52:04.150 And you know so invites me to his house. He's like Hey this is kind of weird but take a seat and I sat down like in his little study and he pulls out this article he's like this is an article I wrote about you 22 years ago and he said sit in front of me and he's like this is what's really weird is about three weeks ago which is the same week that Tyler found that file was sitting on like his desk at home. He's like I found this randomly as we were cleaning up my mom's house removing her. Anyway I was like man this would go great with a sermon I'm about to do in two weeks.

00:52:35.760 I did that sermon last week and here you are week three walking into church and I'm like that's why. And then he's like Yeah. And like also and he pulls out this book and he's like This is one hundred and twenty fifth anniversary book that our church did. He's like I've been the pastor here for 30 years. He's like so it's cool to be like in this book and everything and look back at the years will. He opens it up to the senator you know centrefold and it's literally just about that just about the baby being dropped off and like how weird it was.

00:53:07.290 Well the thing that got me more than anything like literally shook almost started crying on the spot on the right page. There's two articles that were like glued together forever on this page the top ones the article my mom showed me when I was 15 and the one below it is the picture Tyler said to me on Facebook of that very first article and all the twelve articles. Then out of all it would have been that these two were like glued together forever I'm like This is God at this point right. Yeah.

00:53:33.240 And like first time in my life where I'm like okay God real and I was like just this come to Jesus moment anyway I leave two days later it's Tuesday at ten thirty at night I get a Facebook message from that guy that I messaged on Saturday and he's like put your phone number that's all I said to my message. I run to my roommate's room and why do I think I found that guy. And like. He's like the guy like you think the like one of the boys that found you and was like I think I found him and he asked me can give me a phone call.

00:54:04.950 And like right now so I give him my phone number and he calls me he's yelling at me like he's actually mad at me and I'm like Why are you so mad and say I'm not telling you anything till you tell me how you found a picture of me. So I know it's him at this point but I everything you know like pretty much not everything I've told you but like for the most part like what had transpired from the age of five to being like finding this article.

00:54:30.150 He's like Okay I'm sorry I'm so mad and I'm trained in counterintelligence I find out he's in the military later on but he's like the reason I'm so mad because I had a dream I talked to you on the phone five days ago which would have been the night that I got the file or the articles. It would've been that Friday. And you know and like just in tears at that point anyway God's at work and the day before I got a phone call from the carny hub to see if we could do they could do an interview.

00:54:59.570 They're like I've never had you know a story like this where I've done a story and the story comes back to me. And then I started realizing how small this world really is even though it's really big. The second one of the other guys that found me. So like I said before I start kids and colleagues working at the mall. Well the place I worked at the mall. His uncle. So one of the boys found me his uncle on the store I worked with his uncle every day and worked with his mom every day. Oh that's funny.

00:55:29.790 You know I was just like why didn't I make the joke three months earlier four months earlier. But you know and anyway so we're sitting down with like the kind we have at this point was. I don't really know if I should do this or not. And like you put yourself in my parents shoes at that point it's like they went to all work to keep their identity. Right. And now you're blowing it. Yeah. And on top of that it was more of a I felt like it was just like a dagger to both of them which like I explained I'm like This isn't about that.

00:55:58.440 It's just like what if like I could find my medical history you know like if anything Look what I've been through. Like it's yeah it's your story and it really is and I'm like well I'm like the clotting thing that had a genetic tie I mean like what if I could find what else is there. What else is there. You know so like I know right now if I ever have kids I am the beginning tree on my side. And then like my wife you know in the future and like that sucks. Yeah. You know it's like I wish I could go back further until you like you're going to die from like 17 different things.

00:56:29.350 But we just gotta start with what I got you know. And maybe it's a good thing they don't know but you know. So it's kind of more of that thing than any anything. And so they interviewed me for the article and they interviewed all three of the guys tracked him down really is he and I interviewed the sheriff and I got to meet Sheriff Miller. He was the sheriff at the time and he still is. And it was weird. All these people are still around and not like at this point I wanted my birth parents to be you know like I grew up.

