CHOOSING YOUR REFLECTION
TITLE: Follow Your Heart - Evelyn LaTorre
DURATION: 32:29

Getting married is an event that holds a different meaning for everyone. For some, itÕs based on religious traditions, and for others itÕs a validation of an earlier choice they made to live with that special someone they love.Ê

Hi, IÕm Lauren, and welcome to Choosing Your Reflection; a series of discussions that reflect upon the reasons we have for choosing our wedding day outfits.Ê Our guests are diverse, but they all share a common journey.Ê

As they share their stories, theyÕll help us unravel the mystique that exists around choosing that special outfit, and what they learned about themselves along the way.

Lauren: We are so pleased to have author Evelyn LaTorre here with us today. Evelyn holds a master's degree in social welfare from UC Berkeley, and worked as a bilingual school psychologist and school administrator for 32 years in California. Her book Between Inca Walls, A Peace Corps Memoir, is a coming of age story that takes place in Peru. Soon her second book will be coming out called Love in any Language, A Memoir of a Cross Cultural Marriage. Thank you so much for joining us Evelyn.

Evelyn: Thank you for asking me. 

Lauren: For anyone who's listening who hasn't read your book, I strongly encourage them to go and read it because it includes the lead up to this love story, which is so beautiful. But it begins with you as a young girl growing up in Montana. Could you tell me a little bit about that experience?

Evelyn: Well, I was in a very small town that was built because the railroad went through there -- the Milwaukee railroad. But my father worked for the railroad. And we left because the Milwaukee railroad was literally going downhill. I mean, it was not going to exist anymore. It was surrounded by sheep and cattle ranches so most of the people that were around us were farmers and ranchers. 

There were five kids in the family at that time. When we moved to California, another one was born. And my parents were very Catholic, and we were very much of a minority religion in Ismay, is the name of the town. 

So it was a town of about 200. And I went to a school that was twelve grades, but just had a minimum number of students in each grade. And when my parents moved when I was 16, the school had to close down because there weren't enough students anymore to keep it going. But IÕm fortunate to have grown up at that time, I think, because it was like a lot of small towns. And I understand the Midwest. And I really am thankful for the values that I was taught in the Midwest. 

My mother taught us sewing. She used to sew all our dresses, a lot of them out of flower sack bags. You're too young to know that some years flour came in these big cloth sacks and we would Just use the flour and then wash the sacks and make dresses out of them. And I had two younger sisters so they got what I wore out or didn't wear out I guess I should say. What I outgrew. They had hand me downs, but I didn't. 

And then my mother taught us to sew too. And so I used to sew potholders. But that's the kind of life you could have in a small town like that. People knew that I sold Christmas cards and they came to me. They knew I had potholders to sell. And my mother stayed at home, of course. So that's kind of what life was like. 

The downside of it was that the expectation was that girls would have a horse and a husband in that order by the time they were 18. And I wasn't interested. I say it's a cross between Mayberry and Peyton Place. There were things I didn't understand that went on that in later life I did think ÒOh, wow, that was a scandal.Ó But I didn't know it.

Lauren: But it sounds like you were into sort of making your own path from an early age. Can you tell me a little bit about your college experience and how you became interested in the Peace Corps.

Evelyn: Since my father worked for the railroad, we could get passes to go free on some of the routes. And my dad had a brother, my mother had a brother and a sister that lived in Oregon and Washington. So the summer when I was 15 my parents took the family on the train to visit those relatives. And I had never seen mountains, I had never seen the ocean. I was 15 and I just never wanted to go back on the farm after, you know, seeing what the world held. 

So then when the railroad was going out of business he started looking around for a job. And what he had done on the railroad was maintain the signals, you know that turn red and green and that kind of thing. And he got a job with the Federal Aviation Agency. They had a place, an office, or whatever you call it out in Fremont, California. So that's why we moved to California. 

Now, my father had wanted me to go to the nearest Catholic school around which was 60 miles away from home. And so for the first three years of my high school, I lived with a roommate away from my parents. So I think I really got used to being away from my parents and being on my own. The more I think about it, the more fortunate I think I was because with all these experiences I was able to develop who I was and what I wanted to do. 

My parents would give me I think it was $30 a month for food. But I can remember an incident when I was a junior in high school, and I spotted this lovely taffeta dress in the window of a Montgomery Ward store. And it had black velvet buttons that went down the front. And I think I even had a hat that went with it because I always liked hats. And I had to have that dress, but it cost $30. So I bought it. And then I didn't know what I was going to do for food for the month. 

