SEASON 12 EPISODE 4

[INTRODUCTION]

[0:00:13] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to SLP Learning Series, a podcast series presented by SpeechTherapyPD.com. The SLP Learning Series explores various topics of Speech-Language Pathology. Each season dives deeper into a topic with a different host and guests who are leaders in the field. Some topics include stuttering, AAC, sports concussion, teletherapy, ethics, and more. Each episode has an accompanying audio course on SpeechTherapypPD.com and is available for 0.1 ASHA CEUs. Now come along with us as we look closer into the many topics of Speech-Language Pathology.

[EPISODE]

[0:01:04] SMS: Welcome, welcome. Hello. Welcome back to some of you who may be joining again for another episode. Welcome to some of you, who, this may be your first time joining us. We are on this continued journey, if you will, of self-discovery, self-connection, and growth. I'm so glad you're here. I'm your host, Stephanie Michele Sweigart. I am a licensed and practicing school-based SLP. I am out in Los Angeles, California. I also hold a certification as a teacher of mindfulness, meditation, and compassion-based practices. My pronouns are she/her.

All right. Thank you, everybody, for being here with us today on this episode. Thank you to speechtherapypd.com for hosting me for just this incredible opportunity for us to really have holistic self-development, some of my favorite PD. I really value learning and growing with professional development in this area. I really value a work-life balance and peace and harmony on the job is super important to me. It matters. I hope you see that my content today really resonates and aligns with some of my core values. I also value your time. Thank you for spending it on me.

Before we get started, let's see, I have a few things I do need to alert you to. All right, this podcast provides informational and educational content only, not a substitute for professional therapy. Discussions aim for self-discovery and offer mindful strategies for addressing work conflict. Suggestions aren't definitive solutions for your circumstances. Your choices are your responsibility. Please seek professional advice for personalized support. By listening, you acknowledge that information is general and may not suit your needs. Exercise caution and consult relevant professionals before making decisions. Now, let's dive into today's episode.

All right. As I always like to do, oh, sorry, I do need to tell you, each episode is 60 minutes, guys. We'll be here for an hour. This is also going to be offered for 0.1 ASHA CEUs. I also have to let you know of my financial and non-financial disclosures. For financial disclosures, I do own a non-public agency in Southern California, Golden State Speech Pathology Services. This is a staffing agency. I do also receive an honorarium for this podcast, or speaking fees for the different content that I share on speechtherapypd.com. I have sales for digital courses, two different digital courses that are out there. As far as non-financial disclosures, I do not have any to name at this time.

Now that we got all the housekeeping out of the way, I want to hear from you. Everybody who is here, give me a little shout-out in the chat box where you are coming from. You can throw in your city, throw in your state, wherever you're tuning in from. Maybe it's from your office. Maybe it's from your couch. Maybe you're sitting in your car. I just want to know where all of you guys are here on this technology. It was so cool in the episode last week. We had somebody all the way from Japan. I was like, ÒWooh, Japan.Ó Sunnyvale, California. Christina, yes. Austin, Texas, Joni. I think you're a repeat offender. I've seen you in here, maybe. Ali Sandoval, San Diego. Yes. Abigail, school-based, woo-hoo, from Los Angeles. All right, Abigail, we're going for coffee after this, or maybe a glass of wine. I don't know what you prefer, but I'm with you, girl.

All right, we got Lancaster, California. Yes, not too far from Los Angeles, and that's Kether. Yes. Thank you, guys, for popping in. Anybody else want to share where they're coming from? California seems to be a popular state that comes up a lot in the chat box on these episodes. Wherever you are tuning in from, thank you so much for being here.

All right, as we continue to do so at the beginning of each episode, I really want to take a moment just to rain it all in, leave the day behind, collecting right here right now in this present moment. What I would like to do with you guys is really take a moment. This is an exercise where we're going to self-connect. This is an experiential exercise. I love it. I want to invite you to participate along. If it feels right for you and it's safe to do so, go ahead and gently close your eyes, or use a soft downward gaze, find what's comfortable for you, and I just want you to relax into whatever position you are in right now, if you're standing, sitting, lying down.

Now, this breath, body, needs exercise, that's what we're going to call the breath, body, needs exercise that we will do. It really ties into the theme that we're going to talk about today. It ties in really nicely, because when we can learn to connect with ourselves more, guess what? We're going to improve our connections with others. This is a practice that it's super simple, just to incorporate even for less than five minutes a day, every day, if you can do that in your schedule. There are massive benefits and research supports it, for all my research lovers out there.

What we're going to do is we're going to start by taking a deep breath in. Then we're going to release that breath. But when we release it, we're going to release it for just a bit longer than the amount of time it took you to breathe in. Then we're repeating that, right? We're repeating that. Each time you breathe in, then when you breathe out, you're allowing yourselves to breathe out just a little bit longer than your breath in. Let's try it. Just letting that day fall off of you. Letting it go, connecting to your body now, remaining in this position.

While we're connecting to our body, again, continuing the in-breath and the out-breath with the out-breath extended longer, connecting with the body now, noticing any sensations that are there for you and alive. No need to label it, or figure out the name for it. Just notice it. Notice if there's tingling, any chills, maybe any aches, pains, tightness, tension. Maybe you're noticing the rise and the fall of your breath. Maybe you're noticing it, your shoulders rising and falling, or your chest or your belly moving.

Now gently, in your mind, I want you to just name what you're feeling right in this very moment. Maybe it's anxiousness because you were rushing to find that Zoom link. Maybe it's exhaustion from the day that you're trying to leave behind right now. Maybe it's hunger because you're getting to that hour where you're ready for dinner, or a meal. Just notice whatever you're feeling and quietly name it in your mind. Once you've identified that feeling, let's now connect it to a need. What need is met, or is not met that's creating that feeling? What is your body messaging to you, or signaling to you right now in this moment?