00:57:03.060 Literally 20 minutes away 30 minutes away. You know like everyone from like this story still lives the furthest almost Grant I guess Iowa like one of the boys. But like other than that everyone's still here. Some like there's a good chance they're going to read this or see this and next thing I know. The story just goes everywhere like just I think over 30 thousand people read it off the corny hope website alone and I read it. Yeah yeah.

00:57:32.000 And the Associated Press picked it up and then it shot up to the World Herald and then Lincoln Journal Star in New York and Ireland and then it started going further and then started going to Colorado and Iowa and then South Dakota and then Kansas eventually like I got a facebook one day and a guy from Waco Texas just seen it in the Waco Texas Tribune. So it made it down to Waco Texas and I'm like all places you know.

00:57:57.080 But like it was weird just to see it just shooting you know like everyday wasn't slowing down you know like it just kept speeding up to the point where I think I couldn't sleep at night. So I'm like what's going to happen tomorrow. You know like that's literally sir. That's literally how it was for 20 some days straight literally every day. I could tell you something like this happened like I met this guy. I had this phone call. I found these articles you know like that's literally how it was day by day. How were your parents reacting to all of this. Angry at first really personally but.

00:58:28.670 Understandable. And then I think probably that out of concern for concern for me and not because I heard but because they idea I think that was more of anything. And then I could tell there is just like a touchy subject. So I try not to bring it up and. That's kind of more after like the articles you know we're like done. And I was like you know this is kind of over kind of thing you know. And. I think that came out like early early November and.

00:58:59.270 Mid-November and I was just like I remember sitting down with like the past room and turning under your right now and. He was sitting there and he was like Yo man like you ever accepted Jesus into your life before and like you sharing the gospel with me. It's like I never heard it like you know like I guess I grew up in church. But like this was like a new new thing for me like a new way to look at it like Christianity in general and faith.

00:59:26.300 And I was just like I don't really think I have like to do that right now. Right here for you on totally up to you and I said yes. So I don't really know how to say no so it's like we're in the middle of white kids in calico and there's all these people moving around and like I can't get in the zone like now I could pray like that at the time no like oh so self-conscious. I mean I was like before you see me I'm like I'm freaking out you know.

00:59:53.760 Yeah he was like Dude congratulations you know a Christian I was like Oh I feel different you know. And like you know he's like super hyped and like Anyway I was like oh I really think that's where do you know. And remember seeing that pick at work and that night I remember sitting down with my friend Ben. And I'm telling him I'm like dude like some weird stuff happened at the coffee shop today. He was like what happened.

01:00:22.190 About you know he's been on a ride but you're kinda weird that he's like Let's hear it bro and you know. And then he was like Ben's like super super passionate man about everything he does he is one hundred and fifteen thousand percent. Like you know and like all of us has faith and like I've never seen anyone so passionate about like loving Jesus the way this guy does. And it's like literally one of most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life. And we're sitting there and we're talking about it and he's like.

01:00:52.310 Well he's right you know. And I was like I know. But it was just like hey I don't feel any different. He was like What are you afraid of. He's like You know what. I'm gonna challenge you right now. He's like ask God are you here right now. Just like just like that. Oh my we're in the middle of DOMA. So you know that's a dangerous game to play. I'm like What. He's like Do it. I sat there for 10 minutes. I couldn't say it. I know I can say God or you hear like you know I say it's so easy now. I couldn't say it at the time.

01:01:22.530 Saying the Moldova I see people moving around me. I'm like I couldn't say it. I could not bring myself to say it. I sat there for 10 minutes quiet like I had a hat on. Fix my how they play it. My mustache my beard at the time I think. But like I couldn't say it. He's looking at me with like tears in his eyes and I'm like So you know my head like why can't you say it like why can't you say it to say it. Like try to say I love you to someone for the first time. Yeah. And I was literally feeling like I said you know I'm like to the point where I'm sweating now like in the mentalist stupid doughboy.

