CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION
TITLE: Your Fairy Bra Mother!
DURATION: 27:48

Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê

Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection, a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê

As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way.

Lauren: Today we have Lori. She is the founder of Bra Tenders; and Bra Tenders if you don't already know has been supporting, sculpting, smoothing and shaping the heavenly bodies on Broadway stages for over three decades. They also work with brides and everyday women. 

Their five-star award winning personal service helps women find foundational garments that fit, flatter, and uplift the body and soul. ItÕs their sincere vow to help you find the undergarments you need to look your best and their mission is to empower women to look and feel beautiful and confident and to love, accept and embrace their unique beauty. Lori welcome! 

Lori: Thank you! Thank you for having me.

Lauren: To begin, could you tell me about how you got engaged?

Lori: You know, I think it's different when you're getting married for the first time than when you're young. I was a middle-aged bride in my 40s. I didn't want to get married. The way we got married is a weird story. 

We grew up in the 1950s and 60s, and at that time you know, we were adolescents. Khrushchev was the premier in Russia and the relationship with the United States was very contentious. When people used to ask my ex-husband when he would get married, he would say ÒWhen Khrushchev becomes a United States citizen, I'll get married.Ò

So we're living together for about two years in the 1990s, it must be 1999, and I'm in the kitchen cooking, and he's sitting at the desk and all of a sudden he hears on TV that Nikita Khrushchev's son just became a professor at some U.S. University É at Yale or Harvard or whatever. And he came to the kitchen and he said to me, ÒLorelei, let's get married!Ó And I said, ÒWhy?Ó He said, ÒBecause Khrushchev is a citizen!Ó 

He told me this whole thing about you know, how when he was getting older and didn't get married and people kept bugging him, that was his answer. And he made a bet and now he had to pay the bet and he had to get married. 

So I was already a middle-aged woman. And you know, the whole white wedding dress is not for me in the first place. You know, any fancy occasions I would wear slacks or something. And I decided because we're getting married in the country I was just going to wear like a t-shirt dress because it was summer and it was hot.  

And I went to Century 21 to return something I had bought for my husband. He said, ÒGo pick me up some of this and some of thatÓ and he didn't like any of the things I picked up. So I went to return them and as I'm getting off the escalator, I see this really cute little dress, you know, and it happens to be white. 

I've never bought anything white in my life. I'm not a white kind of girl and when it comes to fashion, but this had like little sprays of flowers in purple and lavender and green. The body was fitted and it had like a slightly poofy 1950s shape at the bottom and it had a tulle overlay with all these little embroidered flowers. And it was so pretty. I looked at the price tag it was like $60 or $69 or something like that. And I said ÒI'm going to buy that and I'm going to send it to Alan's mother because she's going to be staying up in the area.Ó So I'm going to pack up this dress and send it to her and she's going to bring it on the day of my wedding so it'll be a surprise for my husband. 

We went to the ceremony, I'm dressed in my t-shirt, and I said ÒI'll be right backÓ I'm going to the bathroom. And I changed into this other cute little dress, which I felt very beautiful wearing, you know for once in my life because I'm not a girly, feminine É that's not me and this dress made me feel like that as a 44-year old bride, not necessarily a bad thing! And he was very surprised when he finally saw me in the dress. 

Being married was interesting for about 18 years. And we started and built this business that I now have together and a lot of our clientele are brides.

Lauren: Were you as knowledgeable with undergarments and sort of like foundational wear at that time when you were getting married as you are now?

Lori: Yes, I was. I've been in this business now for over 40 years, but I worked at a schlocky little store in the Rockefeller Center area that was not too far away from Saks Fifth Avenue. Saks used to call me up, because I work with costume designers and people that work in film and television and stages big and small. We know tricks, you know? So we have an actress, we're putting her in a very low back dress. And you know, we need it to look this way, instead, a little pooch of the belly. And we need to flatten that out. I know all the tricks to rearrange the flesh to create the shape that the designer envisions. 