So I did go home on weekends, I would catch a ride with people that were going back to Ismay. And I would just bring lots of family leftovers and survived. But it taught me the value of a dollar and the value of clothing I guess you would say. 

But I didn't mind at all. Like I said my parents were concerned. But if they had asked me, I'd have said ÒGet me out of this place. It's too limiting for me.Ó By the time I was 16 I really wanted to see more of the world. 

And I was interested in clothes in Montana even. I kept a diary when I was in high school. And other than saying what I did, I put down how much each item of clothing cost. The shoes cost $6. I mean, it's just really funny now when I look at the prices of things then and now. And I can remember almost every dress that I bought because I bought it with my own money. 

I got a scholarship to a Catholic college, partly because I said to one of the sisters, ÒI've been accepted to the State College, but I think I may lose my religion if I go there.Ó And so my grades were good enough and so I got a full ride scholarship to Holy Names College in Oakland, which was an all women's college, which was really good for me and I think it was good for the other women. 

So during that time I hooked up with a group of students from UC Berkeley at Newman Center. I think I had gone over to Newman Center, which is the center for the Catholic students. And I learned that there was É there were people going down to the Fresno Valley to help Cesar Chavez. He was organizing a union there. 

And so in 1963 at that point, he was taking a census to find out how many migrant workers were in the area. This is in the Central Valley of California. And so I would go down and I really got to love the food. And the people were so friendly. I mean, I was getting to know another culture and it was great. And I actually walked door to door was Cesar Chavez. He wasn't famous at that time, but later did become famous. Nice, nice person. 

But there was a guy from another college there. I think he went to Stanford. Tom was his name. And he played the guitar and he sang. And I kind of got a crush on him. One weekend, I was down there and Tom wasn't there. And I said to the priest in charge, I said, ÒWell, where's Tom?Ó He said, ÒOh, Tom went into the Peace Corps to Peru.Ó 

So I wasn't chasing him but I did hear Sergeant Shriver speak in at a Catholic Conference in Minnesota and so I applied to go to Peru. So anyway, so then I was assigned to Peru. I got my first choice. It was a good choice too; they have a good quality Spanish in Peru too. 

So one of the first days I was there with Tom and I can't remember if I put this in the book or not, but he was stationed on the coast in his hair and curled up. And he didn't look like the guy I had remembered. And he didn't sound like the guy I remembered. And I was just É I just gotten there. So I hadn't had time to exchange my money. And so he said, ÒWell, let's go out to lunch.Ó 
And I didn't have any Peruvian money to help pay for lunch because the rule in the Peace Corps you go Dutch; the guys donÕt pay for you. You go Dutch. And I think he was a little miffed. I did change my money and I did pay him back. But that was the end of fantasizing about Tom. 

Lauren: You talk about clothes and how you've been sort of a big fan of them and been sort of keeping track of them your whole life. And I think that's really true to a lot of people because clothes tell your story in a way that you canÕt always. They help us determine who we are as we develop as we grow as people as you know, fellow human beings. 

And talking on that vein, I would love to know if you could tell me a little bit now that we're in Peru and your story that we could hear a little bit about your I hesitated to say wedding outfit, but your first outfit that you made in Peru. 

Evelyn: Okay. Well, let me say that most of the clothes that I took down to Peru I made myself. I just used to sew up a storm. In college if I decided I wanted to red blazer IÕd buy the fabric that afternoon and by the next morning, I had my red blazer. I would get it done. And we were always told that in Latin American countries, or in foreign countries, but in particularly Latin American, we should wear dresses, so I took mostly dresses down. 

So at one time the boys school in the town that I was in, Abancay, every year they would choose two queens. I didn't know about this tradition. But one day they appeared at my door and they said we want you to be our queen of the day. A friend of mine had been chosen as queen of the evening school. And she had a lovely outfit and her she had two attendants that were É the color combination was just really lovely. I think it was peach and then a darker peach or something. 

And her float that the students from the evening school, who I assume were adults, was a big book. And it was just ideal for a school. Well, I had high school kids that were in charge of my float. And they told me what the theme was and then they suddenly changed the theme by the time I went there. And then they told me I had to have a fancy dress. 