If you were anxious, is it because you have a need for ease in your schedule that you're not getting? Or if you're exhausted, is it because of your need for just rest, or self-care? If you're feeling a little full, yeah, because you just ate dinner, noticing that, yes. See if you can identify a need behind how you're feeling right now. If the need is a need that's not met, what I want you to do is try to imagine now this need being met. Imagine what our bodies might feel like. What would the sensations be in our body if our needs were met? Would there be a physical relaxation of the muscles? Would there be a lightness in your chest? Would your eyebrows start to soften in your jaw, relaxed?

Lastly, ask yourself, how can I get this need met in the future? What's a strategy to meeting this need moving forward? When you're ready, a breath in. Opening your eyes, coming back to the screen because it's in this space here, together where we're learning, where we can just release the day, connect together, and just be here, learning and growing with compassionate communication skills. We're calming our nervous system and regulating ourselves. Thank you for joining me in that self-connection exercise. Let's dive into part one of our chat.

I want to share that the person who filled out our questionnaire that was sent out via email has opted not to appear live on the air. We absolutely respect and we value their privacy. They have, however, generously provided us with a detailed case scenario via this questionnaire. I believe that the experience that they're sharing is incredibly valuable. It's important to explore. I think we're going to have people that absolutely can relate to it. I want to let you know that we do have permission from our case participant to share their situation on today's episode, navigating toxic workplaces with compassionate communication, a journey to empowerment.

What I'm going to do is I'm going to share some of their insights and their story on their behalf. Again, thank you for just allowing them to remain anonymous. As always, what I want to do is I want to invite this to be a conversation. This is going to be a shared experience with you guys in that chat box, all you guys in California, all the places that you're coming from. I do want to hear from you. If you drifted away for a second, come back to me because your questions, your comments, your insights are highly encouraged. I want to hear from you. We're all learning together.

I've also prepared something special for you. If you haven't done so already, you can scan the QR code in the handouts on your speechtherapypd.com account to download a workbook companion. This is a tool that we're going to use today as we navigate today's topic. Let's move on to our case study. This is the exact words that is coming from the questionnaire that they filled out. They said, when we asked them, what is your situational conflict, or challenges current or past? How is it really impacting you? Whether it's your worry, your stress, your well-being. Include as many details, but no names. We donÕt want to gossip with names.

Here is what our participant had to share and these are exact words. ÒThis fall, for the first time in my life, I was exposed to a toxic workplace culture. The two out of three teachers in a daycare ignore my arrival and even my greeting, each time I come for an ABA session for a two-year-old girl. They do not thank me for my work and even remove the teddy bear that I gave the girl two months ago as a gift. The other children in her group, however, are allowed to have their favorite toys, stuffed animals during naps. Despite their continuous efforts to demonstrate who is boss, the child in my care is making us statistically significant improvement in social-emotional behavior. She completely stopped hitting children, screaming, and pushing others. Instead, she is able to communicate her needs and wants verbally. And she is the only one in 12 children using the words, please, thank you, and excuse me, meaningfully and consistently. She is two years and 10 months old now.Ó

All right. I imagine that this is a very challenging environment, or a workplace culture at this particular daycare. To this person who submitted this, if you're here saying you're listening, I do want to say, it's very unfortunate that you are facing certain behaviors from two out of three teachers at the daycare. I imagine, even myself, after reading this, that maybe you have some really strong needs for acknowledgement, for appreciation, common courtesy on the job, maybe for community, maybe a sense of feeling like you belong, so that need for belonging, or maybe that need for respect.

I'm guessing that due to your circumstances, since you're not here to ask, I'm guessing intuitively that this may have caused you numerous feelings, some loneliness, maybe sadness, disappointment, frustration, maybe even some anger. The question on the questionnaire that we did ask the participant was, are there specific emotions that you find more challenging to express? Because we're going to talk about how do we navigate this type of workplace. Our participant did share my grief after the recent loss of my husband. Let's just take a moment to take that in. I'm very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain that you're going through right now with the recent loss of your husband. Please know that I'm here for you if you need anything, if you want to talk, if you want to share memories, if there's anything practical that I can help with, please don't hesitate to connect with me.

Your feelings are valid, and I'm here to support you in this difficult time. Just taking a breath in and a breath out, just holding space now for that challenge for our participant and for all the challenges out there that we all hold.

I want to tap into our chat box really quickly. Anyone here that's listening ever experienced what you imagine would be a toxic workplace environment. Maybe you weren't accepted into certain social groups, maybe comments were made about you. This really highlighted your needs for respect. You were feeling that you needed respect, you needed consideration, or maybe you had unmet needs for emotional safety on the job. Go ahead and just throw me in all caps, yes, in that chat box, if you can relate to being in a situation like that. I want to see how many people are with us who know all about a toxic workplace culture.

Christina, ÒYes, my first job, I go in the bathroom and cry.Ó Yes, Joni. ÒYes, it was toxic for eight years.Ó Oh, Joni, wow. I imagine that was horrifying, eight years. Abigail, yes, yes. We've all experienced it at some point. I personally worked in environments where my need for belonging community were not met. I felt disappointed. I felt disconnected from my colleagues, and this was a really hard space to be in. I was anxious. I remember every day when I pulled up in the parking lot, I was anxious to go into that building. All I could focus on was what I perceived to be this negative energy, these lower vibrations that literally were just all around and closing in on me. I cried, too. I cried a lot at my particular site.

It was a really dark time for me, no doubt. You can read more about my story, particular story, I point out on my website at goldenstateofmindpd.com, because that story is so imprinted in my mind. It's like a core memory now that I will not forget, and I can honestly say, I'm grateful I'm not at that site anymore. Ali, yes. ÒThe office ignoring my hi when I walk in the school.Ó Yeah, absolutely.