And Saks used to call me up and say ÒCan we send our brides to you?Ó Because first of all, it boggled my mind that Saks Fifth Avenue bridal department, or their lingerie department was not equipped to help their brides. That they did not have the proper foundations to go under a wedding dress in their lingerie department. I used to say ÒThis is this is crazy!Ó So all day long I would get calls from Saks Fifth Avenue, ÒCan you help a bride of ours? You know, she's buying a gown, she's got big boobs, and she needs some help.Ó

So everybody who thought theyÕre a 34 B or 34 C is actually a 32 D or a double D. And no wonder things don't fit, you know, because stores don't carry sizes like that. In the 1990s you could not buy a 32 D bra. You know, D cups were for big women or plus size women or full-figured women. So they started in 36. And you know, eventually they came down to 34. 

So I started looking for brands because most of the women that I saw were size 30 or 32 or 34, but DD or E or F or G or H. So there are garments that are made for women that are proportioned like that that American department stores and brands do not cater to or manufacturer for. So I became kind of known as an expert. You know, IÕm the Fairy Bra Mother. And uplifting women is what I love to do. 

But we see brides from the Orthodox Jewish communities where they get married very young, to women that are in their 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s getting married for a second, third, fourth, fifth time. Yes, and second and third time brides still buy white dresses sometimes. 

Sometimes we get mothers and daughters that come shopping together which is a trip and I prefer not to do. We used to tell brides ÒWe give you a discount if you leave mom at home for this one!Ó because when it comes to how a bra should fit mom doesn't know better than we know. But mom sure has an opinion. So it makes the whole fitting process a little interesting.

Lauren: As someone who's currently going through a wedding process with her mother and running a podcast about her wedding with her mother, I can totally identify with that! 

As someone who clearly is an expert in this industry and has been doing it for over 40 years, I want to know what got you into it. What was the seed for you to start in this business?

Lori:  The long and winding road, you know? it's like I had a grandmother when I was a kid who had the biggest boobs to this date that I have ever seen. And let me tell you I have done some heavy lifting. She hated bras and they didn't make them in her size and she would have to have them custom made. 

They were $80, $90 per bra back in those days. That was a fortune of money. And the thing was a contraption! She hated wearing it but you know, if it was a special occasion like a bar mitzvah or a wedding she would put it on. Otherwise she wore moo moos and she wore sandals no matter what season or weather and sheÕd walk down the street and her boobs would just be like flopping all over the place. And she had two sisters that were my great aunts that also had big boobs. So it's like, just there were boobs in my life ever since I could remember. 

And when there were big family parties, they would be the entertainment. You know, it's like theyÕd dress up and they would make their boobs the focal point of É they were like clowns, you know? TheyÕd put black paper on their teeth so theyÕd look like they're missing teeth. And they put stockings over their faces. So they would look like they had pig snouts. And theyÕd buy the biggest t-shirt they could find and they would all three get into it. So you see this three headed six huge boob monster, and they would make people laugh all night. 

So I started growing boobs when I was very young. My father was the one that noticed that I should probably have a bra. I was 10 years old and I liked to jump on my bed. My father drove a truck at night so he slept in the day. And I would shower when IÕd come home from school and I'm bouncing on the bed. And I looked in the mirror and I noticed that you know, I'm bouncing  now. My little boobies are finally growing! I'm 10 years old! And my father saw me bouncing one day and he said ÒTell your mother to take you to buy a bra. I got enough to worry about. Now you with breasts, right?Ò

And I got a job working in the schlock store, because I had recently moved out of my mother's apartment. I was working somewhere that I hated and the guy said to me, ÒWhatever you're making now I'll pay you 50 bucks a week more to work for me.Ó He saw me make a sale and he said ÒWow, you can sell!Ó

In the schlock store itÕs like old lady bras and nylon knee highs and he had leotards for ballet dancers that were irregulars and seconds. And I just found out that I had talents I had no idea person could have. I would look at somebody and now that I knew my own bra size was a 34DD at age 21, and tell them ÒNo, you're not at 34 D or youÕre a 32 B.Ó I don't know how I knew these things but I knew them instinctively. 

So I took over the buying for that business. And you know, we started carrying more products. So Broadway became more aware of us and they would É ÒCan you get that? Can you get that?Ó And IÕd go ÒYeah.Ó  And every you know, it's like women were coming into the workforce in full force back in the mid 70s now, so pantyhose and stockings were a huge, huge wardrobe staple for women. And he was selling them much cheaper than department stores. 

