183 Elle Russ: Healing Your Thyroid From The Inside Out

===

Monica: Welcome to the Revelation Project Podcast. I'm Monica Rogers, and this podcast is intended to disrupt the trance of unworthiness and to guide women to remember and reveal the truth of who we are. We say that life is a revelation project and what gets revealed gets healed. Just two quick announcements.

Monica: Before we begin the main show, the first is if you haven't already joined the giveaway, please follow the link in the show notes and sign yourself up. You'll be so glad you did because this is all about having an opportunity to receive and join us in what we're calling the spirit of the giveaway, the spirit of generosity And there are many authors and artists and makers who have already contributed to this monthly giveaway with books, creations, love notes, and more.

Monica: So if you're not on the list. Please join us the second announcement that I have, and you'll hear more later in this episode is about our upcoming sisterhood circle happening this November with my favorite co conspirator Libby Bunton. This is of course our six month sisterhood circle that is all about detangling and untangling.

Monica: The knots of good girl programming and divesting from patriarchy and really searching and exploring the hidden limitations that hold us back. You'll learn the teachings, tools, and practices of embodied feminine leadership, and the most brilliant part of all of it is what you will learn. And feel and know in the wisdom of sisterhood.

Monica: So you can join us. By going to signup. jointherevelation. com slash unbecoming that's signup. jointherevelation. com slash unbecoming and get on the wait list so you can be the first to know when we open enrollment beginning. This November.

Monica: Hello everyone. And welcome to another episode of the revelation project podcast. Today I'm with L Russ. L is a number one bestselling author and world renowned thyroid health expert and a master coach. She's the author of confident as F U C K. And the paleo thyroid solution. So confident as fuck and the paleo thyroid solution, a book which has helped thousands of people around the world reclaim their health.

Monica: Elle has written for entrepreneur magazine and has been featured in success half post mind, body, green prevention. And more, she offers online courses and free masterclasses at lruss. com. And I was really interested in speaking to Elle today because so much of her conversation is centered at the source, I believe of women's dis ease, which is around our lack of confidence and what I

Monica: call the trance of unworthiness. And I believe that that is deeply linked to shame and how shame shows up in the body. And often that ha that emotional crisis has a physical manifestation. And as someone who has struggled with thyroid health, myself and Hashimoto's, it was, and has been really. a conversation that's near and dear to my heart, because if you will also think about where the thyroid gland sits, it's the butterfly shaped gland right at the throat where our truth is.

Monica: You know, this is the voice box. This is where our essence of our vibrational energy is spoken out into the world. And so if we're suppressing, denying, or rejecting that part of ourselves. And we are unable to speak our full truth. Oftentimes we will manifest an issue in that area or in a similar meridian, some place where that is also has some kind of energetic connection.

Monica: So please join me in welcoming Elle. Hey, Elle. 

Elle: Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited for this conversation and, uh, yeah, you're, you're so right about everything that you said. Aside from being like the throat chakra, what Louise Hay anyway, when she discovered the spiritual issues that went along with hypothyroidism.

Elle: Was an inability to express oneself or not expressing your true creativity. So anytime you're feeling that choked up feeling in your throat, and if you are lacking confidence and you're insecure, or you have other issues like that in this world with self love and self esteem, then you are going to get choked up a lot.

Elle: Now I've always been, even though I've had pitfalls with confidence, when I looked back. After I found this out years later after getting hypothyroidism, I looked back and I was like, what was going on when I got the actual problem? I couldn't speak up because I was in a relationship with a moody, broody, just one of those people.

Elle: That you're dancing around on eggshells. And I was choked up in my throat a lot and it is unlike me to not speak my truth. So it was interesting. It was like years later and I look back and I'm like, what date? What was, and I was like, Oh, it's interesting that years later, those things surfaced at a time where I did feel choked up.

Monica: Yeah. Like there is, I feel like that's the same for me. I remember. learning about Louise Hayes work and being really irritated because I wanted not to have that be a be true. I didn't want that to be the case, but the more I thought about my childhood, actually, the more I recognized that. There were physical, I could feel the tightness and I would just control it and suppress it down and say what was appropriate in my house versus what was true and it cost me and it's taken me a long time and I mean, here I am as a podcaster and I find that.

Monica: So much of the work that I do is about re inhabiting ourselves and coming back into right relationship with the body and our physical and how we physically manifest the essence of who we are in the world. And so whenever it comes up for me, whether even last night I was finding that I was trying to record something.

Monica: And I just kept having like a lump in my throat or like something to clear and just paying attention to it, just noticing like, Oh, what's here. And actually last night in the moment, I couldn't get it right. I couldn't say it right. And so I was trying to be the perfectionist and yet my body was being that true friend that was like, I'm just going to keep putting like something in your throat so that you have to continually clear it so that you can actually pay attention to that.

Monica: You're trying to be a perfectionist right now. 

Elle: Yeah. And I just want to also just a side note to that. A real symptom of true hypothyroidism can be, you know, Hashimoto's, you have antibodies attacking your thyroid gland. If you do feel neck shies, like a lump in your throat or you're, or you're constantly, now we are podcasters.

Elle: So, you know what I mean? We're going to be clearing our throats. We're talking a lot. This, this is going to happen to us more often, but you know who you are. If you're out there, if you have a really deep raspy smoker's voice, or you're always, or you have an issue swallowing or feeling like your neck shy, you don't want anything around your neck.

Elle: Okay. That is a symptom of hypothyroidism. So if it doesn't go away after you're like, you know what I mean? Then that's, that is something to not just blame, you know, I just don't want anyone to blame themselves and go, what do I need to spiritually work out here? It's like, maybe you just might need some blood tests.

Elle: So just know that that is also a symptom too, of the actual problem. So, 

Monica: Yeah, well, I love that you just pointed that out because I feel like there are a number of those symptoms that we don't pay attention to. One of them is difficulty swallowing. Yes, so there's actually a number of these things, but I kind of want to start out actually with like you were able to really identify that for yourself.

Monica: That's one of those stories I often hear. And actually, I, my ex husband, that was a similar issue with us. He was just Yeah. Moody and broody, and it was walking on eggshells. That was very similar to what now we have a great relationship today. You know, we produced two beautiful Children into the world, and that was not a healthy situation for me.

Monica: And getting myself out of that was the was the kindest thing I could have done, actually, for both of us. Yes. So I hear stories like that a lot though, where you have this undercurrent where we're not allowed to relax. We're not allowed to, we're kind of hypervigilant. We're in these situations or we choose these situations.

Monica: And so there's that kind of keyword of choice. We don't think we're choosing it, but we choose these situations that actually suppress and repress our truth. Yes. And then we end up having something manifest, but I'd love to hear more about some of the stories and some of the things and some of the revelations you've had around this issue and how it's linked to confidence and shame and all of those great things.

Elle: Well, I would say this when someone actually, like whether a lack of confidence and speaking up could contribute to a thyroid problem or whether a thyroid problem disables you, because I will say this when you are truly hypothyroid, your brain's not working right. Therefore, your moods aren't working right, you're not thinking right, you're moody, you're sensitive, you've got adrenal problems, you're not the best person to hang out with, you're not a lot of fun.

Elle: You know what I mean? So, there's a couple of aspects there, like, that can breed in and of itself a lack of confidence. You keep going to doctors, they tell you nothing's wrong with you, or you're crazy, or you're eating too much, and then you're getting gas lit, and you know, like, and you don't have a lot of emotional wherewithal.

Elle: It's very hard to be confident and have high self esteem. When you have a thyroid problem, it's not just about your body falling apart. It is your brain and your emotions. We have more receptors in our brain for the biologically active thyroid hormone T3 than anywhere else. So that affects all the neurotransmitters, dopamine, everything involved in how we feel in our mood.