What I want to share now is, thank you to those of you who let me know that you can relate. Let's really explore these signs and impacts of a toxic workplace culture on our professional well-being and our performance. That's really our first objective here. Because in non-violent communication, compassion communication, which again is founded by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. You can learn more about him at cnvc.org, Center for Non-Violent Communication.org. He has a term called life alienating communication, life alienating communication. Communication that uses blame, criticism, judgment, diagnoses, rather than focusing on our own observations, neutral observations, our own universal feelings, our own universal needs, met or not met, and then making requests that are positive, clear, and actionable to create more understanding and connection between people.

Why am I telling you this? Using the term toxic workplace is a form of or a way to label using life alienating phrases, right? Toxic workplace. We're judging our workplace, right? This is life alienating communication. In practicing compassion communication, the goal of this podcast, it's really important to make the shift into really specific behaviors, or actions that you're noticing that don't align with our values, our desires, or what's important to us, rather than labeling it.

We're going to needle into what are those neutral observations, right? Because when we're describing a workplace negatively, such as using this judgment blame, criticism, all of the life alienating communication, that's communication that's now dividing us. It's separating us. It's disconnecting us. It's very common in our culture where we can be very disconnected from others. When we are, this leads to increased stress, decreased collaboration. We're less productive on the job. Our well-being is impacted. Maybe even our relationships now are tanking, right?

The importance of learning how to reframe our statements, even in just our minds, learning how to reshift our statements about a work environment from evaluation to observation. Again, we're going to be following Dr. Marshall Rosenberg's first step in non-violent communication. This lies in now connecting our expression, the way we want to share what we want to say with our values, and creating now a connection with whoever it is that we're talking to, whoever is our communication partner, right? I mean, that's the goal. It's shifting our thinking to neutral observations. Because what happens now is this minimizes the risk that, believe it or not, all of our biases leak through in everything we do, everything we say, in all of our actions.

If we're thinking in life-alienating communication, you can probably believe that that's seeping through even when we're trying not to have it seep through in our interactions with others. Now this shift, this shift that we're doing, both for ourselves and others, creates this objective picture of the situation. Now when I get involved with confronting somebody or having that difficult conversation with others, it's going to be a little bit harder to argue against concrete facts, right? It helps to build transparency.

I just recently had a district tell me last week when I went with concerns, ÒThank you for your transparency.Ó The transparency is noted. It's seen, right? Now, this allows team members to approach discussions, because they're not defensive. The district wasn't defensive with me. I wasn't blaming them, right? Now we've got more empathy in our conversation. We've got more collaboration, we're strategizing together. The rule of thumb really is neutral language promotes a more professional, more respectful, just this open environment now where, hey, we can break it down and start strategizing. We can problem solve together because everybody's in it. Everybody's in it to do the thing, right? We're not all closing our ears and running in the other direction.

If you're experiencing a toxic workplace, we all want to get very specific about what we're observing. Then I want to share a four-step process for managing it, okay? This is in your handouts, but I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to drop this into the chat box as well so that you have it. The first one is number one, bring awareness to your judgmental thoughts. Number two, connect those thoughts to unmet needs. Number three, strategize ways to meet those needs. Number four, offer empathy to yourself, or others.

All right, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you some examples now where we can practice this. We can make this shift and we can follow these four steps that are here. I want to pretend, for the purpose of this episode, that your judgment thought is, okay, let's say the SLPA is stabbing me in the back, right? They're stabbing me behind the back. They're sharing information about me with a principal, without me being present. Okay, so we've got the backstabbing. We've got the backstabbing SLPA, right? That's the life-alienating communication.

Number one, we bring awareness to our judgment thought. The judgment thought is a backstabbing SLPA, right? It's very clear. Then number two, we connect those thoughts to our unmet needs in the situation. What am I needing? I want to hear from the chat box, pop it in, if you will. I want this to be super interactive. I want to hear what you guys are thinking. I want to hear if you're with me. What do you think an SLP is needing when they have the thought that the SLPA is stabbing them in the back? When you're being stabbed in the back, what are you needing in that moment? Can anybody pop in, popcorn some needs that you might have? This isn't to trick you, or to make a hard test.

All right, clear communication, yes, between the SLP and SLPA, yes. Need the SLPA to bring concerns to you. Yes, again, communication, trust, Melanie, yes. Respect and courtesy, absolutely. Communication, clarity. Yes, Ali. I love the clarity. I love that. I am absolutely in agreement with all of those needs. You guys are right on point. That rolls us right into step three. Now, we're going to strategize to meet those needs for respect, for clarity, for trust, whatever it might be for you, right? Some strategies might be, do I have direct communication with the SLPA? Do I approach them? Do I go and have that type of one-on-one conversation? Do I get a supervisor to come in and converse with the two of us, so we're all together? Or, what are some ways that I can create some clear boundaries? You strategize ways to create clear boundaries. These are strategies now to meeting our needs, right?

Then the fourth step is empathy. Empathy is both ways. I want to empathize with both people, for myself and for the SLPA, if IÕm the SLP. If I'm giving empathy to myself and IÕm the SLP, I might say something like, ÒYou know what? I'm feeling pretty hurt. I notice, I'm really frustrated by the comments of the SLPA. I notice that, right? I feel it.Ó Or, it's understandable that I would want to work in an environment where I have positive well-being, right? It's okay to prioritize my emotional and mental health thinking about this, right?

Then we can offer empathy to the SLPA. That's the hard part for people. It's like, what does that look like? I might say something like, ÒYou know what? I can see that my co-worker right now is struggling with an overloaded caseload and workload, and they might have a lot of challenges and be feeling really stressed in their role right now.Ó ÒOr, you know what? I think that SLPA might be expressing their concerns, or frustrations in a way that might not be productive,Ó right? Or I might say, ÒYou know what? Maybe the SLPA isn't even aware of the impact that their actions is having on me right now and how that it might benefit from having a constructive conversation,Ó right? It's the empathy both ways.