But now and then you know, somebody would say, ÒHere's this great little Christian Dior bra. What do you think about that?Ó And I would always try on everything that we bought to see how it fit. And you know are the cups deeper? Are the shallow? Are the bands É do they fit to size? 

I took a course and how to fit bras. But it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. You know, for me, it was kind of like after cooking, and you want to go store leftovers and you look for the perfect size Tupperware container to store your leftover. For me putting women's boobs in bras is kind of the same thing. You know, it's like, ÒWhat size container do I need for that volume?Ó 

So É and it's just instinctive to me. I don't know how I know it, but it kind of made me a Òbralebrity.Ó And I took that guy's business through two different expansions. And at the time that I was ready to start my business I had just met my husband, was just going to get married, and had been sick of working for this guy for four years already. And I had started to journal my what my own business would look like. 

And you know, by working with women in the fitting room and brides and thinking about how vulnerable people are. People literally standing naked in front of me telling me their life story. And I said it must be like this on some level when you're a bartender and people get hammered and they're telling you their life story. Here people are literally naked, revealing themselves to me, and that's how I came up with the name Bra Tenders. 

And yeah, it was like a whole confluence of events. I was just so sick of working for him. His wife was ill, he stopped caring about the business. I was using my own credit cards to buy merchandise for my theater customers because our credit had gone to shit because he didn't pay his bills. And I figured you know if I'm using my money already and I'm doing all the work, why am I doing it for him? 

So it was at that time that I had met Alan and he had skills that I didn't have in business and that's how we created this company. But you know, I knocked on doors and called people and said ÒHey, I'm Lori from S&S, you know, and I'm doing my own thing now.Ó And I started the business primarily to deal with the entertainment industry, but when Saks heard I was back in business ÒCan we send our brides to you?Ó 

And then I got a call from Amsala. Her studioÕs on 39th Street, sheÕs a high end bridal designer. ÒOh, I'd love to come to your shop, but my mother needs a bra. She's never been É she's 87, she can't find a bra she wants to wear. Can I bring her?Ó And you know, a wardrobe supervisor said, ÒMy grandma's looking for a certain kind of panty. Can you help me find it?Ó You know, it's like so that that is how I you know, it's like doing little favors for people looking for things that nobody can find anywhere. And genuinely wanting to help women look, feel, and be their best. 

And it all starts with you know, the first thing that you put on your body. Whether you love it or hate it. If you've got big breasts, you got to wear a bra most of the time. So it may as well be comfortable, and it should do what it's supposed to do because if it doesn't, then it's not even worth wearing. 

Lauren: ThatÕs such an empowering and exciting journey to hear about from your perspective and to also know that it empowered you to start your own business, that whole process and that you're empowering women at the same time. I'm honored to have listened so thank you for sharing that story. I wonder for someone whoÕs never really had a bra that fit them correctly or even a bride that's going to come into your shop for the first time, what is something important for them to know when they come in?

Lori: Lose all your expectations about what you think -- how a bra should fit, how you think it should look, what size you think you are, everything you ever heard about a bra, forget it. Women come in here all day, every single day wearing bras that hurt them. They're not comfortable. They don't fit them. 

You know, when women walk in and they're miserable, and I see how they're miserable, and then by putting on a bra, and it's É you know, because I'm good at what I do I don't ask them ÒWhat size are you wearing?Ó I look at them. And I say ÒOkay, give me a minuteÓ and I go to the fitting room and I pull what I think is going to work on them. And usually the first one or two is going to be the right size. And when they first put on something that's the right size, it's like, wow! They can't believe it. 

You know, and most of the time, it's ÒOh I've been wearing 38C or 38DÓ and they're 34G or you know what, 32J or something like that. And they've never seen sizes like that. You canÕt go to Macy's and buy bras in those kind of sizes. 

Plus they're not trained, you know how to fit and how a bra should fit. My mother took me to a corset shop when I was 12 years old to be fit into a bra. Those stores don't exist anymore. And their mothers can't even advise them because their mothers don't know what they should be wearing. 

So women are relieved to find sizes that fit them and then they go like, ÒIt doesn't look like my grandmother's bra.Ó That was my complaint. Something that fits me looks like my Granny's bra. And that they can buy things that are sexy that make them look good. You know, you put on the right bra you look like you lose 10 pounds. It lengthens the body and you can see your waist again, you know, I've had a lot of women stand in my fitting room and go ÒI hadn't seen my waist in 12 years.Ó 

But seeing how they walk out, you know, in such a different space than when they walked in, that they're smiling, they're happy, you know, their confidence soars. And, you know, we all need to help each other and build each other up wherever we can, however it is. 