Elle: So, how do you fix it? You solve the thyroid problem. But what I want to say is almost every single problem I see in the world with anyone's personal stuff. It's always confidence doesn't matter if it's a people pleasing situation or a lack of confidence in some way. It's always related. This is every part of our lives.

Elle: You may be confident in one area, not another. There's highly confident lawyers professions out there who are just bad asses, but then they can't have a conversation with their neighbor or their loved one. That's not confidence. So, when I say confident as F, I mean inside out, all around, that doesn't mean you can't be an introvert.

Elle: Quiet confidence is some of the most powerful confidence around. The true introvert feeling no need to go and try to say something. They speak diplomatically and effectively and like, Timing wise usually right on the money. So quiet confidence is the thing when I talk about confidence I feel a lot of people get offended because they're like, well, what's confidence and they think it's like some brash Outward, you know dominating figure.

Elle: No, that's someone who's misusing confidence If you've come across a bully, that's someone who's misused confidence. That's all they're just preying on you because you're weak And they see it and they will they will get you now if you are but on the other side of that If you actually call the bully out on their shit, they absolutely crumble.

Elle: Yeah. Yeah. Because they've seen their target. They see you're weak. And I can tell you this too, because when I was a kid, I was a little bit of a bully. Now, our bullying nowadays is like really horri like extra horrible, I think, because of social media and all the stuff. I didn't have that growing up. I was a little bit of a bully because I was an uncoached alpha who was misusing her confidence.

Elle: I love that. Who did we make fun of? Or who did we fuck with? The people that had the, it just, it's like a heat seeking missile. Yeah. So now here's the converse of that. It almost never happens to me Why because I do not give that impression out and I do not walk around in the world Fearful that people are going to patronize me.

Elle: In fact the opposite. Good luck I'd love to see your face after you try to patronize me and say what I have to say back so now and that is again like a high level of confidence, so I'm not surprised that I don't, it's like three times in the past five years, a stranger has tried to randomly bully me, and they've been very disappointed with the fact that they did that.

Elle: Yeah. So, it's something that doesn't happen to me. So, if you're out there and it keeps happening to you, and your boss is patronizing you, and all this stuff. You're the common denominator. The one thing I want to say about confidence and, and, um, cause people like, well, what truly is it, or what you seem so confident you've always had it.

Elle: I, I just, I've never been confident. Confidence is not an anchored inherent quality within anyone. It is literally the sum of the thoughts we think and the actions we take. That is it. Both of those things are within your power. Confidence is at everybody's disposal, disposal, and I've seen people do the one eighties.

Elle: I've seen people go from so debilitatingly shine. They couldn't even speak to like a priest at the Starbucks had to hire a social coach to go out with them to malls to even just have a conversation with an employee at a store. That's how shy. Didn't have a friend until they were 35. If you met this person now, they're 53 years old and they are the most outgoing person.

Elle: You would never believe that they were crippled, crippled by shyness, fear, and anxiety. So most people aren't aren't at ground zero like that guy. Most people just need a bit more of it. You know? So, one of the things I love to talk about with my work at Paleo Primal Ancestral is how confidence gives us, it's an ancestral inherent quality.

Elle: Babies are born, and unless you're beaten right away, uh, which some are a horrible story, but for the most part, you're born. Babies are like, no, give me that. Pushing stuff out of the way, taking stuff, right? Like, I mean, we have to teach them manners and it's not right to steal Susie's toy, but there's no shame about give it, give it.

Elle: I want it. It's mine. I want it now. We're born with that. So then along the way, well, now we get tripped up. The parent beats you. The teacher says you're worthless. Okay. Now we go through life, but it's not, we're born with it. And here's why. It is a, it's an evolutionary edge. Okay. It confidence helps us navigate challenges, tasks, and social situations without anxiety, without fear.

Elle: And what that does is it propels us in the direction of our goals and dreams. Okay. So nowadays, here's the thing. Nowadays, in modern times, not our hunter gatherer ancestors, you know, 15, 20, 50, 000 years ago. Nowadays, it is really a, I want everyone to really get this. It's a modern luxury to wallow in self pity.

Elle: Okay. This, this wallowing in despair, self pity, self judgment or doubt is absolutely a modern luxury. Our hunter gatherer ancestors had no, no such thing happening. Life was harsh. It was unforgiving. It was unrelenting. They were constantly being thrown challenges. Okay. Can you imagine if they didn't catch the beast that day?

Elle: The guy crying by the waterhole saying to his buddy, I don't know if I should hunt anymore. Do you think I should hunt? Like I'm really bad at it. No, it's like move on we fail failure is feedback Failure is feedback to the hunter gatherer ancestor and you must adopt this in order to move forward and be a successful confident person Confidence is a part of every part of your life.

Elle: I don't care if you're a stay at home mom. How are you going to speak up? to the crappy parent of the child who's friends with your daughter. How are you going to deal with the teacher or someone at school? You have to model this for your kids. So this is not always about going to be in some badass CEO or an author or any of the things you and I do.

Elle: You need confidence from the bedroom to the boardroom. How are you going to get anything you want in life? Right? It doesn't matter what it is, uh, whether it's drawing boundaries, but I want to get back to the hunter gatherer ancestors again. It's like. They didn't judge themselves as failures, right, when the waterhole was tainted, or they didn't catch the beast.

Elle: They, survival required all of us to regroup and forge ahead to the next challenge. Okay. When we faced unfavorable circumstances. So we have to really adopt more of their mindset. Now, what we don't want is, I don't want to be dragged into a cave, and I like human rights. They didn't have that 50, 000 years ago.

Elle: Okay. So, they can learn some shit from us. But, we really need to get back. To this primal ancestral viewpoint of what confidence is and how it can serve us because it is truly who we are meant to be and so again failure being feedback doing things with the purpose and a goal but had the outcome not been to their advantage they just accepted it they moved on maybe they tried again later devised another plan.

Elle: But they didn't give up and they didn't sit there and cry by the watering hole, you know, because they would have been like, Joe, we got to go, man. Yeah, we got to go. You're crying about this tainted water. Yep. Bob died. We got to go. Animals are coming, right? So now we don't have to worry about providing for ourselves shelter.

Elle: All of the things our hunter gatherer ancestors had to worry about. So we're just in here, in our heads, I'm pointing to my head right now if you're listening to this and we're wallowing and we're overanalyzing and all of that stuff. Now while our minds and critical thinking and philosophy being introduced by the Greeks, I have a degree in it, I love it, I love that.

Elle: Mental massaging that goes on with all that stuff, but it's too much when it comes to our failures and the things we need to move forward and forge ahead on. So this is where I really like to look at our hunter gatherer ancestors. That's just bad asses in this way. Yeah. They were probably also a little cold, you know, maybe you didn't get the emotional support you needed, but that wasn't in their ether then.

Elle: And so if we can, so people with a victim mentality, they feel like things are keeping happy to them. Da da da. You have a say, you have a choice, and I want you to start to think about being more of that primal ancestor. 

Monica: So I want to get curious too about why it is that women in particular struggle with hypothyroidism and autoimmune.

Monica: And that I know that there are plenty of statistics to support. I get really curious because in your example, as we're talking about 100 gatherers, Bob and Mike, but what's going on with the feminine here? What's going on with women? 

Elle: You mean in modern times? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, we've been oppressed for a very long time.

Elle: It's, I mean, listen, just, I'm 49 years old. So I was born in 1973 when I was growing up. That was the start of Mary Tyler Moore, some single moms, women working. It was, in my time, it was like, the mom stayed home with the children. So you had that, and I saw my mother be in business and become a badass and what she had to, like, overcome in, like, a male dominated thing.

Elle: And so, it is extra work, but I also think, you know, we're, we're raised, we have, sometimes, some of us have father issues. You know, look, my grandmother, who is the youngest female, she's dead now, but she was the youngest female attorney in the state of Illinois. When she was growing up, her father was like, get your head out of the books.

