From Bullied Kid To Grandmaster - How Chess Saved My Life
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[00:00:00] Hey and welcome back to Next Level Chess Podcast. I'm Grandmaster Noel Studer. And before I get into today's special episode, I just wanted to say thank you so much guys for listening to this podcast, for reading my newsletter, for buying my courses, for allowing me to do this as work. Because as often quoted, helping others is really the best way to help yourself.

So being able to share this advice with you guys and seeing that it matters, it makes changes, is just super meaningful for me. And I'm very, very grateful that I can do this as a job. Now, why am I starting this episode with this? Well, it has to do something with the episode because this is a pretty emotional, vulnerable one for [00:01:00] me.

I wasn't sure if I should, you know, release what I have written in written words and now talk about it on a podcast, but if it touches one person already, maybe makes slight difference, then it has been worthwhile. I'm going to read you a letter that I wrote basically sobbing in front of the TV.

You'll learn more about that and it's a letter I wrote to my younger self, but also to anyone else that might need a little encouragement and yeah, just shared some thoughts. So I will read through that. I have not edited anything of that material. So if it sounds a little bit like a word salad, well, that's because it is a bit of a word salad.

It is something I wrote when super emotional. I hope you can take something away from it and as I mentioned already, if it's going to touch one person's life, then [00:02:00] it has been worth it sharing it. If you want some more specific chess improvement advice, there are previous episodes for you. There are, you know, more episodes coming every single week.

You can go to the blog, you can check out my courses, like there's so much material. So this one will be a little bit more emotional and less concrete. But again, I hope it's going to help someone. Okay, let's get into it. So I titled this Chess Saved My Life. Chess for me has been an escape, a hope for a better future.

I went from a bullied kid who didn't see the point in living any longer to someone people look up to. It still feels surreal. Now I earn money helping others get better at chess. But sometimes I think, why? What's the point? Do I even have a real impact? Then I remember my younger self. How much this game gave me.

How it [00:03:00] gave me hope when everything looked so bad. When I ran home with a bloody nose, beaten up just because I was different. I lost myself in these 64 squares where everything is fair. No injustice, no advantage or disadvantage, except obviously for the first move, but that equalizes over time. Just a game where the better may win.

And a game so complex, you can study it forever, and escape from what hurts so much. The skills I got in chess slowly helped me believe in myself, to go for a different life, to break stereotypes and do what feels right. Just before writing these lines, I sat on my sofa crying. Probably for the first time in over a year.

I'm working on letting my emotions go and not controlling everything with my brain. I saw a story from a bullied kid who realized their dream of becoming a dancer. For him, dancing was the same [00:04:00] escape chess was for me. Now he wanted to send a message of hope and a better future through his dancing. It made me realize helping others improve their chess is my vehicle for transmitting hope, for sending a message.

The rating points gained are nothing compared to the stories behind them. Because my core message might get lost in the chess advice, here is what I would like to say to little Noel and anyone who needs to hear a message of hope. Point number one, believe in yourself. You're so much more capable than you think.

The most successful people are flawed humans who honed a skill, never gave up, and tried to improve every day. Speaking of success, what society defines as success is a whole lot of BS. Point number two: success means living your life according to your own values, and [00:05:00] to have a positive impact on those around you. In the eyes of many, I abandoned success twice.

First, I gave up the hope of becoming a successful lawyer, CEO, or doctor, just some of the jobs my parents would have liked me to go for, to pursue a chess career. That was before chess was cool. Then, when it finally started to pay off, finances got better. Chess became cool. My rating went up. I stopped without a plan for a future.

I started from zero as a coach and blogger. Back to step one. For 18 months, I used up my savings because I barely made any money from it. And yet, I felt and feel much better. I can work whenever I like, help people, have a positive impact, and I don't have to travel to tournaments that I don't want to play anymore.

That is my definition of success. Point number three, if [00:06:00] nobody dislikes you, you aren't truly yourself. We humans are all so similar, yet so different. It's impossible to be liked by everyone. The more true to yourself you are, the more people will think you are crazy and strange. Or insert any words, insults.