And I had a friend come through a bra fitting yesterday, she's an entertainer. She's never had a bra fitting, she's 57 years old. So she had her first bra fitting yesterday. And she said she got up this morning, and she put it on because we were on a ZOOM call together. She said, ÒI can't believe how I have been depriving myself of this experience for my whole life! I feel like Superwoman, because I'm wearing a bra that fits me and makes me feel good.Ó

That I can be able to do that in a world that's really kind of shitty right now, that I can do that for women, it's not a small thing that I put more goodness into the world and really don't take much from it. And I think women are going to save the world and hopefully someday a woman will credit a great bra with helping her save the world.

Lauren: It's fantastic to hear that there are women who feel like they are superwomen because of their undergarments. I mean that's all you ever hope for is to just feel like superwoman whenever you are. So if an undergarment helps you feel that way, absolutely. 

And that sort of really wonderfully segues into my question, which is do you think it changes the way someone feels like on an even more important day like your wedding or you work with theater all of the time. Do you think that those undergarments change how they perform? How bride walks down the aisle?

Lori: Absolutely. You know, for me, a wedding dress is another costume. So we work with actresses and directors and all kinds of theater people, wardrobe people, the costume designers, and for a lot of, you know, the way they build characters is through the clothes. ItÕs not haphazard that a particular character is wearing what she is wearing, or that her style is such that it is. 

And I remember one time we were working on something with Vanessa Redgrave and they ordered these cotton stockings, which you really don't see anymore. TheyÕre knit on machines, but they're cotton. They're 50 denier stockings that people used to wear in the 1920s and 30s and they still use for productions. But she would say as soon as she put on her stockings she felt like she was already slipping into her character. You know, she would imagine how does this character feel? This is part of how she gets dressed in the morning. 

And you know, by putting on a girdle, you know, in the 1950s productions, in the 1950s women wore bullet bras, their boobs were pointy. So just by wearing the trappings of that particular period of time enables you to see what it felt like from the inside. So it does help create character. 

And for professional women, especially women that are on a TV camera or that speak before groups, you know, you get one chance to make a good impression. You should look as good as you can look. And especially if you're trying to teach women how to be better about themselves, if you're standing up on stage like a schlump people are not going to take you so seriously than as if you're actually practicing what you're preaching to others. 

And by just wearing a better bra, it is the most economical, pain free, and immediate thing any woman can do to immediately improve her appearance. In two minutes you can look like you lost 10 pounds. And you will feel more confident. You know, when you feel good about how you look, you can go out and kick some serious butt in the world. 

So yeah, it's like armor, you know, it creates character. And for me I don't go out to the house unless I'm wearing a bra. ItÕs a part of the costume pieces that I have to wear to be ready to deal with what's in the world. As a young girl, you know, wanting to be wild and free with loose breasts having DDs you attract a lot of attention, unwanted attention. And for me, you know, it's always been a form of protection. So having big breasts, not always an advantage. 

And especially in these days since the Me Too times. Women are buying very basic bras now I know there's this look now that bras and panties are strappy and they look like harnesses and I don't get the bondage fetish thing. It's not my thing. I don't understand what that is all about in the time of Me Too when most women are saying ÒJust give me cotton underwear. I'm tired of wearing a thong for him!Ó

I can see the history of New York you know, through underwear. 1960s is when pantyhose was first invented because of miniskirts. All of a sudden wearing a garter belt and stockings was not convenient. So the first sheer to the waist pantyhose was invented. And then they became a fashion item, you know? And the 1970s and 80s, even into the 90s sold tons and tons of pantyhose because women wore suits to work and that's what they wore under the suits.  

And one very smart woman figured out that when you get runs in your stockings and you cut the legs off, if you buy control tops, you can save the panty part and then you have a little panty girdle. And one brilliant woman named Sara Blakely took that idea and created a company called Spanx even though people in the theater had been doing that for decades before she was born, she saw the possibility for what could be for doing that. And it changed the way women dress because it killed the pantyhose industry. Absolutely killed it. Every department store used to have their hosiery right near an entrance or exit because working women at lunchtime if they got a hole in their stocking, they're running to buy a replacement pair of pantyhose. 