Elle: No man is going to want a woman who can't cook. Her mother slipped her money under the table. Oh, it makes me want to cry how wonderful my great grandmother was for that kind of like, fuck this guy, even though he's my husband, you know, and he didn't think women should have an education. So how many more people are brought up like that?

Elle: You know, let's talk about the OJ Simpson trial for one second because there's an example. I remember after that verdict and I remember later on they were interviewing some of the jurors and the jurors had been shown photos that Nicole Simpson beaten face that she had whatever taken at a time when he did once was abuser and they were showing the photos and they said to the juror.

Elle: They asked her. They said, what did you think though? When you saw that these like her beaten face prior violence? And the woman said, well, what did she say to make him want to do that? Now, that's a woman who was raised by another woman who said, shut your mouth or he'll hit you or felt it was right or felt it was deserved.

Elle: So right. Every woman is raised by different people, different scenarios. Look, there's women in Saudi Arabia who can't even drive right now without a chaperone. I mean, right. Like we've got to look at the realistic. So my gosh, we've had a long way to come. You know, one of the things that was really interesting to me is I have a, one of my best friends of 20 years.

Elle: Who was a woman became a man at the age of 45. It's a shocking thing to go through. I have no judgment on it. It was just weird. It's like suddenly I'm like, wait, what? You have a different name? Like, you know, it was an adjustment to get used to the pronouns and stuff. I was talking to him recently and he had a really interesting perspective because he loves being a guy.

Elle: And part of it is that he gets to walk around anonymous. He's like, when I was a woman. You get the cat calls that this, and then he said something that just, and this might light you up because it's kind of old school. He goes, and no one just comes up to me and says, smile. Has that ever happened to you by man?

Elle: It's happened to me several times in my life. We're just, you could be in an elevator. It's just stranger on the street and they walk by you. And some just old guy or old guy goes, smile. Yeah. Who the fuck do you think you are? Do you think another woman would ever come up to me and say that? Do you think anyone because smile be pretty you look too sad.

Elle: You're supposed to be our props You're supposed to look good. I mean think about how lame that is No one would just if I walked up to a guy in the streets on Fridays a smile like what the fuck you know What I mean, 

Monica: So L what's showing up for me though in this moment is the word safety. Yes Safety like I don't feel safe in this body 

Elle: No.

Elle: And also, too, like, for example, even me nowadays, I have, so I straighten my, my hair's brushed out right now, but I have very curly hair. It's very obvious. It's big. It attracts a lot of attention when I'm going out running errands. Sometimes I don't want it. I put my hair in a bun so that I do not get the attention, right?

Elle: How many women have whatever, maybe they've been molested or raped or something, and then they're padding their bodies up to make themselves unattractive. There's so many subconscious things we do, but also because I'm aware of the general threat. Yes, just as a woman, not like I live in a safe place. I can walk around alone.

Elle: I'm not like literally in fear, right? But we have this ingrained. You know what? And it's not to say that I don't wear my hair out pretty and big because I feel like that's a, what was she wearing? Not, not like that. No, no, I get it. Yeah, but more than just like, I don't want to deal with the stuff. On the other hand, too, I've also noticed when I go into a place looking like garbage with no, you know, whatever, just like, bleh.

Elle: No one cares. If I go in with makeup and hair and everything, oh my gosh, it is so fine. It's like the difference between customer service and no customer service. 

Monica: Exactly.

Elle: You know, so we're, we're, we're shown that like the pretty we are, the dispense and all this kind of stuff. And, but on the other hand too, I think women have.

Elle: The most incredible ability to be like the truly through and through confident confidence, because we have this level of empathy and compassion and level of multitasking and other things that just sort of aren't often available to guys. I'm going to talk about the classic standard model. And so I feel that our confidence.

Elle: Mixed with what we have is a very powerful combination where some men won't have the level of tenderness and empathy and compassion that we would have. So I feel like women that are confident is just like the ultimate powerhouse. But here's the thing. You need it if you want to be successful in any area of your life.

Elle: If you're in a relationship, you want a successful romantic relationship, what are you going to do? How are you going to draw boundaries? How are you going to, you know what I mean? If you don't have any boundaries, you're going to be making terrible choices. If you don't know yourself, if you're not confident in who you are.

Elle: Speaking of dating, talk about an example in my book, there was like a 55 year old woman who, who was online dating and then she said, uh, this is just so depressing. It's so much rejection. And I said, uh, what do you mean rejection? And she goes, well, I email all of these guys, you know, I messaged them and I don't get any responses.

Elle: And it's like a big rejection. This is great. I said, okay, well, what if you found out that all the guys, these profiles of the people that didn't write you back? Were wife beaters had been in prison for 20 years for like murder molesting a kid Which would you feel so rejected then or would you feel like you dodged a bullet?

Elle: And she was like, well, of course, I feel like I dodged a bullet, right? So here's what's crazy about this and this is a confidence thing, but I want everyone to hear this Here's the insane inner workings She is projecting onto a stranger what she thinks they might think of her And she's allowing that to affect herself.

Elle: It's fucking crazy. I mean if we really break that down That's crazy you guys like that's we have to stop that. It's not even true. It's not even true They might maybe they maybe they got back together with their ex wife and that's why they didn't write her back Maybe they just don't like brunettes.

Elle: That's okay. I'm blonde. Some people don't like blondes I don't want to date someone that's not into blondes. I okay, so The way we pull projections from ourselves, bounce it off other people and then allow it to affect our self esteem. And so that's a perfect example. 

Monica: Yeah, it's in this realm. What I love about what you're pointing to for me is it's in this realm of filtering, you know, because again, like if we're of the mindset that the world is happening to us and that this is happening to us versus for us, that just changing that.

Monica: Pronoun can make a whole ton of difference. It's like trusting actually that the reason that you're not getting a response is those men are not for you. And also that I really believe that we have a true residence. So what I always say is that water seeks its own level. Yes. And so if you're being true and you're speaking truth, you're going to attract who's meant for you.

Elle: Yes. 

Monica: And the other part that I want to come back to it is around this safety things. I want to make sure that we don't step over this because for me, that feels like a real revelation in this moment that could it be perhaps that at the very root of hypothyroidism and or autoimmune, there is actually a feeling or a projection or a.

Monica: Some kind of trauma that had that still resides within us that is making us feel unsafe and therefore undermining our confidence. And how would we overcome that? 

Elle: Uh, I'll give you a great example of something that came up when you just said that, that I think marks it. So And this is on the note of autoimmune disorders, okay?

Elle: So, not every thyroid situation is an autoimmune disorder. Hashimoto's, by the way, is the autoimmune form of hypothyroidism, just for the people out there that don't know. So, I have a friend, her name is Palmer Kippala. She cured herself of MS, okay, after 20 years. She's in her 50s, and she wrote a book called Beat Autoimmune, which she talks about, and she's on my thyroid course as well.

Elle: She has a really interesting way of looking at how these things happen, how one's immune system becomes hypervigilant. And in her scenario, she realized back in her childhood that she was the in between middleman between her dad saying nasty things to her mother and being that person sort of always on edge, always on like the eggshells, always on the flight.

Elle: And until you unwrap that kind of stuff, You know, there's all sorts of things to look at when, and it's again, not to blame a person to say you brought this autoimmune disorder on yourself. That's not about it. It's just about expanding some awareness of unconscious things that may be happening that we're not aware of.

Elle: And so she looked at, you know, looked at that now. Comes to shame because I wrote a whole chapter because I have a physical hand disability that caused me great shame for 20 years of my life and I wrote a book called Shame Disables Confidence and I talked about this with Palmer and she mentioned too, you know, when she had MS and she started to have these symptoms at 19, her dad said, Hey, don't tell anyone at work because you know, they could fire you for that.

Elle: Again, like, you know, the first like, Oh, keep it quiet. 

