CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION
TITLE: Sentimental Dress
DURATION: 14:48

Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions. For others, itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.

Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection; a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits. Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.

As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way.
LAUREN: IÕm so excited to have Darrah with us today, and to start off could you tell me just a little about yourself?
 
DARRAH: My name is Darrah. I am from New Jersey. I am 35 years old. I tend to have to think about that. And I am an account manager working in public relations.

LAUREN: Can you tell me a little bit about your dress, what you thought about while you were going through the process, and what you ended up with at the end?

DARRAH: I was engaged in June and married by October, so I didn't have much time. And because it was such a whirlwind experience, I knew that I was going to have to find a dress fairly quickly. I knew I always wanted lace, and I also knew that I wanted an open back. And I was hoping to have some jeweled embellishments over my shoulders and just something really beautiful and elegant.

And wedding dresses can be fairly expensive, so I found this shop that had an informal bride line. And I was able to pick out a couple of images of dresses that I was thinking that IÕd have pulled for my appointment. But of course, the ones that I really liked most were not at that shop.

I actually only ended up bringing my two mothers Ð my mother in law and my mom. And I have a lot of sisters, so it was going to be like this big thing, and I knew later I was going to want a special moment with them for the fitting.

So I pulled six or seven dresses and everything I tried on I actually hated. And my mom and my mother in law's faces were like, ÒYeah, oh that's beautiful, but not really. You know you weren't getting that affirmation.

And obviously I felt like those dresses were wearing me. I wasn't comfortable in it.

Body shape was very important to me. I knew that I wanted something that was form fitting at the top and kind of Òmermaided outÓ subtly from my thighs. And the dress that I ended up getting Ð I didn't even want to pull off the shelf. 

The bridal attendant said ÒThis dress is beautiful. It's got a lace overlay. It's very subtle. It's got an embellished beaded belt; I think you'd look really great in it.Ó And hesitantly, I said ÒOkay.Ó And I saved it for last because I was convinced that these other dresses É one of them would have been the one. 

And I do remember getting a little frustrated because what you see in your head doesn't actually translate onto your body. So I didn't feel confident or comfortable in any of them. And I thought, man, I'm going to end up going to another store because I'm not going to like this dress either. And when I put that dress on after all of the others, it was a beautiful dress.

It really was completely different from what I had wanted and had always dreamed of having. It had a sweetheart neckline, strapless, and it was a tan underlay with a lace overlay. And as I mentioned, a belt embellishment with beads. I felt beautiful in it. I felt comfortable, it fit really well, so when I stepped out it was written all over their faces. And it really did affirm what I had felt inside. It was perfect. 

The right dress ended up finding me even though it wasn't what I had originally envisioned É but yeah the right dress found me.

LAUREN: I know youÕve told me about the story with your friend who also helped you with your dress. Could you speak a little bit about her effect on that process and how the sort of female bond led to this dress as well?

DARRAH: IÕm very close with my best friend. I call her my best sister friend. I lived with her for quite some time; a big chunk of my young adult life.

Her mother was very important to me and she always used to say, you know, you're my fourth child. She passed away in 2012 and didn't make that day. 

So my best friend said she wanted to give me some money toward the wedding dress in honor of her mother. And that meant so much to me on so many levels because she missed out on a lot of these life moments. She couldn't make my graduation, or she couldn't make, you know, my first job. Or me getting my second job or me buying my home.

But because of the generosity of my friend, that dress was bought in her honor. And essentially, she was there with me on that day, which was really special.

LAUREN: How did you feel when you put the dress on that day?

DARRAH: I was very, very nervous about the way I was going to look to my future husband. He very much likes the natural look. So he prefers me with no makeup on or my hair kind of just loose and messy. And typically, women get dolled up on their wedding day. The hair the makeup, the dress, the shoes, the nails. Everything is just tip top.

I was a little nervous getting ready to walk down the aisle, but in the dress I absolutely felt comfortable. It fit me so well. I didn't feel insecure whatsoever. And I remember É I remember seeing his face, and he was very he just had this big grin that just affirmed that I was good looking, you know, and not too dolled up. And I remember even asking him later that night ÒWas I too made up?Ó You know, and he was like ÒYou looked beautiful.Ó

LAUREN: Some people need that makeup to feel confident. Did you feel confident, not only being Òdolled upÓ but just confident being in this beautiful gown?

DARRAH: Oh, very confident. The makeup artist did a fantastic job. I had the rose-colored eyes and the feathered lashes and it was subtle but beautiful. And I actually felt much more confident with it on because I had a terrible blemish on my cheek that I was feeling very insecure about the night before. 

So having the makeup on made me feel confident and that's why I tend to wear it, but I know that the way he sees me in my raw form -- his appreciation for what he says is beautiful Ð it  makes me feel good on a normal day, but I wanted to feel beautiful and comfortable in my own skin that day.

So yeah, I felt fantastic in the dress Ð in my shoes. Oh my gosh, I loved my shoes. But the hair and makeup, everything was just, it was spot on. And I felt empowered. Yeah.