01:01:54.020 I can't eat I can't say anything. And he's like I'm not even who they say it like. And he's almost in tears like ready to cry. I'm like if anyone can be this passionate about loving Jesus like I'm living my life wrong you know. And like like you're just like so passionate about something right. I was like. I don't really know how to explain like what happened to me when I finally did. Like God are you here. And like the way that like I just felt like I had like a thousand pounds just lifted off.

01:02:26.990 My shoulders to the point where I was asleep. I like literally shot back and make me see like. What was that. And like honestly I really feel like it was the Holy Spirit. Like anything in my life. The first time in Lake which is like if you haven't had that experience like you're not going to know but like that's the only way I can explain it. Now I've had a similar and yeah it does it sounds crazy and yet you don't know how to do in the outside like whatever you know but like when it happens to you just like what just happened.

01:02:56.880 Like you know and you can't explain it you really can't. It's hard to explain. That's the only way I can explain it. And he's like you like realized what happened right away. And he was just like do you go for a walk and like picked up my train threw my feet away like you like this you know walk down like he prayed for me and like I was just like tells weird. And like I think like what a miracle to that God please this friend in your life. Yeah. And Lydia Rumi now. Oh he's just about it.

01:03:26.300 He is the guy that got me the job. Oh yeah. Yeah. So God knew what I was doing I put this person in your. You know that it's comfortable for you to go to get it this time exactly and a kid who is ready to minister to someone like that who is like yeah and he's only four years older than me. Yeah. You know and like and like it was just like perfect timing it's God's timing. And. The next day I was. Yeah. The next day I went and talked to Aaron's.

01:03:55.570 This would have been like a I think what happened. I talked to Pastor Aaron and like I was like dude I feel like I need to go into ministry. And he's like What. Like he's like I know like you know and like I hadn't given myself to the Lord yet like I hadn't I hadn't prayed that prayer yet and I hadn't told him that either yet. I think even to this day probably still things like that conversation we had was the moment by at the coffee shop. Yeah. But it was like four days later when you were actually ready one day. Yeah I was ready to do it by myself.

01:04:26.830 And I like that you said that by yourself. You don't. It doesn't have to be a big production that you just were able to do it yourself. And and maybe getting ahead had your story but I know you're totally fine but that was the thing was like I remember I kept running and the pastors like nonstop and like kids and Calico is a breeding ground for pastors. I've noticed that wasn't a battle. I don't know but like the thing is so we have it is that way too. And there's like a strange Christian vein through this coffeehouse.

01:04:57.320 It's yeah it's aggressive. I think it is yeah it's very strange. The thing I've been there a few times and I have to be more attentive. Well it's wild but I'm there working in commercials on these things I don't like. Yeah I mean I'm used to screenwriters and coffee shops. Not yet anyway but not like that was what was happening like I could be reading a book with headphones in and like they'd be tapping on my shoulder and like and it wasn't just anyone it was a pastor. But the thing was they were never from Carney they were always from a different town.

01:05:27.550 And I was just like why are all these pastors coming to me now. I'm like This is weird. Like this is straight up weird and I really really felt like he was calling me in the ministry and it was like I knew I couldn't do that until I you know like I really did give my life to Jesus. And remember telling Aaron that. And I was like you know telling him like I need to go into ministry like I really feel like God's telling me you need to go into ministry. And so it gets a pretty big thing bro like he's like Yeah a two day old Christian.

01:05:56.260 So it's like you need to chill like I want to officially join the church and I'm like that's kind of how I think he felt. And he's like fiery I pray about it man. It was like OK. And like I went home that night. I remember like talking to my mom and like and tell her I was going to draw. I kind of like her is can drop out of school to do this. Is pretty monumental you know I'm 10 classes away from graduating and I'm about to drop out of college and we're looking at her and she's like don't look like she felt good.