Monica: Oh yeah. Don't stir the mud. Why don't get under the radar drives 

Elle: it deeper. And then you, there's just a couple of examples of like how those things arise. But I do think with autoimmune disorders for any kind of health issues, look, there's a woman we knew who finally just came to terms with the fact that she was molested as a youth.

Elle: And then she dropped like 50 pounds. It was just something about the therapeutic nature of getting flat with that experience, bringing it up, talking about it, whatever it was that really just helped her life. Perhaps she had been, again, putting on the weight padding. I don't want to make myself attractive.

Elle: Brings trouble. Again, it's fear. This is another reason why, I mean, I'm talking straight male, female dynamics on this one right, right now, because we're living in a world where what I'm about to say isn't always applicable to everyone, but it's the number one thing Alison Armstrong's work on men. They need to make us feel safe.

Elle: If you're a guy out there, your number one job is to make us feel safe, heard, protected, provided for. These are inherent, primal things. They're inherent. And if we don't feel safe, we're going to have an issue. If we don't feel safe, we start to get choked up. So, but either way, Confidence is available to everyone.

Elle: And my, my one point about is no one's going to do it for you. That's the problem with it. You can't outsource it. You can't get a consultant to just do it for you or hire somebody. You are the only one. And so my book, Confidence is all about the stages of scraping off the barnacles of your life that caused this.

Elle: Somehow, this lack of confidence, whatever area it is. Now, there are also people that are ultra confident, and there's pitfalls to that. Some people, again, are usually confident in one area and not another. I know someone who's an artist, very confident about their work. They'll be at a gallery, a show, shake hands, showing their art, completely confident.

Elle: Can't ask a woman out shaking in their boots So if you're listening to this think about you probably have an area where you're really confident And maybe it's just that you're confident. You're a great friend or a great daughter. That's enough Okay, that's enough. Uh, you don't need to have a list of accomplishments in red, but we need There's some area where you're confident that you don't think you are.

Elle: And so it's kind of an interesting contrast. Because when I was talking to the artist person, you're like, isn't it interesting that here you have confidence, but here you don't. So it's not that you're not confident, it's that it's selective. Right now

Ad: It's happening again. The unbecoming sisterhood circle begins this November 7th, and I hope you'll join us. This is a six month coaching circle for an intimate group of incredible women like you who are ready to reveal. The social conditioning that keeps you stuck in limiting patterns of self sabotage or otherwise numb and unconscious to the revelation that you are, if you are an entrepreneur business owner.

Ad: Mother, or a woman who is no longer tolerating the status quo, then this program is for you. It's geared to reveal your authentic voice, to turn up the dial on your self expression, to increase your visibility and impact, to establish a loving relationship with your body and your life, to tell your truth and stop apologizing.

Ad: To create more impact with more rest and renewal and to reveal and heal wounded feminine behavior that keeps you from getting close to other women. Here's a quote from past sisters who recently graduated. Wow. Unbecoming. I want to sign up again and go even deeper to grow, learn and share more with you and the sisterhood.

Ad: I absolutely cherished and loved everything we did together. I carry and share so much strength and wisdom from our time together. It's made me a better person, friend, Mother and wife, thank you so much for being you and for making this special place that filled my soul to the brim. I learned so much and I am incredibly grateful.

Ad: That's from Courtney and another testimony from Trish. Unbecoming created space, which allowed me to support and nourish the parts of me I had cast aside for so long. I've dropped limiting beliefs I've had about myself for years, and I feel incredible. The circle of sisterhood is powerful, raw, wild, and made of love.

Ad: Soon our enrollment will be open and we look forward to answering. Any questions you might have as you explore, if this program is a good fit for you, you'll be able to join myself, Monica Rogers, and my co conspirator Libby Bunton to experience the vitality that comes when women are. Fully resourced, visible, and self expressed.

Ad: This coaching circle will teach you to claim your birthright and re imagine your life through the tools, teachings, and practices of embodied feminine leadership. To get on the wait list or to chat with either of us, go to signup. jointherevelation. com Slash unbecoming, that's signup dot join the revelation.com/unbecoming.

Ad: We can't wait to welcome you.

Monica: Well, and I love that you used the word kind of scraping the barnacles because there, you know, I see like the barnacles as these attachments. Mm-hmm. , that kind of interrupting or feeding off of the primary. organism in that case. And, you know, and not in a good way. And so what I'm also hearing, you know, and I'm thinking about the cards that we chose, which were the mystic, which is symbolized by the butterfly and the mentor, which is symbolized by the owl.

Monica: And I think about again, how perfect is it that we get the mystic, which is the butterfly, which is the shape of the thyroid gland. You cannot make this shit up. You can't, and also that there's transformation required, like to actually move those barnacles to actually go within. And as you said, you cannot outsource this.

Monica: And so when we think about outsourcing, it's also where we tend to seek validation. We're still the princess, the damsel in distress that needs somebody to rescue us. Yes. It's like, no, we are the rescuer. We are the ones we have been waiting for. And this is where we get to turn toward ourself. And this is where that inner voice, how we're speaking to ourselves, how we're actually, uh, the thoughts that we're thinking and how we.

Monica: Change that up becomes the remedy or the alchemy that then transforms that barnacle into the pearl. Let's say, yeah, it becomes the grit that shapes the pearl. And this is where we might want a mentor. We might get a coach. We might allow ourselves to go within and. Be in a descent and meet the inner mentor, the higher self that wants to actually lead us.

Monica: And this is where our intuition starts to get reactivated. This is where we are resourcing ourselves. And this is where, you know, like those of us that are living with, whether it's. autoimmune thyroid or anything else. I truly believe we can heal anything. I believe that. And you're talking to somebody that has been on the path to healing hypothyroidism for many years now, probably 20 years.

Monica: Have I completely healed? Well, I'll tell you the path of healing has been my revelation project. And so would I have traded that for anything? You know, we can tend to look at these things again as happening to us versus for us. And what if, what is my path to healing? That is exactly what I came here to do so that I could actually become a podcaster so that I could, as part of my healing process, discover my right relationship with food and what I'm supposed to eat and my right relationship to supplements and my right relationship to how I speak to myself.

Monica: Who is to say that this isn't exactly the greatest gift that I've ever been given? 

Elle: I'll say it is though, because it's happening. Yeah, because it's happening. It's in your reality, therefore that is the reason, and I will say this, I talk about this in my book, the biggest gifts in life come wrapped in shit.

Elle: Give it a minute. Let me tell you about the shit in my life that has led to the best, the two horrible things in my life that at the time nobody would want. To this day, I'll mention them. No one wants it. were the best things that ever happened to me. The best things that ever happened to me. I'd never take them back.

Elle: And you hear people, they get over breast cancer or something and they go, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. People go, what the hell? No, I get it. It showed them who their relationships are. There's so showed them everything that was important about themselves. So mine were, I was permanently disabled at the age of 22.

Elle: I have a hand disability. I still have it. I'm a writer. Did you ever think that would happen? No, no one would have guessed that. Not only that, that gave me the opportunity to pursue my dreams and goals. I had the golden handcuffs cut off of me. I was 22, about to make 300, 000, ready to just kill it, overalphing the shit out of it, wearing Armani suits, tech industry.

Elle: I was like, yes, I'm going to be retired by the time I'm moody. And I got disabled physically permanently disabled at 22, which I had such shame about right for years until I got over it became one of the best things never thought I'd talk about it, write a chapter in a book about it, never thought it inspired people about it, and it led me to use my voice, right?

Elle: Because I had to find something to use my voice. So best thing that ever happened to me. Now, could I've said that in the first year or two? No, no, It seemed like a, like a curse, really did. Then though, I, uh, many years later, I go through all that, and then I get diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I'm 30, and I'm like, You've got a big can in me!