[MESSAGE]

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[EPISODE CONTINUED]

[0:24:49] SMS: I want to point out, if I could say this in all caps, this is so super important. Empathy involves understanding and acknowledging feelings, without necessarily agreeing with the behavior. We don't have to agree with what the SLPA is doing. But by expressing empathy, what you're doing now is you're at least opening that door to more constructive communication and quite possibly, a resolution. 

Again, empathy for yourself, empathy for others, it opens that door for that constructive communication to problem-solve together. But it does not mean that you are accepting, or agreeing that the behavior is okay. All right. Let's try another one. Get ready for your chat box. I got a little situation for you. Let's pretend that you're working in a school system, right? Let's pretend that you're a judgmental, or criticizing thought is that there's a SPED teacher that is really unhappy and super gossipy, and they gossip way too much in the school cafeteria. I know that doesn't happen in any of the schools you work in. There is no gossip in the school cafeteria.

The first thing you do is you identify your evaluation, right? That teacher is such an unhappy whatever, and they're so gossipy, right? You've got the unhappy, gossipy, SPED teacher. We've identified it. Number two is you identify your unmet needs. This is you guys, chat box, jump in. What do you think an SLP is meeting? Maybe they're going into that cafeteria to have some lunch and they're sitting next to a SPED teacher that's super unhappy, gossiping about everybody at lunch, and just dragging down that overall morale. What do you think SLP is needing when they have the judgmental thoughts that teachers are so unhappy and gossipy?

Everybody's thinking in that chat box there. What could our needs be? Yeah, rest and relaxation at lunch. Yes. Safety. Absolutely. Yes. Thank you, Melanie. Safety. Maybe some closeness. Maybe some community. Work-free lunch break from your brain. Yeah. Some peace. I'm hearing maybe some peace, some ease. Yeah, some space. Absolutely. Structure and clarity. I like that. Structure and clarity. Yes. Absolutely. Thank you for jumping in there.

There could be tons of different needs, right? It could be any of these. It could be, ÒI want to be close. I really like the SPED teacher. I really like them. I wish they actually didn't do this. I want to be closer to her, or him, or them, or this person. I want to be closer to this person. Or maybe I want to have a sense of community at lunch, but these conversations aren't aligning with my values, my morals. What's important to me, right? Or my need for fun and needs at lunch, right? Christina?Ó I just want to chill here for a minute.

Step three is now I got to strategize. How am I going to meet those needs, right? I sit and I come up with different ways. I'm like, ÒOkay, how can I meet those needs? I really like the SPED teacher. Maybe I could offer up positive topics and say, hey, let's talk about these things at the table.Ó Or maybe I could say to them, ÒI really want to openly discuss my concerns with you and my need for community and closeness by avoiding discussions that could harm others.Ó Or maybe it's like, ÒYou know what? Let's get everybody happy. Maybe I'm going to strategize and go ask the principal to coordinate more team-building activities at my site just to raise some of that morale, so not so many grumpy people.Ó We strategize. We strategize ways to meet our needs. 

Then step four is that empathy again. It's like, all right, I'm going to give empathy to myself. Like, you know what? I recognize that dealing with gossip is really challenging. It's mostly taxing. It's challenging. It's okay for me to acknowledge my feelings right now, while I'm noticing this. Or, you know what? It's totally understandable that I want to work in a positive work environment, one that's uplifting and caring towards others and towards myself, my colleagues. Yeah, this is important. It matters. Or, you know what? I value my well-being. You know what? Me taking steps to value my well-being is what needs to be done. This is an act of self-care. If I approach the person, or come up with strategies, this is self-care.

Then we have empathy for the SPED teacher, right? Don't forget about the other person, because we sometimes get stuck in this enemy image and we forget, oh, there are other aspects of them being humans, right? We're all humans. Thinking about them we might think, okay, you know what? Working in special education is tough. It is demanding. You know what? Teachers got a lot of challenges on their plate. Maybe this teacher just has a lot of challenges right now and doesn't have that clarity that they need. Or, okay, seems like everybody's got different perspectives and unique experiences that might be influencing their views. 

Again, we don't have to agree with it. We don't have to accept it. We don't have to like it. We are just offering up another perspective to put ourselves in someone else's shoes before we open that dialogue, so we can soften that enemy image, if you will. Soften that. Because both cases, what's happening is it involves empathy and it involves understanding emotions, right? The emotions of everybody, all the perspectives that are involved. Now we're creating this atmosphere of understanding, of support. We've talked about how now this is going to be more open communication for everybody so that we can start to address the challenges, not ignore, address the challenges and build this more supportive work environment.

All right, I'm going to blow through one more real quick. Let's just say that your judgmental, or blaming thought is the organization that I work at, wherever that might be, your hospital, your nursing home, your school, your clinic, it's so unsupportive. They're so unappreciative. They're completely ungrateful. They're just a bunch of Ð right? The organization I work at is unsupportive. They're unappreciative. They're ungrateful. They're awful human beings. They just want to take our money. All right, so you've got that thought. You've identified that thought. They're unappreciative. They're ungrateful. All of those labeling terms, where you're criticizing them, or blaming them.

Then you go to your unmet needs. Throw it in quickly if you can into the chat box. What do you think an SLP is needing when they're having thoughts about their organization being ungrateful and unappreciative? Yes, acknowledgement, validation, absolutely. Oh, my gosh, this is what every SLP is screaming right now. See me, hear me, know that I matter. I care. Affirm, yes, affirmation. Absolutely. Absolutely. So important.