Well in the town I was in there's no place to buy a dress, and I wasn't inclined to do that anyway. And I was in the middle of making 60 uniforms for students that we had taught to do a routine who were going to be entered in a contest there with all the other schools. There must have been 15 different schools. And ours was a poor school and the students couldn't afford to buy uniforms. I mean, they couldn't afford shoes. So I said I'd make them. So I sewed all these uniforms. 

And then when they asked me to be queen, I said ÒWell what does it entail?Ó and I was led to believe I had to have a nice dress. And I had to have a crown and I have to have a scepter. So I started sewing away on my dress and it did turn out very nice satin and I was able to buy satin there were several fabric stores there. And it was a long, long one with box pleats in the front. And then I used some kind of netting over the top of it. I'm not sure É I just thought it looked nice. And I always sewed by patterns. I could make a pattern -- I learned to do make a pattern in the Peace Corps -- but I hardly used that skill at all. I was able to get patterns when I went to Cusco and I had a pattern that I could make. 

And it had long sleeves and a boat neck as I recall. And I made it white. I don't know why I made it white but all the time I was sewing it I was fantasizing because I was in love with Antonio and, and I thought wow this is my .. I think I sewed it and made it so that would look like a wedding gown. And it was. 

And the scepter I covered something with aluminum foil, a stick or something. And the crown I borrowed from the top of the Virgin Mary's statue at a girls school, which they said I could do. And so I had the crown, the scepter, and all that. 

And when I got into the float, like I said the teenagers had changed the theme. It was now I forget what the original theme was more sophisticated than what it ended up. But what ended up was streamers, and then a palm tree, and a few other things. And I was in like a wooden chair, whereas the girl, my friend, who was queen of the evening school was in an arm chair and all that. 

But everybody clapped and hooted and yelled at my float and were silent when hers went by. And I have to say, being an American in a Peruvian town, I was an anomaly. They had never met any Americans, most of them, and it was just unusual. And it was a compliment to be asked to be queen. 

Well, girlfriends gave me a group of a bunch of lilies wrapped in red paper. And I carried those throughout the three hours going up and down the streets. And when I got back home the front of this lovely wedding dress was all red, and it would not come out. ItÕs kind of symbolic for what happened to me later. So that's why I didn't get to wear it as a wedding dress. Well it had been used so I don't know if I would have worn it anyway, but it was nice to fantasize about it.

Lauren: ItÕs really sad that that's how it ended up. But I wonder before that happened, how did you feel in the dress? Because clearly you said you were fantasizing about Antonio at this time. So how did you feel when you put this dress on for the first time?

Evelyn: Between that and my upswept hairdo, they did have hairdressers in my town and they always did a nice job. I had longer hair then. And they put it up on top of my head and you know with a crown and a scepter! I felt regal!

Lauren: I bet! On a moving float no less!

Evelyn: I think I looked it too! I mean I think I looked it too!

Lauren: So moving from such a lovely story, although ending not so well with the flowers you know, but you did get to feel and wear and experiencing that outfit, could you tell me about how eventually you did end up making your own wedding dress and how that before you even made it how that we got to that point?

Evelyn: Well, I was the thinnest I had ever been by the end of my two years in the Peace Corps. And not because I had dysentery as much as some other volunteers did. I had morning sickness. I didn't know that's what it was. 

I was planning to travel with my girlfriend Marie around South America and a bunch of É she and a bunch of friends were had it all planned out. They were going to tour and see some other countries in South America at the end of our Peace Corps time. 

So you have to read the book to find out all the things that led up to this, but I was ready to leave Lima to go back to California and wasn't sure what I would do because I had morning sickness. And in Lima they diagnosed that I was pregnant. 

And I had already said goodbye to my boyfriend. And he had shown no way that he could support a family. But as he started missing me and he got word to me, he says, ÒCome back, I want to marry you.Ó We had wanted to marry for you know, a year but it just wasn't practical. 

And so I decided, okay, I would and I wrote a letter to my parents and said, ÒBy the time you get this letter, I'll be married to Antonio.Ó And of course, my father hit the ceiling and thought he just wanted a green card. Fifty-five years later, that's not just what he wanted. 

But so I had a week and I found taffeta. And my idea was to make a short dress, and it was wintertime in June there, and to make a boat neck with alpaca fur around the top of the neck and around the bottom. And I went from stall to stall bargaining for the alpaca fur and they would not give me the price I wanted. I thought their prices were too high. And so I never put that alpaca fur on that dress. And I am so glad I didn't. Because it looks really okay in the pictures. But it was A-line. 