Elle: Like, you know, like, what? Another thing? Like, I can't Well, but it, it turned me into a bestselling author. It gave me a purpose. And I love everything I do in my life. I would hate, hate being a technical recruiter right now. Hate it. And an account manager, I was already bored when I was there before I got disabled, I remember, and I don't know if I intended it, be careful what you wish for, but I remember being like, I can't, I'm going to retire so early.

Elle: I'm going to retire by the time I'm 30. I'm making so much money. I'm killing it. No, it was 22 about to make my next promotion before I got disabled, it was like 325, 000. So, you know, I was like, I'm good to go. That goes to. When you make plans, like, God laughs at you type of thing, whether you reverse God, whatever you want to say.

Elle: Yeah, those two things are the best things that have ever happened to my life, for so many reasons. Being able to open up as an alpha and become vulnerable based on this experience with my shame and everything else. Having a horrible physical problem, two of them. I mean, one, one being like, I live 95 paint free all the time.

Elle: I don't sleep on my sides. You're not going to see me doing this a lot, right? That's pressure on my wrist. If you're looking at. The video right now, if you're just listening, I just put my hand on my chin, how some people rested on there. So I make adjustments, but like I've had it for 20 years. It's not an issue to my life and I solved my hypothyroidism.

Elle: So those two issues no longer ill me. I still technically have that, but I take thyroid hormone replacement to optimize myself. So I'm not hypothyroid and have no symptoms and I live such a life and take care of myself and I'm able to not use my hands eight hours a day, that that is not also. nonstop issue.

Elle: I used to be in chronic pain 24 7 and could not even wipe myself without crying. I couldn't hold a fork in my hand. It was, it makes me want to cry right now because see at that time, and I'll tell you this, this was my first thought of shame. I remember my arms being on fire 24 7 and literally not being able to hold a fork and all that kind of stuff.

Elle: And I don't know, you know, my God, I just got out of college. I just started to kick ass. Like my dreams are coming true. And now my whole life is ending suddenly when everyone has, everyone's has just begun and I was sitting in my apartment in San Francisco at the time and. Oddly enough, my bay windows overlooked St.

Elle: Ignatius Church at the local college, USC. I had gotten kicked out of St. Ignatius College Prep in Chicago, so I thought that was funny because here I was more successful than anyone that had graduated from there and they had kicked me out. So I kind of was like, ah, good reminder, you know, of, of like, you did it, you got through that rough time.

Elle: And I'm sitting there and I'm just like, oh my gosh, I can't believe this. And my first thought was, who's going to want me? Who's gonna want me? What guy's ever gonna want me? I wouldn't choose a guy at 22 whose arms were ruined for life. I wouldn't. So I don't want to be a hypocrite. Who's gonna want me? I can't cook, clean, do anything.

Elle: And not that I was looking to be a housewife. I'm just saying I couldn't, even if I wanted to, I couldn't do any of these things. I literally was like, who would want this? Like, I wouldn't want it. I had to be honest with myself. I would not choose somebody. With a hand disemboweling. All right, maybe not now.

Elle: I had to think about it differently. So that was my first thought of shame. And then you go along the way, and this is also too, like, if you have any kind of something that someone can't see. When you have something that's not visible. Like, if you're missing an arm, people have sympathy for you. But if they can't see the problem, they don't get it.

Elle: And so people ask a lot of questions, and you start to go down the road that sort of Palmer did where you're like, it's better to just not talk about it. It's better. So shuffle, shuffle. Someone makes a comment. I was able to have long term disability, so I was able to support myself. And I remember at the time, I'm like 22.

Elle: You know, no one else is like retired at 22. Essentially, I was talking with my roommate. I think I asked her if she was available at a certain time to do something. And she goes, No, you know what? I'm not because some of us have to work. And at that time I thought, Oh my God, people are jealous of me. And I said to her right away, I go, take my fucking arms.

Elle: Are you kidding me? You want to trade arms with me? Because I'll trade arms with you right now. Yeah. And then I thought, oh no. So now I have another reason to not talk about it. Yeah. How people are jealous that I won the insurance lottery because I got a permanent hand disability. That fucked me for life.

Elle: Like who wants that? But yet still people are jealous and you, you know, it's just, it showed you who people were again. One of the best things shows you the, the true people that are in your favor, the true colors of people. And also, I mean, all the things you can imagine. I know that was a long winded story there, but 

Monica: well, no, but, but I love what you're again, like, cause there's this element to it again, like shame is what worthlessness.

Monica: Well, and it's what we're hiding that, that we're letting it, 

Elle: we're afraid we'll be judged on or not. 

Monica: We're afraid we're going to be judged on it. And there's a way that that's different from that quiet confidence that you were talking about and keeping quiet about it for another reason. That's so different.

Monica: It's such a different angle of it. Absolutely. And so. There does come a time, I agree, where, and I think that's really where wisdom comes in, is like, you've gone through your own dark night, or whatever it is that's had you go within and really look at these barnacles that have been feeding off of you that have been whether it's dimming your light or sucking the spirit from you or whatever it is that you're hiding, whether it's shame or any of these other kind of parasitic energies that just drain us at the end of the day and don't give us the freedom to be who we really are.

Monica: So going within and doing that work really creates that wisdom that creates the integrity for us to be able to discern integrity for me is also about that. That coming back into wholeness, the remembering of the truth of who we are, that I have nothing to prove to you, that I have nothing that I need you to validate for me.

Monica: I actually have my own answers. I've done my inner work. I've looked at, and I continue to address what is ailing me. And I am my own healer to think that we're going to heal. Somebody else is the height of arrogance is to believe that I have the capacity. Capacity and the brilliance to heal myself. And that it's not about getting there, it's about the journey along the way and all of the revelations that come up that teach us and show us and feed back to us who we are, failure being one of them.

Monica: And so all along the way, it's like this is the journey. , you know, we came here to heal something, we're all healing something. So it's doing that work and. Coming back to life with the wisdom to know with the quiet wisdom, in this case, to be able to know whether or not I need to say anything right now or not, but having that quiet confidence in the truth of who I am and kind of vibrating at that level, I think, does more for our spirit and our capacity to heal than anything.

Elle: I love that. And also i'll add that

Elle: okay, so There's one there's one thing I want to point out to people out there If you if you feel like you're shy or you you're you're feeling like you can't speak up a couple of things one is that it will breed people pleasing which is being a Liar. Okay, when you're, when you're hiding things about yourself, you're likely worried that other people are going to judge you about certain things.

Elle: So then you become a people pleaser. You start to sort of acquiesce to others and or don't draw boundaries or agree to like something you don't because you're too afraid or you'll do something like me and be an over giver. for a fear of abandonment type of situation. And that usually happens when you're young in some capacity.

Elle: And then you're overgiving and overhelping. Next thing you know, you realize, I'm not doing anything about my life, and oh my god, I'm helping all these people, and I'm overwhelmed. And it's really from a subconscious place of, I'll help you, and then you won't leave me. So even some of the altruistic things we do in life can come from a, or seemingly, right, can be a barnacle, can be a barnacle.

Elle: And then also I would say shyness is to, there's a quote by a guy named Andre Debusse, and this is harsh, but I think it's really important quote. He says, shyness has a strange element of narcissism. The belief that how we look and how we perform is truly important to other people. It isn't. Yeah. No one actually really cares, guys.

Elle: I'm here to tell you they don't, but you know what they do? Well, while you're caring throughout. Do in their life right how much time of yours is spent thinking about what other people might be thinking of you and how much is it spent on actually pursuing your goals and dreams doing intentions all the kind of work i'm sure you do in your life you're never gonna have a healthy relationship if you don't have confidence because one of the.

Elle: Okay. So one of the things I get all the time from people and I, and I do love this compliment is, uh, I'll give someone a compliment on something on the go. That means so much coming from you because I know you don't blow smoke. That's my reputation and I'm proud of it because I won't bullshit people.