Now that we know that, strategize. How do we get those needs met? People don't always meet our needs and we have to meet our needs for ourselves, but let's strategize. Maybe I need to have open communication with the team about it. Maybe I need to start some type of recognition program with my school. I remember at the non-public agency I worked at, they had a big bulletin board and little cutouts where they were little rocket ships and you could write the person's name and one thing that you notice that was so awesome about them and you pin it to the wall. It just always cluttered up and you could go up there and see what everyone was thinking about people. It was just such a beautiful idea. Maybe you create that culture in your workplace. 

Maybe you show up with more appreciation and affirmation, validation and acknowledgment for others, hoping to have that reciprocated in your workplace. Yeah. Need to make sure others are feeling seen as well. Absolutely, Kether. We probably aren't the only ones. Absolutely, exactly. Then we show it and we hope that it's reciprocated. Empathy to me, I understand that I've got a lot of feelings right now and I've got this range of emotions and it's okay to be feeling this way. It's okay, and I validate this is my feeling in this moment.

I recognize that my emotions are wisdom and this is part of my self-care, and I deserve compassion and understanding for myself as I'm going through this, right? Or again, it's okay to take necessary steps to strategize what I need to do to support my well-being and that's okay. Empathy to others looks like, hey, I acknowledge that you know what? This organization, or this healthcare system, or this admin team, they have their own experiences, their own feelings, their own challenges and it's important to respect and understand their perspectives. I want to learn more about their perspectives and what's going on for them. What matters to them? What they're feeling and needing?

Now that we've identified some observations within the workplace and we've shifted our observations into needs, built some strategies, got some empathy rolling, let's remember now the consequences to not addressing these factors in the workplace. We talked about conflict avoidance in our previous episode on the ShiftMakers Podcast. I highly recommend you check out the episode on conflict avoidance, because if we don't approach things, there's a lot that can build up inside of us; resentment, things fester, relationships diminish.

It's not a one-size-fits-all, but we are impacted differently on a variety of different factors of how we're made up, and who we are and how we see things. I know that in the last 10 or 11 years at my own agency, I'm working with SLPs and SLPs on my team and the challenges that they've brought to me and even the challenges I've had myself in the trenches in these schools, I have a list and I'm going to pop in the chat box, because I'm going to see who is going to relate to this list, but these are some of the consequences that come from not addressing the challenges.

Look there. Increased stress, unhappiness in the job, anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues, burnout, conflicted relationships, unmotivated, loss of inspiration, decreased productivity, desire to quit and find a new assignment. That's nobody here, right? I'm raising my hand, because I quit and left jobs, because it was too difficult. Difficulty focusing, or concentrating. All right, does anybody relate to any of these? Feel free to pop that in the box. I can honestly say, I have experienced all of these on this list at some point in my career, from just my observations of being in different schools, working with different teams, just being an SLP.

I think the one that takes the cake for me, really, the biggest one for me personally is unhappiness in the job. That was a big one for me. And conflicted relationships. My relationships suffered before I had non-violent communication strategies. They suffered. They were broken. Disconnected. The term Ôburn bridgesÕ, I know all about it, right? Those were the biggest for me personally.

Abigail, 100% yes. Melanie, yes, yes. We can relate to these. It is so important to address these issues, guys, in the workplace if we want to create a healthier work environment and really support. We want more well-being, we want more happiness, we want more joy, we want to have a better overall job performance. Well, guess what? We got to take the necessary steps to do that, right? We have to be our own best friend and we have to do that. It's not always easy to address these challenges that we as clinicians face when we're managing our roles in the field, and we're also trying to balance that in our work environment, wherever your work environment is. In fact, our person from our questionnaire, we ask them, how do you typically handle conflicts, or disagreements in your personal, or your professional life?

They responded with, ÒI try to listen. Let another person express their point and ask questions, if any. Number two, if it is a false accusation or misunderstanding, I clarify what is another person's perception of the problem prior to explaining my point of view. Number three, if it is a minor issue, I simply agree to avoid the conflict, or rebuff the attack if the escalation is unavoidable.Ó Yeah, how many of us are avoiding conflict, or how many of us are growing bigger and stronger in that conflict, but maybe not finding the right words, the wise words to use in that conflict, and now our needs are not being met?

There are some strategies that I just said from our participant that they're employing during difficult challenges, and this really lends nicely into our next part of the episode, which is talking about what are some strategies that Ð Abigail says, ÒMe currently.Ó All right, Abigail. I'm sending you my heart, girl because I know it's tough. It is challenging. It's challenging times. We already have so much on our plates that it certainly just adds more and can feel like a burden. Absolutely.

All right, so let's discuss some strategies for how do we maintain this emotional resilience, build our emotional resilience and then maintain it and our empowerment when we are faced with negativity and adversity from others. I want to start by just throwing out a quick definition of emotional resilience, and this is according to positivepsychology.com. Emotional resilience is when you're able to calm your frantic mind after encountering a negative experience. It is intrinsic motivation. Very important. An inner force, very important, by which we can hold ourselves through the downsides of life.

Then empowerment is the process of gaining freedom and the power to do what you want to do, or to control what happens to you, okay. Here, we're discussing strategies, again, for maintaining emotional resilience and empowerment in the face of adversity and negativity. What do we do? I want you to take a quick moment, a little experiential exercise and I want you to reflect on a time when you noticed some observations, maybe that we discussed today in the workplace or others, in your own workplace culture, or environment that lowered your well-being, okay, or created this discomfort in the workplace.

I want you to remember that now, the details of the assignment, where you were, who was around you. Think about that for a moment. I'm getting one in my head. I have a few. I'm going to hone in on one. For some of you who said Ôme currently,Õ Abigail, think of something you're involved in right now. I want you to reflect on how you're feeling, or how you felt in that challenging time. What are some of the emotions that came up for you, or are coming up for you? Was there disappointment? Was there anger, sadness, loneliness, uncertainty, hopelessness, anxiousness? Yeah, Abigail, anxiousness. Maybe some fear. I had fear. I had stress. Think about what was alive for you.