01:06:27.450 I was like Are you OK. And she's like Ha I just haven't headaches some sad brain tumor like in my mike said brain tumor to me like Cleary's day. And I was like like why would you say that Joe like in your head. You know like I sound weird but I brush it off the next day I I'm sitting in my my apartment my room and I'm listening like the sermon Byron McManus and do you know. Irwin yes yeah. I didn't know. I didn't know this part of your story.

01:06:56.380 You know our own Irwin was my pastor in relay at Mosaic. I didn't know that. Yes okay. So whole Oh yeah. Oh I didn't know this. Holding out OK. I'm listening. Are you listening. Irwin McManus and like his sermon just like hitting me so hard. And I was like this guy's crazy. And like do you know what ceremony it was. Oh yeah. Was it the arrows it was from last arrow. That's actually when I got this tattoo is from the arrow one is my favorite one so.

01:07:28.410 Well actually it was from chasing daylight. But like his book last arrow was what inspired like my talk to him like that story in the Bible. But that's funny. So yeah I'm listening to this. I almost quoted the arrow sermon when you are like sometimes when there's a sermon that's right at you. Yeah that was that that was the sermon. The one of the first sermons I ever felt on that changed a big moment in my life and I it was the arrow. I Yeah. I continue. It's really fine.

01:07:56.020 I'll uh I'll link to the Arrow sermon the Bible. I was listening to shaking ground though from his book Chasing Daylight which is what I'm reading right now. But I was listening to it and I remember it like in that he was praying he's like man even if you're out in the Midwest listening to this on a straight line straight up. And like do you like look around like you. And it's just it's just yeah.

01:08:20.470 It was just me like in my room and like I'm a bit like the spot I was I like everything and you're just like you know like so many of you guys haven't cross this line of faith yet like you haven't prayed the prayer that's going to completely change your life and like when you step into this moment like I'm about to ask you to it'll change your life forever and it was like his words and like he was just like just pray a simple prayer like if you're willing to do it if you're really gonna like Step Across This Line of faith just say this simple prayer like Jesus I give you life let's it nothing crazy and I say it and as soon as I said it I like the tears that thought of my eyes and like laughing almost I was like laughing and crying probably like the scariest light anyone could possibly see but like it was like pure joy and happiness in my life.

01:09:06.470 And like full comes or circle like you know like I was like well like I did it. Like you know like that's if it looked like it worked. If there were you know you don't have to be fancy about it it doesn't matter what you say. Yeah you don't eat it like definitely different but like yeah. Catholicism I think a lot of people get hung up on the confessions side. Yeah. Yeah. And like there are like you can go in and you can follow this whole script and you can say like Bless me Father for I have sinned it's been this long and remember and all of these things. I don't know how I do that.

01:09:37.210 I learned it when I was in fourth grade. I could bring the script down with me but for me you know I just need to go in and I say this is what's on my. You know like this is what I have done. You know do I necessarily say every single cent that I've done since the last time I confessed. Yeah. No. Is that maybe what's intended. Maybe. But is that what I need. No I need to say what is weighing on my heart completely. Like that that you needed to say that. Yeah exactly what that you wanted Jesus in your life. Yeah. And as soon as you said it like you really felt it.

01:10:08.050 I did. Yeah. Like right after that. As soon as that sermon got over it was just like I prayed again. I was a God please give me a sign that I'm not crazy and I'm going to go into ministry like I need a sign otherwise I'm not doing it like I'm going to stay in school and I'm gonna hate my life. Finishing out this degree I don't care about but like I need a sign. So I got my car and I went to like the church is going to at the time and I like sat down with like the associate pastor there and I told him what had happened.