Then came Sex in the City that made bare legs a thing you know. It's like stockings no longer fashionable. And then came Spanx which meant you could get the control and support you needed without having to have your legs covered. So that was the death knell to hosiery. They all moved up to the fourth floor or sixth floor or seventh floor with handbags and luggage or other accessories, and a billion dollar a year industry you know crumbled. 

So a lot of the factories that made hosiery now make compression garments, socks and athletic wear, and sleeves -- things that used to be considered medical wear. Then, you know, now athletes and an aging population requires support garments like elbows and wrists and knees and ankles. So they're making ones that are attractive and more stylish than your basic bandaid beige. 

And I remember in the 1990s Hanes hosiery in North Carolina, which used to be the hosiery capital of the world, black opaque tights were so much in demand they couldn't keep up and the dye was turning the rivers black. They had to stop dyeing tights for six months because they were polluting the water systems around the factory where they were. And now half the hosiery factories down in the south are dormant or defunct or something and don't exist. 

And a lot of the products that Broadway wants I can't get anymore because of that. And now COVID killed even more of the little guys that were barely hanging on by a thread before because demand is just not the same. Products from the 1950s and 60s are not the same as today. And those machines are old. You can't even get parts to fix them, repair them. Can't replace them. 

So yeah, time through the eyes of underwear has been pretty interesting. Rudi Gernreich in the early 1970s invented the first thong and then everybody on Broadway wanted thongs. Like what a great solution under those costumes man, g-strings and thongs. And that became a big part of my business and it's still a huge part of my business forty years later. And now we have them for men too! And now men are wearing shapewear. We have two lines of mens shapewear! 

Lauren: You've given a lot of advice, you've shared a lot of knowledge, you've shared a lot of history, and you've talked about how you've grown your business from sort of the ground up. And I would love to know if there's any like last advice would give you know, a bride, a groom, anyone who's looking to like feel better about what they do in their everyday life when it comes to foundational clothing?

Lori:  The best advice I give everybody that comes in here is dress for the body you have not the body want, you know? So ÒWhen I lose 10 pounds, I'll buy a braÓ that is not good enough for you. You deserve better. Everybody deserves to have something that fits them right now, because you deserve the chance, the opportunity to walk out in the world and be your best. You don't know, if you walk outside and bump into somebody on the corner if you're going to meet Mr., Miss, or Ms.Right. You know, or if you're going to meet somebody who's going to give you the next big break to move in your career, you know, so É

As women especially, we settle for a lot of stuff. We tolerate things that don't fit quite right, you know, that are a little, you know, one decade too many out of style. But we wear it and we put up with it. And we really should be celebrating ourselves. Every morning we get up and get dressed we should strive to be the best that we can be. 

And not every day is going to be the same. But you know, you just bring your best to every day, whatever that looks like that day, that's been my formula. Some days, it doesn't work. Some days, I just can't even get out of bed. And on those days, it took me over 60 years to learn that If that's that kind of a day that's okay, too. You don't have to function you know, at peak performance every minute of every day for your whole life. Sometimes you need to stop. 

And be present, you know, to what's around you. And when you talk to people, listen. Listen to what they're telling you, especially in business. Everything is about relationships. How are you successful in business? People come to you they're telling you a problem, listen to what they're telling you. Help them solve their problem and you have a loyal customer. 

Lauren: Absolutely! YouÕre called the fairy bra mother. I was wondering if there's like an origin story for that. Or if that was just something you had come up with.

Lori: All the bra puns you could imagine have flitted through my brain but people have referred to us as a Òbra doctorÓ or Òthe magicians,Ó you know, and the Òfairy bra mother,Ó I just liked how that sounds. I could see myself as Tinkerbell in some way. And a lot of women say ÒYou've made my dreams come true!Ó or you know, it's like, or ÒIt's been magicalÓ or ÒI really feel upliftedÓ so IÕm happy to be the fairy godmother. That's okay. 

Right now I would love to be Kamala Harris's fairy grandmother and Nancy PelosiÕs. Oh my God, they need me! Nancy come see me, you need me!