Hey friends, welcome back to The Ariza Inspire Podcast— your go-to space for all things mental health, self-awareness, and real talk about the messy business of being human. I’m your host, Samantha, a licensed professional counselor and no, this isn’t therapy. Today we are getting into a topic that isn’t talked about nearly enough and one of the biggest reasons for my starting this podcast. I saw people preparing others for therapy but no clear guidance on this one very very important topic:

What if therapy… isn’t working?
Or even more awkward —
What if you need a new therapist?

I have literally talked to a few clients who were starting therapy with me….while still talking to another therapist because they just didn’t know how to end it.
So, yes, we’re going there.

Let’s talk about how to know when something’s off in therapy — how to recognize the signs, what are legit red flags, and how to handle it if your current therapist just isn’t it.
Because listen — therapy is an amazing tool. But it’s also a relationship. And just like any relationship, sometimes… it’s not the right fit and we are not going to enter anymore toxic ones if we can help it.

Part 1: First of all — therapy isn’t supposed to feel perfect

Let’s start with some real talk:
Therapy is not supposed to feel like a spa day. It’s not always comfortable. In fact, sometimes it feels kinda like emotional sandpaper.

You might leave a session feeling vulnerable, tired, even a little annoyed.

That doesn’t automatically mean therapy isn’t working.

Sometimes that’s just growth in progress.

BUT — there’s a difference between discomfort that helps you grow… and discomfort that means something’s not right.

Let’s break that down.

Part 2: Signs therapy might not be working

Here are some signs therapy isn’t working for you — at least, not in its current form.

1. You feel stuck — and not in a “processing something big” kind of way. You keep showing up, but the sessions feel like the same conversation over and over. No progress, no insight, no movement. You leave feeling like… “Why am I even doing this?”

2. You don’t feel understood.
You explain something vulnerable and your therapist kind of… misses it. Or changes the subject. Or gives you feedback that feels totally off. If you’re consistently walking away thinking, “They don’t get me,” that’s worth paying attention to.

3. You don’t feel safe being fully honest.
This is a big one. If you feel judged, dismissed, or like you have to edit yourself in sessions — therapy won’t be effective. You need to feel safe to be real.

4. You’re not sure what the point is.
Maybe your therapist listens, but doesn’t offer tools, insight, or direction. It feels like venting… but not healing. If you leave wondering what the plan is — and they haven’t clarified it — that’s a problem.

5. You’ve tried to bring up your concerns, but nothing changes.
Therapy should be a space where you can say, “Hey, I’m not sure this is working” — and your therapist should welcome that feedback. If they get defensive or ignore it? That’s not a great sign.

Part 3: Red flags from a therapist

Alright, now let’s talk about actual red flags. These go beyond “not a great fit” and into “this might be harmful” territory.

1. They talk about themselves a lot — and it’s not relevant.

Some self-disclosure can be helpful. But if your therapist is constantly talking about their own life, their problems, or their opinions — that’s a boundary issue. When your session becomes about them, red flag.
2. They give advice instead of helping you explore your own answers and push their beliefs.
Therapy isn’t about someone telling you what to do. It’s about helping you discover what’s right for you. They push their own agenda—like religious or political beliefs that don’t align with yours, and it feels intrusive. If it starts to feel like you’re being lectured or coached without consent — red flag.

3. They invalidate or minimize your experiences.
If you share something painful and your therapist brushes it off, compares it to others, or acts like you’re “overreacting,” that’s not okay. You talk about something deeply emotional and they say something like, “That doesn’t sound like a big deal.” Oof. A good therapist validates your reality.

4. They ignore or cross boundaries.
This could be things like texting you at inappropriate times, oversharing about their personal life, making you feel uncomfortable, or even flirting. Maybe they even ask you to meet outside of sessions. Absolutely not okay.

5. They’re consistently late, distracted, or unprofessional.
Therapy is a service. They might miss appointments, bill improperly, or behave in a way that makes you feel unsafe. You deserve someone who shows up on time, is fully present, and treats the time with care and respect.

Part 4: When it’s not bad, but it’s not clicking

Sometimes there’s no red flag, no big issue… it just doesn’t feel right.

Maybe your therapist is kind, professional, and trained — but the energy is off. You don’t feel seen. Or you feel like you're doing all the talking and not getting much in return.

That’s not failure — that’s just mismatch.

Just like dating, not every therapist will be the right fit. And you deserve one who feels right for you.

Ask yourself:
• Do I feel safe?
• Do I feel challenged in a supportive way?
• Do I trust this person with my hard stuff?

Let’s say:
• You just don’t click.
• You don’t feel heard, or you leave sessions more confused than helped.
• The vibe is off.
• You dread your appointments.
• Or maybe you’ve outgrown the dynamic. You’re ready for something deeper, more structured, more affirming.

If the answer is consistently no to those questions or you agree with the statements, even after a few sessions — it might be time to look elsewhere.

Part 5: What to do if you think it’s not working

Okay, so let’s say you’ve been listening and thinking, “Yup… I think I might need to find someone else.”

Here’s what you can do:

1. Reflect before you react.

Ask yourself:
• Have I given it enough time?
• Have I communicated what I need?
• Am I expecting perfection, or looking for genuine connection?
Sometimes we ghost our therapists because we don’t know how to say, “This isn’t working.” But trust me — you can.

2. Bring it up in session.

This is so valuable, even if you plan to leave. You can say:
• “I’ve been feeling kind of stuck lately and not sure if this is helping.”
• “I’m wondering if this is the right fit.”
• “Can we talk about the direction therapy is going in? I’m not sure it’s working for me.”

A good therapist will welcome this and have a conversation. And if they don’t? That just confirms you were right to question it.

3. Give yourself permission to leave.

You are not being difficult. You are not “quitting.” You are advocating for your mental health. You don’t owe anyone loyalty if the work isn’t helping you.

4. Start the search again — with more clarity this time.

Now that you’ve experienced therapy, even if it wasn’t a great match, you know more about what you need. Use that to find a better fit next time.

Part 6: Therapy is for you — and you deserve a good fit

Let’s end with this:

Therapy is supposed to be a space for you. Not to impress someone, not to perform progress, but to feel supported, challenged, and seen.

If you’re not feeling that — it’s okay to pivot. It doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you. It means you haven’t found the right therapist yet.

Don’t give up on the process just because one match didn’t work out.

You’re not too complicated. You’re not “bad at therapy.”

You’re just a person who deserves the right support.

Alright friends, that’s today’s episode. If something in this resonated with you — maybe gave you that little “aha” moment — take that seriously. You deserve therapy that helps you grow, not therapy that keeps you stuck.

And if you’re thinking about switching therapists, I hope this gave you some language, some clarity, and most of all — permission.

As always, if this episode helped you, send it to someone else who might need it too. Therapy is powerful — but only when it’s working for you.

Until next time — be gentle with yourself, and keep doing the brave work.