And then I didn't have a veil. And I had my favorite hairdresser in Cusco who opened on a Sunday just to do my hair. I was the only client. I think they were all proud that I was marrying somebody from their city. And so I think I must have bought or they got É I don't know how this happened exactly. But we had like maybe a yard of netting. And so they just fashioned and on top of my done hairdo. My husband had a new suit made too. He had a new suit that he doesn't fit in either!

Lauren: What do you think that outfit that you made says about you at that point in your life?

Evelyn: Well, that when the chips are down, you just charge ahead for one thing. That's kind of the story of my life. The serendipity of life always amazes me how things get connected. I didn't have any compunction about wearing white down the aisle. That just was a tradition in our family. 

Ironically, my father wanted to walk all of É there were four girls in our family, two boys. He wanted to walk down the aisle arm and arm with one of his daughters. And I didn't know that. He didn't say that. He didn't get to do that with me of course, there was no other American at my wedding. But my next three sisters, one went to the justice of the peace and she had a É the second one next to me wore. I guess she had a white outfit, but they were married by somebody my mother question whether they were married because it was a woman minister. No walking down the aisle. And then the third one, I don't know just got married in an office or something. 

So my father never got to walk any of his four daughters down the aisle. So for my parents 50th wedding anniversary, my parents threw a big, big celebration and my dad walked down the aisle with my mother. She made a special dress for it. My mother was always a seamstress.

Lauren: Well, so he got his wish, just in a way he didn't expect,

Evelyn: Right! And my husband turned out to be probably his favorite son in law. I mean, two of my sisters had very bad divorces. And my husband and I lived close to my parents, they passed away now. And my husband did not have a father that took care of him. He had a grandfather up until 18. And so my father kind of became a substitute father for him -- taught him a lot of you know, house repair and things like that. So it worked out. But no, my father did not say he came here just for a green card.

Lauren: Speaking of changing opinions a little bit, I when you had talked about moving from Montana, to California, and then realizing, you know, culture shock in a way, but a positive one, learning that the world's a little bigger, and then realizing that even that world was a little too small, what about that experience, helped you learn a little bit about yourself?

Evelyn: Well, I believe anytime you travel to a foreign country, you learn a lot about yourself, because it's like being a child again. You have to learn the language, it's new food, it's all new things. Now, I happen to like those things and see them as an adventure. And I benefit tremendously from getting to know other cultures. 

Going to other countries has changed my life. And I've now traveled to close to 100 countries, most of the last 80 have been with my husband. And it's been great. I mean, we just get along famously when we're trying to figure out which way we go and directions and it's exciting. You know, the best thing is to lose your way and then you've got to ask for help. And getting to know people from other countries. 

And you learn that, you know, the American way isn't always even the best way. There are lots of ways to do things. And lots of clothing styles. Oh, I have some beautiful things that women and cooperatives have done by hand. I wish you could see them.

Lauren: Since you've traveled so many places, do you have a favorite traditional wedding garb? And what is your opinion about the western image of white dresses being, you know, a symbol of X, Y, and Z? 

Evelyn: Well I, truthfully, I take pictures of weddings wherever I encounter them. And I've encountered quite a few, it's really great to be in another country, and you'll see a wedding party or you'll see a couple, usually they're posing in front of something that I also am there to see, you know, a fountain or something like that. Always the dresses have been white I, that's all I can say. And I probably, I mean, I haven't seen that many in other countries. Because they don't all dress in traditional garb. 

Now, if I'm going to a folk dance, or even in Peru if I go to a cultural program, they'll show what they might wear to a wedding and it usually is more decorative É ribbons and things like that. But the actual people who've gotten -- who I've seen in wedding pictures -- their garb is always white. 

Lauren: Wow! 

Evelyn: I don't know. And I have heard that that is a fairly recent tradition. And I was surprised to hear that. And definitely in the Catholic Church, everybody's supposed to marry in white if you're pure. Even if you're not, you can get by with it. Who's gonna know until seven months later.

Lauren: If you were to have renewed your vows, or were ever to renew your vows again, what would you want to wear? Would you make it yourself again? And what colors would you choose and why?

Evelyn: Well, I wouldn't make it myself, again, it's too much work. I'm just not that, you know, probably do that. No, I would probably wear just a nice cocktail dress, I have several. And if I can fit back into some of them again, I probably É I'm really not into adding to the clothes I have. I have way too many clothes! 