01:10:34.930 Like it told me about the articles and everything that like spiraled into like what it was at the time and leaving his office I was like I wasn't designed like that was not the sign. It should have been made way clear. I go to work that day I get a phone call from my mom at 3:00 I get a phone call from my dad like three at one I get another call from my mom my dad my mom my dad my refused to answer because I knew I knew it was gonna be something bad. Five o'clock rolls around my brother calls me. So I came in give me a pick you up I'm on my way to Omaha mom has a brain tumor.

01:11:07.070 So like I said literally the day before brain tumor right. So now it's 10 o'clock at night. My brother finally gets the Carney. I'm tired like I've got all my all my stuff packed up and like the whole time as I'm driving like something is telling me it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. And I'm like I'm gonna be pissed off these are like you know like but now I really feel like OP is like it's gonna be okay. You know like why are you worried. So I just had this sense of calm the whole time.

01:11:31.330 Everyone around me is like freaking out and we get to Omaha it's like 3:00 in the morning. I finally get to it like three thirty and my dad drags me out of bed at like six so I'm running on two and a half hours of sleep. Like Folgers coffee and mountain dew and fear. Yeah right. Well there's coffee to a guy who works at a coffee shop. Disgusted.

01:12:00.530 So remember we walk into my mom's room like my brother stayed in a hotel. It's like my my sister in law and like a little baby like such as my mom my dad and I and like even though like I said like everything was telling me you're okay and like I'm staying calm. Up until this point and I'm reading this book called It's not supposed to be this way. Right. And like super fitting for the situation right. So I was like No it isn't supposed to be like this and I'm reading this book and I'm trying to stay calm and positive.

01:12:29.530 At the same time everyone's looking at me like how are you reading a book right now. And I'm flying through this book like this book is good and it's a Lisa is like in her book. She's like telling like a lot of really crappy things that have happened to her in her life. But like a lot of those like I was like Man I feel that you know this is sad I'm sorry like up and kind of through that to you. And she has a lot of passages from the Bible that like correlate with like her life. And I remember getting on page one eighty and one eighty one.

01:12:59.250 And there was a passage from John when there's a passage from first Peter four and something said you should read those to your mom like you know like in me and like I don't know if now's the time. Like even though I grew up like you know in a church it's like my parents like we never really discussed Christianity all that much of the Bible or praying like it so. And it was just makes you feel so vulnerable right. Yeah yeah. And like you know like I think there's a time and a place for everything.

01:13:28.470 And like it just maybe that was the right time you know. But like I just it's like I couldn't get myself to do it. So I turned onto the next page and I remember like looking at those two Bible verse sounds like me and she could hear this like I mean she could really probably benefit from this. And it was just like we got to that scary moment. Whereas like fear just crept up on everybody to the point where we're all crying. Like the surgery could go wrong like you know it's like we all had our breaking point and we're sitting there and something's like go back and read those verses.

01:14:02.100 So I did like I flipped back and I read that that verse from John. And like by your read like I mean I'm barely choking him out like I am so emotional and I finally finish like this verse. Living is like its first Peter for twelve through thirteen so it says beloved do not be surprised at the fiery trial and it comes upon you to test you as though something strange were happening to you but rejoice and so far as you can rejoice in Christ suffered and to rejoice that you know like that pretty much says in this this verse is like if you believe in Jesus like you can get through anything in this life will throw at you and don't be surprised like when life kicks you in the face like it's going to happen right.

01:14:40.440 Like it really is. But like if you can rejoice in that fact. Me and you're going to get through anything this life has to offer. Like I read that to my mom and she just looked at me and like looked at me in the eyes and was like it wasn't my mom speaking to me and Blake was my mom speaking to me and she was like Son I want you to go into ministry you know. And she said things like that's what she said. And I'm I'm take him back. Like where did that come from now.