I want you to think about who did you turn to for support during this time. Was it your family? Was it a colleague? Was it just yourself? Was it nobody? What did you tell yourself, or others about the situation? What was your story? Think back on your story, or your current story. Is there a blame? It's okay. Is there criticism, judgment? Are we diagnosing others as liars, abusers, users, idiots? Do you find yourself in this current situation, or in the past current situation, did you advocate for your needs, or state your boundaries? If so, who did you speak with? Did you find yourself just mumbling off to the side and complaining to colleagues?

Were you like the SPED teacher rattling it off at the cafeteria at lunch? Did you bring it to your boss after work on the drive home? Or did you just keep it inside with your head down each day, just trying to strategize your exit plan? ÒHow the heck am I going to get out of here?Ó That's what I did. I kept my head down and I thought, ÒHow am I going to get out of here?Ó Larry is sharing, ÒI realized the other person did not care what others think and they were not going to admit wrongdoing, or a need to change. I withdrew.Ó Absolutely. You met your needs, Larry, and that was the answer that you needed to do. You had needs in that moment. You had needs for a shared reality, maybe, on how things were being seen. That need wasn't met and it was time for you to go. That was the need that had to be met at that time. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that.

Ali, ÒI didn't know who to speak with.Ó Yeah. It seems like you had a need for support, Ali. Someone to go to, someone to care, someone to hear you and support you. I want to come back to this reflection in just a little bit, a little bit later on. Thank you to those of you who reflected on this memory, because everybody's individual experience is going to look so different, right? Because we all have our own inner armor on how, or if we'll handle conflict, how we'll deal with it.

If you want to better understand your own habitual styles to responding to conflict, be sure again to check out episode three. This is so very important in this podcast series, because we touch on four common response styles to conflict. We break down the importance of those, understanding those, the pros, the cons, and how to reshift our thinking into this new way of advocating self-advocacy and clear boundaries. Let's talk now specifically about different strategies for maintaining emotional resilience and empowerment in the face of negativity and adversity. These are listed in your handout for you, so you don't have to try to quickly take notes. They are available for you when you go back and grab that handout.

The four most important aspects I want to address align with the framework of compassion communication. This is really cultivating, one, our self-awareness. Two, our empathetic communication, three, the non-violent communication process, and four, a gratitude practice. I'm going to pop it in there, in case you don't have it in front of you, so you can follow along. I know I'm a visual learner, so I want to support you if you are also. I want to broad stroke these four bullet points that I just threw up here in this box. Because honestly, we could probably do a full episode on each one of those. There's just so much packed into all of this, but for the interest of time, I'm going to just give you the highlights, so I don't have you here until the morning.

The first one is self-awareness. It's just what it sounds like. We're becoming aware of oneself. That's it, right? You can practice mindfulness, or practice awareness if you prefer the term presence, or awareness, to just connect with your emotions. For some people, this is really hard to do, and I appreciate that, and I hear you. If you can, try to connect to your emotions without judgment. Notice what you're feeling in the moment, right? Let's identify those triggers that led to negative emotions, right? This is when your well-being is impacted, my well-being is impacted. My well-being is not impacted, it's not really a trigger, right? Then I'm going to acknowledge those feelings, recognize them. I'm going to accept them without self-criticism for having them, right? Because we know, we've talked about this on other episodes, how emotions are wisdom, they're carrying golden nuggets to let you know what needs are met or not met.

Then we've got empathetic communication. That's the use the active listening, right? We all know what active listening is; to really understand others' perspectives, right? We're emptying out our faculties, we're fully present, we're trying to let go of our conditioning and our biases as best as we can to really be here with you, to understand diverse and unique and just everyone's perspective. Then we express that empathy, right? By acknowledging, okay, this is what you're feeling, this is what you're needing. I'm hearing that you're angry and you have a need for respect. That's what's really lying underneath all the words that are coming at me right now, right?

Again, not agreeing with what's being said, or how it's being said, or how you're being treated, but rather seeing in their reality beneath the words, what are the needs, what are the emotions in the situation for the other person? Then you avoid that blame or judgment in your communication. In your workbook to download, that QR code I mentioned, I have a word bank of universal feelings and also, a word bank of universal needs to support you when you go to self-advocate and create boundaries and create your text, your emails, your communication, your TED talks, words that you can use that, and this will help build your emotional vocabulary and your needs vocabulary if you need support in that area, because they're universal.

Step three is the nonviolent communication process. This is what we've been talking about in each one of these episodes, the four-step process where we're just, we're describing a situation without evaluating it, okay, the observation piece. We're identifying and expressing our feelings unique to us. We're identifying and expressing the needs and then we're making clear positive, actionable requests to meet those needs. We're strategizing.

The fourth is a gratitude practice. This is cultivating this mindset of appreciation, of acknowledgement, the things we throughout in the chat box earlier, right? These positive aspects of your life, your job, your colleagues, your family. Then reflecting on these things that you're thankful for, because this now can shift your attention away from negativity and help build that resilience. I'm going to go through these with an example. This might feel heavy and like a lot of information, but remember that when we are building our emotional resilience, or strengthening our emotional resilience, it's an ongoing process, and you can start anywhere, anytime to incorporate these strategies to various situations and regular practice of these skills, support the empathy, the understanding, positive connection, all those elements of compassionate communication.

When you run through the four steps with our participant who said that, first time in their life, they were exposed to the toxic work culture, two out of three teachers, the daycare, ignored the hello each time they came for the session, that the participant didn't get thanked for their work and the gift that they gave the student was removed, but the other kids still had their gifts and that their child was still making progress throughout the therapy sessions with this individual, with the case participant.

If I wanted to work through this situation with our four steps to maintaining emotional resilience and empowerment, and I go and I connect with number one, which is self-awareness, this is connecting to ourselves, maybe our participant is feeling angry, maybe they're feeling alone, upset, or frustrated, and we named those, right, as messengers, again, that carry wisdom. The participant can identify the triggers, or the stimulus, not the cause, that impacts the emotions.