Elle: Now, does that mean if I met your mother's house for Thanksgiving and she asks me if I like her sweater and I think it's ugly, I'm going to tell her the truth. No, I'm going to lie. Okay. So sometimes, you know what, right. You know, let's not ruin everyone's evening. My God, let her have it. The sweater, you know, right.

Elle: So you edit yourself. It's not that you're always spilling the truth. I think there's some room for white 

Monica: lies there. Discernment discernment. Yes. 

Elle: Discernment. It's choosing your battles wisely. Right. And I talk about that in my book as well, but it is about confidence is, is the ultimate in authenticity.

Elle: And integrity, authenticity reigns supreme. The reason we love confident people, the reason you're drawn to them is because we actually trust their confidence in themselves. We, it's a, it's a compounded thing. As you build confidence, it compounds on each other. Like interest, it gets better and better and better, better.

Elle: It takes practice. You know, I've, I have a confidence course and I used to run it live. I cannot tell you the one eighties. It's just, once you're aware of what you're doing and how to make different choices, I want to give a really small example right now, because this one really resonates with a lot of people.

Elle: I had someone. Um, in my confidence course, and she's 57 and she had been getting her hair cut. I said, I said to everyone in the course, Hey, you're going to have to, if there's something that comes up, we'll need to address it directly. And she said, well, there's one thing I want to speak up about and I don't know how to do it.

Elle: She was getting her hair cut for 10 years by the same person. And the person, instead of cutting it straight across, just plain straight across, which apparently is called a blunt cut, I guess the woman was like cutting up into and feathering the bottom of her hair, whatever it is. She didn't like it. Now, most people listening, and maybe not, but a lot of people would go, that is so dumb.

Elle: So just tell her you want a different haircut. Like, what's the big deal? Well, it is a big deal for someone that's a people pleaser and is lacking confidence, right? She's scared to speak up. She doesn't want to make an awkward conversation. She doesn't want to try to tell the person that they did a bad job or, you know, I mean, she's wrapped up in this.

Elle: And if you're feeling anything like this and you're listening, this is going to be a great example for you. So I said, all right, well, Let me ask you a question and you know, have you known her for a while? Yes. And I said, great. Is there anything she talked about in the last haircut that and then I said I said i'm gonna put this aside You're not gonna know why i'm asking you this right now Is there anything in the last conversation that she said did she have a daughter that got married like anything you could bring up?

Elle: And she goes, oh she gave me a new conditioner that I really liked. I said great. Let's set that aside now Here is the whole key to these little things and Barbara and what was going on. Most people think that when you speak up, it has to be contentious. This, I mean, literally, this is like tone and how you say a thing is all it is.

Elle: Yeah, yeah. So, most people are going to approach this that are shy and stuff, and they're going to do it the wrong way and the weird way, because they're shy, and they're going to go, I like asked you for this, but you've been doing this and I don't like it. Okay, right away Can't you just feel the like the dynamic don't you want to be defensive?

Elle: Yeah, so I said, hey, why don't you I go? Let's football I go. Why don't you try something like this go in and go? Oh, hey, you know what? I know we've been doing like the blunt cut for a while or like the The feather cut for a while. Can we try a blunt cut? I know it may take a few times, but I'd love to do that.

Elle: Oh, and by the way, I love that conditioner you gave me. Now, see how I threw that in there. That's a throwaway. You're already uncomfortable speaking up. Get out, get out, get out. Yeah. How did it go? Perfectly. It went perfectly. She did it. 

Monica: She got her blunt cut after 10 years. Yeah. 

Elle: Perfect. It was like years.

Elle: She finally, and then the woman said, Oh, it may take, Oh, no problem. It may take a couple of times though for attention. She goes, right. Easiest thing in the world. Now, again, that's coming from the fear of it. Has to see how, see how light that was. Oh, Hey, you know what I'm kind of thinking, Oh, and by the way, right?

Elle: Because here's the thing. When people who are less competent start to speak up people, then this is one of the things of competent people. We don't over explain and justify. Hell no. Okay. So what, but non competent people do. So then. You would end, if she didn't have a segue out, there might have been a, her try to continually explain that and that's been the whole, you know what I mean?

Elle: Totally. And then you've lost the nice, hey, tone. 

Monica: Yeah, so there are tools and strategies and that's just it. 

Elle: And it's small steps. It's a haircut, 

Monica: Its small steps, and it becomes a practice. And so these are the things that ultimately then change how we actually inhabit our bodies. Yes. Because we become free, we become free from these barnacles and these constraints that have us wear our shoulders as earrings that have us be so hypervigilant and so careful all the time.

Monica: We've got tools and strategies and practices. And these are the things that I just love so much, Al, because these are what create the potential for more revelations to happen. Because... I'm sure that when she did this, she had a full on revelation about where else she could use this same strategy.

Elle: Hundreds with her husband, with all the stuff in the house, everything like a million clients, a million things. It opens up. 

Monica: I love that. 

Elle: And then also it proves to you. The thing is, is I also want to say this about confidence. You keep running in the same pattern. You keep getting bullied. You keep getting fired from work.

Elle: You keep coming across me and go, whatever the thing is that you don't like. 

Monica: That's on you.

Elle: It's on you. I mean, until you make a step, you're going to continue to have it presented to you. You have not risen to the challenge. So I tell everyone this, and I talk about this in my book, Confidence Fuck. Once you've overcome something, you've spoken up.

Elle: You did the thing. She spoke up with the haircut, whatever. You're gonna get a tester. You're gonna get a tester. It's not over. It's not over You're gonna get a tester at some point be be prepared for it But I will say this if you could bottle the level of confidence that barbara was exuding based on this small interaction You would sell it.

Elle: Everybody buy it. You'd be a gajillionaire be a billionaire because I love that it is and why? Because it's what I call up to pro you move You wanted something, you weren't getting it, you were feeling hidden, and then here's the book. You don't speak up, now you got hidden resentments and covert contracts, which is all about people pleasing.

Monica: Yeah. And I want to point something out to, to our listeners today. That is such a, an act of self love. Yes. What Barbara did. That is such an act of self love, and I always say that when we align, we are divine, which means that that's when the world shows up heaven instead of like the hell we've been living.

Elle: When she could have gone to another hair cutter to avoid that, right? But then I told her, I go, you could do that, but you're gonna have. 

Monica: The same problem where, yeah, 

Elle: Do it now and keep your hair cutter of 10 years because it's gonna, you're gonna run into something else. You're going to need to speak up and it'll be at the next salon and it might be worse than this.

Elle: Yeah. I I've so many examples in my book of this, but. And the story of my life is people calling me like, I need a good comeback, I had a bully at the office, I'm like, I don't know, how do I ask the boss for a raise, and all this kind of stuff. Again, there's an example of a guy named Brandon in my book who overcame dealing with, he kept attracting patronizing bully bosses who, where something would always go wrong, on the job, and then he would get blamed for it and chastised in front of everyone, even though it wasn't his fault.

Elle: And then he never said anything. So it'd keep happening, and finally I said, You're going to keep getting this problem. But here's what I asked. I said, Well, where is this coming from? Because, you know, I don't know a lot of people who continually have this problem of being bullied at work by their bosses.

Elle: It's very specific. I said, Were you, Why are you always wrong when you're not wrong? Were you blamed for stuff you didn't do when you were growing up? Where is this? Turns out, Brandon's father was a little bit of a hothead. If the hammer went missing, he'd be like, I know you stole the hammer, Brandon, and rant and rave.

Elle: And then, you know, he'd find the hammer and never apologize. That kind of shit would happen. So the subconscious is replaying and attracting familiar scenarios, whether they're healthy or not, that a psychology 101. And so we unpacked this, got to the point where I said, you're going to have to say something because it's going to happen again.