You know, my preference is native type designs. I mean, just like this, what I'm wearing I got in Mexico. I just cannot resist the unique kinds of intricate designs that some of these people sew or embroider and things like that in other countries. And I really like those. So maybe I would wear something like that. I have a number of jackets that are really very pretty and that are hand done. And I appreciate the workmanship of the women who do them. So IÕd probably wear something like that. 

Lauren: So many cultures and countries are obsessed with weddings, whether it's because of a traditional concept, or because of their important to, you know, uphold culture. But particularly a lot of focus goes on what you were for that day. And I want to know, what are your opinions on that? Why do you think it's so such an addiction for so many people? Such an obsession?

Evelyn: Well, I think people like the party, and they like to see pretty people dressed up. In some countries, they spend far too much money -- more money than they can afford. It's like the center event in their lives sometimes. 

And it is an important event. In a way I feel kind of sorry É I have a lot of friends who don't believe in weddings. And I think it marks a beginning of something. I also wish they had divorce parties because that marks the end of something. And they probably wouldn't be as elaborate but É and it's supposed to be a real change in a girl's life. They don't emphasize the man that much in some cultures they do. I mean, the man dresses up as much as the woman but the most of the emphasis you have to admit is on the woman. 

And I think she feels special. It's one time in her life when she feels special. And then sometimes things go downhill from there, but I'm sure yours will be great. I mean it's É what I'm saying is sometimes it's so much build up that you can't help but be disappointed afterwards. 

Lauren: Absolutely. 

Evelyn: It's symbolic and very significant event in people's lives.

Lauren: Yeah, and I totally agree that sometimes expectations can outgrow the realities of what actually is happening. But you know, keeping yourself grounded can help you avoid sort of a disappointment.

Evelyn: Well I keep saying you need to enjoy it. But so much tension happens to get things just right sometimes, you know get the right flowers and all that. I didn't have that because like I said I had a week to prepare for it. And it was me and I there's a chapter É oh no, it's in my new book. 

My sequel after this one starts with the wedding; at the very end of the wedding and the reception. And at the reception I did not have I wore my wedding dress to the reception, which was fine. I mean it's a short dress and you know I didn't change into a going away outfit. I was like É I always like to look to see what the going away outfits are, but I didn't have one. 

And the altitude in Cusco was 12,000 feet. And so my husband's cousin made a cake and it fell I don't know if she didn't know about cooking in the high altitude but it was inedible. And so she just brought out vanilla wafers or those waffle wafer things. And we had those with champagne. We were fine. You know. 

I did buy a nice negligee for my wedding night. A nice blue one. But anyway, and I still have my wedding dress. I didn't put it away or anything, but I'll get into it one day.

Lauren: I'm so glad that you brought up your new book because I wanted to ask a little bit about that. And maybe ask beyond what the topics are in the book if there are any important outfits beyond your wedding dress that you just mentioned in that as well.

Evelyn: Well, I always have important outfits, but I also love getting a good bargain. So once I started having a career and children and a family I didn't have a lot of time to sew anymore. I mean, I still did some sewing. But I would mostly buy name brands, you know, well made things.

They say you're supposed to get rid of things if you don't wear them for a year. I don't do that. In my work life I just felt good when I had a nice outfit on. And I was like something new. And especially if I was thin and had gone on a diet and been successful. Everything looked good on me. 

But you know, I worked in school, so I had to dress fairly conservatively. And then the last place I worked this everybody wore blue jeans. I couldn't believe it. So I don't unfortunately, I don't think I have that many clothing stories that I can remember in the second book. It's all about supporting the family when my husband was unable to find work. 

Most people that read the first book their first question is, ÒWell, what happened?Ó And I said, ÒWell, youÕve got to read the second book to find out what happened after the wedding.Ó

Lauren: So speaking of the second book, when is it coming out? And where can people find it?

Evelyn: If they go to my website, www.evelynlatorre.com they can see where to order it from the stores or what store is near them. And the second book comes out September 28th . And it hasn't actually gone to print yet because that's when it comes out. But it's done. And I actually like the second book better because I don't know. I don't know why I like it better. It's equally traumatic in some places but it also is triumph. A triumph of the spirit, I would say. Not of the sewing machine but of the spirit.

Lauren: Well, thank you so much again for being here. Is there anything that I haven't touched on that you would like to talk about? Anything that we haven't sort of explored? 

Evelyn: No I think we have explored a lot. I just encourage people to get to know other cultures and people from other cultures because they have a lot to offer. And the other thing is to follow your heart, but use your mind.