When our participant says hello to colleagues and colleagues don't say hello back, participant feels disappointed. Or when the participant sees the toy has been taken away from the student, participant feels frustrated. When participant is not thanked for their work, participant feels saddened, right? We've identified the triggers of the situation that are a stimulus to the feelings. Let's go on to empathetic communication with our example. Here's what this looks like. You take a moment, you put yourself in someone else's shoes, or in your own if you're doing self-empathy.

If we're trying to understand others' perspectives, which is hard to do, we might make a guess, because we don't really know, right? We make a guess as to how they might be feeling and what they might be needing. I might say, okay, maybe those two out of three teachers, what they're feeling and needing when they're not saying hello in response to our case participant coming in and saying hello, are they feeling rushed? Are they feeling overwhelmed and they have a need for understanding that they didn't get to the hi? I don't know, right? I'm just throwing things out there. We just look at all the possibilities and all the perspectives, and we boil it down to the simple fact that as humans, we all have universal feelings and needs. They are meeting one of their needs, or not having a need met in their behaviors and actions.

It's like, okay, what are the two out of three teachers needing, or feeling when they take a toy away from a student that was given by our case participant? Could they be feeling concerned over the safety of that particular toy that was given to the student? Again, not saying it's right, or wrong, their action. WeÕre not saying their actions were right, or wrong. We're brainstorming different ways to think about, what else? When they're not expressing appreciation or gratitude, we talked about this. Are they feeling upset, or exhausted by maybe their own needs for appreciation not being met? Maybe they're not receiving appreciation. Therefore, they're not reciprocating appreciation. We don't know. We try to think about this, right? We try to help diffuse conflict by moving away from the life-alienating communication, those thoughts, right, moving away from placing blame, or thinking who is right or who is wrong in these situations, who needs to be punished, so that we can get more clarity in our communication before we approach the individuals. We're just softening it a bit before we approach the individuals.

Now, we've got the nonviolent communication process. This is framing our communication, our speaking, or how we're listening, or how we're hearing things in a way that inspires compassion, understanding. Those words come up a lot, compassion and understanding. You've got observations, feelings, needs, requests. Again, this framework, and you have this in your workbook that you can download. I have the framework listed out, and I also have some scripts on how you can create your sentences and fill in some words from those vocabulary banks when you're advocating for yourself. Let's look at our case participant, for example.

All right, so if we're going to observe, we describe the situation without evaluation or judgment, we say, ÒHey, when I notice that you don't respond to my hello, I feel disappointed because I have a need for consideration and closeness with my colleagues that are on site. I really value positive work interactions. Would you be willing to share your perspective on what I just said and discuss how we can maybe increase our acknowledgments of one another at work?Ó Listen for these sentence frames again. When I see, observe, or notice, I feel, because I need value or desire. Would you be willing to? Okay. Listen for these in my next communication attempt regarding our participant situation, if I'm going to address the teachers on site.

When I notice that the other children in the group have their favorite toys and the gift I gave them was removed, I feel confused and saddened by this. I have a need for respect and for collaboration in the workplace. Would you be willing to share your perspective on why the toy was removed from the student? Maybe we can discuss ways that we could strategize a solution to this that, that meets both of our needs and maybe also, considers the needs of my student. 

Last step, cultivating a gratitude practice. Guys, this is a gift you're giving yourself. A gratitude practice is a gift you give yourself, okay? There is so much evidence-based research on gratitude that is accumulating and growing that is out there for my research lovers. If we had more time, I'd go through it with you. I do believe I talk about it on another podcast on Keys for SLPs with Mary Beth Hines if you want to check out the gratitude episode. When you implement this practice, the research shows that this helps to lower our stress, increase our happiness, bring more joy, more well-being. I want to sign up for that, right? You can journal, you can say your gratitude out loud, you can say it silently in your mind. What you're doing is you're intentionally focusing on just the positive things in your environment intentionally, right? 

We heard our participants share the gains that their student was making. For a participant, this might look like they're mentally thinking, or maybe they're writing it down, or thinking about it in the car on the way home. ÒYou know what? I'm grateful my student is using please and thank you. I'm grateful that my student communicated their wants and needs today. Hey, I'm grateful. I was pretty resilient, right? I stayed positive when those teachers didn't say hi to me. You know what? I'm going to take a moment and celebrate myself. I'm really proud of my handling of that situation. Or, I'm grateful for this coffee I just got in the drive-through at my favorite coffee shop, or my workspace, or the sunlight that's coming in to my window after many days of rain.Ó We cultivate that gratitude. Those are the four steps. Again, they're listed in your handout for you to think about. It's an invitation to consider to practice.

The goal is really to strengthen our inner resources and our resilience. There's a pathway. There's a pathway to doing that for yourself and it can include cultivating more self-awareness and presence, that mindfulness, that presence, that awareness in the moment. Our empathetic communication, that non-violent, or compassionate communication process we just shared, and that gratitude practice. Those are some steps on this pathway to support you. 

Again, I want to point out, does not mean we are accepting our situations, nor should we accept them in the face of adversity and say that it's okay, it's not okay, right? Not that we should just deal with it with our heads down. No. But rather, we're building our inner resources, so that we can rise to the challenge in the face of adversity, where we are as strong, resilient warriors, guys. We are authentic warriors who are coming to the table, who are out of the way we're handling ourselves, so that when we leave after the fact, there's no regret. I run into you, you, you, or you that I had conflict with it later on down the street at the mall or grocery store, I can hang my head high for how I chose to show up in that conflict.