LAUREN: Do you still have your dress? And you mentioned your shoes. Do you keep them any special way?

DARRAH: Yes I do, actually. I never preserved my dress, which I probably should. And going through this process makes me think about possibly doing so. But it's in the bag and in the back of a closet. And I haven't taken it out since that day. But I did love my shoes. I had rose gold, fake, you know, diamond-encrusted straps on my heels and they were fantastic. And I've actually worn them since. So I have gotten a decent amount of wear with my shoes.

LAUREN: Speaking of wearing things again, did you hear of the women who were wearing their wedding dresses at home during quarantine?

DARRAH: When I heard that story and I read it, it's hysterical!

LAUREN: Do you have an opinion on that? Would you wear your wedding dress just for fun?

DARRAH: Yeah actually. And I probably should. I should just wear it one day Ð for when my husband comes home and heÕd be like ÒWhat the heck?Ó But yeah, I totally would. I'm curious whether or not it would make me a little depressed because I've gained some ÒlbsÓ over this quarantine. But yeah, I think it would be fun to do actually. 

LAUREN: When I saw that article it made me wish I had a wedding dress to wear inside. You know, get ready to go nowhere!

DARRAH: Exactly. I should get all dolled up!

LAUREN: If we move on to your husband, did he ever mention his expectations for your dress? 

DARRAH: My husband is very hands off. You know he wanted me to have whatever it was that I wanted that was going to make me happy. Obviously on this smaller scale. So no, he had no expectations. 

I remember throwing some ideas at him early on to see what he liked or what he thought, and he was like, I don't care babe. YouÕre going to look great no matter what. Whatever you're going to feel good in. So no, he definitely didn't have any expectations whatsoever.

I think the most important part for him was just for me to be happy in whatever it was. I mean, I picked out his outfit. I laid out his tie, I laid out of shoes Ð I mean the whole thing. And he was fine with that. And he was actually more comfortable with that. He liked it that way and I liked it too because I'm a little controlling.

Just a little bit.

LAUREN: Were there any surprises on your wedding day? 

DARRAH: Yes. The venue only had a suite for the bride. So there was really nowhere for my fiancŽ to go. 

And I had hired a friend to take my photos that day. We were married at a golf course. And it's in October. So there's beautiful fall foliage out there and I wanted to walk out on the terrace. And I started walking out and there he was. 

And I was like, ÒOoh, oh my!Ó You know, ÒHe's gonna see me. He's gonna see me!Ó And we weren't doing a reveal leading up to the aisle moment. So that kind of was a little bit of a panic for me. But we quickly like ducked back in and É aah, we were like, ÒCan you go into the dining room, you know, get out!Ó  Like ÒGoodbye!Ó 

And it actually ended up that my photographer had a brilliant idea. She told him to go outside onto the terrace É and he was looking out over the golf course. One of my favorite pictures was because of that ÒoopsÓ moment. 

LAUREN: Did you gain any knowledge from that process?

DARRAH: Yes. Throughout the entire process, even though it was such a whirlwind of a timeline, my sisters had put so much time and energy into making sure that I had everything and more. From a beautiful bridal shower to a beautiful and epic É just such an epic bachelorette party.

And the day of the wedding, before we went to the venue they had food and we were just together and having some drinks. And I think it made me realize that I tend to sometimes feel unimportant and they made me feel just so important. And I think it just further solidified bonds with my sisters that were already there. 

I tend to feel insecure a lot. So, they didn't let me question for one second my place in people's lives, and they just gave me such an amazing experience from start to finish.

LAUREN: ItÕs beautiful that it was not only reflected in your wedding and the events leading up to your wedding, but also reflected in the dress É the dress represented your moms and your sisters É  you had them with you and all around you. And that must have been empowering and comforting.

DARRAH: For sure. The whole process was crazy. Fast. And going through this process and speaking with you, it really does bring back memories that you really don't even know
you could remember. You realize how supported you were or how empowered you are by someone else or someone affirmed things for you. I mean, it just É it's a fun process.

LAUREN: So reflecting back, what is your definition of the perfect dress? 

DARRAH: My idea going into the entire process of having this perfect dress and coming out with something that was so very different. I think perfection is an ideal. You really can't say whether or not it's perfect until that moment. 

LAUREN: You could even say that the perfect dress is like family, in your case, because family is genuinely not perfect. You ended up with a dress that wasn't exactly what you envisioned. Well we all end up with a family that doesn't end up how we envisioned, but you still love your family. And I think being surrounded by them was probably the most important thing for you. And so your perfect dress is your sentimental notion of family.

DARRAH: Sentimental was a common thread all the way through. From sharing the news with my family to figuring out what the heck we're going to do with my fiancŽ. It was such an exciting time and we had those sentimental moments together, too, of figuring out what was going to be the perfect day for us.

From picking the dress with my moms, to the dress fitting with my sisters É the entire process was very sentimental for me because I literally was surrounded by my family the entire time.

LAUREN: Well, your story is beautiful, I think youÕre beautiful, and I'm so happy that you came to share your story with me today and with everyone who's listening. So thank you so much.