Elle: Now he was prepared. To be fired and deal with financial ramifications. Don't do that if you're supporting a family and can't manage that. So it happened again. Something went wrong. He was playing for when he was patronized in front of the group. And I said, you say something simple, like the next time it happens, such as, Hey, I'm not going to be spoken to that that way.

Elle: So unless you tone it down and speak to me in a professional manner, I'm walking out of here. He did. It came up. He said exactly that. And what happened is what always happens. The bully crumbled and was embarrassed and mortified Because they were finally called on their shit And then what happened after that brandon and got all sorts of new jobs from other producers and other people That were fantastic and he'd call me and be like, I just finished a job I got an email saying how it was so great and everything was smooth and blah blah Yeah, because it was never the situation, it was you're attracting the story that you're gonna repeat about always being wrong in the face of authority figure or whatever the story is, right?

Elle: Now, I did tell Brandon, you're gonna get a tester and he did and he called me after the tester. He was on work with another producer and someone snapped at him and he just, he just goes, not doing that, not doing that. I did that. I actually, I won't mention the person's name probably until they're long gone.

Elle: They're older now. But I, uh, I used to work for a couple of celebrities and one is A celebrity that most people would just die to be around, hang out with, whatever. And, uh, they were a bully. They made a 55 year old dog walker cry. I remember being like, oh my god. And they tried it with me once. And I just looked at her and I just go, nope, right into her face.

Elle: And then what happened? Then she asks me to, like, go on a movie set with her and do all the stuff and be her assistant. And I said, listen, I, I don't want to do it. You're not going to pay me enough money. And she goes, but you're the only one who tells me like it is and speaks the truth. And, oh, isn't that interesting?

Elle: So the bully really respects the person that can stand up to them. Yeah. Okay. And this is a woman that everyone would cower under. She dangled a carrot of a thing. I didn't take it. Everybody would have said, this is stupid, this is Academy Award winning, like famous. No, because I don't want to be around that energy.

Elle: Because you know what? I knew that if I worked with that person for six months, I'd constantly having to battle her making people cry. Me following up, dealing with her attitude. Yeah. And so she never... Did that to me after that one time and then it was interesting that she said that later one of the biggest Compliments that I've ever gotten she is someone I do admire as an actor So even in the face of a famous celebrity, I was an actor you'd think I'd be like, oh my god I'll do whatever you want.

Elle: I was like, no, you're an asshole. I'm calling you on it Not not gonna be treated this way the the 55 year old dog walker cried the other assistant who was like 60 cried And I mean, I need to, like, counsel this woman. Like, they're letting this woman affect them. Yeah. But I was just like, I'm not having any of that.

Elle: And I remember one time she asked me to do something for her and I said that's like so many hours out of my day, I'm not doing it. She goes, well what else do you have to do? See how patronizing that is, you know? So, so you have these bullies and you're going to keep attracting them unless you stand up, and I know this is a long winded way of saying that, but you get the prizes when you do the pro you moves and you don't acquiesce.

Elle: I don't care if they're famous, I don't care if they can give you a job, popularity, whatever it is. Integrity? Authenticity. That is what wins. 

Monica: Well, and also sitting on your throne of value, you know, is really what I heard you doing over and over and over again. It's like the, again, and this is, this is something to develop, but I always say that the body holds the wisdom and the minute our body gets tight, that is our clue that we are.

Monica: Throne of value is being stepped upon or compromised. And that is the moment to just develop some of these strategies. And I love that one of your strategies was to just say, nope, like that's a strategy. Nope. 

Elle: Sometimes the succinct, quick, short. Don't speak, look him right in the eye. It'll do it every time.

Monica: Not going to happen. Yep. And you don't have to give somebody who's treating you like that any explanation. 

Elle: No you do not. You don't. That's the less words, the more powerful, usually in this scenario. So you know what I mean? Yeah. The more succinct. And that is why, again, I told you. Barbara, get it out, and then talk about the conditioner, right?

Elle: Say your thing, leave, don't expand, don't add. People are, again, this is a confidence thing, but you can, I mean look, I'm confident, and I know people can tell that by hearing me, but here's the thing, that's not to say there aren't moments that don't get me rattled inside. That's not to say there aren't moments where I, where my cortisol's up, and my heart, and I'm just like, yeah.

Elle: And there's not to say that there's been moments where I have gone off on someone in a way that was appropriate for that situation and then didn't go ball my eyes out later, but just didn't let them see it. Okay. I'm a human being. All right. So, but I'm glad I didn't do it in the moment because that's what the move was.

Elle: That's the power. So I'm still a human being. We still all have emotions, but sometimes again, If you will instruct people how to treat you, and that's right, the 

Monica: only one that we train the world how to be in relationship with us. 

Elle: That's right. And so that's why. And I choose to hang out with direct communicators.

Elle: It is my favorite type of person. 

Monica: Oh my god, I love direct communicators. 

Elle: Yeah, we're not mincing words. I'm not, you're not walking in eggshells around me. I'm always approachable. I'm in a good mood. Uh, it takes a lot to rattle me. 

Monica: And Elle, you can be kind and direct. 

Elle: But that's what I'm saying. You know, everything that you bring up doesn't need to be contentious, right?

Elle: Like, so, the difference in tone between saying like, You know you've been cutting my hair with a feather haircut, and I kinda wanna blunt cut. Like, that's a totally different vibe, right? Of approaching criticism. Constructive criticism is Great, if done correctly. So, I have been accused in the past, because I am very downtown Chicago, where I'm from, very blunt, direct, we don't, a lot of us are like that.

Elle: And I had to learn over time to gauge my audience. So, because the secretary at work back in the day, you know, I'd be like, Oh, hey, yo, can you get me that? I'm not in a motion. But she takes offense to it. So sometimes you realize as a direct communicator, that in emails, you got to preface, you got to gloss it up and things like that.

Elle: So I have to do that kind of thing in my life. But with my friends and my family, we are extremely blunt and direct. And I, it's my favorite because you always know where everyone's coming from. Yes. And we have confident people who are friends who tell it like is, this is the kind of. Two second argument you had.

Elle: I had a friend who was, I talk about downers in my book, how to not be one and how to avoid them. And cause someone's always going to project a lack of confidence onto you. Doesn't mean it's usually going to come from a loved one. I was writing my first book. My friend calls me known for like 30 years and he's like, how are you doing?

Elle: Are you working on it? Like, where are you at? Kind of like a nervous parent as if somehow I was not going to do it or blow it. Like it was just very judging and patronizing. But here's the thing. Instead of ignore it and let it fester and then two years will that time you I just go dude. Hey, man You're being a fucking downer just because you're not a writer and you can't imagine completing a project What if I ever not don't project that shit onto me?

Elle: And you know what he goes, you're right. I'm, sorry, dude. That's cool. It's over Over two seconds over I could call him out. He's like got it. You're right. Damn. I don't know done. Yeah done now If it were someone else, I might do a little different tone there. But you get the, you get the essence. Some of the things I say are not the tone in which I would say them in the moment.

Elle: But with my best friend, I was like, Dude, you're paying attention, man. What the fuck, you're projecting a shot at me? Like, come on, man. And he was like, Oh, shit, I'm sorry. Over. Okay. I didn't say anything, though. But I would, I've known him for 30 years. I don't have any creepers lingering in the back. To pull out and that is the benefit of being friends with other confident people.

Elle: And the more confident you are, what you'll find is you will draw people to you that also need that skill. 

Monica: And water seeks its own level. So there is always that really interesting vibe that shows up in. new relationships or whatever, where you will kind of see some of this residual stuff, but I'll tell you more and more, I've found that it just helps me hone this kind of craft of not abandoning myself, hone this way of confidently inhabiting myself in such a way that I can be kind and clear and direct and all of it gets to belong.