Now I'm curious as we're wrapping up, I want you to all think about that conflict that you had when I told you to reflect on where you were, who you were with, who was around, and you identify your feelings, can you empathize right now thinking of that situation, or those of you who are in it in the moment, can you empathize with others who are involved in that conflict, or challenge? Is it possible for you to list out that nonviolent communication process in your mind, ÒWhen I observe, I feel. Because I need, would you be willing to?Ó Can you imagine what those statements would look like now after the fact, after the conversation or the challenge? This is a skillful practice, to give this a try, to journal about it after the fact, this supports you with your learning, so that you're prepared for the next time you're faced with a challenge. Guess what? Challenges keep coming.

Then lastly, the situation that you're reflecting on, can you see the gold in it? Is there any moments to be grateful for? Can you find any gratitude, any silver linings, or as I say, finding the gold in those moments that were challenging and hard? I want to embrace this compassionate communication in my own life. I want to invite you guys to embrace it in all of your life. This is has been and is such a powerful tool for creating positive changes in your professional relationships and in those challenging environments that we've talked about today that have come up in the chat box.

I have so many amazing resources to support you with this, starting with that downloadable workbook, so go ahead and grab that. You're going to love that. You have the ability to be a shift maker, right? You can choose how you want to show up. You can be someone who can influence this positive change in your workplace and create a ripple effect out that is going to support so many of your colleagues, your clients, your families, and so on. In your daily interactions, you can start to slowly begin to use non-violent communication. That forced to pathway when you're writing your text, when you're sending your emails, when you're talking to your pet at home, when you're sitting in those IEP meetings, right? Or when you're at home connecting with your kids, or your loved ones. I do talk to my three-pound Yorkie. I do practice it on my three-pound Yorkie. He loves it.

There is a power, I kid you not, that comes from using this practice. I have had other therapists literally tell me the results they see overnight. These results can happen right away. It doesn't take a lifetime to get them, where you just start to soften, where you start to notice others soften, right? When we use it to navigate challenges and resolve these conflicts that are coming up for us, we're contributing now. That's one of my needs. One of my needs is contribution. I want to contribute positivity. I want to contribute to collaboration. I love to collaborate. I want it to work. I want to be in a work environment that's creative, where everybody's opinion matters, and unique and diverse perspectives are welcomed and celebrated.

I can't stress enough to the importance of building these deeper, these more authentic connections in your workplace. I've seen such a difference in mine and compassionate communication really is a tool to help you do that. I've actually shared this with so many NVC deep dive participants through speechtherapypd.com with my own team at Golden State. I've shared this at organizations that I have them work working with, and the feedback is so positive and it's noteworthy. It's like, they said, what do they say? Something's in the pudding. The results are in the pudding. Does anybody know that phrase? I don't know that phrase. Help me out if anybody's in there with something. You see it in the pudding, or something.

The transformations I get to hear about literally blow my mind and you don't need a lot of experience to, where can I fill out a form and tell you about my eight years of stress? Yes, Jody, I'm sending, I'm emailing you that. Proof is in the pudding. Thank you, Christina. Yes, Abigail. Thank you for showing up for me. I was having word finding difficulties. Very good. Yes. All right, guys. I challenge you, commit to personal growth through the ongoing practice of compassion communication, positive change starts with you, you, you. I have numerous courses on speechtherapypd.com that you can check out learn more on gratitude, mindfulness, strengthen your presence, compassionate communication, interprofessional collaborations all there on speechtherapypd.com, if you want to learn more about it and this stuff resonates with you. You can also go to my website, goldenstateofmindpd.com. You can learn more about me, my resources. You can be on my email list.

I just met somebody today who was like, ÒOh, I'm on your email list.Ó I was like, ÒYou're kidding.Ó They were telling me how they appreciate the different resources I send out. I don't send them out often. I'm not going to blow up your emails, but I do send the good ones. If you want to be an email subscriber, you can find that on my website. Compassion communication has been a game changer for me. I want to be a game changer for you. I want you to see the same results, too. I think you owe it to your future self. I really do. Consider your future self right now, looking back at you, giving you a high-five to your current self like, ÒYeah. Good job doing that thing.Ó

Thank you so much. I want to end on a poem. We're right on the hour. Thank you for just hearing this last minute here. This is a poem called Unconditional. Willing to experience aloneness. I discover connection everywhere. Turning to face my fear, I meet the warrior who lives within. Opening to my loss, I gain the embrace of the universe. Surrendering into emptiness, I find fulfilness without end. Each condition I flee from pursues me. Each condition I welcome transforms me, and it becomes itself transformed into its radiant jewel-like essence. I bow to the one who has made it so, who has crafted this master game to play it is purest delight, to honor its form, true devotion. That's by Jennifer Paine Welwood.

All right, there you have it, everybody. You're walking out of here with ways to identify and address workplace challenges with NBC, specific NBC techniques for resilience and empowerment, and my little five-minute TED talk to motivate you for compassionate communication and to support you with positive change in your professional relationships through these tools.

I want to close out, what's alive for you guys right now. Pop in one feeling as we say good night on how you're feeling right now, as we head out from this session together. Let me know what you're feeling, or any needs have been met, even needs not met. Grateful. Yes, thank you for the presentation. Thank you, Abigail. Thank you for your contributions. Yes. Revive. Woo-hoo. So good and not emotional whirlwind. Thankful. All right. Excellent, everybody. So good to see you. I see, Tabby, if you could grab that email that is in the chat box, so we can make sure we get Joni the information that they are seeking, that would be fabulous.

All right, everybody, if there's not any questions Ð if you have a question, Ali, thank you very much. Thank you for attending. If you have any questions, now is the time to throw them into the chat box. If there's no questions, I'm going to say, blessings to you all. All right, everybody. I don't see any questions coming in. Thank you again for being here. Thank you to speechtherapypd.com for this opportunity. Good night, everybody, and blessings.

[END OF EPISODE]

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SLPL S12E4		Transcript

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