01:15:10.440 And she's like you've always wanted to help people and this is how you can. The church is a broken place and I think you can be the one to help fix it. That's literally what she said. Normally. We feel like I just said like we never talked about church growing up we never talked about the Bible we never talked about praying we never talked about Jesus all that much. So I'm like Where the heck you know we lost the sign and prayed for. Oh yeah you know I was like I prayed for a sign my God. And then you know and it was my error close to says you should do that and that was through my mom and like that's the thing as I look back all the time and I'm like Devon when I was 15 I was one of the most influential people in my life.

01:15:44.400 God tried speaking through him but I don't listen. You know people in my youth group are really influential in my life. My listen to him. And now all these pastors do like you know break me down until it is my mom you know. Because like you just respect pastors like you have that respect and like. Influential and they're like it's your mom. And. I was like okay it's like I was going to tell you I was dropping out of school to do this you know easier now. Yeah. And.

01:16:12.960 They did the surgery that day and like she was fine got the tumor out Mike you know and it was just like. Dropped out of school I finished up my semester of college dropped out of school. And then started volunteering with the college ministry 83 and Carnie. Next thing I know I have an internship and. My next thing I know I'm like I'm doing messages every now and again teaching and like then every now and again I get to go tell this story at places and like every single time I get a call like you know tell my testimony and like Bounce do it like every single time on like God's asking me to go do it why would I not you know.

01:16:47.970 So I never really turned down an offer when anyone asked me like tell this story. I see so many churchy things now. Well you said Come to Jesus moment a couple times in earth. It's not like is it like an expression. I guess like a real real company Yeah like I really did I really lucked out with my parents and maybe the situation. God definitely knew what he was doing like when this happened you know and like how can I be mad at that. I just felt I keep I feel like I keep making this about me.

01:17:19.320 Sorry. I totally relate to you. Yeah sorry. Let's talk about me more OK. Now I had to pull this out because when you're talking about being in the room with your mom wait when she had the brain tumor with in a row with my mom. She's. I have to say it with our kids just because I feel like a cat. She's in remission. Me You know like I was getting the scan but April was the first time we found that out and that morning you know you know the feeling we're driving to the equipment so it's like awkward silence and then you're like yeah sometimes we're Catholic High.

01:17:56.610 We pray a rosary. You know just because no like it fills the space and it makes you feel like you're doing something you know. But also just like it gives you a little peace that gives you know there's something to do you know something that we can do together you know. But that morning I didn't do that I don't think because usually I think if my sister is not with us I have to be the one that is like Hey you guys on a prayer rosary you guys want to do that you know.

01:18:21.460 But my mom has a devotional that I started taking from the church now to you that just has like the daily readings that we do it at mass and so that day I just happened to grab sometimes a ticket sometimes I go I grab my Bible and that little book and I just like sometimes you're sitting there and you just need something you know. So I read the daily readings or whatever and it's about the in Acts where the lame man is healed and gets up and extra I I read a later.

01:18:56.260 It's high it was hard to read that and not think like today is going to be a good day but you still can. Like in my mean that's still like. And I think my brother gets to the appointment and I'm like well like I you know I read this morning he's like I know you know I had read it all so we're all sitting there waiting for that appointment. But like just thinking like this it's going to be good.

01:19:19.750 Maybe you know and then the other doctor comes in and says that everything has dramatically shrunk that you know like the results are outstanding and you know it's just like hard to believe but you know God is just there not reading was there for everyone else too. In another way you know it's not I don't know it's just it's hard to wrap your mind around that sometimes. Yeah but you know. Yeah I mean I can just relate so much she's sitting there talking about sitting in that room and that's funny that you like.

01:19:51.460 You brought up access because like this summer like for C 20 I quit the ministry and hoping with like that's what we're teaching. So that was last weeks and then like this four and five. But I was as creative as. I was reading a passage out of like Matthew 10 and like it was like Jesus was telling his disciples you know. And like this is foreshadowing like an ax and he was just like I'm never. Don't worry about when the time comes. Like for what.