Who decides what being crazy really means? I would argue studying a subject you don't like, to work in a job you'll hate, to buy a house that doesn't make you happier. Doing all of this to impress people you don't like, or maybe even don't know, is crazy. Yet, that's what society teaches us to do. No matter what you do, how nice you are, how hard you try, someone will dislike you.

And if you then make any dent in the world, as a thank you, there will be haters. People who love nothing more than to see you fail. As long as you have a net positive impact and try your genuine best, this has nothing to [00:07:00] do with you. And it has everything to do with them. Point number four, the goal is really only a direction.

For years, I believed that becoming a Grandmaster, I would finally feel good, proud of all my work, and that all the pain would be worth it for this one achievement. I would have finally made it. Then, when achieving it in 2017, and I also got the record of the youngest ever Swiss Grandmasters, I was excited for one hour before realizing I felt even worse than before.

Not only did my problems stay the same, but now the hope that one single achievement would change everything was gone. I entered what I call "the GM depression". I observed this with many friends who got the GM title or other people who achieved a big lifelong goal. Upon achieving it, you feel worse. [00:08:00] So was all my effort wasted?

Should you not go for big lofty goals? Hell no. Going for it, working on myself taught me to become a better person. I met the love of my life, worked with fabulous people, and I laid the groundwork of what now is a job I love. Back then, I had no idea I would become an author and coach. The journey truly is what matters.

Your goal is only an indication of a direction. On the way there, so many unforeseen things will happen that will make the journey worthwhile. I often get asked if I regret never crossing 2600 FIDE. My all time high was just short of it at 2588 FIDE. I can wholeheartedly say no. You know, when I knew when I needed to stop playing chess?

It was when I thought, "Let me reach 2700. That was my long term goal. Then I will have succeeded [00:09:00] and I can finally stop playing." When the goal is the only thing that matters. and you don't enjoy the journey, it is time to switch up something. Point number five, perspective. What I want to tell you is, keep going, trust yourself, be unique, learn, live, love.

And in moments where anything seems too hard to keep going, use this one magic trick. It is free and always available. Switch your perspective. Every single situation can be looked at from different perspective. Viktor Frankl, a concentration camp survivor, managed to change his ... perspective while being tortured.

If a man in such a senseless, injust, and hopeless situation manages to change his perspective, you can too. Life is a unique opportunity, and we humans are lifelong learners. As long as there is [00:10:00] life, there is going to be change, and that leads to the hope of a better ... future. If you listened until now, thank you for your time.

And sorry for this word salad. I have little experience writing or talking when so emotional. Thanks to you, I can do something as work I find truly meaningful. And if this helped you, share it with a friend you believe would benefit too from hearing this. Here is to more chess improvement, not because rating matters.

But to show yourself you can, to become more confident, to feel smart and in control, and to forget the world around you just for a brief moment. To play and enjoy a nice game of chess. You got this. If I did it, you can do it too. I believe in you. Signed, Grandmaster Noel Studer. That's what I wrote down on this emotional evening.

[00:11:00] I hope it can help somebody. It's pretty vulnerable, but I'm happy to share, you know, the positives and the negatives. And it just made me realize even more why I find it such a joy to work only with adult improvers, only with people that see chess as a hobby, because it just takes away this whole notion of results are so important.

Win this championship. You're a hero. Get forth. Nobody cares about you. It really is much more than that. And so if it's obviously just a hobby, if you're not earning money with it, it's really good to think about like, why do we want to improve our chess? What feelings do we want to feel through that chess improvement?

What do we maybe want to prove ourselves? What is might be for others? What, you know? Yeah. What is the reason behind chess improvement? So. If you're still listening, I think [00:12:00] it might have touched something in you and maybe take a moment to write down why do you want to improve your chess? What feeling are you going after?

What is it that keeps you coming back to chess improvement and wanting to see that number go up? Because let's face it, if you're having 1200, 1500, 2000, even 2300. It doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel about yourself, how you feel about your game, what you learn in that process. So try to write that down because that can be a huge motivator for anything you do.

You can then use it for your chess, but also for other things. Okay, I'm really signing off. Next week, there will be more chess improvement focused podcast. And if you like this, or if you don't want such an episode to come back, feel free to write me an email or just comment it if your platform of choice has comments for podcasts, see [00:13:00] ya.