Monica: So I've loved this conversation and Ella, I wanted to ask you, because we didn't get so much more into kind of the thyroid, I'm really, and I have not read your book, I'm really curious in your book, do you get into How people can go about actually healing their thyroid with supplements, with food, with exercise, with behavioral changes, right?

Monica: I'm imagining anything I'm missing there. 

Elle: No, you know, the paleo thyroid solution is a couple of things. It's Hey, here's how to naturally correct it. And you go down that road first. Of course, everyone should give that attempt. You know what I mean? Because there are solutions there, but if that doesn't work, and then you have to go to thyroid hormone replacement, it will tell you how to do that.

Elle: The best thing you can do though out there is you don't even need to buy my book. I have a two hour free thyroid masterclass. That's a video of me. Full on tutorial explain everything you need to know comes with a couple free downloads a healing meditation. Yeah, these things are important. Okay. Yeah Your body's getting fatter.

Elle: You're horribly looking in the mirror every morning You're going i'm buying it right and we got to start to switch around and go i'm in the process of Getting a healing, but you know, we have to do this. So I do a guided healing meditation That's so lovely and fun and relaxing because it's it's it's what I did when I was going through this And another and also what comes with that is a free thyroid guide All the list of blood tests you need, how to find the right doctor, what questions to ask a doctor to find out if they even know anything so you don't waste your money.

Elle: Everything you need to know. Just go to freethyroidmasterclass. com and you can go to lrus. com and click on free stuff. I also have a 90 minute free confidence masterclass. 90 minutes of all of those specific examples kind of like Barbara. Amazing. Specific real life examples because that Is how people relate and that was my goal in writing this confidence book because I've read a bunch of confidence books.

Elle: I've read a bunch of thyroid books. Here's what I don't like about them. The thyroid books are just cut and paste from WebMD. They don't tell you anything different and they don't tell you exactly how to solve it. The other thing about self help books and I love a lot of them, but a lot of them are also cut and paste acronym list jobs.

Elle: That's not how we learn. Give me an example I can relate to in real life. We all can relate to the Barbara thing, even if we're not her or at her level of confidence. We understand this, these real life situations. So my 90 minute free confidence masterclasses at lrus. com free stuff, but free thyroid masterclass.

Elle: com. If you want to go right there, if you've got a thyroid problem, I want to leave everyone with this. And here's what I get all the time for years. And it's all over the world. It doesn't really matter where it is. I've been struggling for 10 or 15 years. I've been trying to solve my thing. There are only two reasons in the entire world why anyone has not solved their thyroid issue.

Elle: Number one, you are dealing with a doctor who is uninformed and has no idea how to test, interpret, and then treat. Okay? They're clueless. That's one. And, or, you're clueless. And you don't know about a disease you've been diagnosed and you've put your health in the hands of a doctor and you better learn about your disease because I was the only one who fixed it.

Elle: No doctor fixed me. I actually dosed myself with thyroid hormones, black market ordering. I shouldn't have had to do that. I live in Los Angeles. I went to over two dozen endocrinologists and experts. They hurt me, they misdiagnosed me, they did not help me. The only reason I got better is because I learned it myself.

Elle: I'm not a math science genius. I hate that shit. I have a philosophy degree. If I can do it, you can do it. But those are the only two reasons people are suffering. You're uninformed, or your doctor is, or both. When you're uninformed, you can't help your doctor help you. You don't even know. If they're looking at the wrong stuff or interpreting it wrong.

Elle: So I have a full 30 hour, the most advanced thyroid course on the planet. You could always go in that direction. But for right now, just take my free thyroid masterclass. It's just a free video and you're really going to get an idea of how this works because you need to understand there. There are 25 plus million Americans who have thyroid problems.

Elle: 60 percent are undiagnosed. 200 million people around the world and it's disproportionately affects women. Okay. So, and all of that given 90 percent of the doctors are uninformed and steeped in outdated 40 year old protocols and have no clue. 

Monica: This is like one of my favorite subjects is again, outsourcing.

Monica: We have this given doctors, this got, we're the ones that are projecting this God complex upon them. And this is another thing. And I won't. go there too deeply. But what I will say is this is, I think, one of the thickest illusions that people, because we have a massive health crisis in this country and the whole thyroid and autoimmune thing.

Monica: Especially for women. Those of you that have listened for a long time know that I've done episodes about how they have always done all of their testing on a hundred and sixty pound male or whatever it is. Right. They never even considered women and the fact that our biology and our neurology and everything else is completely different, completely different.

Monica: And so we have. Barely scratched the surface and I'll tell you, it's not going to be allopathic medicine that helps us to heal. It is going to be us getting educated about what it is that our specific body is needing and going through a trial and error effort to get there. And this is where failure is feedback because you're going to try one thing and it's not going to work and you're going to try another and you just are going to develop the patience and the intuition and the understanding of your own body.

Monica: It, that is part of. process. So I've loved this conversation. 

Elle: I loved it too. You're so right about that. I just want to quickly highlight that when people come to me and they're like, I've been struggling for 10, 15 years, they finally found me because they've gone to a hundred doctors and they're at their wits end.

Elle: So then there's only one choice left. Learn it, and that's what my life is about, teaching you, so that you know, because even your great doctor might retire tomorrow or die, and then what are you going to do? You need to know about the condition you have, so that you have full power and control over alleviating, helping, maintaining, controlling, whatever it is that is your, but every thyroid issue.

Elle: If you've had thyroid cancer and had your thyroid removed, hyperthyroidism, Hashimoto's. Everything is solvable. That's right. It's just people have been defeated because of these doctors. They've just given the God complex to so hang in there everybody. It's all workable and there's so many 180s and you know, I've been podcasting for eight years.

Elle: I've interviewed like 500 people and I've interviewed so many health people. I am constantly, I'm sure like you blown away at the level of resilience and perseverance and it is the people and the clients that I have that are persevering. I persevered and succeeded. 

Monica: Perseverance is everything. It is everything.

Monica: And yes, I wanted to tell my listeners to be sure to check out your podcast, Elle, because you have, you know, I've gone through and looked at so many of your guests and the various conversations that you've had, and there is just such a wealth of. Great conversation there and information that I think we can all benefit from because of course there are stories there at like what I love about your style of podcasting is it's very storytelling.

Monica: You're interviewing your guests and they're telling their story and how they came to get to their own. journey of wellness and what it took for them to do that and what kinds of things they're actually doing and on and on. But I have loved this conversation of, again, I want to send my, my audience to learn more at L rest.

Monica: com. Where can they follow you on social media? 

Elle: Yeah, you can just type in my name, but everything's pretty much underscore L Russ. I am most active on Instagram, but I'm on all the channels and feel free to reach out and DM or, you know, contact me through my website, but there's so much there for you. I mean, there are people that have just listened to interviews and be talking about thyroid and like I listened to three interviews, figured it out, got the right 

Monica: to.

Monica: Yeah. It doesn't have to be like hard. 

Elle: It doesn't have to be hard. And also I make so much stuff free because yeah, it's nice to make money. But you know what? I wasted 15, 000. I didn't have at the time when I was 30 trying to figure this out, wasted money on doctor's appointments that didn't know what they were doing.

Elle: I was so upset about it. I know what it's like when you're going through the health journey. I'm sure you've been through it too, right? You buy that next thing you know, that's 50 bucks. And so Free thyroid masterclass. If you've got a thyroid problem, if you have a competence problem, free stuff on my website, it's just a bunch of stuff there for everyone.

Elle: Thank you so much for this conversation. I appreciate you sharing me with your audience. 

Monica: Oh my gosh. It's been amazing. I like can't wait for the next time. And for our listeners, I'll be sure to put all of L's incredible links in the show notes and all of her resources. And until next time, more to be revealed.

Monica: We hope you enjoyed this episode. For more information, please visit us at jointherevelation. com and be sure to download our free gift, subscribe to our mailing list or leave us a review on iTunes we thank you for your generous listening and as always more to be revealed.