01:20:19.120 For like you know for what you need to say was like in those moments God would provide the words for you to say yeah. And like just like that it was like you were literally holding it in your hands like are you going to read it or not. Like so like that's like what it made me think over like you're saying. But yeah I think it is every interaction you have like this where I gasp at one point and Katie reading is the inverse versus Katie in the last week because basically every interaction you have something like that like going tell this story.

01:20:49.730 Yeah every time every time somebody who's like you know we normally like going tell the story especially like at church like Aaron's crying especially moms like that's who it always hits the marsh is like any mom but I'm dead inside. All right. It's not that I it's not I'm not moved. I don't cry I say except for random times that the worst stuff like have you ever seen a movie just married with a bald gay.

01:21:21.190 Well I think on just married we're gonna wrap it up. We. We end every podcast with a couple of questions. The first one is if you could summarize everything we talked about sort of today if you had one thing you want our audience to take away from today so that they would have some knowledge of what this experience is like for you what life is. You know we all sort of colitis sucks.

01:21:50.310 That's the first ball boy. Life can be crazy sometimes. And God is always working in your life and just gotta be willing to open your eyes and look at that sometimes. Open your heart. I think for me I don't even have to open your eyes. You just have to not fight it. Sometimes you know and just trust which is the hardest thing.

01:22:16.240 I like that you pointed out that he just is a little relentless. Just the opportunities keep coming. Like he's not he's not giving up. He did not stop pursuing me and like me it's like that for everybody. That's very much been my experience. And like I feel like we all like I feel like it's at the moments where we are like at our lowest point is where like it is most prominent is when you're only those emotional highs or spiritual highs those like wonderful seasons of your life where like Hey look who's got here right now.

01:22:45.490 And then like next thing you know you're like in a drought you're like what is happening. And it's like are you even here. Like but like you go back to those moments really. Okay. He was here there is fear here. And like I saw it all the time you know for three months almost straight every single day there was like a garden counter moment like even yesterday I had like five you know and like when you're seeing them all the time it's like how can I question it. Like when I hit that season of drought. You know I'm for real you know.

01:23:14.090 So I didn't have that I have a moment I go back to continually and be like Yep yep yep yep. Little checks out that's me with my mom every time like now I'm having a rough day and like I've got this mean to me and like he was this day when I was sitting there in the hospital with my mom because I think you've touched on down is part of faith doubt is a thing that creeps back you know in the ugliest times and you have to just push it away continually all the time in. The. Deep.

01:23:43.370 Okay. Yeah yeah. So the question is we want you to do our job for us. Well you can do you know that we should like. Is there something you don't understand is there an expert in something that you think would be cool. You don't have to know the expert either. I'll be there. Is there something you'd be interested in listening to a one hour podcast play. I'm always intrigued with like medical stuff like I was so fascinated with it like when I was sick. I was just like you know every firm thing from that to like insurance.

01:24:13.340 Like most times like you know I sleep we got off on that banter for a little while and I feel like a lot of people don't really know. That's like one thing. It's like. How much does it cost. You know it's like the second week in a row I can and our guest said last night. Yeah. Well I guess I'll look at that person's like such a Debbie Downer thing to do. Yeah but like it's really something that's super fun conversation about how insurance sucks.

01:24:43.290 Mm hmm. Well thank you very much to Joe for being here with us for having us stop in and try as Blueberry cold brews. Very good. Joe's blue very cold beer Joe calico at calico coffee in Carney and other ministers. Bring your Bible. They love them there. And if you have an idea for a topic for us you can e-mail us at no concept g mail dot com if you're interested in sponsoring an episode you can email us again at no concept board at G.M. dot com.

01:25:12.940 Listen to us anywhere podcasts are available. Follow us on social media. No concept pod. Everywhere except for on Twitter. Not no Twitter. And that's all we have for today. And maybe you have a theme song to play us out in the near future. Oh yeah. Doo doo doo doo. Thanks for listening. I'll see you in two weeks.